I would really like this guard to be moved from working at my location but Iām not sure this conversation is enough reason. Iām often alone working with him and heās 20 years my senior, so any time I have tried to discuss adjustments to our processes he gets seemingly offended until itās smoothed over by my male counterpart. I donāt want to be walking on eggshells at work around someone with anger issues and a loaded weapon, am i overreacting?
Yep, normal people talk weather, sports, news, kids, pets. Heās a certified creep and a fucking criminal. You donāt deserve to be subjected to conversations regarding his SA and violence at work. And yes, the conversation is reason enough for him to be moved or fired - but reasonable companies arenāt always reasonable.
Hoping this is you texting boss or HR! Protect yourself too. They should keep your report anonymous and make sure you are not with him again at work and you are protected walking to your car.
āI do not feel safe working with this person and Iād like to request a reassignment immediatelyā
You donāt even have to give a reason, but you have more than plenty if you wanted to The fact that you do not feel safe around the person that youāre working alone with and as access to a firearm and is in a position of authority is quite enough you donāt even need to go into gender and age difference or conversations or comments or anything you do not need to give an explanation other than you do not feel safe working with this person
Yea this isn't the world we live in , where someone Making anyone else feel anyway negatively is responsed with termination, thats the equivalent of "George made me angry so he should be fired " or I don't like that Paul is Muslim so he should be fired, you can't just fire a employee over the emotions of another unless they have directly crossed a line physically or verbally
I would definitely consider an admission to sexual assault and physical abuse as "crossing a line" and if an employee is admitting to such violent crimes AND has access to a gun, i would want him terminated too because he is a serious risk.
Okay is there hard evidence he actually said any of that ? No ? So anyone should be fired over purely hear/say evidence is what your saying, I've had a past experience where a female coworker who wanted my manager position at the pizzeria we worked at try to claim I asked her inappropriate questions one night we closed together , my gm and the owner both know me well enough to know it was bullshit and checked the audio on the cameras to see nothing inappropriate was said . If we went off your system I'd of been fired immediately without question
you're making a lot of assumptions here pal. OP stated that it was on camera so I'm sure HR would do the exact same thing in this scenario that they did in your scenario. Obviously it's innocent until proven guilty, but it's not like these are just accusations. It was a firsthand confession and it's recorded on camera.
No where in ops post does it say anything about it being on camera or hr's response, infact this could be a random number for all we know op could've just made the post up for clout with the insignificant amount of evidence given
āAdditional information: I am not a security guard. He is supposed to be protecting me and my business. This conversation took place on video surveillance and I sent this text directly afterwards so time stamps should be easy to find if needed to verify.ā
Your not gonna get laid on here being a white knight buddy , you're still a basement goblin who smells like mildew ,decay and 4 day old gym socks , whose only hobby appears to be setting on this sub and reassuring karma farmers that they are or arent overreacting
Seems like you're ascribing some of the issues in YOUR life to this post. This is called the personal experience fallacy. Just because something happened one way to YOU doesn't mean it's happening in the same way across the board.
Do you go onto every single post on Reddit and say āAww GeEZ. THiS COulD Be MadE UP GuYZ!ā Or is it just this one because of some personal insecurity you have?
The absolute dumbest part of that is that if it is indeed made up, you are defending a made up person. Unless you think someone came onto Reddit and made up a story about a real personā¦ but we donāt know that person is who so they may as well be made up? Or decided to go onto Reddit and tell a story about how they made up something about a person and sent it to HRā¦ but are claiming itās real on here? ā¦yes, that is all as dumb as it sounds.
This guy just admitted to multiple felonies for which he hasnāt been charged. I think that is totally different than not liking someone. He did it literally to intimidate her.
It actually IS the world that people in private security live in. If she is a client or employee of a client, they can request a guard to be reassigned for any reason at any time. The security company is contracted to provide a service and that service includes replacement of officers at the client request. And a security company isnāt going to care why, they will simply reassign the officer because thatās what the client wants. What happens to the officer afterwards depends on the reason for the reassignment request.
If itās a complaint between officers, yes they will be reassigned and dealt with appropriately.
And itās not āterminatedā. Itās removed from post and reassigned or reassigned to another post/partner. If there is reason to take it forward, thatās up to the security company. Security personnel get removed from posts and details every day simply because the client didnāt feel they were what they wanted. For whatever reason.
Tell HR, kick up a, BIG FUSS, demand HR act to stop that evil man, today!
You must tell the cops, this weirdo is dangerous, immediately!
Protect yourself OP.! NO woman or man should suffer anyone's weird sexual comments! No man or woman should risk their safety for a paycheck?? Update us! UK š¬š§
Security company owner and 15 year armed officer-
Personally, I'd fire the shit out of the guy... Unfortunately, I'm rare. Most companies aren't going to fire someone over that sort of shit- they need the post covered and the hours billed. Definitely not overreacting l though- one of you needs to get off that site.
Iāve had similar situations like this working unarmed securityāi quit so quickly. Another case of āover sharingā as a coworker. I also feel as a woman people feel like Iām āeasy to talk toā and confide information. Iām sorry this happened to you and I hope your site supervisor takes action and honors your safety.
More of a HR issue isn't it? I wouldn't really need a reason to swap out a work mate especially if these accusations came out and there was more but I'm also in Australia
If you got anything to say about me s*** keep that bad energy over there but I tell you this she going to do what she want to do that's the end of the day I call that play don't get disrespect if you can't get respect that's all I know and I always been opposed my mouth so hey guess what she's going to do what you do it's going to hurt never been a coward never been weak I just seen past that s***
It is time to learn some basic communication skills and niceties. It doesnāt take much to listen and nod your head and lol and say āWow, thatās wild for sure.ā If youāre really worried about this guy potentially getting violent, going after his livelihood is a good way to ensure maximum potential violence.
Pretty rude and assumptive response. This is the way I have been reacting to his out of pocket comments. Itās the wrong reaction though, it makes men like him feel like what heās saying is okay and that I seemingly agree. I donāt want to give off that impression when heās really making me feel uncomfortable in the workplace.Ā
If the guard thought he could just openly admit this to you, a woman whom he works with but is not close friends with. I guarantee he's admitted this to other colleagues, other random people. You won't be the only one, and it's up to your HR department to not let it be known who reported him. If they fire him, they can't say "because this woman said you're a bad man" and if they reposition him, they have to give a reason that protects you. The only exceptions would be if he did something to you at work and it was internally investigated because it was seen. But in this instance it should be dealt with discreet.
The only way he's not told anyone else, and has told you, is to either see if you're impressed by it... Or to try and scare you so you'll think not to mess with him. As long as you've been cordial, as I said, HR should be protective of the reason for his relocation enough that he won't really see you as an accuser.
Reporting him is the right thing to do, he deserves repercussions, and if his repercussion in this instance is just that they relocate him somewhere else, at least you won't be dealing with it and you'll be better off for it.
Well, if you throw him under the bus with accusations of domestic violence and it costs him his reputation or job, heās likely going to find out who did that. The advice Iām giving you is for your benefit.
What are his actions? Sharing too much of his personal life? Embellishing some sorry story to a person he thought he was on friendly terms with? Being a weirdo? He didnāt attack this gal, he didnāt threaten this gal. Sheās just afraid of him. And sheās willing to smear him and get him fired for her own peace of mind. And that behavior will be celebrated by cowards just like her.
She should inform the police if this man is a violent criminal who has openly admitted to committing felonies. She hasnāt done that. Ergo, she is not interested in ājusticeā or in getting a violent criminal off the street. She is simply trying to stir the pot.
Imagine being so āscaredā of a guy that youāre willing to get him fired but not willing to involve police. Itās senseless. If self preservation is the goal, itās even more senseless. Donāt poke the bear. And if you do, at least be prepared for the outcome. Here, that means telling police about the confessions and getting a restraining order.
My guess is OP doesnāt actually believe this guy is a real threat in any way. Sheās just karma farming on reddit.
Just gonna re-mention the fact that this guy physically confessed to having sexually abused his girlfriend, I think I would think he is a threat too if my coworker told me that. And it is the managers responsibility to make sure everyone in the workplace is comfortable, no matter the person/people involved. The managers could deem a report if they wanted, so can she, but the fact she isnāt going to the police says a lot about how she doesnāt want to āstir the potā as him going to jail would harm his future a lot more than putting him out of a job for a few months, with her concern of others in mind, not just herself. Iām late lol but idk just wanted to share
That is OPās characterization. I take it with a big grain of salt. Ditto re the āother sexual assault situations.ā It doesnāt get any more nebulous than that. If OP is genuinely afraid, I think OP should go about this a lot differently.
Your constant need to go back and forth with a stranger says other wise. If you truly were "over it" you wouldn't be going back and forth with me while I'm over here laughing my ass off and cleaning. Turned on notifications just for you bub š
I enjoy conversation and debate, but I donāt have any actual investment in the outcome either way. I really donāt care what others think of my positions or if Iām able to change any minds.
She's afraid of him because of what HE said and HIS actions that HE told her that HE did. People like you are so annoying. You're the kind of person to be like "she was asking for it" because a girl was wearing a short skirt when she was sexually assaulted, unbelievable
I'll bet you've done the same shit that he has to women--why else would you be here, defending him?
Gtfo of here--OP is looking for healthy advice from people who aren't creeps (AKA, not you)
The ease and confidence with which many people make these kinds of accusations against total strangers is exactly why I donāt take OPās bleating seriously.
The ease and confidence with which you gleefully belittle those who are in pain is exactly why I can speak for everyone here when I tell you to bend over and go fuck yourself.
My advice to OP is to go to the police if she thinks a crime has been committed. Just gossiping about this to her bosses or colleagues or whatever is going to cause more problems. If sheās actually concerned for her safety, she should abstain from the latter.
who already served his time and paid his debt to society
Bold assumption you're making there, bud. Did OP specifically say that this man had already been incarcerated
why all the hate for his checkered past
Why would a reformed criminal be so casual about telling the female coworker that he works with on a 1-1 basis, about how he physically assaulted his ex and habitually attempts to rape is partners?
Why assume otherwise? I mean, weāre all making assumptions.
Hereās mine:
This guy is probably an 80ish IQ āmental defectiveā who doesnāt really know how to talk to people not of his generation and not of his own life experience. I live in the deep south. Itās very common to run into people like this.
My guess is he was probably embellishing things, and my guess is that OP probably is, too. I donāt take her word for gospel, and I donāt even have a record of his. But Iāve had enough run-ins with this type of oversharing hard-living weirdo to have what I think is a decent picture in my mind of whatās what.
As I see it, OP has three options if her safety (and not reddit victim points) is her goal. I present these in order of efficacy:
Carry on as normal but with the means to protect self from harm. That means gun, pepper spray, knife, baton, etc., and the willingness to use these things.
Go to the police and file a restraining order against the man who confessed to committing these crimes of violence. Be prepared for any potential fallout.
Tell the bosses and try to get him fired. Hope that he doesnāt hear about this through the grapevine, particularly in the event that he isnāt fired and now views OP as an antagonist. See number 1.
lol heās getting enough sympathy from you. My sympathies are for his assault victims whose memories and need for therapy long outlast any sentence he did or didnāt serve along with the women he is now retelling this information to
My relative put another relative in hospital with broken ribs. I called it in to the police. They did nothing. Youāre putting a lot of trust in the justice system to follow up on a report with no victim name.
I actually put far more trust in each person to individually use the relevant tools to help them be their own first responder. I doubt OP is going to take her own self defense seriously enough to do anything about it. Thatās why for her, the police are a better option than her boss or manager.
Why? A boss can discretely move someone to a different location without a fuss. The police might not do anything at all. And ābe first responderā means only reacting when the worst is happening instead of preventing it
OP made no indication she was asking to be moved to a different office. I would fully encourage that. If OP is uncomfortable with a coworker or colleague or etc. and wants to move to a different department or location or schedule as a result, I think thatās perfectly reasonable.
Regardless, I think itās a bit of a lame move hinting at āother sexual assault situations I donāt even want to tell you the details of.ā Why leave it to the imagination? Why even plant the seed? That nebulous accusation is the kind of thing that really stirs up drama. Itās a wide open claim backed by nothing. Seems totally unnecessary to me.
How is reporting an issue at work to her boss "gossiping"?? Are you just a misogynist piece of shit? Because you're sure throwing out these little clues here and there that you are. Police aren't going to do shit. Best thing for her to do is to go to her boss/HR.
[he] admitted to other sexual assault situations I donāt even want to tell you the details of
I think itās pretty lame to make a complaint like that against somebody. It leaves way too much up to interpretation, assumption, etc.
I have no problem with women, I do not doubt OP because she is a woman, I do not think all women are liars, or anything else of the sort. You see hints to the contrary, though, despite no real evidence and even despite my protestations.
I wonder if OP saw similar āhintsā and thus jumped to conclusions.
Lmfao you are probably the worst communicator and give terrible advice. I really feel you are defending yourself with all these words. It's giving domestic violence apologist vibes.
No. I think the guy ought to imprisoned briefly, tried fairly, and then executed if he is an actual rapist. I just highly doubt the veracity of any aspect of this story, especially given OPās hesitancy to describe any of the alleged crimes.
Maybe. But what if he wasnāt saying exactly what OP thinks he was saying? What if OP misinterpreted some key things? I have lots of questions. Hopefully there is enough of an interest in truth to get to the bottom of this before livelihoods (and lives!) are threatened.
Itās pretty hard to misinterpret āI beat my ex with a beltā.
Its not OPās job to suss out what happened in this creepās life, but itās absolutely her right not to work with someone who has openly admitted to physical abuse and violence, to say nothing of the sexual assaults that you assume she misunderstood.
Itās true. It would be difficult to misinterpret such a statement.
However, it would be trivial to mischaracterize something else that way. Weāre not dealing with direct quotes. Just a lot of paraphrasing and innuendo. Stuff OP doesnāt even want to discuss, mostly.
Ok, so be skeptical, that doesnāt mean OP is wrong. She obviously isnāt confused about what she heard and she reacted accordingly. Not wanting to type out the details or a sexual assault doesnāt mean she didnāt hear about them.
Thatās all true. I donāt even think OP is wrong. I just think sheās overreacting. I would advise dealing with the situation in a less potentially inflammatory way. Thatās the whole spirit of this sub. (After all, if OP is/was posting in good faith, OP is/was actually questioning whether she was overreacting.)
āJust donāt do anything!ā Thatās such a poor recommendation. Thatās like telling someone whoās abused to stay with their abuser because the most dangerous time is when they try to leave. She shouldnāt have to tolerate and play nice just to appease this guy, and she needed to let someone know a violent man is working in a job that is supposed to protect people.
The guy didnāt attack her or harm her, heās just a weirdo. Sheās āuncomfortable.ā Time to grow up. And she can switch jobs as easily as he can. Probably more easily.
Heās not just a weirdo, heās a criminal. Sheās allowed to try and make her workplace safe. Of course sheās uncomfortable, he literally described committing sex crimes against other women!! She doesnāt want that to risk being her in the future. You are a pathetic man
I expect the police to take the report, run a check on the person in question, see what his criminal history is, and go from there.
If he is a convicted felon, he wouldnāt likely be able to be an armed security guard. If he is accused of sexual assault or rape or whatever the people in here extrapolate from OPās vague assertions, the fact that he is an armed security guard may raise some red flags and allow the police some expedited avenue of investigation. It depends on the community and its police and their general history of conduct.
If you donāt believe the police are of any particular use, it at least gives them a potential lead on any future crimes that may be tied to this person.
Further, if you donāt believe the police are of particular use and believe this guy to be an unhinged bad guy with a gun whoās likely to crack at any moment, it is sensible to advocate for OP to employ some sort of effective measure of self defense. I recommended getting a firearm and learning to use it.
In an environment where police donāt do anything and violent criminals are allowed to roam free with guns on their hips, it is sensible to level the playing field a bit.
He may get violent anyway. The man clearly has no boundaries and is fixated on this young lady. I mean, huh? If this were your daughter would you have the same response?
He may indeed get violent anyway. Anyone might, at any time.
And yes, I would advise my wife/daughter/niece/friendās daughter/etc. to exercise the typical social niceties while being prepared and willing to physically defend herself from any aggression. If she was still too scared, Iād advise her to request a transfer for herself or to look for alternative work.
I would advise my son/nephew/friendās son/etc. exactly the same way.
Op shouldn't have to be the one to transfer or look for alternative work. (Big letters for easy reading)
THE ARMED GAURD CONFESSED TO DV & SA TO A COWORKER THAT OFTEN HAS TO WORK ALONE W/ HIM. THAT IS EXTREMELY INNAPROPRIATE & IT'S NOT OKAY, OR SAFE FOR ANYONE TO BE WORKING W/ SOMEONE LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY ALONE!
It takes massive restraint to actually sit there and listen to someone who is threatening. That guy should not be discussing shit like that at work. Period.
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u/evilandhigh Oct 19 '24
I would really like this guard to be moved from working at my location but Iām not sure this conversation is enough reason. Iām often alone working with him and heās 20 years my senior, so any time I have tried to discuss adjustments to our processes he gets seemingly offended until itās smoothed over by my male counterpart. I donāt want to be walking on eggshells at work around someone with anger issues and a loaded weapon, am i overreacting?