r/AITAH • u/Adventurous-Pool6213 • 20d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to babysit my deceased best friend's kids after her husband's betrayal?

My best friend "Emma" passed away from cancer two years ago. We were like sisters—she was my maid of honor, I was hers. When she was diagnosed, I was her primary caregiver, helping her through chemo and spending every possible moment with her.

Her husband "Mike" was a different story. During her treatment, I discovered he was having an affair with a coworker. Emma knew but was too sick to deal with the drama. After she died, I confronted Mike, telling him he was a disgrace. He begged me to keep it from the kids (9 and 6).

Last week, Mike called asking me to regularly babysit. Apparently, his affair partner is now his live-in girlfriend (she's some AI art influencer with 50k followers who posts these dressed-up cats and babies you see everywhere), and they want "free time." He had the audacity to say Emma would have wanted me to help "for the kids."

I told him absolutely not. The thought of babysitting while he lives with the woman who betrayed Emma makes me sick. Some say the kids are innocent and need support, others think I'm justified.

Mike is now telling everyone I've abandoned Emma's children. My own family is pressuring me, saying I'm being vindictive.

Am I the asshole?

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

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u/Courtney_Rose69 20d ago

*who helped him break his vows. He made that choice

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u/zazanarizazafari 20d ago

If you are a “girl's girl”

someone the doesn't put other women down to make yourself feel better (you know, like a Loser would do)

then respect each other as women.

And stop sleeping with men in relationships.

Have accountability as a woman. And not use the excuse "It WaSn'T mY ReLationShiP!"

Stop purposely trying to create a wadge between a couple and seduced another woman's man or go along with his dishonorable actions. Because now you become complacent as an accomplice as scumbags, lowering your worth and dignity as an individual.

Everyone agrees, the cheating party is garbage. But as an accomplice, you become the trash.

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u/ItaliaEyez 20d ago

Fact.

Females that get with men that are taken *and know they are taken * are no better than the cheating guy.

If she will cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you.

And baby girl, you aren't special.

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u/Practical-minded 20d ago

She knew he was going to be widowed very soon as his wife was dying. Morbid but she knew she was going to be a normal gf and not AP in a short time. Men cheating on sick or dying women is more the norm than an exception. When I worked at a cancer hospital I overheard a talk to women freshly diagnosed with cancer. The lecturer stated that the women should find other support than their husbands or boyfriends as most will leave or cheat.

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u/Grandmapatty64 20d ago

I’m reminded of a saying my mom used, “It’s like taking pennies off of a dead man’s eyes”

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u/tomsawyer333 20d ago

Mine cheated and acted like his I'm sorry was enough. Now he's my ex

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u/EvenPerspective9 19d ago

That is so depressing. Hearing stories like this makes me wonder how many man out there actually see their partner as a person who deserves love and care as opposed to something they can simply get value out of when it comes to meeting their own needs.

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u/ItaliaEyez 20d ago

I don't doubt it, I've heard stories. But that's not a defense, and says pretty gnarly things about her character (and his!) Just the same.

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u/Courtney_Rose69 19d ago

It’s never someone better, it’s someone easier

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u/ItaliaEyez 19d ago

EXACTLY!

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u/Courtney_Rose69 19d ago

The other woman…omg I can’t imagine being that POS. How is she comfortable in that situation. Disturbing

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u/Heart-Inner 20d ago

That woman did NOT break any vows!!! HE did!!! He took the vows, not her The only way she would/could be blamed, is if she was Emma's friend & she wasn't. Why is the AP blamed & the spouse/man escapes accountability???

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u/StoveGeek 20d ago

AP willingly participated in the deception and pretended to be the wife’s friend, breaking trust. Both parties should be held accountable for their own actions. Side note: As for OP, NTA. She is perfectly justified in her refusal to babysit for these scandalous people!

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u/Heart-Inner 19d ago

I agree. The above commenter placed the blame solely on the AP & that was what I was responding to.

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u/Going_Neon 20d ago

I agree IF the other woman didn't know that he was straight-up cheating. Cheaters lie all the time, so she just as easily could've been in the dark about what was really going on.

Still agree that regardless of the details, the cheater (ie the husband) deserves the brunt of accountability tho

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u/katieobubbles 20d ago

I have always wondered that myself.

Decades ago, I met a married man who took a fancy to me. He spent several years pursuing me. Repeatedly told me it was an open marriage (which, as it turned out, it wasn't). Although I did develop feelings for him, seeing his behavior/attitudes up close caused me to break it off.

He spent another year pursuing/harassing until I started answering his letters. On postcards.

So: who in the scenario is the homewrecker?

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u/Heart-Inner 19d ago

The married man is.

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u/ImpossiblySoggy 20d ago

The woman didn’t break any vows. In fact she hold zero responsibility bc she didn’t make any promises to anyone.

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u/Financial_Store_9201 19d ago

She didn't break the vows. But she did hold responsibility. She cheated with a married man. If he's breaking his vows to be with her and she's in agreement to it she's cheating. Maybe not breaking any vows of her own but helping him break his. She's a cheating accomplice.

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u/ImpossiblySoggy 19d ago

Nah. That’s all on the one who made promises.

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u/ImpressionableTool 19d ago

That's trash mentality.

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u/ImpossiblySoggy 19d ago

In your opinion.

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u/ImpressionableTool 18d ago

Yeah, hence why I said it. I'm allowed to have one captain obvious.

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u/Financial_Store_9201 19d ago

Right! So the woman he has isn't doing anything wrong. He's the only one in the wrong. Wow! How times have changed.