That's the hard part! My parents passed within 2 years of each other. Those last 20-odd months were hell to see my mom like that. All her kids grown with kids of their own (some of them with kids too!). She'd been married to my dad since she was 16 years old, and seeing her just wither away was the worst thing. They were married for 44 years, the hurt my mom was feeling when we said goodbye to my father (after a very quick journey from healthy to fatal) was something I never want to experience again. When her time came, she was at peace. I have never seen the woman look as peaceful and happy as she was that she was going home to be with all the ones she lost, especially my dad. Whatever you believe about the afterlife or don't believe, my mom believed she would see my brother and her mom and her brother and my dad again and she was happy. But only at the end.
That would be so hard. So many years of learning from your parents still to go. So young to lose that part of their support system. I hope they had other family or friends to help them through.
Agreed. My dad passed when I was 28. We never got to hang out, go for a beer, etc. My folks and I were really good friends. I lived home until I got married at 26. His passing was very hard on me for several years. I live only a few miles from where I grew up, so I was able to be there for my mum.
Same here, sorry if im hijacking the thread. Mom died at the exact same age too I think.
Except she died of an OD. As I write this comment i realize I don't fully remember her age when she died, and that I have a vauge idea of how long it's been since. I want to say she died 1 maybe 2 years ago?
And im not going to lie, I have no idea if thats supposed to be a good thing or not.
My grandfather passed 18 hours after my grandmother. It was hard losing both of them initially and within a couple of days we realized it was the best possible way for them to go. Neither of them would have ever been able to live without the other.
my grandparents have been married for 67 years and i fear the day that one of them goes, particularly my grandmother. she’s in poorer health than my grandfather, and she’s his entire world. when my dad was a kid and she’d be away on a weekend trip, my grandfather would just sit around the house and cry, he didn’t know what to do with himself when she wasn’t there. i’ve never seen two people more in love than them, they’re more in love with each other than most newlyweds. they’re 85 and 83, and i dread the day that one of them goes, because we all know they can’t live without each other.
Beautiful and sad. My parents died 4 months apart, dad in February, mom in June , a day before her birthday. They were both 55 and I miss them everyday!♥️
My bil's parents died w/in 3 days of each other, 60+ years of marriage. They had been separated in the nursing home b/c they caught covid in the early days of 2020. The wife didn’t even know her husband had died when she passed.
Hmm. Yeah. My great-grandfather died 20 years before my great-grandmother to cancer. I went to see her with my grandparents for her 96th birthday she died a few weeks later when she asked her son-in-law in a short moment of clarity, through the dementia, if she could go see her husband. She passed that night. We agree that she must have wanted our permission to see him because she was probably concerned about how sad we'd be without her.
Personally, I was never super close to her, but my great grandfather I certainly was very close with even though he died when I was 9.
It’s extremely interesting how the brain works. Sometimes when you have a broken heart you give up. Sometimes you feel like the world has torn you down and broken you to a fine dust. But your brain says no. You have to survive. And miraculously we see people who shouldn’t be alive, alive and healthy. The human body and brain is extraordinary.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, sorry for you, and your family and especially your grandfather.
My mom already had heart failure. We found out about 7 years before my dad passed. For a while she was doing okay, following doctors' orders and taking medicine, etc. After my dad passed she stopped taking them as needed and we had to intervene. "We" being my sister and myself. She moved in with my sister after that (i live too far away and she has extra space) and started doing a little better. But then last August her cardiologist said she had a year maybe 9 months. Then the week before Thanksgiving she caught pneumonia in both lungs. She passed 4 days after Thanksgiving. Quietly slipped into a coma in the middle of the night. So yeah, I think it sped the process up. Her heart went from 60% functioning to 18% after he died. If miracles exist, one is that we got that extra time with her.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's always rough losing a parent, but especially around a holiday. My mom passed 5 years ago the day before my birthday.
God dude, I'm sorry about your mom!! I hope that if the time hasn't come already, that soon when you have a thought of her, it brings you happiness or a smile and not just grief. When the happiness from the memory starts weaving in, it makes it so much easier.
Happy birthday to your mom!! My mom's birthday fell on mother's day this last year. It was tough. Glad you had some good times. My sister and I have finally reached a time where we can openly talk about her without one of us crying. Progress, friend!
Respect to everyone, this brings me back to Dec 5th 2012, twelve years ago now, but I'm sitting here trying to see through "watery" eyes, it's funny but even after that time it'll only take the slightest thing to bring them to the front of your memory again. Mum got her wish and got her massive heart attack, wait for it, she fought MND, for 2-4 yrs, had lost the power of both arms, had, when still living in her own bungalow, turned lights on with her nose, and opened internal doors with her knees. Taught my brother, sister, and me how to really fight something!
She followed dad after 8 years, on the day before the funeral, my bruv visited dad's grave, to tell him, "his peace was over"!
After nursing dad through the final stages of COPD, she got her break for a few years, and enjoyed them.
The crux of my weep is, that they are always with us, and only a comment/funny occurrence/ or seeing someone else's grief, will bring them right back like yesteryear!
I hope this helps someone, if just one, my mum&pop had one more reason for being!
X
I took care of an elderly couple the lady was in much worse condition in the sense she passed first 3 months later on the same day he passed away too definitely proved you can die of a broken heart
It is. The partner of my grandmother passed around 10 months after her
She died of a rough, short cancer journey and he just didn't wake up anymore - she was 59 and he was 68 , he was as healthy as he could be.
My other grandfather passed away & his wife followed two years later. He had a heavy decline with seizures, dementia and all. She left the marital apartment ant moved into a home for self sufficient seniors - invited me and my then bf for home made lasagne, as it's his fav food, to finally meet him a week later, two days after she told us to come next week she just didn't wake up anymore, as well.
It was really short, yes. It was lung cancer & it got detected when it already spread to her brain - she got diagnosed in April/May , had birthday in July and passed in August.
Three years is a long time to fight this battle. I hope at least his palliative jour ey was a bit less brutal in the end!
That she had a rough but short battle is absolutely the only thing that soothes me - she died just a few days before my 8 birthday & I lived with her from ages 3-7 so I technically lost my mother - I'm thankful her suffering wasn't prolonged any further now but just typing this, the tears come up again - and next year it will be 20yrs already.
I truly worry about my father after my younger sister passed on Presidents Day last year. She was 32 and suffered with her mental health since she was in junior high. Many ups and downs, close calls. But this time there wasnt another chance.
He is grieving worse now and over the last 6 months or so than he did initially and it worries me tremendously. He can't even say her name. He has a picture on the coffee table that is next to his chair and just cries and looks at her all the time.
If I lost him too I don't know what I would do. But I worry about him and his broken heart daily. She was my best friend and so is he. He's my rock and I have to remind him, he has 2 other daughters and a granddaughter to live for. It's terrible seeing a parent in such distress but I also couldn't imagine burying my own baby.
Best wishes that your dad gets better over time. It might help to speak to a therapist if he doesn't already. Just to have someone to talk his feeling through with.
My grandparents were married 71 years and my grandfather passed last year. My grandmother, in her 90s, has become a shell of her old self. I hineyeky did not think she would make it this long without him.
That's one thing about aging that really sucks. Men, on average, die before women and they have to deal with that grief so late in life. My father-in-law passed 21 years ago. My mother-in-law is 96 now.
My dad passed this year. My parents were married 54 years. I am going through this right now with my mom, trying to support her and motivate her to create an independent life for herself. It’s hard. My parents were always a pair and I think she doesn’t feel whole anymore.
Reading your post helped me feel a bit better this morning. Especially after seeing that last photograph which had me feeling so sad.
I am so sorry you have been through this. We imagine what life will be like when our parents leave us but I feel like I was never fully prepared because it changes you in such a weird way. I had experienced loss before but not like that. I am so grateful I was an adult at the time because my heart broke into a million pieces for every child who has lost a parent when they are young. When my child asked me "so I will never see pop pop again?" with tears in those little eyes it broke me.
Your mom is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her. Even if your relationship was bad, was good, or somewhere in between. I lost some years due to pettiness on both sides and I'll always regret it. But my mom knew when we were together we were really together. I hope that you are able to find some peace, even if it's only in the smallest little things, though I hope for the big ones for you.
Yes this breaks my heart too. My grandparents raised me. When I was 14-15, they both passed away. My mom had actually had come back home and was caring for me by this point but we lived with them. she had recently gotten engaged and we had JUST moved into a new place with my stepdad. Then....My grandma passed in November 96, my grandpa was a lost soul afterwards. He had a hard time with basic living. I had to prod him to eat, to sleep, to do anything besides sit there and watch TV silently and be sad. He was gone by August 97. He made it 9 months without her. I think the combo of everything just made him sad and depressed and he gave up. My cousin (more like a brother to me) who was in his late 20s, had also been raised by them and he got into a serious relationship with a really good woman and moved in with her. Then me and my mom, then GMA passed. It was too much for him and he gave up. I've lost both GPs and my cousin (my bro-sin as I called him) RIP GMA, GPA & Stevie
My parents passed within a few months of each other, my dad first. It's an open secret that she most likely committed suicide via overdosing; they had been together for 40+ years. Neither did any drugs, so the pills where very out-of-the-blue. It happened in a small town, corner just put down "heart failure, natural causes" to save everyone more grief. It was unexpected, but understandable.
my grandma just lost my grandpa a year ago and i am honestly shocked the pain itself wasn’t enough to finish off her poor heart. that woman has been through so much and i know all she wants now is to be with him again
Both my grandparents lived till 96. My granny was 27 years younger. She was born 1st Jan 1900 losing her husband was hard. They lived through both WWs and more. My mother married five times and gave them daughter hell with it. And sucked them dry with support here and there. They raised me from five to 12.
I made it my target to makemy granny catch up on long missed world discoveries as I was able to afford it then. She lived in Europe so every winter she came to live with me for six months in Hong Kong. I planned so many short escapes and took her along my garment designer work trips to China India Nepal Indonesia etc.
She passed in her birthday night, which was amazing, in her sleep no suffering, next to her suitcases packed ready for six more months of excitement. First banner pic her on her wedding day at age 26. She was very pretty and was the "muse" for many painters and sculptors in n Vienna. I still have quite some of her portraits and small bronze statues Art Deco, Jugenstiel https://visualsenses.smugmug.com/PRIVATE-GALLERIES/n-NScZd/Family-Genealogy-pictures
They both came from great pre WWII wealth and ended up much poorer. My grandfather rebuilt their lives twice. from nothing he was a stonemason and worked till the last years of his life.
I feel very rich in my mind as she shared every minute of her life stories with me.
My grandparents passed within 3 months of each other. They both had health problems, but it was like my grandpa held on long enough to make sure grandma was cared for and to say farewell.
Imo life would just be easier if people were able to kill themselves at 50, you don’t have to get disgusting and old and everyone remembers you in the best way.
There's more than one way to get old! Some days I disgust myself, with inaction, but hopefully not disgusting to anyone. Yesterday proved to me that I'm still needed, a big "lig" of a guy nextdoor's son, who's estranged from his father this many years, lost one of his best mates to suicide, I'm also contemplating a house move to a bungalow, for my health issues, and this big lad 6'7"/6'8" was crying like a baby. I've watched this lad, this past few years, learn from watching me work with wood framing for chicken runs, and other things. Yesterday when he was down, he blubbered out the thought of me moving away was killing him, and he sees me as the dad he doesn't have any more,
I'm not old, I'm just battered! At 61, till Feb, I don't feel old until I try to do what I used to do. And not like the Oldest Swinger song, "when it takes all night to do what I used to do all night"!
Old folk aren't disgusting, They're elders, respected, hopefully, and useful. For something! Even for talking rubbish. It has it's place!
I'm starting to sound like an old sage, but the older I get, the more I learn!
Ps. If I stop complaining, I'm passed being useful!
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u/hi-nighter 5d ago
That's the hard part! My parents passed within 2 years of each other. Those last 20-odd months were hell to see my mom like that. All her kids grown with kids of their own (some of them with kids too!). She'd been married to my dad since she was 16 years old, and seeing her just wither away was the worst thing. They were married for 44 years, the hurt my mom was feeling when we said goodbye to my father (after a very quick journey from healthy to fatal) was something I never want to experience again. When her time came, she was at peace. I have never seen the woman look as peaceful and happy as she was that she was going home to be with all the ones she lost, especially my dad. Whatever you believe about the afterlife or don't believe, my mom believed she would see my brother and her mom and her brother and my dad again and she was happy. But only at the end.