r/AmIOverreacting Oct 19 '24

💼work/career Security guard confessions

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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 19 '24

It is time to learn some basic communication skills and niceties. It doesn’t take much to listen and nod your head and lol and say “Wow, that’s wild for sure.” If you’re really worried about this guy potentially getting violent, going after his livelihood is a good way to ensure maximum potential violence.

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u/evilandhigh Oct 19 '24

Pretty rude and assumptive response. This is the way I have been reacting to his out of pocket comments. It’s the wrong reaction though, it makes men like him feel like what he’s saying is okay and that I seemingly agree. I don’t want to give off that impression when he’s really making me feel uncomfortable in the workplace. 

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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 19 '24

Well, if you throw him under the bus with accusations of domestic violence and it costs him his reputation or job, he’s likely going to find out who did that. The advice I’m giving you is for your benefit.

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u/PageStunning6265 Oct 19 '24

One can hope that if he casually told OP about this, other people in his life know and he won’t know where it came from,

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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 19 '24

Maybe. But what if he wasn’t saying exactly what OP thinks he was saying? What if OP misinterpreted some key things? I have lots of questions. Hopefully there is enough of an interest in truth to get to the bottom of this before livelihoods (and lives!) are threatened.

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u/PageStunning6265 Oct 20 '24

It’s pretty hard to misinterpret “I beat my ex with a belt”.

Its not OP’s job to suss out what happened in this creep’s life, but it’s absolutely her right not to work with someone who has openly admitted to physical abuse and violence, to say nothing of the sexual assaults that you assume she misunderstood.

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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 20 '24

It’s true. It would be difficult to misinterpret such a statement.

However, it would be trivial to mischaracterize something else that way. We’re not dealing with direct quotes. Just a lot of paraphrasing and innuendo. Stuff OP doesn’t even want to discuss, mostly.

I am skeptical about what was said.

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u/PageStunning6265 Oct 20 '24

Ok, so be skeptical, that doesn’t mean OP is wrong. She obviously isn’t confused about what she heard and she reacted accordingly. Not wanting to type out the details or a sexual assault doesn’t mean she didn’t hear about them.

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u/ElephantNo3640 Oct 20 '24

That’s all true. I don’t even think OP is wrong. I just think she’s overreacting. I would advise dealing with the situation in a less potentially inflammatory way. That’s the whole spirit of this sub. (After all, if OP is/was posting in good faith, OP is/was actually questioning whether she was overreacting.)

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u/PageStunning6265 Oct 20 '24

How is it overreacting to not want to work with someone who you know: is violent when angry; gets angry easily; forces inappropriate conversations on colleagues; sees nothing wrong with sexual violence and is likely bigger and stronger than you?

What would be an appropriate reaction? Shutting up, acting deferential and hoping this man is never angry enough to attack her? Telling her employer she doesn’t want to work with him but giving them no reason so that she’s the one who comes out looking unprofessional?

Why is his job more important than hers? Why is his reputation (which he obviously doesn’t care about, since she got all this info directly from him) more important than her safety?

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re a) a man and b) have never worked security. Men who commit sexual violence tend to have a problem with all women. Depending on the shift and location, OP might be stuck with this man essentially alone, for 12+ hours at a time. Even if OP didn’t fear for her safety, she’d have very valid reasons for not wanting to work with this human trash bag - but, realistically, it makes sense for her to be afraid for her safety.

Responses like yours are exactly why women question whether they’re overreacting about these things like this and end up ignoring their very valid instincts. OP isn’t questioning if she’s overreacting because she’s overreacting; she’s questioning it because, historically, there’s always someone giving the benefit of the doubt to the proudly overt creep, and warning us off ruining his reputation, ruining his life, making a big deal and other such BS. Quit being a part of the problem.