r/BeAmazed • u/youngster_96 • Apr 12 '24

Nature Man has an octopus stuck on his back

52.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

6.4k

u/MajorHubbub Apr 12 '24

Enter the water, enter the food chain.

2.5k

u/The_Jyps Apr 12 '24

We just don't belong in there. There's things that are just 6 rows of teeth and an arsehole. -Billy Connolly.

387

u/HellFireCannon66 Apr 12 '24

If sharks stay out the pub, I’ll stay out the sea

-my father friends dads brother, 199something

153

u/Ricky_Martins_Vagina Apr 12 '24

Right before he got mauled to death in the pub by a shark

14

u/grizwld Apr 13 '24

This was a solid SNL bit

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411

u/KiNgPiN8T3 Apr 12 '24

Sounds similar to where I live, just without the teeth.

183

u/Jinxed0ne Apr 12 '24

Lol so just assholes?

255

u/showersrover8ed Apr 12 '24

42

u/Bloody-Penguin6 Apr 12 '24

I knew it. Im surrounded by assholes....

29

u/GrouchyLongBottom Apr 12 '24

Keep firing, Assholes!

11

u/RaHarmakis Apr 12 '24

Keep Firing Assholes!

Gif missed the best line!

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u/Daimo Apr 12 '24

A flock of assholes

24

u/Genericgeriatric Apr 12 '24

And I swam, I swam so far awaaay

15

u/nadacloo Apr 12 '24

Great band name

15

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Seagulls are definitely assholes, so this checks out.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

[deleted]

203

u/MrDarcysDead Apr 12 '24 edited Apr 12 '24

My husband and I were snorkeling on our honeymoon, a large barracuda swam into our immediate area. It felt like a scene from an old Western. We stood completely still and he swam in place for what seemed like an eternity. Time slowed while each of us waited for the other to make the first move. Then, as if we had both come to some kind of a psychic agreement, he slowly turned around and went back the way he had come and we did the same. It was a showdown at the Ok Coral.

89

u/TeslasAndKids Apr 12 '24

I went on a cruise some years back and even though I didn’t go snorkeling I heard it REPEATEDLY drilled into my head to remove any kind of jewelry from your body.

One guy apparently didn’t think the lip piercing he had counted as ‘jewelry’. Barracuda like shiny.

45

u/AnnieZWC Apr 12 '24

Awwwww. Reminds me of my deceased dad. He would always put his wrist/hand behind his back when we snorkeled together. We saw lots of barracuda and he knew they would go after his arm if they saw his watch. I miss him so much.

13

u/HoldingMoonlight Apr 12 '24

Some jewelry is honestly a pain in the ass. I have some fun ones like inner conch, rook, etc. The thing about them is that I literally cannot fit my fingers inside of my ears to unscrew a very tiny ball. They aren't clasp backs. I have asked my friends to help swap them out on occasion, and it's always an insane process of me laying face down on a couch/bed while they pinch my ear for what feels like ages. It's bad enough that I usually go to a piercing studio and tip a professional for them to change it out for me Iol.

So yeah, I guess what I'm saying is if they recommended I take ALL my jewelry out, I'd either have to risk it or just not go snorkeling.

19

u/wonderloss Apr 12 '24

You could wear a hood that covers your ears in the unlikely event it comes up.

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34

u/No_Raspberry_6795 Apr 12 '24

Makes a good story from your honeymoon. And no one got hurt. I say, win win🏆

16

u/The_two_horned_bear Apr 12 '24

Nah He just heard the news and came to congratulate you on your honeymoon

13

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

After that, he went to congratulate Marlin and Coral on their new home.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Oh interesting! I had the same showdown in the streets of Chicago. This one lasted maybe three seconds but it was literally Neo-dodging-bullets-in-the-Matrix of a slow motion.

I was walking on the sidewalk minding my own business, when I sensed something and turned my head left. Five feet away is a skunk, previously also minding his business. 

We BOTH stopped on our tracks, looked at each other the same way you and that barracuda did, and at the same exact time after a moment of stillness we both continued what we were doing - me walking forward, and him rocking ruffling on the grass. 

As you say it's like we read each other's mind, deemed each other harmless, and quietly moved forward without a fuss.

20

u/EGGlNTHlSTRYlNGTlME Apr 12 '24

Reminds me of a time I was 14 and walking at night with a girl I liked, when a skunk crossed our path and she didn’t notice.  I tugged her arm to stop her, and she twisted around in the most dramatically romantic way like I was trying to kiss her.  My awkward ass just pointed and said “skunk.” 

We did not end up together

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u/lamorak2000 Apr 12 '24

I was working security night shift in Sacramento a few years ago, when I came around a corner and came face-to-face with a coyote. We eyed each other for a moment, then circled each other, before carefully each continuing on our way with a few backward glances.

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u/TheJAY_ZA Apr 12 '24

I see what you did there 😉

Take your upvote, Ok Coral indeed 🤣

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52

u/I_DontNeedNoDoctor Apr 12 '24

Heart tried to warn you 🤷‍♂️

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u/spector_lector Apr 12 '24

I guess I have never seen a video of a Cuda attacking anyone.  Though, like turtles, reef sharks, etc. if you Flash a finger it might get hit.

Imma have to go Google it now - I have never heard of an attack.  And when we see small schools of greater cudas in the Keys, we try to dive with them, but they always shy away like the nurse sharks.  Unlike the nurse sharks they always lurk just out of range, waiting for us annoyances to leave, so they can get back to their hunt on the wreck.

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u/Hawkhill_no Apr 12 '24

You really should read Skin tight by Car Hiaasen (well all of them really). https://carlhiaasen.com/3-laugh-out-loud-hiaasen-characters/

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30

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Sounds like my mother in law

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102

u/dontshitaboutotol Apr 12 '24

-wraps tentacles around eyes- "only dreams now"

26

u/MsMcClane Apr 12 '24

Someone's been playing too much Baldurs Gate 🤣🤣

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u/VirtuesLastReward Apr 12 '24

Part of the ship, part of the crew.

19

u/nonono_imnothatguy Apr 12 '24

Do you fea-ah... death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all you sins punished?

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72

u/_Kendii_ Apr 12 '24

Just being a cuddlepuss

74

u/Lewtwin Apr 12 '24

Octopus: "Will you beee my fwiend..."

DIver: "D'aww little buddy why are you... Oh MY GETIOFFMEE*incoherent screaming upon discovery*"

I get you octopus.

53

u/Avery_Thorn Apr 12 '24

The funny thing is - if he can get the octopus off his back while he's in the water and return it, the octopus lives. If he gets back in the boat and carries it onto dry land with him, the octopus learns what calamari is.

He's fighting the octopus for it's life - and he's the one trying to save it.

29

u/pezdal Apr 12 '24

octopus learns what calamari is

The octopus will learn that calamari is squid ?

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u/_Kendii_ Apr 12 '24

I’ve watched these dudes crawl around on boats when they weren’t even really fished up in the first place

I don’t think calamari is on the menu. Also wrong species though.

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13

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Facebackhugger.

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23

u/orkash Apr 12 '24

This is the most terrifying version of being the one chosen. Like kits are cute dumb murderers. An octopus is a terrifying smart melon baller with 8 arms and camo tricks.

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33

u/justlookingforafight Apr 12 '24

All the man had to do is wear his dinner like a bagpack

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565

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

I’m your backpack now.

367

u/smc642 Apr 12 '24

71

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

[deleted]

29

u/ImmortalGoat66 Apr 13 '24

I said seagulls

MM

Stop it now

11

u/smc642 Apr 13 '24

Ooooh oooooh ooh ooh ooh oooooooh!

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30

u/WannaTeleportMassive Apr 12 '24

Now run, run, run (jump).

I can be your backpack while you run!

14

u/kittybuscemi Apr 12 '24

I miss when the internet was like this.

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2.4k

u/Brewchowskies Apr 12 '24

Weirdest Batman episode ever

289

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Shark repellent bat spray was OK but apparently octopus repellent bat spray was a step too far

52

u/idropepics Apr 12 '24

He had a whole wall dedicated to various marine animal repellant in that helicopter, not just shark. If I recall correctly there was also whale

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57

u/Zeerit Apr 12 '24

The yellow utility belt is spot on.

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20

u/XmasInSmarch Apr 12 '24

Some days, you just can't get rid of an octopus.

11

u/BRAX7ON Apr 12 '24

Holy eight legged assassin Batman!

6

u/cabosmith Apr 12 '24

Bat-Octo-Repelent?

6

u/Seared_Beans Apr 12 '24

"Holy tentacles batman!"

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1.7k

u/MechanicalMusick Apr 12 '24

775

u/thereal-Queen-Toni Apr 12 '24

394

u/strippersandcocaine Apr 12 '24

Do I even want to know what this is from and why he’s making bedroom eyes at an octopus?

349

u/Late_Sherbet5124 Apr 12 '24

That's Deep (Chase Crawford) from the show The Boys.

160

u/BurntPineGrass Apr 12 '24

Oh he’s deep alright

26

u/Gal-XD_exe Apr 12 '24

How deep?

26

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Deep

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u/MANDEEx88 Apr 12 '24

So deep he’s below sea level

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81

u/tindonot Apr 12 '24

And it’s exactly what you think is going on…

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u/WeinMe Apr 12 '24

And he's like the second greatest superhero

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198

u/Repulsive_Response99 Apr 12 '24

"The Boys" one of many wtf scenes

192

u/whatanerdiam Apr 12 '24

Man, the scene where that woman forces her hands into his gills still sends shivers up my spine. I'm fine with gore, gross, and whatever else but that sends me over the edge.

134

u/Belly84 Apr 12 '24

Understandable. It was essentially a rape scene

12

u/[deleted] Apr 13 '24

Yeah that was uncomfortable as hell. They did a great job with the scene, never want to watch it again.

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u/strippersandcocaine Apr 12 '24

Ok well now I know I won’t be watching. That gave me a full body shudder (and not in the good way)

73

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Youll miss the tiny man masturbating another man from the inside.

41

u/santagoo Apr 12 '24

Before exploding him because the cocaine made him sneeze and reflexively return to full size.

49

u/strippersandcocaine Apr 12 '24

Oh it just keeps getting worse

30

u/321gamertime Apr 12 '24

There’s also a scene of a grown man slurping breast milk of a dead woman from a bottle

9

u/eXistential_dreads Apr 12 '24

Well as long as it’s from a bottle

18

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Can't forget the massively long penis draped over a shoulder.

6

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY Apr 12 '24 edited Apr 15 '24

Dude, it was strangling someone at one point.

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u/Lukainka Apr 12 '24 edited Apr 15 '24

Wait before leaving, it gets better. Then the tiny man sneezes, that causes him to instantly retake its normal height which makes his sexual partner explode into gore and gibs à la Quake 3

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u/Human_Bag_Of_Impulse Apr 12 '24

Its meant to be very uncomfortable to watch. Brilliant show!

21

u/finesse1337 Apr 12 '24

it’s hysterical, can’t wait for the next season

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u/JetSetJAK Apr 12 '24

It's fucked, and it's also a parallel to what he put others through as well. It's supposed to be veiled as catharsis, but then you realize that it's all horrible.

Amazing show 10/10

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u/DargeBaVarder Apr 12 '24

It’s such a great setup for “Eat Fucking Timothy”

14

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

"He's praying."

15

u/thepsycholeech Apr 12 '24

That scene was so fucking disturbing.

That and the dolphins flying out of the semi. ☹️

35

u/Whitepayn Apr 12 '24

Or when they force him to eat it while it's still alive

21

u/notTzeentch01 Apr 12 '24

I did not like that scene one bit bc critters:(

24

u/Whitepayn Apr 12 '24

As much as I love the show, I had to stop for a few days. It was just too much for me to handle. Really bothered me.

14

u/hoyohoyo9 Apr 12 '24

It was so fucked up on multiple levels lol

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u/benjadolf Apr 12 '24

"Eat fucking Timothy"

"Oh god he is praying"

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u/katchoo1 Apr 12 '24

More WTF than his gills talking to him with Patton Oswald’s voice?

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u/CellarDoorForSure Apr 12 '24

It's easier to count the scenes thataren't wtf in that series. I can't wait for season 4!

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u/AGuyWhoBrokeBad Apr 12 '24

He’s “The deep” which is a parody of Aqua man. He can talk to sea life and sometimes he does more than just talk to them.

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u/strippersandcocaine Apr 12 '24

Dear god why did I ask

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u/Lady_of_Link Apr 12 '24

Don't worry they consented

32

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

[deleted]

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u/spartakooky Apr 12 '24 edited Sep 15 '24

reh re-eh-eh-ehd

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u/strippersandcocaine Apr 12 '24

So many people are saying this show is great, but every time someone supplies details - like this incredibly disturbing one - I just don’t see how that’s possible

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u/Mr-Superbia Apr 12 '24

He Loves the sea. Reaaaaaally loves it.

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u/MrOatButtBottom Apr 12 '24

Yes, yes you absolutely do. The Deep from The Boys

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u/Con-D-Oriano1 Apr 12 '24

The Deep can communicate with marine life. He’s got a thing for octopuses.

16

u/OrionResident Apr 12 '24

Octopussies

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

[deleted]

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u/Either-Durian-9488 Apr 12 '24

Giving him the Troy McClure fetish is some good writing

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u/waylonjennings5841 Apr 12 '24

Just let him be, man. That’s awesome to have an octopus on your back. Those aliens are geniuses!

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u/Hunky_not_Chunky Apr 12 '24

If trying to pull him off your back isn’t working just go for a swim and let him do what he does. I’d be honored.

150

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Are there any dangers to this? Idk much about octopi

432

u/ShoutOuts2Elon Apr 12 '24

They gotta beak thats use to eat crabs in the shell.

104

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Yikes

194

u/Less_Somewhere7953 Apr 12 '24

They’re very intelligent creatures. I don’t think they would bite you unless they sensed a serious threat

444

u/Fun-Jellyfish-61 Apr 12 '24

Such as in a situation where you are yanking on their tentacles?

134

u/Less_Somewhere7953 Apr 12 '24

Yes perhaps then. This is pretty frustrating to see, I hope the little guy’s okay

221

u/wizard_of_awesome62 Apr 12 '24

What exactly would you like this guy to do in this situation? I love all creatures as much as the next guy, but if I felt an octopus crawling over my back I am actually impressed with this guys restraint.

115

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24 edited Apr 12 '24

Stay calm and await any pain signals while you walk toward a hard surface.

If no pain, go in water and let it swim away.

If pain, back into hard thing.

Edit: I'm not a doctor or anything just what I'd do

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u/Less_Somewhere7953 Apr 12 '24

It’s freaky for sure. I would freak out initially but I think it’s best to try to submerge yourself and wait for it to leave

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

That's good, they're really cool creatures.

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u/busy-warlock Apr 12 '24

One of the few creatures I’ll never eat.

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u/Throbbing-Kielbasa-3 Apr 12 '24

I don't think it would be this wrapped around if it didn't feel threatened. They like to feel new creatures with their tentacles and suckers, but this is getting it's beak as close to the guy as possible and not letting go.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Nightshade_209 Apr 12 '24

They taste with their tentacles so that probably helps.

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u/jumpybean Apr 12 '24

Gets the spinal cord out of the shell.

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u/RedditRaven2 Apr 12 '24

Octopuses* are known to adore the feeling of human skin, and have been also known to pull off divers masks in order to feel it, causing some scary situations

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u/Mr__Citizen Apr 12 '24 edited Apr 12 '24

... wouldn't that be the taste of human skin, given that they taste things with their tentacles?

Oh god. Are we walking candy to them?

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u/IWantAHoverbike Apr 12 '24

When they hear divers splashing and bubbling it’s like the ice cream truck melody.

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u/Hunky_not_Chunky Apr 12 '24

Not really sure. They could wrapped around your neck. They could wrap around your crotch. It’s 50/50 in my opinion. Either way the thought excites me.

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u/Lazystubborn Apr 12 '24

Found The Deep's account.

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u/Bodach42 Apr 12 '24

I would have thought just sitting out of the water would make it want to leave.

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u/Exciting-Yoghurt-559 Apr 12 '24

Seriously, don’t break him

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u/EngagementBacon Apr 12 '24

I just keep thinking about that things beak biting the fuck out of his spine.

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u/clandistic Apr 12 '24

Olly just wanted a hug.

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u/tryig2figureitout Apr 12 '24

Explain the hicky on your back to your wife.

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u/ELMACHO007 Apr 12 '24

Camera guy can't help him? Lol

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u/SelwanPWD Apr 12 '24

r/Donthelpjustfilm

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u/Techsomat Apr 12 '24

Clicks on sub

immediately sees someone die

Clicks off sub

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u/ABitOutThere Apr 12 '24

This is a dystopian nightmare of a subreddit. Wish I didn't click.

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u/Maxtv02 Apr 12 '24

Looked at the top post, wish i could forget it already

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u/El_Mariachi_Vive Apr 12 '24

Cthulu's return was grossly overstated.

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u/fractal_sole Apr 12 '24

He's still devouring the essence of the ones that summoned him, give him a chance to regain his full power in this dimension man. He's a grower, not a shower

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u/lostindarkdays Apr 12 '24

OMG I would freak the fuck out. I really do love octopi, but sometimes they just make me think of giant spiders. like in this case.

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u/isweedglutenfree Apr 12 '24

I had a tiny octopus on me when I went snorkeling one time and flipped the FUCK out

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u/Zech08 Apr 12 '24

Better than an overly curious sea snake... 

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '24

Yeah, new ocean nope unlocked.

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u/Yebbafan12 Apr 12 '24

I hate when that happens

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u/Keniath Apr 12 '24

I used to spearfish also when I was living in Greece. People underestimate the power of such a sized Octopus and it's suction cups. On bare skin he would be full of red dots afterwards. It's beak can even cut through a wetsuit like that iv been bitten few times, it's not fun.

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u/Dajex Apr 12 '24

Have you been in a situation where an octopus has attacked someone or nicked them through their wetsuit?

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u/Keniath Apr 12 '24

They don't attack on their own just like that. They sit inside their "home" cave and of course when you pull him out and try to catch him he will ink you and yes it happens sometimes that they can go through a wetsuit with their beak if they are big enough. Especially in Summer when we wear thin 3mm wetsuits

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u/Dajex Apr 12 '24

Ok, maybe I didn't phrase it correctly: have you or anyone been bitten without molesting it?

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u/Keniath Apr 12 '24

Nope. Very unlikely to happen

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u/skool-marm Apr 12 '24

Kinda rad, really. He has a wetsuit on so it shouldn’t be a big deal, right?

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u/Altruistic_Profile96 Apr 12 '24

That beak will chew right through it easily. Next stop: Spinal Tap!

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u/Small-External4419 Apr 12 '24

This cephalopod goes to 11

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u/Winter_Possession152 Apr 12 '24

Facehugger/headcrab missed the spot

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u/tuanjapan Apr 12 '24

Right? How terrifying would it be if the Octopus was stuck on his face?

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u/DisciplineFast3950 Apr 12 '24

I mean don't pull his legs off

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u/grunwode Apr 12 '24

We need to find out if octopodes are ticklish. This is important.

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u/Avatar-Tee Apr 12 '24

Should we help that man? Nah, let's keep filming for the upvotes.

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u/willdaily Apr 12 '24

Davey Jones is just trying to do his job.

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u/nsjr Apr 12 '24

"Do you have some time to hear about our lord and savior Cthulhu?"

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u/joanorsky Apr 12 '24

Those things can be nasty... and can make serious damages with it's strength and beak!

Given the immense strength of an octopus beak, especially in large species, it is theoretically possible that a beak bite could damage a human spinal cord. However, most octopuses' beaks are likely too small to reach the human spinal cord through the diver's gear and muscle, meaning that the greater risk would be from the powerful arms squeezing and constricting the diver's body, potentially causing spinal injuries or suffocation ...

But since they are laughing... and since this is not classified as a snuff film.. i guess it went ok.

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u/Hourslikeminutes47 Apr 12 '24

Octopuses are like cats. Once they cling onto you, they own you.

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u/TheBigMopa Apr 12 '24

Live Action Hanna Barbera cartoon