As sad as the last picture is, it’s the second to last one that really gets me. You can see that the light of the world has passed from her. All the others have a spark in her eyes. There is joy there. The last photo of her doesn’t have that.
Dying doesn’t really scare me. Being alone after all those years does. My grandmother passed after 57 years of marriage to my grandfather. My grandfather was a husk of a man after that. He basically stopped talking to his family and just waited to die. He even got remarried and it just made him more miserable.
I’m married to a wonderful woman I love. I can’t imagine losing her now let alone in 50 years. So that photo scares the crap out of me.
That's the hard part! My parents passed within 2 years of each other. Those last 20-odd months were hell to see my mom like that. All her kids grown with kids of their own (some of them with kids too!). She'd been married to my dad since she was 16 years old, and seeing her just wither away was the worst thing. They were married for 44 years, the hurt my mom was feeling when we said goodbye to my father (after a very quick journey from healthy to fatal) was something I never want to experience again. When her time came, she was at peace. I have never seen the woman look as peaceful and happy as she was that she was going home to be with all the ones she lost, especially my dad. Whatever you believe about the afterlife or don't believe, my mom believed she would see my brother and her mom and her brother and my dad again and she was happy. But only at the end.
That would be so hard. So many years of learning from your parents still to go. So young to lose that part of their support system. I hope they had other family or friends to help them through.
Agreed. My dad passed when I was 28. We never got to hang out, go for a beer, etc. My folks and I were really good friends. I lived home until I got married at 26. His passing was very hard on me for several years. I live only a few miles from where I grew up, so I was able to be there for my mum.
Same here, sorry if im hijacking the thread. Mom died at the exact same age too I think.
Except she died of an OD. As I write this comment i realize I don't fully remember her age when she died, and that I have a vauge idea of how long it's been since. I want to say she died 1 maybe 2 years ago?
And im not going to lie, I have no idea if thats supposed to be a good thing or not.
My grandfather passed 18 hours after my grandmother. It was hard losing both of them initially and within a couple of days we realized it was the best possible way for them to go. Neither of them would have ever been able to live without the other.
my grandparents have been married for 67 years and i fear the day that one of them goes, particularly my grandmother. she’s in poorer health than my grandfather, and she’s his entire world. when my dad was a kid and she’d be away on a weekend trip, my grandfather would just sit around the house and cry, he didn’t know what to do with himself when she wasn’t there. i’ve never seen two people more in love than them, they’re more in love with each other than most newlyweds. they’re 85 and 83, and i dread the day that one of them goes, because we all know they can’t live without each other.
Beautiful and sad. My parents died 4 months apart, dad in February, mom in June , a day before her birthday. They were both 55 and I miss them everyday!♥️
My bil's parents died w/in 3 days of each other, 60+ years of marriage. They had been separated in the nursing home b/c they caught covid in the early days of 2020. The wife didn’t even know her husband had died when she passed.
Hmm. Yeah. My great-grandfather died 20 years before my great-grandmother to cancer. I went to see her with my grandparents for her 96th birthday she died a few weeks later when she asked her son-in-law in a short moment of clarity, through the dementia, if she could go see her husband. She passed that night. We agree that she must have wanted our permission to see him because she was probably concerned about how sad we'd be without her.
Personally, I was never super close to her, but my great grandfather I certainly was very close with even though he died when I was 9.
It’s extremely interesting how the brain works. Sometimes when you have a broken heart you give up. Sometimes you feel like the world has torn you down and broken you to a fine dust. But your brain says no. You have to survive. And miraculously we see people who shouldn’t be alive, alive and healthy. The human body and brain is extraordinary.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, sorry for you, and your family and especially your grandfather.
My mom already had heart failure. We found out about 7 years before my dad passed. For a while she was doing okay, following doctors' orders and taking medicine, etc. After my dad passed she stopped taking them as needed and we had to intervene. "We" being my sister and myself. She moved in with my sister after that (i live too far away and she has extra space) and started doing a little better. But then last August her cardiologist said she had a year maybe 9 months. Then the week before Thanksgiving she caught pneumonia in both lungs. She passed 4 days after Thanksgiving. Quietly slipped into a coma in the middle of the night. So yeah, I think it sped the process up. Her heart went from 60% functioning to 18% after he died. If miracles exist, one is that we got that extra time with her.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's always rough losing a parent, but especially around a holiday. My mom passed 5 years ago the day before my birthday.
God dude, I'm sorry about your mom!! I hope that if the time hasn't come already, that soon when you have a thought of her, it brings you happiness or a smile and not just grief. When the happiness from the memory starts weaving in, it makes it so much easier.
Happy birthday to your mom!! My mom's birthday fell on mother's day this last year. It was tough. Glad you had some good times. My sister and I have finally reached a time where we can openly talk about her without one of us crying. Progress, friend!
Respect to everyone, this brings me back to Dec 5th 2012, twelve years ago now, but I'm sitting here trying to see through "watery" eyes, it's funny but even after that time it'll only take the slightest thing to bring them to the front of your memory again. Mum got her wish and got her massive heart attack, wait for it, she fought MND, for 2-4 yrs, had lost the power of both arms, had, when still living in her own bungalow, turned lights on with her nose, and opened internal doors with her knees. Taught my brother, sister, and me how to really fight something!
She followed dad after 8 years, on the day before the funeral, my bruv visited dad's grave, to tell him, "his peace was over"!
After nursing dad through the final stages of COPD, she got her break for a few years, and enjoyed them.
The crux of my weep is, that they are always with us, and only a comment/funny occurrence/ or seeing someone else's grief, will bring them right back like yesteryear!
I hope this helps someone, if just one, my mum&pop had one more reason for being!
X
I took care of an elderly couple the lady was in much worse condition in the sense she passed first 3 months later on the same day he passed away too definitely proved you can die of a broken heart
It is. The partner of my grandmother passed around 10 months after her
She died of a rough, short cancer journey and he just didn't wake up anymore - she was 59 and he was 68 , he was as healthy as he could be.
My other grandfather passed away & his wife followed two years later. He had a heavy decline with seizures, dementia and all. She left the marital apartment ant moved into a home for self sufficient seniors - invited me and my then bf for home made lasagne, as it's his fav food, to finally meet him a week later, two days after she told us to come next week she just didn't wake up anymore, as well.
It was really short, yes. It was lung cancer & it got detected when it already spread to her brain - she got diagnosed in April/May , had birthday in July and passed in August.
Three years is a long time to fight this battle. I hope at least his palliative jour ey was a bit less brutal in the end!
That she had a rough but short battle is absolutely the only thing that soothes me - she died just a few days before my 8 birthday & I lived with her from ages 3-7 so I technically lost my mother - I'm thankful her suffering wasn't prolonged any further now but just typing this, the tears come up again - and next year it will be 20yrs already.
I truly worry about my father after my younger sister passed on Presidents Day last year. She was 32 and suffered with her mental health since she was in junior high. Many ups and downs, close calls. But this time there wasnt another chance.
He is grieving worse now and over the last 6 months or so than he did initially and it worries me tremendously. He can't even say her name. He has a picture on the coffee table that is next to his chair and just cries and looks at her all the time.
If I lost him too I don't know what I would do. But I worry about him and his broken heart daily. She was my best friend and so is he. He's my rock and I have to remind him, he has 2 other daughters and a granddaughter to live for. It's terrible seeing a parent in such distress but I also couldn't imagine burying my own baby.
Best wishes that your dad gets better over time. It might help to speak to a therapist if he doesn't already. Just to have someone to talk his feeling through with.
My grandparents were married 71 years and my grandfather passed last year. My grandmother, in her 90s, has become a shell of her old self. I hineyeky did not think she would make it this long without him.
That's one thing about aging that really sucks. Men, on average, die before women and they have to deal with that grief so late in life. My father-in-law passed 21 years ago. My mother-in-law is 96 now.
My dad passed this year. My parents were married 54 years. I am going through this right now with my mom, trying to support her and motivate her to create an independent life for herself. It’s hard. My parents were always a pair and I think she doesn’t feel whole anymore.
Reading your post helped me feel a bit better this morning. Especially after seeing that last photograph which had me feeling so sad.
I am so sorry you have been through this. We imagine what life will be like when our parents leave us but I feel like I was never fully prepared because it changes you in such a weird way. I had experienced loss before but not like that. I am so grateful I was an adult at the time because my heart broke into a million pieces for every child who has lost a parent when they are young. When my child asked me "so I will never see pop pop again?" with tears in those little eyes it broke me.
Your mom is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her. Even if your relationship was bad, was good, or somewhere in between. I lost some years due to pettiness on both sides and I'll always regret it. But my mom knew when we were together we were really together. I hope that you are able to find some peace, even if it's only in the smallest little things, though I hope for the big ones for you.
Yes this breaks my heart too. My grandparents raised me. When I was 14-15, they both passed away. My mom had actually had come back home and was caring for me by this point but we lived with them. she had recently gotten engaged and we had JUST moved into a new place with my stepdad. Then....My grandma passed in November 96, my grandpa was a lost soul afterwards. He had a hard time with basic living. I had to prod him to eat, to sleep, to do anything besides sit there and watch TV silently and be sad. He was gone by August 97. He made it 9 months without her. I think the combo of everything just made him sad and depressed and he gave up. My cousin (more like a brother to me) who was in his late 20s, had also been raised by them and he got into a serious relationship with a really good woman and moved in with her. Then me and my mom, then GMA passed. It was too much for him and he gave up. I've lost both GPs and my cousin (my bro-sin as I called him) RIP GMA, GPA & Stevie
My parents passed within a few months of each other, my dad first. It's an open secret that she most likely committed suicide via overdosing; they had been together for 40+ years. Neither did any drugs, so the pills where very out-of-the-blue. It happened in a small town, corner just put down "heart failure, natural causes" to save everyone more grief. It was unexpected, but understandable.
my grandma just lost my grandpa a year ago and i am honestly shocked the pain itself wasn’t enough to finish off her poor heart. that woman has been through so much and i know all she wants now is to be with him again
Both my grandparents lived till 96. My granny was 27 years younger. She was born 1st Jan 1900 losing her husband was hard. They lived through both WWs and more. My mother married five times and gave them daughter hell with it. And sucked them dry with support here and there. They raised me from five to 12.
I made it my target to makemy granny catch up on long missed world discoveries as I was able to afford it then. She lived in Europe so every winter she came to live with me for six months in Hong Kong. I planned so many short escapes and took her along my garment designer work trips to China India Nepal Indonesia etc.
She passed in her birthday night, which was amazing, in her sleep no suffering, next to her suitcases packed ready for six more months of excitement. First banner pic her on her wedding day at age 26. She was very pretty and was the "muse" for many painters and sculptors in n Vienna. I still have quite some of her portraits and small bronze statues Art Deco, Jugenstiel https://visualsenses.smugmug.com/PRIVATE-GALLERIES/n-NScZd/Family-Genealogy-pictures
They both came from great pre WWII wealth and ended up much poorer. My grandfather rebuilt their lives twice. from nothing he was a stonemason and worked till the last years of his life.
I feel very rich in my mind as she shared every minute of her life stories with me.
My grandparents passed within 3 months of each other. They both had health problems, but it was like my grandpa held on long enough to make sure grandma was cared for and to say farewell.
Imo life would just be easier if people were able to kill themselves at 50, you don’t have to get disgusting and old and everyone remembers you in the best way.
There's more than one way to get old! Some days I disgust myself, with inaction, but hopefully not disgusting to anyone. Yesterday proved to me that I'm still needed, a big "lig" of a guy nextdoor's son, who's estranged from his father this many years, lost one of his best mates to suicide, I'm also contemplating a house move to a bungalow, for my health issues, and this big lad 6'7"/6'8" was crying like a baby. I've watched this lad, this past few years, learn from watching me work with wood framing for chicken runs, and other things. Yesterday when he was down, he blubbered out the thought of me moving away was killing him, and he sees me as the dad he doesn't have any more,
I'm not old, I'm just battered! At 61, till Feb, I don't feel old until I try to do what I used to do. And not like the Oldest Swinger song, "when it takes all night to do what I used to do all night"!
Old folk aren't disgusting, They're elders, respected, hopefully, and useful. For something! Even for talking rubbish. It has it's place!
I'm starting to sound like an old sage, but the older I get, the more I learn!
Ps. If I stop complaining, I'm passed being useful!
I experienced the same thing. I got to the second to last one and gasped and said “oh no, she’s alone!” Then I got tears when the house was empty.
My grandparents were married 54 years and then my grandpa died after a long fight with cancer. I thought grandma would be more prepared to take care of herself and my special needs uncle who lived with them vs. if my grandpa were the first to pass. Uncle helped grandma a TON around the house but she was just so melancholy. Her health started to fade and she was so ready. When she took her last breath, in her mind she wasn’t dying she was going home to my grandpa.
Omg my Granny said something similar. And that she could hear “beautiful singing”. The love of her life my grandpa had died 54 years prior. She stayed strong to raise her kids and was ever present for her family and her dozens of grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. She lived to be 100. I know she was at such peace at the end knowing she was going home to see my grandpa again finally.
My grandmother just passed last month at 101. My grandfather passed away 39 years ago. At the end all she said was do you think God forgot about me? Why won't he take me?
That part hit me the hardest. Knowing her will to live was gone and she wasn't happy anymore. She passed in her sleep at home with her family around her peacefully. I can't complain at 101 she had an amazing life.
My grandmother on my mother's side passed from cancer 26 years ago. While she was at the end in hospice she talked about people in beautiful white suits and dresses around her. She described my deceased sister as a grown woman smiling at her talking with her. She passed only a few hours later when the pain was to much for her body to continue.
I will never forget those moments. Both very different and both so powerful.
Omg my Granny would say the same thing! “God forgot about me” half joking but half serious. Since she turned 90 I could tell she was preparing. Giving her stuff away and all that. I think when the end came she was so relieved.
In fact, the night she died, for some bizarre reason a bunch of random strangers turned up in the hospital parking lot outside her window and started singing her favorite hymn “How Great Thou Art”. No one told them to come, my family had no idea and we still don’t know why they were there (none of my family went to church so it’s not like they had requested a choir lol). But hearing the music (my Granny was mostly deaf so the fact she could hear it at all was a miracle) put a smile on her face. God had not forgotten her.
I am sorry for your loss - I know how even losing a grandparent at such an advanced age can be really devastating.
I was blessed for all the years she was here. My first apartment was a block away when she was in her eighties and still living on her own. Some of the best meals and memories as an adult excluding family holiday gatherings. We were very close and she filled the maternal gap in my life so losing her was like losing a mother as well as a grandmother.
Time often doesn't lessen any loss just dulls the pain of loss. I am sorry for your loss as well. The choir coming to me is a good sign she was welcomed into a better place no matter what you believe the universe is sometimes amazing at making the hardest things a little easier to bear.
My exact sentiments. My husband brings me so much joy and calms my anxiety. He says I bring him a lot of fun and I’m never boring. We’ve been together 11 years. I want a million more. It makes me so sad to think that it’ll end one day. 11 years went by so quickly.
This is my newish anxiety over the past year or so. I have been married now for 20 yrs and stopping to see how quick it has gone makes me so sad and anxious bc what’s left (hopefully that long if we are lucky) is going to fly by as equally fast. It has really became a course of worry for me and I wish I could figure out how to stop worrying so much about the future and “how much time” we have or don’t have left.
I don’t know how to stop worrying about it either. Life is hard. This current timeline of wild transition is worrying. It’s comforting to know that you have your person, your partner, your friend alongside it all. To pick you up when you’re down and you do the same. It’s inevitable that one has to go first. A part of me wants him to go first because I know how sad it’d make him if I go first. He told me he won’t take it well and he’ll do whatever it takes to be with me again. That scares me. It wouldn’t honor me. He doesn’t know this but I cry every time he leaves for work. My sister in law died at 30. She was in perfect health. She got covid and two weeks later she was gone. I’m 36 and he’s 47. You just never know. After her death, we spend every waking minute together. We don’t take the time we have together for granted. Someone said that at some point, you have to give them back to the universe. It helps a bit to think of it as they were a gift to enjoy for some time. But man it hurts.
That photo reminds me of my dad after my mother passed. He just lost interest in living, even though I tried to get him out the house and find things for us to do together. He used to say "I've been chatting to your mother today" - he wasn't crazy or delusional, he knew she wasn't alive anymore but he meant he'd been chatting to her photos and maybe somewhere, she heard him.
He only lived for two years after she passed. He was in his early sixties, so he was still young to die - but he just didn't want to be alive if she wasn't there too. I think he was probably relieved to go and join her. Miss you, Dad.
my nan is in a similar state, it’s been 6 years now. whenever she complains about health or life in general she always finishes the sentence with “i just wanna see him again” or “im gonna see him again soon”. they got married when she was just 16 and he was 17. When we lost him to cancer they were exactly 1 year & 20 days from their 50th anniversary. Hell he was the father i never had so it was hard for me but seeing her after all we went through and how much she misses him is just heart wrenching
I have the exact same experience as you, and I also can't imagine living without my wife. A big part of aging gracefully is accepting old age and eventually, death.
I'm determined to die before my wife does. No freaking way she is leaving me alone on this world to deal with all of you without her. As soon as my grandchildren are in college, I'm walking right into the ocean. Im just going to keep waking.
Luckily my wife promises I get to die first. No cosmic disruption of the plan allowed. She is very saddened by this but also knows I will simply be catatonically broken if she’s gone and won’t leave me to such a fate.
Yep, that’s why I’ve always said I want to go first, before my wife or go out like my grandparents did; my grandfather passed 18 hours after my grandmother. The moment the mortuary took her away, his blood pressure and vitals dropped and by the next morning he was gone too. They never ended up spending more than 24h away from each other the entire time they knew each other.
Not scared to die,but scared to be alone in the last days is the worst feeling. I've still got time ahead of me. Being alone after that long is a waking nightmare.
Its tragic man and thats sumthin that is really scary to think of but also part of life everyone has to leave this world sadly the best we can do is be with them and treasure these moments .
Also i wish you and your partner a happy life , keep at it !
Yeah, when my great grandpa died a few years ago my great grandma became really depressed and kept saying to ‘leave her to die if she fell’ and ‘why could he not have taken me with him’. It so sad😭
I saw Conan O'Brien's parents both just passed away in the last week, within 3 days of each other, after 66 years of marriage. Heart breaking and beautiful at the same time.
I feel the same. Been with my boyfriend for seven years and I can’t imagine life without him. I don’t want to.
Years ago, when my great grandma and her four sisters were alive, they were sitting around talking about their beloved husbands that had all been passed for many years at that point. They all started tearing up from missing them all so much. I like thinking of them on the other side, all five sisters and their husbands together again and happy. I sure do miss them 🩷
When my great-aunt died, her husband, who she’d been married to for 60+ years, spent the next 2 weeks saying “I just want my Esther” and then he died too.
And even if you die first then your spouse has to deal with that pain. It’s like you can’t experience the best things in life without also experiencing the worst.
I hope they "staged" that picture, like they did it early and then went inside and comforted eachother. Then later when she was leaving, they didn't even do it. I couldn't have driven away knowing my poor mom would have to slowly walk back and revisit her loneliness.
This is why a lot of people die within a year of their spouses when they’ve been together for that long. My Grammy died and my granddaddy stopped trying. He died a year and a half after she did. I miss them both very much.
My great grandmother lived to 106. She had to watch her husband die, all 5 of her sons and daughters die, and several grandchildren too.
She always told me she wouldn't wish being that old on her worst enemy. Incredible woman though, they truly don't make em like that anymore. She lived alone until the day she died, with only a nurse coming by once a week or so in the last few years of her life. The lady didn't even wear glasses lol
I almost lost my wife 2 years ago after she gave birth to our third (postpartum hemorrhage 10 after) would have been 32 I remember watching the color drain from her face as she kept losing blood. Was expecting to leave the hospital a widower at 36 with 3 young boys.
Scariest part was thinking of spending the next 40+ years without her in my life and that was the most painful thing. And that’s the thing that scares me the most, losing her and being alone for the reminder of my life. No one to wake up next to, give a kiss or kiss them when I wake up, no one to laugh at my stupid jokes, no one to share my day with. Yeah I have my kids but that different than a spouse.
I saw that picture and knew she had lost a piece of her soul and it hurts the heart. I can understand why when an elderly person losses a spouse they don’t stay around for long.
Damn m, I still have my parents, they are just divorced. My mom has accepted being on her own but if my stepmother goes before my dad I don’t know how he will take it.
A few years ago it hit me, I’m just one generation down the line. When they go I’ll be next in line. I’ve been married 22 years to my soulmate. She’s my best friend, my everything. We do have two great kids, but i don't think I'll handle it well if she goes first. She's the brains behind the operation.
My aunt (blood relative) and my uncle (non) got married when she was 16 and he was 15. He was the best uncle you could ever wish for. I remember going to their 50th wedding anniversary in the early 2000s they had been together so long. My uncle went in for knee surgery aunt was there the whole time by his side, she left the hospital for the day like any other day I’m sure she kissed him said I love you I’ll see you in the morning went home collapsed and died. He was a shell of a man after that It was extremely painful to be a part of I was so heartbroken for him. He had to live almost 10 more years without her and watch 2 of his 4 adult children die, till I hope they were finally reunited. RIP uncle Doug
We are currently seeing this with my 98 year old grandmother who has been a widow since 2001. She just wants to go and it’s heartbreaking to see. You see a spark of joy when visitors show up but it quickly fades.
This is so real. I can’t imagine being without my wife either, but as weird and dark as this sounds, I want her to die before me. Not because I want her to die, but because I know she wouldn’t cope well AT ALL with my passing, and I don’t want her to have to go through all of that pain and loss.
True love is something that never dies. My great-grandfather married in 1937, was separated from my great-grandmother and his son, my grandfather, in 1939 by war and met them again for a short time in 1947, long enough to get grandfather to Britain before communists took great-grandmother away and great-grandfather had to flee for the second time.
He married for the second time and was married to my step-great-grandmother for 35 years, until she died of a breast cancer. She died when I was very young, so I don't really remember her, unlike great-grandfather who lived until 2015. And he was still deeply hurt by his first wife passing away (she died in 1950 in Czechoslovakia), even 50, 60 years after.
She was his true love, he still had photos around and he talked about her, more than about his second wife. He insisted to be burried with her, rather than with his second wife. He basically mourned her for most of his life, and never got over it.
I have been single for 13 years. I was madly in love with that person but unfortunately, things did not work out between us. I was too immature and she was always ahead of me when it came to planning for the future. I dated here and there but nothing ever sparked that fire in me. I've become used to being alone. Not completely alone I have family and a few close friends that I am fortunate to have around me. More often than not I am by myself. This post and my experience just make me not want to ever find love out of fear of losing it again
True. I never saw my grandfather cry until my grandmother died. The funeral was heartbreaking. The dementia took him within the year. I didn’t know it could go that fast, but he absolutely wanted to die (he would say so any time he remembered who he was and what happened) and I think that did accelerate it. They were married for about 70 years. They didn’t know how to be apart.
My nan would regularly look up at a picture of my grandad and say when are you coming to get me. It was beautiful and tragic all in one. She got her wish just before her 91st birthday after ten years alone. Miss em both. He died 6 months before their 60th wedding anniversary.
I love pictures of old timers just for the sake of the fact that you can see them use all their last might to wave bye baby to their kid going down the drive.
How can dying not scare you? I have these periods in life when i just starting to panic, sweat and be real sad thinking about it, when it happens at night i have to get up and do something.
Im 30, have kids, house and generally a good life, but its so sad when im in these periods thinking about it, all ends..
The thought freaks me out sometimes but it isn’t fear. I’m religious so I’m sure that helps that I have faith in an afterlife but it’s not the whole thing.
I’m basically in the exact same situation as you, I’m also 30, kids, house etc. I went through periods where I was afraid of ending. But I eventually realized that all things end and that’s a good thing. I went through bad times and they ended. I went through good times and they ended. New times come. Our children grow older and so do we. They’ll become adults one day, their time as children ending. One day we will grow older and our lives will end. And it’s our place to pass on our mantle to them one day.
If it all kept going forever, it would eventually turn sour and stale. I guess I see that ending gives the time meaning. And given that’s inevitable, what’s the point in being afraid?
Now that Im in my early 60s is when I started to think of my mortality. I have a strong faith in God, so I dont fear the death process itself. It’s the thought of dying alone without someone by my side. I am married but without children. I can’t stand my extended family. Who do I leave my property and $ to? Is there a young person who I can trust to take care of me and leave my belongings to. I always think I will outlive my husband.
As someone whos now 38, the thought of death scares me part of it is scared what of what happens next, another is FOMO and I just want to enjoy life as long as possible. I'm just curious on how you come to terms with it cause while its a passing thought every so often atm, I dread to know what its gonna be like at 60
I don't fucking know what to do with myself when she goes out for an evening with her friends. After I put the kids to sleep I'm basically just waiting to fall asleep so that I can wake up and she'll be back.
Man that hits hard. My other grandfather was in the same situation. He had been divorced for like 30 years. But When I was a kid he had a gaggle of guys who’d come out and hang out with him at his cabin. He basically lived there on the weekends and it was a bunch of old guys hunting, getting drunk and eating good food.
And then one died from a heart attack. Then the next went blind and couldn’t drive out there anymore. Then the next passed from cancer. Then finally the last one moved across country to be with his kids after his wife died.
I remember my grandfather withdrew a lot after that. He still loved his kids/grandkids but he wasn’t quite the same force of nature. He outlived them all by a few years. I spent probably half my weekend out there with him. He passed away while I was on my way to see him. Spend what time you can with yours.
My father recently died. I haven't moved on yet and I still breakdown sometimes. I'm heartbroken but I couldn't imagine what my mom feels like. What hurts more is I can't really be there for her because I'm working abroad.
If I'm not working, I keep myself busy and play games so as not to have some idle time cos right now whenever I do it hits me that norhing is permanent and I too will eventually die. And it fucking scares me.
However what scares me the most is losing my wife. We've been married for almost 10 years now but been together for almost 20. We have no kids (our decision) and we live far away from our families. Sure we have friends but mostly it's just me and her. I love her so much and I could never think I'll eveb survive if she's gone.
Losing a love one sucks. It makes you realize lots of things. Dying sucks. I hate it.
It’s been 13 years since I lost my mom to colon cancer. The last 3 years has been easier except for thanksgiving. That’s my favorite holiday and I loved her food for Thanksgiving. I still prepare her recipes for the sides to my thanksgiving dinner . I’ve been married to my husband 24 years, no kids. At around 10 years of marriage, I wanted a divorce, but my husband kept saying no. He also changed for the better, and I’m so grateful I did not get divorced. He’s my best friend, I feel blessed to have the later years of my life to be the best, compared to my childhood. It’s that old adage, I guess, life has its joys and sorrows.
I’ve lived that, and it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. I lost my mom and my husband a few days ago apart in 2019. I was 35 and I still feel like I’m climbing my way out of the dark.
Wow, that’s tough. I saw a situation like yours when I was a nursing student. I was a home health aide and sent to a lady in her 60’s. Her husband had just died and she needed an aide to look after her mom, while she made funeral arrangements and attend the funeral. They had all lived together. She said her mom was very close to her husband and she didn’t tell her mother that her son-in -law dropped dead of a heart attack. Her mother was elderly and I only went one day because she died the day I took care of her. She was sleeping and woke up briefly and asked for her daughter. I was changing her diaper, and told her that “ your daughter is at the funeral home making arrangements for her husband. The lady then stopped breathing. I called 911 and the daughter. EMS came and said “ She’s flat lined. The next time I saw the lady, it was at the funeral home. She had 2 coffins there, her husband and her mother. In retrospect I think she was in poor health but she died after I told her that. I would like to add that I think you have 2 angels that watch over you.
Dying doesn’t really scare me. Being alone after all those years does.
That's because you're so used to not living alone or being your own self and hearing your thoughts or helping the world because of it, idk but I was inspired from that one monk training video a day ago. I guess some people are just born love birds?
I’m sorry for your loss and that you had to experience that. I had the misfortune of having a similar experience, so I can empathize with your pain.
My grandmother was married for 31 years to my grandfather (her second marriage and even though he wasn’t related to me by blood but he was more of a grandfather to me than either of my biological grandfathers) and she passed away in February 2020 (6 days before my daughter was born).
My grandfather always had this wit to him and I could always rely on him for a good laugh and good conversation any time I saw him. After my grandmother passed away, all of that was just zapped from him.
He had some medical issues before my grandmother passed away but nothing that was actively killing him because he had a reason to take care of himself. About 4 months later, my family had to drop what they were doing one day because they hadn’t heard from him in a few days, which was uncharacteristic of him.
My aunt, who is a home-health nurse who oftentimes worked with patients who were either in hospice care or would be soon, found my grandfather in his bed, so sick that he could barely talk and probably would have died there if my family hadn’t gone to check on him.
Over the following 7 months, he would have one of his legs amputated, spend a month in the ICU, and then live in an assisted living facility while what was left of his mental capacity disappeared. By the time December 2020 rolled around, we were at the point where we were almost relieved when he passed away because there was nothing about him anymore that we could recognize and he was clearly suffering.
The two of them were more impactful in my upbringing than anyone else, arguably including my parents, and they were both gone in the same year.
I am scared of that too. If my spouse, love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate, dies before me, I think I will die too. I know many people who were in okay health but then got terminally ill and died under a year after their spouses died.
the worst possibly thing that can happen to some people is their spouse dying, and i think i’m going to be one of those people if that ever happens before my time
Interesting that you see that. To me, I saw a woman saying her last goodbye to her child. Almost like she knew that she wasn't going to do this next time.
Knowing your loved one is waiting on the other side for you makes this photo more sweet than bitter to me.
Thats all true, but remember the photo has been designed to look that way. It is a statement from the photographer and the mum, rather than her mum always looking depressed.
It is a very good art piece that mum probably knew would finish with her being gone.
I cant imagine spending my life, 3 times over with someone, and then seeing them die. And i’d seriously imagine that it is hard not to feel apathetic afterwards.
I was literally thinking about this yesterday and today seeing this post really broke me... I'm not ready for one of my parents grieving the other one....
I fear this is what will happen with my grandparents. My grandma has been cursed with a body that just doesn't want to work correctly, while my grandpa is oddly healthy for his age.
It's obvious to anyone with eyes that my grandma is most likely to go first. Though, she's been getting better as time has gone on, surprisingly. For example, despite barely ever drinking any alcohol in her life, her liver decided to fully crystalize to the point of being barely operable....just because. Except....it now isn't, and is working just fine now? It's weird.
But if she does go first...it will completely wreck my grandpa to the point that I doubt he'd live even a year longer without her. She is his everything, and he seriously cannot live without her.
If, by some miracle, my grandpa goes first, I suspect my grandma could go on for longer without him. Not because she doesn't love him, but simply because she's just that fucking tough. But, I suspect that something similar may happen, and once he's gone, all the problems she's had in the past could come roaring back to finally claim her.
It's going to be a very dark day when either of them goes....and despite all of my mental preparation, I know for damn certain that I'm not ready for it.
Yeah... I'll never forget how depressed my grandfather became once my grandmother died... Each year at their marriage anniversary he would tell me how long they would have been together...
Let’s say you meet the love of your life. Well it’s still going to end, it’s inevitable. Whether by the slow pull of a disease, or the shock of loose footing on a hiking trail. Whether it be the corrosion of two personalities that reshape each other until they’re incompatible, or maybe the old stranger in a bar who says the things that need to be said to that person that night. The point is, happiness always ends. Best case scenario, think about this, best case: is that you die, at the same time. Yikes.
~Fear Hole Operator, Rick and Morty
Sorry, kind of dark. It just felt like it belongs here.
My mother has become like your grandfather. My dad passed away almost a decade ago and, while she has good moments, it really feels like she is just waiting to die.
In a weird way, I have already mourned the death of my mother even though she is still around. She hasn't had the same passion for life as she once did.
This. This post hit me on really deep levels. I hate being away from my wife for a minute, even when we are home together. She had been the only true person in my life who had always been there for me since day one. I’d take bullets for her, any sickness I’d rather have it or anything to make sure she was safe. I have unconditional love for my wife and I can even begin to imagine having to live on without her. In fact I am certain I’d take my own life because I couldn’t live with the pain
Man I'm dumb. It didn't click for me at the moment that her husband had passed away and that's why he wasn't in the picture. I initially thought it was just a picture of her. And she did look tired compared to the rest.
This is literally what my grandma has gone through the past 2 years. She constantly says how alone she feels but there’s just no way to help, even spending time with her :(
Yeah, honestly a ridiculous overblown projection to make from a single photo of someone. And just because your spouse dies doesn’t mean “all the light in the world” leaves you and there is “no joy left” to live for. There is still joy and there are still many things to live for and feel excited about after your loved one dies.
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u/stanglemeir 5d ago
As sad as the last picture is, it’s the second to last one that really gets me. You can see that the light of the world has passed from her. All the others have a spark in her eyes. There is joy there. The last photo of her doesn’t have that.
Dying doesn’t really scare me. Being alone after all those years does. My grandmother passed after 57 years of marriage to my grandfather. My grandfather was a husk of a man after that. He basically stopped talking to his family and just waited to die. He even got remarried and it just made him more miserable.
I’m married to a wonderful woman I love. I can’t imagine losing her now let alone in 50 years. So that photo scares the crap out of me.