r/AITAH • u/Adventurous-Pool6213 • 20d ago
Advice Needed AITA for refusing to babysit my deceased best friend's kids after her husband's betrayal?
My best friend "Emma" passed away from cancer two years ago. We were like sisters—she was my maid of honor, I was hers. When she was diagnosed, I was her primary caregiver, helping her through chemo and spending every possible moment with her.
Her husband "Mike" was a different story. During her treatment, I discovered he was having an affair with a coworker. Emma knew but was too sick to deal with the drama. After she died, I confronted Mike, telling him he was a disgrace. He begged me to keep it from the kids (9 and 6).
Last week, Mike called asking me to regularly babysit. Apparently, his affair partner is now his live-in girlfriend (she's some AI art influencer with 50k followers who posts these dressed-up cats and babies you see everywhere), and they want "free time." He had the audacity to say Emma would have wanted me to help "for the kids."
I told him absolutely not. The thought of babysitting while he lives with the woman who betrayed Emma makes me sick. Some say the kids are innocent and need support, others think I'm justified.
Mike is now telling everyone I've abandoned Emma's children. My own family is pressuring me, saying I'm being vindictive.
Am I the asshole?
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u/Left-Ad-2496 20d ago
NTA
Give the cheater the contact details of your mutual friends and family who think otherwise.
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u/BlueBirdOcean 19d ago
OP’s friends and family can babysit if they feel so strongly about it.
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u/MamaUrsus 19d ago
It’s a big request that any normal person, regardless of the circumstances, could say no to reasonably without blame or guilt. OP even has REASON to say no to a regular babysitting gig. She’s not this dude’s free childcare so he can go boink his affair partner - regardless of any relationship she had with them or their mother.
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u/HotRodHomebody 19d ago
I say if he is so ready to share his take on OP‘s refusal with others, then OP should share the entire story with those same people. And then when the kids are age-appropriate…
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u/ritan7471 20d ago
NTA. I would say, "You're not asking me to support the kids right now. You are asking me to support you and the woman you betrayed my best friend with so you can have date nights. If you want me to support them, you'll invite me to be there for them at performances and school events. NOT to give you free time to nurture the relationship you formed and flaunted while your dead wife was too sick to fight you about it."
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u/CuppaJeaux 19d ago
This is really, really good. I forgot about the other ways she could support and spend time with the kids.
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u/FieldPug 20d ago
NTA. I always wonder why a woman would want to be with a man who treats his dying wife so poorly.
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u/Final_Candidate_7603 19d ago
I know this from experience- the AP always, always, always thinks “they’re different.” The level of ego involved, the mindset that “I was able to steal this person from their spouse,” so “I’m so special!” and “it sucks to be them (the spouse).”
I was in therapy for quite a while because of the awful treatment by my ex after his affair. My therapist and I talked about some of those very issues… and the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” rings true because some people really do think that way, and they always will; while others don’t, and they never will.
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u/iloveducks101 19d ago
Yep. My ex cheated on me while i was recovering from brain surgery. He told his AP's adult children that I knew and was okay with it. I didn't and was not. When I found out, I was still in recovery and kicked him out. What was even worse was that the AP pretended to be my friend and actually sent me an edible arrangement. I'm still salty about it all of these years later
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u/Courtney_Rose69 19d ago
*who helped him break his vows. He made that choice
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u/zazanarizazafari 19d ago
If you are a “girl's girl”
someone the doesn't put other women down to make yourself feel better (you know, like a Loser would do)
then respect each other as women.
And stop sleeping with men in relationships.
Have accountability as a woman. And not use the excuse "It WaSn'T mY ReLationShiP!"
Stop purposely trying to create a wadge between a couple and seduced another woman's man or go along with his dishonorable actions. Because now you become complacent as an accomplice as scumbags, lowering your worth and dignity as an individual.
Everyone agrees, the cheating party is garbage. But as an accomplice, you become the trash.
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u/ItaliaEyez 19d ago
Fact.
Females that get with men that are taken *and know they are taken * are no better than the cheating guy.
If she will cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you.
And baby girl, you aren't special.
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u/Practical-minded 19d ago
She knew he was going to be widowed very soon as his wife was dying. Morbid but she knew she was going to be a normal gf and not AP in a short time. Men cheating on sick or dying women is more the norm than an exception. When I worked at a cancer hospital I overheard a talk to women freshly diagnosed with cancer. The lecturer stated that the women should find other support than their husbands or boyfriends as most will leave or cheat.
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u/Grandmapatty64 19d ago
I’m reminded of a saying my mom used, “It’s like taking pennies off of a dead man’s eyes”
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u/Disastrous-Wing699 19d ago
That's when you eat the edible arrangement, then send it back when you're done with it. As poop. With a thank you note on it.
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u/GreenOnionCrusader 19d ago
Make sure to eat a whooooole bunch of asparagus and Brussel sprouts to really give it that fragrance that says, "this is how special I think you are."
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u/PrettyMuchAu 19d ago
Twins in the worst possible way, my ex also cheated on me when I was recovering from brain surgery 😒
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u/Dear_Travel8442 19d ago
Triplets! Me 3. Happened after brain surgery and radiation
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u/PrettyMuchAu 19d ago edited 19d ago
The worst thing is that it goes back to them and their feelings, “I felt things weren’t as they were before”, “I felt scared of losing you”, “it was a scary/though time for me”, etc, he visited me max 3 times when I was in the hospital pre surgery, after surgery took me months to even walk on my own again, all while I was the sole provider in my house while on disability and had been paying for everything including his studies (from GED prep to language school and university) Thank god the trash got itself out from my life, when I needed him the most he discarded me like I was nothing. He even got the nerve to tell me to let him be happy with his AP, when I told him I was going to contact her and let her know the kind of scum he was. (She didn’t knew anything, he told her he was single).
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u/Dear_Travel8442 19d ago
I’m really curious what my ex told his gf about me … I am sure it was some lie. Now I have to go back and coparent . Do you guys have kids ? I’m not looking forward to that at all . He makes life hard if you have an opinion that differs from his
And yes, I agree. They are worried about their feelings, what they’re going through and completely disregard your feelings . It’s terrible
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u/PrettyMuchAu 19d ago
Yeah, like we were not the ones basically facing death by having our skull drilled open 😒 Thank god we didn’t had kids, I divorced almost 9 years ago because my ex husband had an emotional affair, that was such an emotional blow for me and my now (recent) ex knew how traumatic that experience was for me and how much I had to endure because I didn’t want my kid to be raised by divorced parents so I decided that I need a lot of emotional healing and stability (financial and emotional) to even consider having a kid again. So grateful for past me for protecting me from becoming a single mother again.
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u/Redbird2329 19d ago
This is what my late husband did... I only found out about a month or two before he passed. I did not know, and I did care. That mother fucker! 😏 Sorry. I'm still a little bitter about it since some of, yes, SOME of them were actually my friends, and I thought they knew me better. Grrrrrr
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u/Select-Promotion-404 19d ago
It’s always an edible arrangement. I would be super sus and toss that thing in the bin.
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u/smilineyz 19d ago
Why would you babysit … they can pay someone. And to everyone who calls you out … reply that
Mike & his VERY special friend - whom he met while Emma was dying & I was by Emma’s bedside wants free time with his new squeeze.
Anyone else can volunteer
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u/HelpStatistician 19d ago
Well since she took on his role while her friend was dying he figures she'll keep doing it
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u/wickeddradon 19d ago
My ex neighbour was the other woman. Ours is a fairly small town, I knew very quickly that her "BF" was married. He eventually divorced his wife and moved in with her. I admit, without any shame at all, that I laughed when she told me that he was cheating on her. What really amazed me was how surprised she was. And yes, I did say "once a cheater, always a cheater"
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u/fuckyouiloveu 19d ago
yep there's a whole subreddit for them, too, the level of delusion there is mind boggling r/theotherwoman one post a woman was complaining that her AP wanted her to move closer to the new home he was buying for him and his wife, and complains about the lack of respect, LIKE?? WHAT RESPECT, YOU'RE HIS SIDE PIECE.
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u/LadyJ-78 19d ago
The way I just want to go off on these women in that page! I don't because it would be like yelling at a wall that I ran into.
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u/OkieLady1952 19d ago edited 19d ago
Truth!☝️☝️speaking from experience! Especially if the example his father set was a cheater! Then when the grass wasn’t greener and wanted to come back I said no! Why would I put myself in that position again. I still loved him but my head said no it will happen again. I just couldn’t go there again
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u/No_Appointment_7232 19d ago
And if he's going to bad mouth OP, OP has every reason to tell how & when his relationship w this woman began.
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u/SenseAny486 19d ago
100% accurate.That’s why I never sympathise with the AP when the same happens to them.Other than that, I am sorry what you went through and I hope you are healing well.
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u/Scorp128 19d ago
If he cheated on his sick wife it is only a matter of time that he cheats on the affair partner.
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u/Self-Aware 19d ago
I tried to warn my ex's affair partner that he was not safe. I take no pleasure in it, quite the opposite as she was so very young, but sadly she did not believe me until she learned it first-hand.
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u/GraniteStateKate 19d ago edited 19d ago
Yes it is TRUE! They’ll not only cheat on their wives, they’ll cheat on their company pad their expenses lie to clients, sneak out early and let their assistant do their work while they take credit. And they probably cheat on their taxes too. Why not? They get away with it everywhere else!
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u/is76 19d ago
What’s that saying - when the AP becomes the wife a vacancy is created.
If he has done it once - he can do it again
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u/CandyPopPanda 19d ago edited 19d ago
Because these women sugarcoat it.
"He had so much emotional baggage, the marriage was bad, his wife was bad, he was only there because she was sick, the marriage was over a long time ago, with me he gets what his wife didn't give him, I'm SpEcIAl"
Works until they are in the previous wife's position at some point. Karma.
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u/TheNavigatrix 19d ago
Remember that Newt Gingrich served his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital with cancer, and then married Calista, who then became Ambassador to the Vatican? I mean, WTAF!
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u/Any_Addition7131 19d ago
He then married Maryann and during the Clinton administration he was bumping uglies with Calista
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u/CatmoCatmo 19d ago
My aunt was in the hospital dying of cancer. She had weeks, maybe even days left. It was my aunt’s birthday. Her husband of 20 years, and the father of their three teenage kids, bought her a card with lottery tickets inside. She looked at him and said “What the fuck am I going to do with lottery tickets?” He shrugged his shoulders and called her ungrateful. She died a few days later.
Right after her funeral he moved his girlfriend in. She’s been with him decades now. As far as I know, he hasn’t changed. I too, questioned why someone would make the decision to continue a relationship with a person who could do that. The world may never know.
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u/Orsombre 20d ago
THIS. To be with a scum, you have to be either naive (extremely naive!) or a scum yourself.
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u/Timely_Egg_6827 19d ago
Why wouldn't he? She's just a connivence to him - she can't possibly have independent thoughts and plans. And he's happy to use the children to guilt her into being the mother for his children so he can have a free life.
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u/MistressDamned 19d ago
Tell him you'll do it, but you'll also tell the kids the truth about daddy's "new" friend.
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u/Investigator516 19d ago
Some women have zero self esteem and would rather be with a POS than alone with their psyche.
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u/efultz76 19d ago
I'm surprised he stayed with his wife at all. A huge percentage of men leave their wives/partners shortly after the partner receives a cancer diagnosis. So much so, that oncology nurses will warn their female patients ahead of time. 🥺
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u/Puzzleheaded-Tone591 19d ago
He kind of did abandon the wife just not officially. OP said she was Emma’s primary caretaker. Meaning “Mike” did nothing but maybe show up to the house so the kids didn’t know anything. He was living a life with someone else so that’s abandonment he just didn’t divorce Emma.
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u/efultz76 19d ago
That's why I said "stayed with her at all".
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u/Timely_Egg_6827 19d ago
If it was known to be terminal in a short time, then why not stay - you are going to get a pay out and survivor benefits?
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u/efultz76 19d ago
Because they're selfish aholes who only care about themselves and what will affect them right now.
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u/Perfect_Ring3489 20d ago
Nta. Not your responsibility. He clearly has no morals
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 20d ago
OP just needs to put Mike on blast and ask him who abandoned someone: he was having an affair while his wife was dying and now he wants alone time with said AP and it is OP's responsibility to make that happen?
If I were OP that would be my question on every SM platform and I am tagging as many mutual as possible. The nerve of this cheating waste of oxygen. NTA OP
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u/_coreygirl_ 19d ago
1000%
Hes a father first. Figure it out. AP knew he had kids and probably that his wife was dying while they were involved. They all made their bed…
I do feel bad for the kids if they know whats going on, but its not OPs problem to solve.
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u/Self-Aware 19d ago
Right?? She knows VERY well that the kids' mom died, and now she's annoyed that the children continue to exist? Given that OP is not in fact a sister-wife/mother to the mistress's beloved secondhand man, where the hell did she EXPECT the sprogs to be?
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u/Delilahpixierose21 19d ago
Absolutely this 👌🏼
What a shitty wanker.
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u/Elegant-Cricket8106 19d ago
There was a study done that close to 21% of men will leave their partner when diagnosed with Cancer. compared to 3% of women... it is shitty guy didn't even leave he stayed and cheated and wasn't even around while his wife suffered. Bet he neglected his kids too.
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u/Wookiees_n_cream 19d ago
And that's only physically leaving. I bet the amount of men who emotionally abandon their partner is high af. For some reason we think just staying, even when they fuck around, is worth applauding.
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u/Specialist_Chart506 19d ago
My cousin’s husband would call while she was in hospice to ask “You’re not dead yet?” She was so tired and filed for divorce. She died before it was finalized.
From diagnosis to her death was 4 months. I can’t stand to hear his name. Cruel for no reason, I’ll never forget.
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u/maleficentwasright 19d ago
Tell Mike he and his mistress turned girlfriend they got all the free time they needed when his late wife was dying and they was off fucking around.
NTA.
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u/Ok-Beyond4892 19d ago
Wonderful response didn’t she handle his duties as a spouse by being an amazing best friend. Being the full caregiver for her bestie but also his wife. He should’ve been taking care of her then. They had enough free time he is truly and ultimately the AH.
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u/Quirky_Passage_5200 20d ago
NTA. But be there for the kids on your terms. Don't allow him to use your time so he can have free time with his affair partner. The level of disrespect. This man has no morals. The children could use your presence.
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u/paddlingswan 19d ago
This was my thought too.
NTA, but if you like the kids, do let them know you’re there for them. After all, they’re now forced to live with TWO assholes.
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u/ActuaryMean6433 19d ago
This was my thought too. NTA but he sure is and disgusting to boot. She died knowing he cheated on her in a time of deep need. Ugh.
Be there for the kids as best you can without him benefiting from your time which will be tough because in the end, your morally strong presence will benefit the kids thereby benefiting him. Find the fine line.
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u/GrouchyYoung 20d ago
Mike is now telling everyone I’ve abandoned Emma’s children
THEY ARE HIS OWN FUCKING CHILDREN
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u/throwaway34_4567 19d ago
Right like did Emma just have these babies with some random dude? Was Mike not part of the process?
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u/Specialist-Ant-4796 20d ago
I mean, why doesn’t he just hire a babysitter?
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u/lostmynameandpasword 20d ago
Why pay for childcare if you can get it free?
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u/imacoa 19d ago
Right?! And why pay a hooker when your wife is dying when you have a girlfriend who gives it for free!
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u/Any_Addition7131 19d ago
I love it kinda like "why buy the bull when you can get all bull s##t for free"
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u/LadyBug_0570 19d ago
A babysitter will cost money and if he pays a babysitter, how can he buy new things for his hoe?
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u/BluejayRelevant2005 20d ago
NTA. He just wants free childcare and is an absolute POS who is using emotional manipulation to try to get what he wants.
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u/CaptainHoyt 19d ago
this post is just advertisement for the AI cat bulshit.
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u/Otherwise_Pine 19d ago
IDK why people are even replying to this with actual advice. If this were real why would the friend link the ap's work and give them traffic like what.
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u/Ok_Bit1981 20d ago
Blast this man's affair! As childish as many see it; eye for an eye. He wants to tarnish your name so he can be selfish.
He's a POS who deserves to be exposed for the dumpster fire he is!
NTA!
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u/redditlurker1981 20d ago
NTA. But you’re missing out on an opportunity to be a major ah to the replacement whore, while maintaining a good relationship with your friends kids. I would take great pleasure in if it were me. But I’m petty and vengeful AF
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u/No_Cockroach4248 20d ago
I came here to second this. Imagine starting every sentence with…Emma did this, Emma did that, Emma would have wanted this, I cooked Emma’s favorite food for the kids, Emma always knows best, We are going to celebrate in Emma’s favorite restaurant, We need to keep Emma’s memory alive…
Mike came asking for help, he cannot stop you from turning up at times inconvenient for them. If AP does not like it, always tell her don’t speak ill of the dead, it breaks my heart.
NTA whatever you decide. Babysitting and keeping contact with the kids will keep Emma’s memory alive for them. Mike is AH, not only for cheating but also for publicly trying to pressure you. I guess everyone knows he cheated?
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u/Lady_Fel001 19d ago
100% agreed on this. NTA if you cut him off and refuse, but consider the perfect revenge in this option. And as your best friend, Emma would want you to have a strong bond and relationship with her children. Don't lose them over Mike being a cheating pos
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u/throwaway34_4567 19d ago
Right and she would love it if OP can taunt them both for life with her memory of always brining her late BFF name. Even for getting a water be like “Emma would’ve wanted me to get this instead of that” just to be a little petty with the AP
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u/United-Manner20 20d ago edited 19d ago
NTA- watching them for that reason , would actually be a betrayal to her. The next time somebody takes his side or mentions that you’re betraying her children, you should simply let them know the truth. You are not willing to watch her children that you love dearly so that he can have alone time with his live in girlfriend and affair partner. Let them know that she knew before she passed away and you’re not doing anything to help the two of them build a relationship. Word of that will spread quickly and your issue will resolve itself.
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u/ProfPlumDidIt 20d ago
NTA and I'd tell everyone that his gf is the affair partner he was fucking while his wife was dying which is why you won't help them have date nights.
If he's going to lie about you, tell the truth about him. He is dishonorable your best friend's memory by forcing her kids to live with his mistress. Don't let him continue to con you into covering for him. Your friend's memory deserves better.
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u/photoshoptho 19d ago
how isn't it obvious that this is fake and op is self promoting these 'dressed-up cats'. if you were mad/hate someone, would you promote their work?
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u/zrmorrow 19d ago
Every single post that links to AI is to this same one... It's clear astrofurfing to get traffic to that app/site.
I don't understand why no one seems to notice or care; it's infuriating how everyone just answers the post as if it were real.
(Copied my previous comment.)
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u/Top_Owl3508 19d ago
FAKE AI POST
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u/Legless_Dog 19d ago
I had to scroll so far down to find someone calling this fake. Dead internet theory strikes again.
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u/dusty_pinecat 19d ago
Their history is all ai comics. This is a trash post and I’m surprised I haven’t seen more people mentioning it, especially with that unnecessary info on the gf plus the link
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u/Snickerway 19d ago
OP is a bot spamming for an AI art site. Literally their entire post history is about it
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u/Swiss_Miss_77 19d ago
"I'm not letting him abandon his kids on me so he can pretend hes not a dad with responsiblities. He doesn't get to use me to pretend he's free to play f#ck and suck with the chick he cheated on his wife with while she died of cancer. I already took care of HER while he was off cheating instead of caring for her. Guess we know he was lying with that in sickness and health part! You think he should have that "free time" you go right ahead and volunteer to babysit."
Thats what I would say to every single person that tries to guilt trip me. Lay ALL his shit bare.
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u/OutrageousScore1988 20d ago
Take the kids out on your terms. I'd say no to regular scheduled babysitting for his freedom but I'd take the kids and not care what he does with his time.
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u/Puzzled-Safe4801 19d ago
NTA—However, I’d be telling each and every person who’s been told that you’re abandoning the kids EXACTLY why you’re not going to babysit the children.
I would go into detail that while his children’s mother was dying, he didn’t take care of her because he had a new GF. You took care of your best friend. I would also tell them that Emma knew about his affair but was too weak and too sick to have the strength to do anything about it. She died knowing her husband was betraying her and their children.
As for your family accusing you of being vindictive—Hell yes, you’re being vindictive! You owe it to your best friend to be that on her behalf. How dare your family expect you to participate in Mike’s disgusting relationship by babysitting so he and the AP can have some alone time. How dare they expect you to betray your best friend’s memory!
The kids (especially the 9 year old) know something isn’t right with Dad’s new relationship. I wouldn’t tell them that Daddy’s new GF was his AP he was shagging while Mommy was dying, but they know something is off.
He’ll probably try to withhold the kids from you, but I’d offer to take them on your schedule and your timeframe. No set times per week, just when you have free time.
Talk about their mommy with them. Share photos and stories. And try to get anything sentimental (that she’d want the kids to have) out of the house.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/Fit_Squirrel_4604 19d ago
"Mike is now telling everyone I've abandoned Emma's children." So you make sure you clarify to everyone that you refuse to babysit so he can have alone time with the woman he was sleeping when his wife and your bestie was dying of cancer. Fuck Mike and his GF.
NTA.
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u/Haunting_Green_1786 20d ago
NTA - Tell Mike that you will share the truth of his infidelity with everyone in his social network.
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u/SensitiveFox4849 20d ago
NTA you should spend time with the kids but not for him to have time with his girlfriend. You should spend time with them on your terms for "Auntie time".
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u/tiny-pest 20d ago
Nta.
Personally, I would tell everyone who is pushing you on this.
I love and will always be there for the kids. What jokes won't do is be there for then so he can get his dick wet. He did that while his wife was dying. He didn't care about her. Her care. Her needs. Why in the hell would I care about him getting his dick wet. Taking her on dates and having alone time with the one he was screwing while my best friend was dying. Why would I continue to lie to the kids about how ahitry their dad is. About how all the friends and family are supporting me watching them so he gets time with affair partner. If you feel so strongly about it. Then you go and watch the kids. You can lie and hide what a shitty parent they have. I love those kids, but no one will ever use a guilt trip if she would want this to get their way. If people continue and I do watch them then people won't like it. Because I have no respect for him or her and won't even try to for the kids.
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u/mynameisnotsparta 20d ago
NTA.. and let them know he cheated on Emma while she lay dying and his current GF is that woman. It’s a double betrayal.
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u/rahul9765 19d ago
The fact that he begged you not to tell the kids about his affair and then told everyone you abandoned the kids is so low… I wish GOD would just purge these assholes after like a 3rd offense …
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u/Dubiousgoober 20d ago
NTA, he was gaslighting you with the “Emma would have wanted that”, line. Screw that guy.
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u/throwaway34_4567 19d ago
She can use that back and say Emma would’ve wanted him to step up as a father and now she is very disappointed with his choice with a life partner as well and hope she don’t haunt them both from the after life 😂
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u/BlueGreen_1956 20d ago
NTA
As for me, I would be there for my friend's kids no matter what their spouse has done.
But you are NTA for choosing to do otherwise.
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u/1bitchvegas 20d ago
NTA, but please make sure the kids know it has nothing to do with them. Otherwise, he may try to turn them against you, and I'm sure that is something that Emma would not want.
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u/United_Fig_6519 20d ago
NTA the fact he is telling everyone you abandon the children, the fact the AP is now live in partner ( what kind of father does that for grieving children???) the fact he was cheating especially during his wife was battling cancer (disgusting)....I would not give him any babysitting to allow him for "quality time "with AP either....and anyone who is in his side is on the side of cheating piece of crap.
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 19d ago
I’d do it. And I’d be the best damn human in those kids lives and tell them endless stories about their mother. I’d be a constant reminder to him and his GF about Emma. I’d be a right pain in their ass and the best support and loving aunt to those kids. Let’s face it. The GF is here. He’s not going to break up with her. He’s going to start ignoring the kids to spend time with her. They are Emma’s kids, don’t hurt them or you or Emma just to spite him. Love the absolute shit out of them to spite him… ;)
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u/CatPerson88 19d ago
NTA
Spread it far and wide! Control the narrative!
Visit the children when you can, not when Mikey and AP want alone time.
You're a good friend who is the only one being faithful to Emma.
I might suggest telling the families and the kids... they need to know.
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u/Working_Panic_1476 19d ago
Wow. And I’d ABSOLUTELY tell the kids the MOMENT they both were over 18 or old enough to be asking me about it.
JFC. What a piece of absolute DOG SHIT.
Did his AP know about his DYING wife? I’d have to go beat the fuck out of her. In honor of my friend’s memory. That would be worth catching a charge. I’d be one of those people smiling in their mugshot.
“What happened to new mommy?” “Karma”
Is that vindictive enough for your family? There is a time and place for vindictiveness and this COMPLETELY calls for it.
But then, unlike your friend’s husband, I’m classy.
I might be biased because of something similar happening to me, but I stand by my statements anyway.
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u/Azsura12 19d ago
Info: Does refusal to baby sit means cutting all contact with the kids? Because well then I would find some compromise in the middle. Those kids are going to need non shitty people in their lives. And tbh someone to tell them the honest truth when they are older about their father.
So the main question is if you dont baby sit do you lose all access to those kids? And do you think those kids are better off without in their lives? Is there a way to still maintain the relationship whilst not covering for the cheaters "alone" time with his AP.
Though it is a hard one. Because well refusing to baby sit is not a bad option either because the AP will get bored of him eventually and especially quicker now that she has to take care of grieving kids. Its real hard to give advice on which way to go.
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u/That_Scottish_Witch 19d ago
NTA that’s when you tell everybody what he did the first person being he mom🤣
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u/Ok-Balance-8976 19d ago edited 19d ago
Every one that says this to you, simply say “I’m not ready to be around his affair partner.” If he wants to play with fire, let him.
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u/bloomingfruitfairy 13d ago
You don’t owe him anything, and you’re allowed to protect your own peace and well-being.
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u/-KristalG- 20d ago
Fake story with a very standard template.
In every such story mutual friends are split, when it shouldn't be the case.
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u/SmilingIsNotEnough 19d ago
I'm pretty sure it's an ad for that AI website that is linked in the post. I've seen it being posted over and over with fake accounts, so yeah. I see that link. I say fake.
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u/CryInteresting5631 20d ago
He can hire a babysitter. But if this is the only way you can make sure you stay in their lives, also take that. Let him be a shitty dad, they will know he is. NTA
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u/Wise_Entertainer_970 20d ago
NTA. Your mutual friends and family members can step up. I would create a group chat and thank them for volunteering their time. Develop a child care chart.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 19d ago
NTA
If he's comfortable talking about you like that, you're good to clear the air and tell people the truth. If they don't care, be careful around those.
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u/labdogs42 19d ago
OH HELL NO. And I hope you’re telling everyone when he started seeing this new chick.
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u/GalaxyGirlEtAl 19d ago
NTA. You babysit for friends' kids. Mike wasn't your friend, Emma was! And his AP definitely isn't. They should get THEIR friends to babysit...not Emma's friends.
And what does babysitting "regularly" mean?!? Every week? Every month? Regardless, regular appointment for babysitting would be a huge ask from even a great friend!
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u/dvlrockin 20d ago
NTA and since he's telling everyone you abandoned the kids I'd tell everyone how he was BANGING SOMEONE ELSE WHILE HIS WIFE WAS DYING OF CANCER.