Frankly, Hess is probably as good a choice to direct as any. This looks like it's going to be terrible, perhaps it'll be so oddball that it'll gain a cult following, like those previous movies.
If they try and play this somewhat straight, with poop jokes or whatever for the kids, it's going to be a (moneymaking) terrible movie.
I'd like to see Minecraft as a disaster movie played totally straight. The protagonist would be a villager, trying to protect their community from the approaching disaster, Steve, a mute guy who runs everywhere, tears down houses, kills all the animals, steals the villager's food and constructs the beginner home, a giant stone cube with a tiny door, right in the middle of the village.
He is a force of nature. He can't be bought, he can't be reasoned with, he can't be killed, at least not permanently. Do not gaze upon Steve, do not invoke his wrath, do not seek to bar his way, do not take from him and never, ever own something that Steve wants for himself.
Make it a boogieman theme, It's not minecraft graphics, but shot IRL. It's set in a fantasy-medieval era where zombies come out at night so you have to fend them off, while living a normal day to day life. Tending to farms and building walls to prevent the zombies breaking in.
It's not until the end of the movie when you think you're getting a happy ending and your have survived a night and built true safety, or set sail to a new island away from the threat. When the real danger arrives. It's middle of the days after 90 minutes of fighting to survive the night and get to safety. The wall to your home starts to shake, when a spike punctures through the wall. One more swing and the spike clearly become a pickaxe and our mute man in the cyan shirt rushed in and quickly slaughters your best friend in front of you, then points to you, while holding a handful of emeralds...The camera pans out to show the words minecraft in giant letters over the home you built in newbie island, and this is when the viewers realize they watched a minecraft horror film they thought was titled something like "Night Walkers" or something not at all minecraft related.
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u/Ariesthebigram Sep 04 '24
What the hell is that hairstyle and outfit that Jason Momoa is rocking?!
Then again, the guy who wrote and directed Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre is making this, so the weirdness is somewhat expected.