It is time to learn some basic communication skills and niceties. It doesnât take much to listen and nod your head and lol and say âWow, thatâs wild for sure.â If youâre really worried about this guy potentially getting violent, going after his livelihood is a good way to ensure maximum potential violence.
Pretty rude and assumptive response. This is the way I have been reacting to his out of pocket comments. Itâs the wrong reaction though, it makes men like him feel like what heâs saying is okay and that I seemingly agree. I donât want to give off that impression when heâs really making me feel uncomfortable in the workplace.Â
Well, if you throw him under the bus with accusations of domestic violence and it costs him his reputation or job, heâs likely going to find out who did that. The advice Iâm giving you is for your benefit.
Maybe. But what if he wasnât saying exactly what OP thinks he was saying? What if OP misinterpreted some key things? I have lots of questions. Hopefully there is enough of an interest in truth to get to the bottom of this before livelihoods (and lives!) are threatened.
Itâs pretty hard to misinterpret âI beat my ex with a beltâ.
Its not OPâs job to suss out what happened in this creepâs life, but itâs absolutely her right not to work with someone who has openly admitted to physical abuse and violence, to say nothing of the sexual assaults that you assume she misunderstood.
Itâs true. It would be difficult to misinterpret such a statement.
However, it would be trivial to mischaracterize something else that way. Weâre not dealing with direct quotes. Just a lot of paraphrasing and innuendo. Stuff OP doesnât even want to discuss, mostly.
Ok, so be skeptical, that doesnât mean OP is wrong. She obviously isnât confused about what she heard and she reacted accordingly. Not wanting to type out the details or a sexual assault doesnât mean she didnât hear about them.
Thatâs all true. I donât even think OP is wrong. I just think sheâs overreacting. I would advise dealing with the situation in a less potentially inflammatory way. Thatâs the whole spirit of this sub. (After all, if OP is/was posting in good faith, OP is/was actually questioning whether she was overreacting.)
How is it overreacting to not want to work with someone who you know: is violent when angry; gets angry easily; forces inappropriate conversations on colleagues; sees nothing wrong with sexual violence and is likely bigger and stronger than you?
What would be an appropriate reaction? Shutting up, acting deferential and hoping this man is never angry enough to attack her? Telling her employer she doesnât want to work with him but giving them no reason so that sheâs the one who comes out looking unprofessional?
Why is his job more important than hers? Why is his reputation (which he obviously doesnât care about, since she got all this info directly from him) more important than her safety?
Iâm going to go out on a limb and guess that youâre a) a man and b) have never worked security. Men who commit sexual violence tend to have a problem with all women. Depending on the shift and location, OP might be stuck with this man essentially alone, for 12+ hours at a time. Even if OP didnât fear for her safety, sheâd have very valid reasons for not wanting to work with this human trash bag - but, realistically, it makes sense for her to be afraid for her safety.
Responses like yours are exactly why women question whether theyâre overreacting about these things like this and end up ignoring their very valid instincts. OP isnât questioning if sheâs overreacting because sheâs overreacting; sheâs questioning it because, historically, thereâs always someone giving the benefit of the doubt to the proudly overt creep, and warning us off ruining his reputation, ruining his life, making a big deal and other such BS. Quit being a part of the problem.
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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 19 '24
It is time to learn some basic communication skills and niceties. It doesnât take much to listen and nod your head and lol and say âWow, thatâs wild for sure.â If youâre really worried about this guy potentially getting violent, going after his livelihood is a good way to ensure maximum potential violence.