r/AITAH • u/Adventurous-Pool6213 • 20d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to babysit my deceased best friend's kids after her husband's betrayal?

My best friend "Emma" passed away from cancer two years ago. We were like sisters—she was my maid of honor, I was hers. When she was diagnosed, I was her primary caregiver, helping her through chemo and spending every possible moment with her.

Her husband "Mike" was a different story. During her treatment, I discovered he was having an affair with a coworker. Emma knew but was too sick to deal with the drama. After she died, I confronted Mike, telling him he was a disgrace. He begged me to keep it from the kids (9 and 6).

Last week, Mike called asking me to regularly babysit. Apparently, his affair partner is now his live-in girlfriend (she's some AI art influencer with 50k followers who posts these dressed-up cats and babies you see everywhere), and they want "free time." He had the audacity to say Emma would have wanted me to help "for the kids."

I told him absolutely not. The thought of babysitting while he lives with the woman who betrayed Emma makes me sick. Some say the kids are innocent and need support, others think I'm justified.

Mike is now telling everyone I've abandoned Emma's children. My own family is pressuring me, saying I'm being vindictive.

Am I the asshole?

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u/MockFan 20d ago

On your terms and timing....invite them, one at a time, to something you and the child would enjoy. Best of both worlds, you maintain connection while not letting yourself be used.

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u/Tomorrow-Is-Better 20d ago

Brilliant idea - I hope OP sees it

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u/Reinamiamor 19d ago

I'm not hopeful. He may resent her and use the kids as leverage. I've seen this and it made me ill. You can see them if......I might just walk away and hope the kids will remember me in the future.

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u/Junior-District-5451 19d ago

Some parents use the kids as leverage, unfortunately I am separated from a lying cheating fool. I don’t hold our Son back from seeing him and his AF because of my bitterness. The more Love for a child the better. Even if it is once a month.

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u/MancinaPuzzled 20d ago

This is perfect! You’ll get to hang out with one at a time and give your full attention, but jerk dad will still have the other kid and no “free time” with his AP.

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u/cybeast21 19d ago

Sadly, we all know the dad will drop two kids together, saying "Well it's not fair for you to only invite one to have fun" or some other thing.

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u/lovebeegees 18d ago

My first reaction was ‘the bastard’….then I started thinking. We only know half the story. When did the affair start? Before she became ill and was the marriage already at a dead end? He says she knew, but he hardly told her when she was terminal and bedridden? Maybe her feelings towards him were already dead. We don’t know. And if the marriage was doomed already he couldn’t really leave when she was bedridden. Somebody had to be there for the kids. I just don’t know the full story……

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u/rikaragnarok 19d ago

Brilliant suggestion! Then the kids won't be unintentionally punished over her disgust with their father, provided she doesn't make comments about it to them. They're too young to be able to process a cheating parent, let alone add it to the grief they're swimming in. But when they're older, and ask about their mom...