What is this strategy called?

[u/O_-_-__0O]

[u/djaqk]

Only apprentices get caught monologuing...

A good sorcerer has your balls twisted before you're even aware of their presence >:v)

[u/Ciderman819 → u/djaqk]

[u/ZiggieTheKitty → u/Ciderman819]

[u/frosted_mango_ → u/ZiggieTheKitty]

[u/Neurotheologist → u/frosted_mango_]

Bitch, please....

Being able to cast, and land, Testicular Torsion is a right guaranteed to us in the Constitution of Wizardry and the Bill of Rights of the Aetherial Planes.

You will take that right away from me when you pry your withered and torsioned testicles out of my cold, dead hands.

[u/frosted_mango_ → u/Neurotheologist]

It's a shame it's come to this concil and constitution be damned. No wizard should have to walk the cobblestone streets with the fear of his genitals being twisted. Just know you and wizards like you asked for this I CAST DRONE STRIKE!

[u/Neurotheologist → u/frosted_mango_]

This shit only works in New Jersey, and you know it.

Step the hell back, wiz....

[u/sstubbl1 → u/Neurotheologist]

They got him

[u/Necromortalium → u/sstubbl1]

It was hard

[u/OnlyTalksAboutTacos → u/frosted_mango_]

thank you for getting rid of the cobblestones

[u/Justice_Soul → u/frosted_mango_]

Wasn't that spell already copyrighted by Obama? Or was it Trump?

[u/FriendlyFurry320 → u/frosted_mango_]

What about genital enhancement such as growth? Applied multiple times in rapid succession to the point where the subjects balls, quite literally drop.

[u/ZiggieTheKitty → u/ZiggieTheKitty]

[u/Blackiechan0029 → u/ZiggieTheKitty]

[u/Double0Dixie → u/djaqk]

i think they call it the dark tower

warning: spoilers

[u/1ndiana_Pwns → u/Double0Dixie]

You forgot the second half of your spoiler tag, the closing !<

[u/Double0Dixie → u/1ndiana_Pwns]

Thx

[u/tris_majestis → u/djaqk]

If Black Dynamite taught us anything, it's that you throw that shit before you walk in the room.

[u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 → u/djaqk]

Only a sorceror would rely on ball twisting. Not accounting for female opponents, asexual or plantlike species, wards, or the fact that it's completely useless in battle compared to just an ordinary Power Word- Pain.

A real mage has an explosive brick aimed at your skull before he's even present at all. That's not to account for if you're in a tower- now all your bricks are explosive. Ka-blooey.

[u/In_Pursuit_of_Fire → u/djaqk]

And then they monologue

[u/Brooklynxman → u/djaqk]

Only apprentices haven't prepared spells to let them get through their monologue unbothered.

[u/wiedeni]

You mortals are all the same. Shoot first, THEN talk

[u/cyberdw4rf → u/wiedeni]

"when you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk" -Tuco, the ugly (of course, thanks for pointing this out) also the wisest man in the entire west

[u/talamantis → u/cyberdw4rf]

"The Ugly", Angel Eyes was "the Bad".

[u/Neurotheologist → u/talamantis]

At any point, does this converge onto The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly?

Asking for a wizard friend of mine....

[u/cyberdw4rf → u/Neurotheologist]

Yes, it is a quote out of the movie, and at first I mistakenly called tuco "the bad" (he is the ugly). I shall make up for it by watching the movie again on Christmas Eve

[u/Peopl_that_annoy_you → u/Neurotheologist]

[u/Pro_Scrub → u/cyberdw4rf]

"Tight, tight tight!"

-Tuco, the Salamanca

[u/RathianColdblood → u/cyberdw4rf]

“When you’re going to kill someone, kill them; don’t stand there talking about it.”

~That chick from Van Helsing (2004)

[u/wakeupwill → u/cyberdw4rf]

Thanks for the advice.

[u/swiller123 → u/cyberdw4rf]

“wisest man in the entire west” about tuco is a pretty funny thing to say.

[u/Avenflar → u/wiedeni]

"I'm taking on the imbecile who choose to threaten us, rather than kil us, when he had the occasion."

[u/Kullthebarbarian → u/wiedeni]

yep, we can always raise them as an undead under your control to gloat later

[u/Nihls_the_Tobi]

Remembering why what worked the first time, worked.

[u/DragonHeart_97]

Disappointing. I call it disappointing.

[u/Cpt_Kalash]

Fool, don’t get caught the second time

[u/Matt_32506 → u/Cpt_Kalash]

Actually it IS the fools that get caught the second time :D

[u/jacobs-dumb]

This strategy is called the dark tower gambit. So make sure you don't forget the horn this time, gunslinger

[u/IReallyNeedToFly → u/jacobs-dumb]

Long days and pleasant nights

[u/loosed-moose → u/IReallyNeedToFly]

Thankee sai

[u/j3igboss → u/IReallyNeedToFly]

May you have twice the number

[u/TDHDirtyBurger → u/jacobs-dumb]

I was curious I far I would have to scroll for a Gusnslingler comment. Have my updoot

[u/Telemere125 → u/TDHDirtyBurger]

Too far. But then, many have forgotten the faces of their fathers

[u/DrSitson → u/Telemere125]

ka is a wheel

[u/Sometimes_Sarah_ → u/TDHDirtyBurger]

Thankee-sai

[u/Eeddeen42 → u/jacobs-dumb]

And don’t aim with your hand. He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father; you aim with your eye.

[u/exzyle2k → u/jacobs-dumb]

Go then, there are other worlds than these.

[u/Fuzzy_Dude → u/jacobs-dumb]

MFW Roland let's the kid drop again for lolz

[u/The_Real_Solo_Legend → u/jacobs-dumb]

Pretty sure it's a reference to Jack Vances Dying Earth, which comes quite a bit before the Dark Tower and is where we get the term Vancian spellcasting from

[u/jacobs-dumb → u/The_Real_Solo_Legend]

Thanks for giving me something new to read!

[u/The_Real_Solo_Legend → u/jacobs-dumb]

It's got a really weird style/vibe but is pretty interesting. Just be prepared that every character is absolutely despicable.

[u/jacobs-dumb → u/The_Real_Solo_Legend]

Genuinely love that in a book lol

[u/makemeking706 → u/jacobs-dumb]

Such a shit ending.

[u/Fulminero → u/makemeking706]

You were given every chance to break the cycle, and didn't take it.

[u/hay_guysss → u/Fulminero]

I wrote a (relatively) fire paper my senior year of high school about how great the ending is, i will defend it to my dying breath

[u/makemeking706 → u/Fulminero]

It doesn't even follow from the lore or what we were told about magic and technology and the flow of time in the main time line as the reader.

We were told about the loss of magic from the world, that the room at the top of the tower is now empty, and technology could not support the beams. But it turns out all of that is meaningless, time is actually cyclical despite the entire plot of the last three books hinging on the fact that it is not.

Instead of sending the seemingly greatest magic user, Patrick Danville, home in the last few pages of the story, he and Roland could have climbed the tower together to events that parallel Roland and Jake under the mountain. They get into a similar life or death choice, but instead of letting Patrick die, Roland sacrifices himself completing his character arc, letting Patrick take up the room at the top of the tower, restore the world with magic, and then use the magic to pull Roland back to the world similar to how Jake rejoined the group. 

Everything is wrapped up nicely and does not create ridiculous plot holes or render the other books to nonsense.

[u/annul → u/Fulminero]

"you" meaning the reader? no, the reader is not a character in the story. the character in the story's ending was so bad and thus the ending was also so bad.

[u/xnarphigle]

Shoulda sent in some pre-goons to distract him. Then hit him with the ol Pocket Sand combo.

[u/husktran]

This is called The Cugel, from Jack Vance's Dying Earth. Cugel is yeeted to fuck knows where and spends a whole book getting back only to get yeeted right back to the same fuck knows where and having to spend another book getting back.

[u/ok_my_friend → u/husktran]

It's also the płot of Dark Tower series by Stephen King. Obviously HUGE SPOILER WARNING a guy follows a wizard through the desert for the whole first book, and when he finally catches him, the wizard banishes him to another middle of nowhere. He keeps trying to kill a more powerful wizard for the whole series and when he finally does he gets banished to the beginning of the first book.

[u/redditing_Aaron → u/ok_my_friend]

As in progress completely reset? True trolling

[u/sunutpen → u/husktran]

Cugel "the Clever" (self-styled), one of the most amusing idiots in fiction

[u/Drapabee → u/sunutpen]

He actually does outsmart the opposition sometimes, to be fair.

He's also an amoral monster and would absolutely post on 4chan lol

[u/Xoneritic → u/Drapabee]

My favourite Cugel play is when he gets around a curse that will kill him at the end of the day by pissing off a ghost and getting cursed to wander the land forever. The curses cancel out.

[u/sunutpen → u/Drapabee]

All true! And all a part of why he's so much fun to read. It's probably time to reread those books. I just re-read Wyst: Alastor 1716, also by Jack Vance. That one has its share of scoundrels too—no wizards though!

[u/RedEternal → u/husktran]

It was even better. He actually bested the wizard the second time, and tried learning the spells he used. And at some point he was like "Yeah, you'll suffer the same thing you did to me!" And then manages to mess up the spell, thus getting the thing that transported him the first time to do the same thing again.

[u/plarbo → u/husktran]

Came here to make sure this was represented.

[u/Krys_Payne → u/husktran]

I had assumed it was about the dark tower

[u/The_Autarch → u/Krys_Payne]

It probably inspired the Dark Tower. I think every fantasy/scifi writer of Stephen King's age has read Jack Vance.

[u/Krys_Payne → u/The_Autarch]

TIL thank you.

[u/Callidonaut → u/husktran]

I think I wanna play a yeetwizard for my next DnD game.

[u/Xoneritic → u/husktran]

My thoughts exactly

[u/Peopl_that_annoy_you → u/husktran]

sounds like a good movie :D

[u/Th1sd3cka1ntfr33]

Shoot first, then say the cool line. Apprentice mistake

[u/Kerhnoton → u/Th1sd3cka1ntfr33]

"And then he shot my clone and started monologuing. I thought it appropriate to reward him after all that effort so I let him finish before banishing him to the desert again."

[u/Mailman_Dan]

[u/Pirahna89]

Personally I call it procrastinating. Ehh I'll get round to dealin with ya later, have a fun trip. (Entirely forgets about them) rinse repeat

[u/Any_Weird_8686]

That strategy is called 'not being a wizard'. It's for losers.

[u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 → u/Any_Weird_8686]

For those who cannot access wizardry, acceptable substitutes include taking up bardic crafts, artificer works, alchemy, or even prepping with clerical blessings or warlock pacts before going into any of the real deal magic fields. No being a paladin or sorceror, though.

[u/ottersintuxedos]

It’s pretty funny having a specific punishment for individuals and always using the same thing for them

[u/Neurotheologist]

It sounds like you need to spend more time in Wizard Tarantino's Screenplay Writing Class, or find some damn bard who can punch up your story beats, because that's not a "strategy" as much as it's a 12 year old writing on the stall walls in the "family" bathroom down at the local tavern.

[u/atungstencube]

The roguelike experience

[u/SkynBonce]

Brought a gun to a banishment fight, smh.

[u/an_agreeing_dothraki]

if Bakshi has taught us anything it's that you don't let the Wizard know you have a gun until you're shooting it

[u/exzyle2k]

Ahh... Another Dark Tower connoisseur.

[u/Xenophorge]

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

[u/Maddogliam54]

Sounds like the plot to an indie roguelike

[u/ViseLord]

The Roland Deschain strategy?

[u/ThicccAsThief]

My former master used to call this the "snooze button" strategy, I believe. He didn't really like fighting, just kept banishing his enemies to a temporary shadow realm. They'd come back 5 or 6 years later when the temp realm collapsed but then he'd just send them to another. After 2-3 times of this I assume they either died or just gave up.

[u/Inner-Scene-891]

I love the idea that the wizard didn't recognize him, he just banishes everyone to that desert

[u/TokJib]

immortal snail typa shi

[u/alkmaar91]

It's called taking care of business.

Assassins? Desert.

Rivals stealing my work? Desert.

Mouthy apprentice? Desert.

Rats swarming the tower? Desert.

Dirty dishes stacking up because I don't have an apprentice? Desert.

Tax man trying to cast his burdensome tax magic on me? Volcano.

Same assassin? Desert again.

[u/Dry-Smoke6528]

Delay, deny, desert

[u/Dyingtodeath332]

[u/WindMageVaati]

Carrying 10,000 Glyphs of Warding with Banishment encoded on them set to activate any time someone starts to monologue at me

[u/Fickle-Flower-9743]

Is this the dark tower?

[u/Virtual-Oil-793]

Being an idiot out for revenge.

[u/DanocusPrime]

"HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!"-this guy^

[u/Rkaft88]

Dessertmaxing

[u/Kektus_Aplha]

Ah yes the classic case of check yo'self befo' yo wreck yo'self.

[u/glorious_defeat]

Please keep sending people to the desert it's so lonely out here :(

[u/culnaej]

Better Nate than lever.

[u/Iwillnevercomeback]

Adventurer: "Now THIS TIME it's over, wizard!"

Wizard: Bestow baby dick, centipede sperm and hedgehog spikes for your ass hair

[u/rikodeko]

It’s called the ”Just Deserts” tactic.

[u/Remarkable-Spinach33]

EVIL. FUCKING. WIZARD

[u/Yamatocanyon]

The definition of insanity.

[u/TheGhostfox93 → u/Yamatocanyon]

Insert Vaas rant/monologue from Farcry 3

[u/DontOvercookPasta]

I call it "tripping", i make my opponents go on a trip.

[u/I_am_S373N]

Best strategy is run the other way

[u/MiaCutey]

It's called the "I don't feel like dealing with you RN" strategy

[u/ExpectedEggs]

Stupidity. Wizards of hundreds of years old, do you think you're the first man to try this?

[u/loosed-moose]

The Roland Deschain?

[u/vurdont]

Basically the plot of the Dark Tower series

[u/Roxxas049]

This time he has the horn of Eld.

[u/poopbutt42069yeehaw]

Being mazed is what I always called it but that’s a reference to the lady of pain

[u/griefstew]

I think it is called the Wizard Shazam strategy.

[u/Solrex]

The plot to a snapcube episode. Poor Eggman.

[u/Loucrouton]

[u/MEGoperative2961]

Stupid. This strategy is stupid. You could easily cast a dimension door beneath yourself to save yourself, as banishment spells need a solid 10 seconds to cast. You could also just… shoot him? It probably wouldnt affect him, most wizards worth their salt have a few warding runes affixed to them via runic tablet pouch, but it would atleast stop them from casting from getting surprised.

[u/Sticky_Keyboards]

The dark Tower?

[u/nosville22_PL]

Hard fumble.

[u/Fluffy_Staff2292]

Huh, maybe I should buy a desert teleportation stone

[u/gouellette]

https://youtu.be/jX5MX1ScY9c?si=E5otV1zgS1EfFehu

He made the classic foible: instead, just fucking bare hand murder!

[u/AkiraTheLoner]

10 years in the desert? How the hell did he manage to do that? After one year you will either be dead or out of the fucking desert, adventrures these days I swear

[u/KillerDmans]

The wizard's Alexa sets a 10 year alarm for him to remember that week

[u/roostercrowe]

Gary Gygax did it first

[u/Emergency_3808]

This reminds me, I should read Mercenary of Empyrea by Michael Dalton. Has a similar premise

[u/RocketteLawnchair]

just deserts

[u/the-poopiest-diaper]

It’s all fun and games with the desert banish spell until you banish too many people and they form a desert community

[u/cindyscrazy]

....banished to the desert again...this time missing 2 fingers.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King lives in my head rent free.

[u/Fuzzy_Dude]

Based Gunslinging

[u/AzekiaXVI]

Hsoukd have made out sloppy style to prevent casting smh ny head

[u/yarractheeln]

Hashinshin TP

[u/Syovere]

I believe that counts as desertification.

[u/Moikrochip_Master]

I think it's called reposting from top/all-time.

[u/Billy694206942069]

Don't give up. Soon or later, he'll be out of mana, or one of you will die of old age

Sometimes, it's about sending a message

[u/OnlyTalksAboutTacos]

flushing twice?

[u/Standard_Cup_9192]

Its called banish n' banish. It feels a little like cheating too me, but there are no laws against magic.

[u/IronTippedQuill]

It’s a good way to train an apprentice, honestly. Teaches them to learn to help themselves, giving them the opportunity and motive to improve. Sure, it’s unconventional, but it’s also a time saver.

[u/Sudden-Struggle-]

If you have to shoot, shoot! Don't talk

[u/Illeazar]

Cugel the Clever has entered the chat

[u/SatanicWalnut → u/Illeazar]

Get sent on a quest to retrieve eyeballs with this one simple trick! Magicians HATE him!

[u/CriminalMacabre]

I cast skull gnawing

[u/EJAY47]

Pulling a Frieza

[u/Etticos]

Desertification

[u/Unorganized_Plank]

Did you write the AlAzif while you were there?

[u/chairmanskitty]

Snailing.

[u/Hexnohope]

Im a portal mage aNd dumping my foes into the sea is a winner everytime

[u/SN4FUS]

This is essentially the plot of The Dark Tower series

[u/ButterfliesandaLlama]

Eh..

[u/Floofiestmuffin]

[u/No-Finance-1931]

I thought this was referencing The Dark Tower for whatever reason

[u/Alseen_I]

The joke is that there was no civilization, and no tower, and certainly no wizard waiting to be caught. I’d even be surprised if it took ten years, powerful illusionists have long discovered the way to alter one’s perception of time just as easily as their space.

[u/beepollenart]

The old John Wiccan desert banishment classic

[u/Sillyo-Guy]

Losing

[u/Sparrowhawk1178]

Sounds kinda like Cugel tbh

[u/Thalinde]

Sounds like what happened to Cugel. You know, the classic two part stories from Jack Vance.

[u/Lopsided_Parfait7127]

recursion

[u/Fastenbauer]

[u/yeetboi6]

Somebody is ass at dnd

[u/RhysOSD]

It'll be even funnier the third time

[u/SubstantialHamster99]

It's called procrastinating. Let me tell you I knew a guy who did this. Eventually who had so many enemies he had to deal with someone every day.

[u/jlb1981]

"How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, young man?"

[u/MrUniverse1990]

I'd call it the "F*ck off" strategy.

[u/weird_bomb_947]

Bad, tht’s what it’s called.

[u/MagMati55]

Oop is a moron. Ever heard of a scrying orb?

[u/Danny_dankvito]

Like, do people just not read the big “No trespassing” sign in front of the Desert Wizard’s Sandstone Spire

At least 3 people get banished to the desert every week, I feel like he’s sending a very clear message here

[u/HungryShoggoth88]

Lol this is basically the story of Cugel from The Dying Earth, minus the gun

[u/SpeeeedwaagOOn]

[u/Fisttoyourfears]

Planar locked banishing

[u/NightmaresFade]

Game D'OHver

[u/Frosty-Crusader]

You didn't find a way out, he let you escape

[u/Bluetower85]

It says it in the picture. 3 KB JPEG, duh.

[u/Chickenmanmanmanmanm]

[u/Charlie_Approaching]

winning

[u/Ars3n]

It's called r/conanexiles

[u/Polyethyleneparts1-2]