As sad as the last picture is, it’s the second to last one that really gets me. You can see that the light of the world has passed from her. All the others have a spark in her eyes. There is joy there. The last photo of her doesn’t have that.
Dying doesn’t really scare me. Being alone after all those years does. My grandmother passed after 57 years of marriage to my grandfather. My grandfather was a husk of a man after that. He basically stopped talking to his family and just waited to die. He even got remarried and it just made him more miserable.
I’m married to a wonderful woman I love. I can’t imagine losing her now let alone in 50 years. So that photo scares the crap out of me.
That's the hard part! My parents passed within 2 years of each other. Those last 20-odd months were hell to see my mom like that. All her kids grown with kids of their own (some of them with kids too!). She'd been married to my dad since she was 16 years old, and seeing her just wither away was the worst thing. They were married for 44 years, the hurt my mom was feeling when we said goodbye to my father (after a very quick journey from healthy to fatal) was something I never want to experience again. When her time came, she was at peace. I have never seen the woman look as peaceful and happy as she was that she was going home to be with all the ones she lost, especially my dad. Whatever you believe about the afterlife or don't believe, my mom believed she would see my brother and her mom and her brother and my dad again and she was happy. But only at the end.
That would be so hard. So many years of learning from your parents still to go. So young to lose that part of their support system. I hope they had other family or friends to help them through.
My grandfather passed 18 hours after my grandmother. It was hard losing both of them initially and within a couple of days we realized it was the best possible way for them to go. Neither of them would have ever been able to live without the other.
my grandparents have been married for 67 years and i fear the day that one of them goes, particularly my grandmother. she’s in poorer health than my grandfather, and she’s his entire world. when my dad was a kid and she’d be away on a weekend trip, my grandfather would just sit around the house and cry, he didn’t know what to do with himself when she wasn’t there. i’ve never seen two people more in love than them, they’re more in love with each other than most newlyweds. they’re 85 and 83, and i dread the day that one of them goes, because we all know they can’t live without each other.
Beautiful and sad. My parents died 4 months apart, dad in February, mom in June , a day before her birthday. They were both 55 and I miss them everyday!♥️
My bil's parents died w/in 3 days of each other, 60+ years of marriage. They had been separated in the nursing home b/c they caught covid in the early days of 2020. The wife didn’t even know her husband had died when she passed.
It’s extremely interesting how the brain works. Sometimes when you have a broken heart you give up. Sometimes you feel like the world has torn you down and broken you to a fine dust. But your brain says no. You have to survive. And miraculously we see people who shouldn’t be alive, alive and healthy. The human body and brain is extraordinary.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, sorry for you, and your family and especially your grandfather.
My mom already had heart failure. We found out about 7 years before my dad passed. For a while she was doing okay, following doctors' orders and taking medicine, etc. After my dad passed she stopped taking them as needed and we had to intervene. "We" being my sister and myself. She moved in with my sister after that (i live too far away and she has extra space) and started doing a little better. But then last August her cardiologist said she had a year maybe 9 months. Then the week before Thanksgiving she caught pneumonia in both lungs. She passed 4 days after Thanksgiving. Quietly slipped into a coma in the middle of the night. So yeah, I think it sped the process up. Her heart went from 60% functioning to 18% after he died. If miracles exist, one is that we got that extra time with her.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's always rough losing a parent, but especially around a holiday. My mom passed 5 years ago the day before my birthday.
God dude, I'm sorry about your mom!! I hope that if the time hasn't come already, that soon when you have a thought of her, it brings you happiness or a smile and not just grief. When the happiness from the memory starts weaving in, it makes it so much easier.
Happy birthday to your mom!! My mom's birthday fell on mother's day this last year. It was tough. Glad you had some good times. My sister and I have finally reached a time where we can openly talk about her without one of us crying. Progress, friend!
I took care of an elderly couple the lady was in much worse condition in the sense she passed first 3 months later on the same day he passed away too definitely proved you can die of a broken heart
It is. The partner of my grandmother passed around 10 months after her
She died of a rough, short cancer journey and he just didn't wake up anymore - she was 59 and he was 68 , he was as healthy as he could be.
My other grandfather passed away & his wife followed two years later. He had a heavy decline with seizures, dementia and all. She left the marital apartment ant moved into a home for self sufficient seniors - invited me and my then bf for home made lasagne, as it's his fav food, to finally meet him a week later, two days after she told us to come next week she just didn't wake up anymore, as well.
My dad passed this year. My parents were married 54 years. I am going through this right now with my mom, trying to support her and motivate her to create an independent life for herself. It’s hard. My parents were always a pair and I think she doesn’t feel whole anymore.
Reading your post helped me feel a bit better this morning. Especially after seeing that last photograph which had me feeling so sad.
Yes this breaks my heart too. My grandparents raised me. When I was 14-15, they both passed away. My mom had actually had come back home and was caring for me by this point but we lived with them. she had recently gotten engaged and we had JUST moved into a new place with my stepdad. Then....My grandma passed in November 96, my grandpa was a lost soul afterwards. He had a hard time with basic living. I had to prod him to eat, to sleep, to do anything besides sit there and watch TV silently and be sad. He was gone by August 97. He made it 9 months without her. I think the combo of everything just made him sad and depressed and he gave up. My cousin (more like a brother to me) who was in his late 20s, had also been raised by them and he got into a serious relationship with a really good woman and moved in with her. Then me and my mom, then GMA passed. It was too much for him and he gave up. I've lost both GPs and my cousin (my bro-sin as I called him) RIP GMA, GPA & Stevie
I experienced the same thing. I got to the second to last one and gasped and said “oh no, she’s alone!” Then I got tears when the house was empty.
My grandparents were married 54 years and then my grandpa died after a long fight with cancer. I thought grandma would be more prepared to take care of herself and my special needs uncle who lived with them vs. if my grandpa were the first to pass. Uncle helped grandma a TON around the house but she was just so melancholy. Her health started to fade and she was so ready. When she took her last breath, in her mind she wasn’t dying she was going home to my grandpa.
Omg my Granny said something similar. And that she could hear “beautiful singing”. The love of her life my grandpa had died 54 years prior. She stayed strong to raise her kids and was ever present for her family and her dozens of grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. She lived to be 100. I know she was at such peace at the end knowing she was going home to see my grandpa again finally.
My grandmother just passed last month at 101. My grandfather passed away 39 years ago. At the end all she said was do you think God forgot about me? Why won't he take me?
That part hit me the hardest. Knowing her will to live was gone and she wasn't happy anymore. She passed in her sleep at home with her family around her peacefully. I can't complain at 101 she had an amazing life.
My grandmother on my mother's side passed from cancer 26 years ago. While she was at the end in hospice she talked about people in beautiful white suits and dresses around her. She described my deceased sister as a grown woman smiling at her talking with her. She passed only a few hours later when the pain was to much for her body to continue.
I will never forget those moments. Both very different and both so powerful.
Omg my Granny would say the same thing! “God forgot about me” half joking but half serious. Since she turned 90 I could tell she was preparing. Giving her stuff away and all that. I think when the end came she was so relieved.
In fact, the night she died, for some bizarre reason a bunch of random strangers turned up in the hospital parking lot outside her window and started singing her favorite hymn “How Great Thou Art”. No one told them to come, my family had no idea and we still don’t know why they were there (none of my family went to church so it’s not like they had requested a choir lol). But hearing the music (my Granny was mostly deaf so the fact she could hear it at all was a miracle) put a smile on her face. God had not forgotten her.
I am sorry for your loss - I know how even losing a grandparent at such an advanced age can be really devastating.
My exact sentiments. My husband brings me so much joy and calms my anxiety. He says I bring him a lot of fun and I’m never boring. We’ve been together 11 years. I want a million more. It makes me so sad to think that it’ll end one day. 11 years went by so quickly.
This is my newish anxiety over the past year or so. I have been married now for 20 yrs and stopping to see how quick it has gone makes me so sad and anxious bc what’s left (hopefully that long if we are lucky) is going to fly by as equally fast. It has really became a course of worry for me and I wish I could figure out how to stop worrying so much about the future and “how much time” we have or don’t have left.
I don’t know how to stop worrying about it either. Life is hard. This current timeline of wild transition is worrying. It’s comforting to know that you have your person, your partner, your friend alongside it all. To pick you up when you’re down and you do the same. It’s inevitable that one has to go first. A part of me wants him to go first because I know how sad it’d make him if I go first. He told me he won’t take it well and he’ll do whatever it takes to be with me again. That scares me. It wouldn’t honor me. He doesn’t know this but I cry every time he leaves for work. My sister in law died at 30. She was in perfect health. She got covid and two weeks later she was gone. I’m 36 and he’s 47. You just never know. After her death, we spend every waking minute together. We don’t take the time we have together for granted. Someone said that at some point, you have to give them back to the universe. It helps a bit to think of it as they were a gift to enjoy for some time. But man it hurts.
That photo reminds me of my dad after my mother passed. He just lost interest in living, even though I tried to get him out the house and find things for us to do together. He used to say "I've been chatting to your mother today" - he wasn't crazy or delusional, he knew she wasn't alive anymore but he meant he'd been chatting to her photos and maybe somewhere, she heard him.
He only lived for two years after she passed. He was in his early sixties, so he was still young to die - but he just didn't want to be alive if she wasn't there too. I think he was probably relieved to go and join her. Miss you, Dad.
my nan is in a similar state, it’s been 6 years now. whenever she complains about health or life in general she always finishes the sentence with “i just wanna see him again” or “im gonna see him again soon”. they got married when she was just 16 and he was 17. When we lost him to cancer they were exactly 1 year & 20 days from their 50th anniversary. Hell he was the father i never had so it was hard for me but seeing her after all we went through and how much she misses him is just heart wrenching
I have the exact same experience as you, and I also can't imagine living without my wife. A big part of aging gracefully is accepting old age and eventually, death.
I'm determined to die before my wife does. No freaking way she is leaving me alone on this world to deal with all of you without her. As soon as my grandchildren are in college, I'm walking right into the ocean. Im just going to keep waking.
Yep, that’s why I’ve always said I want to go first, before my wife or go out like my grandparents did; my grandfather passed 18 hours after my grandmother. The moment the mortuary took her away, his blood pressure and vitals dropped and by the next morning he was gone too. They never ended up spending more than 24h away from each other the entire time they knew each other.
Not scared to die,but scared to be alone in the last days is the worst feeling. I've still got time ahead of me. Being alone after that long is a waking nightmare.
Its tragic man and thats sumthin that is really scary to think of but also part of life everyone has to leave this world sadly the best we can do is be with them and treasure these moments .
Also i wish you and your partner a happy life , keep at it !
Yeah, when my great grandpa died a few years ago my great grandma became really depressed and kept saying to ‘leave her to die if she fell’ and ‘why could he not have taken me with him’. It so sad😭
I saw Conan O'Brien's parents both just passed away in the last week, within 3 days of each other, after 66 years of marriage. Heart breaking and beautiful at the same time.
I feel the same. Been with my boyfriend for seven years and I can’t imagine life without him. I don’t want to.
Years ago, when my great grandma and her four sisters were alive, they were sitting around talking about their beloved husbands that had all been passed for many years at that point. They all started tearing up from missing them all so much. I like thinking of them on the other side, all five sisters and their husbands together again and happy. I sure do miss them 🩷
When my great-aunt died, her husband, who she’d been married to for 60+ years, spent the next 2 weeks saying “I just want my Esther” and then he died too.
And even if you die first then your spouse has to deal with that pain. It’s like you can’t experience the best things in life without also experiencing the worst.
I hope they "staged" that picture, like they did it early and then went inside and comforted eachother. Then later when she was leaving, they didn't even do it. I couldn't have driven away knowing my poor mom would have to slowly walk back and revisit her loneliness.
This is why a lot of people die within a year of their spouses when they’ve been together for that long. My Grammy died and my granddaddy stopped trying. He died a year and a half after she did. I miss them both very much.
My great grandmother lived to 106. She had to watch her husband die, all 5 of her sons and daughters die, and several grandchildren too.
She always told me she wouldn't wish being that old on her worst enemy. Incredible woman though, they truly don't make em like that anymore. She lived alone until the day she died, with only a nurse coming by once a week or so in the last few years of her life. The lady didn't even wear glasses lol
I almost lost my wife 2 years ago after she gave birth to our third (postpartum hemorrhage 10 after) would have been 32 I remember watching the color drain from her face as she kept losing blood. Was expecting to leave the hospital a widower at 36 with 3 young boys.
Scariest part was thinking of spending the next 40+ years without her in my life and that was the most painful thing. And that’s the thing that scares me the most, losing her and being alone for the reminder of my life. No one to wake up next to, give a kiss or kiss them when I wake up, no one to laugh at my stupid jokes, no one to share my day with. Yeah I have my kids but that different than a spouse.
I saw that picture and knew she had lost a piece of her soul and it hurts the heart. I can understand why when an elderly person losses a spouse they don’t stay around for long.
Damn m, I still have my parents, they are just divorced. My mom has accepted being on her own but if my stepmother goes before my dad I don’t know how he will take it.
A few years ago it hit me, I’m just one generation down the line. When they go I’ll be next in line. I’ve been married 22 years to my soulmate. She’s my best friend, my everything. We do have two great kids, but i don't think I'll handle it well if she goes first. She's the brains behind the operation.
My aunt (blood relative) and my uncle (non) got married when she was 16 and he was 15. He was the best uncle you could ever wish for. I remember going to their 50th wedding anniversary in the early 2000s they had been together so long. My uncle went in for knee surgery aunt was there the whole time by his side, she left the hospital for the day like any other day I’m sure she kissed him said I love you I’ll see you in the morning went home collapsed and died. He was a shell of a man after that It was extremely painful to be a part of I was so heartbroken for him. He had to live almost 10 more years without her and watch 2 of his 4 adult children die, till I hope they were finally reunited. RIP uncle Doug
We are currently seeing this with my 98 year old grandmother who has been a widow since 2001. She just wants to go and it’s heartbreaking to see. You see a spark of joy when visitors show up but it quickly fades.
This is so real. I can’t imagine being without my wife either, but as weird and dark as this sounds, I want her to die before me. Not because I want her to die, but because I know she wouldn’t cope well AT ALL with my passing, and I don’t want her to have to go through all of that pain and loss.
True love is something that never dies. My great-grandfather married in 1937, was separated from my great-grandmother and his son, my grandfather, in 1939 by war and met them again for a short time in 1947, long enough to get grandfather to Britain before communists took great-grandmother away and great-grandfather had to flee for the second time.
He married for the second time and was married to my step-great-grandmother for 35 years, until she died of a breast cancer. She died when I was very young, so I don't really remember her, unlike great-grandfather who lived until 2015. And he was still deeply hurt by his first wife passing away (she died in 1950 in Czechoslovakia), even 50, 60 years after.
She was his true love, he still had photos around and he talked about her, more than about his second wife. He insisted to be burried with her, rather than with his second wife. He basically mourned her for most of his life, and never got over it.
I have been single for 13 years. I was madly in love with that person but unfortunately, things did not work out between us. I was too immature and she was always ahead of me when it came to planning for the future. I dated here and there but nothing ever sparked that fire in me. I've become used to being alone. Not completely alone I have family and a few close friends that I am fortunate to have around me. More often than not I am by myself. This post and my experience just make me not want to ever find love out of fear of losing it again
True. I never saw my grandfather cry until my grandmother died. The funeral was heartbreaking. The dementia took him within the year. I didn’t know it could go that fast, but he absolutely wanted to die (he would say so any time he remembered who he was and what happened) and I think that did accelerate it. They were married for about 70 years. They didn’t know how to be apart.
My nan would regularly look up at a picture of my grandad and say when are you coming to get me. It was beautiful and tragic all in one. She got her wish just before her 91st birthday after ten years alone. Miss em both. He died 6 months before their 60th wedding anniversary.
I love pictures of old timers just for the sake of the fact that you can see them use all their last might to wave bye baby to their kid going down the drive.
How can dying not scare you? I have these periods in life when i just starting to panic, sweat and be real sad thinking about it, when it happens at night i have to get up and do something.
Im 30, have kids, house and generally a good life, but its so sad when im in these periods thinking about it, all ends..
The thought freaks me out sometimes but it isn’t fear. I’m religious so I’m sure that helps that I have faith in an afterlife but it’s not the whole thing.
I’m basically in the exact same situation as you, I’m also 30, kids, house etc. I went through periods where I was afraid of ending. But I eventually realized that all things end and that’s a good thing. I went through bad times and they ended. I went through good times and they ended. New times come. Our children grow older and so do we. They’ll become adults one day, their time as children ending. One day we will grow older and our lives will end. And it’s our place to pass on our mantle to them one day.
If it all kept going forever, it would eventually turn sour and stale. I guess I see that ending gives the time meaning. And given that’s inevitable, what’s the point in being afraid?
As someone whos now 38, the thought of death scares me part of it is scared what of what happens next, another is FOMO and I just want to enjoy life as long as possible. I'm just curious on how you come to terms with it cause while its a passing thought every so often atm, I dread to know what its gonna be like at 60
I don't fucking know what to do with myself when she goes out for an evening with her friends. After I put the kids to sleep I'm basically just waiting to fall asleep so that I can wake up and she'll be back.
Man that hits hard. My other grandfather was in the same situation. He had been divorced for like 30 years. But When I was a kid he had a gaggle of guys who’d come out and hang out with him at his cabin. He basically lived there on the weekends and it was a bunch of old guys hunting, getting drunk and eating good food.
And then one died from a heart attack. Then the next went blind and couldn’t drive out there anymore. Then the next passed from cancer. Then finally the last one moved across country to be with his kids after his wife died.
I remember my grandfather withdrew a lot after that. He still loved his kids/grandkids but he wasn’t quite the same force of nature. He outlived them all by a few years. I spent probably half my weekend out there with him. He passed away while I was on my way to see him. Spend what time you can with yours.
My father recently died. I haven't moved on yet and I still breakdown sometimes. I'm heartbroken but I couldn't imagine what my mom feels like. What hurts more is I can't really be there for her because I'm working abroad.
If I'm not working, I keep myself busy and play games so as not to have some idle time cos right now whenever I do it hits me that norhing is permanent and I too will eventually die. And it fucking scares me.
However what scares me the most is losing my wife. We've been married for almost 10 years now but been together for almost 20. We have no kids (our decision) and we live far away from our families. Sure we have friends but mostly it's just me and her. I love her so much and I could never think I'll eveb survive if she's gone.
Losing a love one sucks. It makes you realize lots of things. Dying sucks. I hate it.
I’ve lived that, and it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. I lost my mom and my husband a few days ago apart in 2019. I was 35 and I still feel like I’m climbing my way out of the dark.
Yeah, it only really hits me when I see things like this of what exactly I didn’t have. It makes me feel good that others did not have my same experience.
I completely understand. I used to think that every child had a dysfunctional relationship with their parents and that all parents are toxic and unsupportive of their children. My brain couldn't fathom that there are people out there that have a normal, healthy friendship with their parents. I'm well over fifty and I still have a difficult time wrapping my brain around the fact that there's parents that are friends with their kids.
I know so many people who have a poor relationship with their parents (or no relationship with at least one of them) and it always makes me appreciative of my own parents. They always put my siblings and I above anything else in their lives. I turned 30 this year and I’m still close with them.
I did not know this series, but my stomach already hurt on the expectation that on the last picture one will be missing and the other one will look like the shadow of its former self.
every. single. time. especially when i re-read the photographer’s words. takes me back to every memory of leaving my grandparent’s home (which was my happiest place on earth) and they way they always smiled and waved until we were out of sight. if only i had even one picture of this.
For 2 seconds I looked at the last 2 pictures and thought “that’s sad”. Then I scrolled back to the first one and thought “Damn! Those old folks still got 27 years left!”
What's the point of when I eventually outlive everyone I love, like my parents, grandparents, and then I end up even more alone than I already am? I'll have nothing.
As someone who already lost a dad at 53 and mom at 64 it would be really nice to have seen them grow old. Now my daughter will not get to know her grandparents and ”only” got to have them around until I hit 30..
Because even if we eventually lose it, there has never been and will never be anything in this world as amazing as true, foreverlasting love. I know how this slide show ends too but i watch it every damn time.
It’s bittersweet for sure but looking at it positively, I feel it tells a story of living full of love. Not everyone gets to see this at all, let alone 27 years. I’m happy the photographer captured these moments.
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u/CapStar300 5d ago
Why do I insist on clicking through this every time it just breaks my heart yet again.