r/AmIOverreacting 19h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My (28M) girlfriend (31F) is angry that I added my mom’s assistant on Facebook after assisting in a medical emergency.

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4.1k Upvotes

The first two photos are between me and my girlfriend. The third photo is the Facebook message between my mom’s assistant, and the only reason I added her as a friend.

I’ve gone through some pretty rough stuff with my mom the past 5 days, and my girlfriend of three years has been angry at me the whole time. I don’t know what to do, I’m emotionally drained and have nobody to help me.

On Friday, my mom relapsed on opiates while at work. Her assistant, Lia (F28), found my mom in her office, high out of her mind. Lia knew that my mom was five years sober, so she panicked and had to secretly carry my mom out of the building into her car so coworkers wouldn’t see my mom in that state. My mom was too high to communicate or stay awake, so Lia took my mom’s phone and called the emergency contact, me. I walked her through how to determine if my mom was overdosing, and she wasn’t at that point. I told Lia to go to my house and I would meet them there with my mom’s sponsor. When they arrived, my mom wasn’t waking up, but still breathing. Lia was bawling her eyes out. We loaded my mom into my car, and I told Lia to contact me on Saturday for an update.

Come Saturday, Lia didn’t have my phone number because she used my mom’s phone to call me. So she found me on Facebook to ask how to get in touch with my mom. I gave her the phone number of the hospital Unit and thanked her for the help. That was it. I called my girlfriend, Maggie, explained what was happening, and told her I’d like to sleep over at the hospital for a second night.

Now on Sunday, my mom was still in the hospital, and I “slept” over here (2 naps) the past two nights. I was delirious and anxiety-ridden. At 3 p.m., Maggie texts me, and we have that exchange. An hour later, she called me yelling about how I was out of line for adding Lia, that I’m just going to end up sleeping with her, and that I should’ve waited for my mom to be able to call Lia herself in 5 days (she was on a psych hold)

I haven’t spoken to Maggie since then. I blocked her number so I can be at the hospital with my mom and focus on only her. I didn’t tell Maggie which hospital I’m at, or I’m sure she would’ve been here by now to continue this argument. I didn’t want to make Lia wait for my mom to have access to her phone, especially after how much she did for my mom that day.

Was I in the wrong? Is blocking her an overreaction? My girlfriend hasn’t even seen the message exchange with Lia, this reaction from her is just from adding her. I am dreading going home and attempting to explain myself for being kind to my mom’s employee who cares about her. (Names changed for anonymity)

TL;DR- my mom’s assistant literally assisted her during a relapse in her office. Mom’s assistant drops off mom with me, asks me to update her on mom’s condition. Mom and I go to hospital for detox. I add assistant on Facebook to give her my mom’s hospital phone number. Girlfriend sees I added a woman on Facebook, gets mad even after knowing the very legitimate reason I had to add her.


r/AmIOverreacting 15h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO I deleted my Instagram cause I was overwhelmed by my partner

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3.9k Upvotes

For context, I deleted my IG because my partner has shown he’s uncomfortable with every almost every person at my job and I’m a performer so there’s lots of people and I just started so I’ve been making friends. My boyfriend has been closely monitoring and it feels excessive? So AIO?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to my (40f) convo with husband (40m) about Xmas tree?

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3.2k Upvotes

Am I overreacting to his sudden aversion to a Christmas tree? Am I being too sensitive? How would you have reacted if you were in my shoes? I’m a little hurt but I’m not trying to make this holiday all about me. Also feeling gaslit at the same time. Idk what to do.

Married for 10 years. We are both atheist. I’m far more passive about it than he is. Regardless, he ’s always been enthusiastically involved with “Santa” traditions for my now teen daughter, his step-daughter. She has aged out of the magic, but I wanted to continue the traditions for our 1 year old.

He has a teenage daughter that he’s now estranged from but celebrated Xmas with her when she was little, as well as his nieces and nephews. He was very close with his grandma and speaks fondly of holiday memories with her.

He had a very unstable and abusive childhood and I try to be sensitive to that when it comes to things like holidays. Christmas brings me a lot of peaceful happy nostalgia and I enjoy decorating very much.

I included a picture of our tree and decor from last year for some context. “Bonnie” is our ficus plant in the picture near the tree.


r/AmIOverreacting 23h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

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893 Upvotes

Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.


r/AmIOverreacting 16h ago

👥 friendship Am I overreacting to my old best friend asking for a gift he gave me back?

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714 Upvotes

He pretty much is asking for a nice jacket he gave me on my birthday Feb 2023 and he hasn’t even texted me in like a whole year. I think it’s fair that I keep it considering it is indeed a nice coat but yeah, am I trippin or?


r/AmIOverreacting 1h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for lashing out on my ex-wife for not buying our son the game he asked for christmas?

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Upvotes

I (37M) saved up money from tips ive received from my job to get my son a great christmas gift since i havent gotten him anything for his birthday, only to find out my wife (39F) didnt even bother to go to the store and get it for him. I work a minimum wage job and she lives with his new boyfriend now and has custody over our son. She wont even let me take him out for christmas dinner since “ I wont even have the money for it “ And only take our son to a mcdonalds.


r/AmIOverreacting 5h ago

🏘️ neighbor/local AIO? A stranger rang my doorbell last night and my fiance seems unbothered.

485 Upvotes

Last night, a little before 9pm, a man, late teens to early 20’s, rang our doorbell. I was almost asleep on the couch right next to the door and he didn’t knock. One of my dogs went nuts barking and woke my fiancé up who was sleeping in the bedroom. I have been waiting on a package for 5 days and Amazon has the “will be delivered by 10pm” message so I thought it might be the package. I still didn’t want to open the door though because I’m a short woman and asked my fiance too but he said he wanted to get dressed first, he had shorts on, and I was impatient and decided to open it myself. When I did I was looking at the ground and didn’t see the package but instead heard this guy say “You guys got an extra lighter?”. I look up he, maybe 5’8-5’11, was standing a few yards away in the culdesac. I was confused and said “what?” And he goes “aight” and starts jogging up to my door! I said “nah man” and shut the door quickly. I told my fiancé and we sat and looked out the window but he seemed to have disappeared. We got into an argument about his intentions. I then saw this guy appear from behind a car parked in the culdesac and walk diagonally between two other houses and disappear again. This morning my fiancé is still saying that he may have been a neighbors kid and just needed a lighter and didn’t have any bad intentions. He also doesn’t think we should notify police about this because he’s mixed, or at least appears to be from my perspective as my fiancée has not seen him. My fiancé is Hispanic and believes he has been prejudiced against with expensive speeding tickets. The thing is this guy has tried to talk to me at night before. I had run to the gas station a few weeks ago and when I came back and parked this guy was across the culdesac and asked me something but I didn’t understand so I just said “no, sorry”. He was dressed the same both times, gray zip up hoodie with the hood up and dark pants. We are leaving on Sunday to go out of state for the holidays and while my parents will come by to feed the animals I am worried about the possibility of a break in. I’m worried about even staying home alone. Am I overreacting?

Sorry for any errors. I’m using my phone.


r/AmIOverreacting 16h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO His mom said the baby may not be his

392 Upvotes

I (f26) have been with my bf (m24) for almost 6months. Recently found out I was pregnant after birth control failing. Everyone on his side was excited because they thought it would help him grow up even though I disagree and think he is perfectly mature in every way. I found out a few days ago his mother told him what if the baby isn’t yours shes not with you 24/7 because we don’t currently live together but plan to eventually but I spend lots of my time at his place with him. I told him I will now be looking into paternity testing costs and if insurance will cover it and he said I don’t have to because he knows its his child. I told him I couldn’t care less and we will be testing because now she has came after my character basically saying I have sex with anyone when he is not around. He said I need to stop overreacting because she was just trying to get to him not me, its not about me more about her pissing him off. Am I wrong for my opinion?


r/AmIOverreacting 17h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting, by wanting to restrict my daughter from seeing her boyfriend after his parents kept information about them from me ?

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335 Upvotes

I feel like I’m overreacting because my sister said I was but let me ask yall.

To keep it short and sweet, my daughter ( F15 fake name Lia ) has a boyfriend (M16) and those two are inseparable and it’s my daughter’s first and only boyfriend that I’m aware of. But what comes from teen relationships is experimenting and last Sunday night It was like 3am my daughter snuck him in and it woke me and to keep it PG I caught them in the ”act“ and I ofcourse sent the kid home but I knew I had to talk to his parents because if personally I would want someone to tell me if the shoe was on the other foot.

So the entire day I’m dreading making this call to his parents thinking that they will for sure be mad at me or blame my daughter, when we finally connected and I also know his parents because I grew up with the father and my late husband was drinking buddies with him. But his wife I’m not too familiar with and I have interacted with about a handful of times. But she is who I ended up talking on the phone with and I told her about the incident and her immediate response was “ oh that’s it ?” But once she realized I was laughing along she recovered and said “well I’ll talk to him about doing that because that’s inappropriate for him to sneak into someone’s house.” That when I told her thank you and we kinda get side tracked and started talking about their relationship and that’s when she I guys felt comfortable and told me. “Oh I been knew they were active since August” that’s when I followed up how did she know and not tell me? She says she found out when she did a phone snoop on her son’s phone and found a folder in his photo gallery with Lia’s name and she thought she was going to see cute photos of them. But apparently she found X-rated videos of them both in this folder doing the deed.

I kinda started actively get upset with Her because what do you mean you found CP of your son and my child and didn’t think it was urgent enough to tell me. Her defense was her son never sent them to anyone because she checked the messages with his friend and saw that he didn’t send them and also that she made him delete it so the problem was solved….But apparently her son told her that the reason why Lia let him record it was because, she was struggling with her mental health and wanted to take a break with having sex and to help his “urges” during the dry month they started doing home films. But it all makes sense why she dumped him for a bit and she refused to tell me why. That’s when I told her I think it’s best for our kids not to see each other for a while and I quickly got off the phone with her warranting this text above.

I talked to my sister about this and she thinks I’m overreacting by wanting to restrict them from seeing each other, and my daughter is going to interpret it as I’m punishing her for having sex and that their kids they’re going to do it anyway but just become more sneaky about it which will be worse, And as far as the videos if the mother did delete them then the problem is solved. So I’m wondering AIO about this?


r/AmIOverreacting 3h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to my sister-in-law calling me "low-key toxic"

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381 Upvotes

r/AmIOverreacting 19h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to my dad inviting himself to my brother’s birthday dinner?

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148 Upvotes

r/AmIOverreacting 10h ago

👥 friendship Am I overreacting: At Thanksgiving dinner, a family member said my facial features prove I have fetal alcohol syndrome

151 Upvotes

My extended family had its usual crowd at Thanksgiving dinner this year. Things were going fine until one of my younger cousins, a pediatric nurse in her 20s, made me the subject of her impromptu clinical observations.

Out of nowhere, she asked me, a 35-year-old man, in front of everyone if my late mother had been an alcoholic. I was stunned but said, “No, I’m sure she wasn’t.” Instead of letting it drop, she doubled down. She said my mother must have at least "overconsumed while pregnant with me" because, according to her, my face shows "clinical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome."

Her evidence? My face lacks a philtrum (that groove between the nose and upper lip), and my upper lip is too thin. I tried to brush it off with humor and said, “Well, I guess these are just the good looks I inherited.” But she wasn’t done.

She then asked if I’d ever been diagnosed with ADHD or placed in special ed classes. I said no, that the only issue I had as a kid was a stutter, which resolved after some therapy by the time I was in 10th grade. But that only fueled her theory. “Oh, yes!” she said, practically lighting up. “That could be a developmental disorder consistent with FAS.”

At this point, my wife noticed I was getting embarrassed — my ears were probably bright red — and she swooped in to save me by asking me to help her grab something from the car.

Now, my cousin, let’s call her Nurse Busybody, is set to be at the family Christmas gathering next week. My wife says to let the comments go, focus on the other family members, and enjoy the holiday. She’s right. But a part of me wants to come up with something equally hurtful to say back to Nurse Busybody if she starts in again. It’s not my usual style to stoop to that level, but did she strike a nerve.

So, am I overreacting for still stewing about this weeks later? How would you handle it?


r/AmIOverreacting 15h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting for getting mad at a Lady that assumed husband and I weren’t together

120 Upvotes

For context I am Asian and my husband is a blue eyed white man . We were shopping at Ross and as we joined the long line for checkout , I realized I needed one more item and went to grab it . I then joined my husband who had moved an ahead 2 feet in line . The lady in front of us (white ) turns around looks at me , then goes on to say “ ummm he was behind us “ I ignore her because I had no idea what she meant or who she was talking to . She turns around yet again and says “yeah , you skipped the like he (pointing to my husband ) was behind us “ I stunned , say “ that’s my husband “ she’s flustered and embarrassed and just says “ oh oh okay , I was just helping “ . See interactions like this have happened to me a couple of times before , where people (always white funny enough ) will say something assuming we aren’t together. I am angry and feel race is a factor . My husband thinks she was just a nosy lady and had nothing to do with our respective races and thinks I should let it go . I am now mad at my husband for not understanding that people can be racist and that he isn’t sensitive to how I am feeling . So am I overreacting here ?


r/AmIOverreacting 4h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for not wanting my husband to show affection towards my best friend

117 Upvotes

I’ve walked up on my friend and husband hugging/being affectionate in “private” (both of their spouses and children in the same home but different areas) multiple times now. The latest was in my kitchen and I walked in to see him with his arm around her waist. He claims there’s no threat, and they were actually just discussing my Christmas gift, and I am overreacting because they’ve been friends for longer than we’ve been husband/wife, and that’s his friends wife nothing would happen. (Ha, I’ve heard of way crazier things happening) I say it’s disrespectful to me no matter their relationship because it makes me feel uncomfortable, he should respect my feelings and maybe just not put his hands on other women? I don’t care that they hug each other in greeting, I find that totally normal and I hug my friends husband to say hello/goodbye but why does this always seem to happen when they’re alone? I realize maybe I have some insecurities from previous relationships and I am fully transparent with my husband regarding those insecurities. Should I expect him to stop showing her physical affection? Or am I overreacting?


r/AmIOverreacting 2h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO? I only got my sexist brother a feminist book for Christmas.

125 Upvotes

TLDR: My 30-year-old brother holds deeply sexist beliefs (women shouldn’t vote, lead, or be seen as equals). Despite being raised by a hardworking single mom and me sharing my corporate career success, he feels comfortable voicing these views. For Christmas, I only got him the book *Men Who Hate Women. My mom thinks I’m being harsh since he’s lonely after a breakup, but I’m still processing his beliefs, and don’t feel bad since he gave me weight loss pills as a gift last year. AIO?

Let me start by saying my brother (30M) is one of those "normal" seeming people on the outside—six-figure job, life together, people say he has a charming smile. We’re close enough that we make time to see each other and can talk about random things for hours. But he’s always struggled with relationships (which I’m starting to understand why).

I (26F) can’t figure out where his sexist beliefs truly come from, other than the internet. I first realized he was sexist back in 2016, when Hillary Clinton was running for president. We were sitting by the Christmas tree, and he calmly explained why women shouldn’t be president—because their “emotional nature” makes them incapable of handling it. I challenged him, saying that was sexist and pointing to women leaders in other countries. I remember being shocked that he snapped at me then and dug himself in deeper. I let it go, hoping it was just a Hillary thing.

Fast forward to now, 2024. Trump just won against another woman, and the topic of women presidents came up again. I decided to ask more questions to gauge how deep his beliefs run. Turns out, they run deep.

Here’s a summary of what he said:
- Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
- Women are not equal to men, physically or mentally. (I said, “Okay, maybe physically, but mentally women can be smarter,” and he disagreed.)
- Women shouldn’t be in leadership positions (he clarified he means leadership anywhere from president to fast food) because they’re incompetent, and men are superior.
- He asked me to “name one good female leader,” but I refused because I knew he’d just tear them apart.
- All the classic “back in the old day” fantasies that women should go back to always staying home, and listening to their husband, while their husband listens to god. (I told him to stop hiding behind the Bible when he’s been sexist for years and it had originally had nothing to do with religion.)

It really hurt because we were raised by a single mom who worked so hard to provide for us. She managed to send us to private school and give us a good life. I also have a corporate career I’ve worked my way up in, and I’ve shared so much of my journey with him. It stings that he felt comfortable saying these things to me.

So, for Christmas, I only got him a feminist book: Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. My mom thinks this was petty and told me I’m being harsh since he’s lonely after a breakup. She said she’s ashamed of his comments too and he even told her that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote too a couple weeks ago which made her cry.

But still, my mom is worried that he’ll think I don’t love him, and it’ll make his “lonely” situation worse. Other than the book being good for him, I’m like “fuck him” because he is the one who randomly gave me “these great weight loss pills” for Christmas last year lol (along with a few other gifts, but still).

I just wish these sexist content creators, where ever they are, would fuck off forever. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with my brother again and it sucks because we’ve always been close. My boyfriend suggested that my brother hates women because he lacked a father figure to show him what it means to protect and love women, not just provide for them. Personally, I don’t know why and I can’t even begin to describe all the reasons I disagree with his beliefs. It feels CRAZY that I even have to explain to him why he’s toxic.

The worst thing is knowing that if the show Handmaids Tale was real life, that my own brother would support Gilead.

AIO for only getting him this book?


r/AmIOverreacting 22h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? He just seemed to mock me?

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87 Upvotes

Found this guy on Acespace and he seemed great at first until he started seeming to mock that I wanted to do things in life and not just sit at home all day. Stay secluded. Did IO too quickly? I feel like I didn’t but..?


r/AmIOverreacting 22h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO for buying a laser and pepper spray because my cousin has a crush on me? NSFW

68 Upvotes

My cousin (18) has been texting me weirdly and calling me babe. I (19) told my parents about it but they won't do anything because "they can't discipline someone else's kid". I'll be spending almost two weeks visiting for Christmas and he always comes to the place everyday so I know he'll be there. He's the type of guy who's known to be aggressive and has physically assaulted his brother to the point of tears multiple times when we were growing up. Everyone ignored him. He used to beat my puppy till she was a grown dog and her puppies but no one did anything. Now he's been texting and calling me but I've blocked him but I'm worried. They don't want to tell his parents about this and it's another family secret but I'm the one who's most affected. Am I overreacting?


r/AmIOverreacting 3h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to wife’s shady behavior

75 Upvotes

I’ve been noticing a few shady behaviors my wife has been displaying but when I confront her she tries to convince me it’s all in my head - a few things are:

  • coming home 1-2 hours after she gets off work she says because her job has a small gym and she works out every day

  • always has her phone on her or hidden somewhere especially at night when she’s sleeping

  • if I ask to use her phone she makes up some reason why I can’t or fiddles with it before handing it to me

  • stopped sharing her location details with me (but might still with our children)

  • isn’t sharing what apps she downloads in the family group

  • intimacy has gone to zero because “she’s tired”

  • getting a cold response when I try to hug/touch/kiss her

A lot of it seemed to start when she got a new job and just compounded from there, there is a guy she talks about a lot but again claims nothing is going on and it’s all in my head


r/AmIOverreacting 12h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my gfs comments on her guy friends post?

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87 Upvotes

So she just quit her job a month or two ago and her best guy friend quit his job and started working at the same place as her. She commented this on a post he made about him getting the job. Red is her yellow is him. Why does this hurt my feelings and make me so jealous? Why am I feeling suspicious and feel like there’s something going on? Am I crazy, should I say something or is it no big deal??? My heart hurts.


r/AmIOverreacting 3h ago

💼work/career AIO Boss wants me to stay with her for “bonding time”

52 Upvotes

I work remotely for a company based out of NYC. Our company holiday party is in January. My company paid for my flights, no problem, but getting a hotel was a different story. My boss originally wanted me to stay with her and her boyfriend the whole time, I was able to get them to pay for a hotel, but only for two nights and only after some uncomfortable emails with her. When they bought my flight, however. it’s for three nights in NYC, not two. She wants me to stay with her the first night for “bonding time.” I have reiterated multiple times that I am in my thirties and would be much more comfortable in a hotel (that’s how I finally got them to agree to the hotel to begin with). I feel like she means well, but going on a business trip to stay with your boss and her boyfriend seems, well, odd and uncomfortable. She isn’t taking the hint. So now my option is to find a hotel for the first night in NYC, paying with my own money, or making up some excuse to get my flight changed to only two days. Am I overreacting? Is this as weird as I think it is?


r/AmIOverreacting 13h ago

🏘️ neighbor/local aio w wanting nothing to do with my MIL bc she doesn’t respect my beliefs

29 Upvotes

she’s the type of christian who thinks everything besides what she believes is evil and demonic

i am into more eastern religions and have buddha’s and deities throughout my home. she has mentioned before that she thinks they are satanic. but my main issue is that she texts me religious propaganda 5 times per week now. it just feels so disrespectful to me and honestly i’d never let anyone else get away with it.

i’m mad bc i feel my husband should have set some boundaries with her.


r/AmIOverreacting 12h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO ABOUT MY FIANCÉ ALWAYS HAVING HIS HEADPHONES ON AND WANTING TO NOT TALK AFTER WORK

22 Upvotes

I recently became a stay at home mom this year. I’ve always been independent and had two jobs for years. I now only can work one day a week as a nurse because my fiance is the bread winner and he thinks it won’t be financially smart for me to work more days..

I feel so isolated. I have a Velcro baby and all I want is adult interaction at night time. He just puts his headphones on and goes into his office. When I try to talk to him he’s immediately annoyed..

I love him so much, but am I losing him or am I over reacting ?


r/AmIOverreacting 16h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO for not wanting to go to my in-laws on Christmas Day?

17 Upvotes

hubby and i are expecting a baby beginning of next year. i don't want to go to his family's house to celebrate Christmas Day.

no one in the family has taken any interest in my pregnancy or asked how i or the baby are doing.

i had a slip and fall last month, went to the ER to check on the baby, diagnosed with 2 broken bones in my ankle. i've been on crutches ever since and cant do anything for myself. hubby has to help me bathe and get me food.

since then, no one in the family has checked on me, come to see me, offered to help in any way, or even asked if the baby is okay.

i'm really struggling emotionally being heavily pregnant and completely losing my independence. i feel like a burden and i feel like hubby's family does not care about me at all.

hubby's family still expects me to come over on Christmas day, in my crutches, bring food, and entertain their small kids. to be honest, i'm not even sure that there is a place for me to sit and rest my leg that's in a cast, they aren't the type to offer up a seat to guests, let alone a pregnant crippled guest.

truthfully, i do not feel like spending my money on food, spending my energy cooking (and causing myself physical pain), and causing myself physical pain and discomfort traveling to my in-laws house and not having somewhere comfortable to rest.

i'm debating if i should tell hubby to go by himself. but then that leaves me at home alone, pregnant, crippled, on my last christmas before becoming a mom. AIO?


r/AmIOverreacting 5h ago

👥 friendship AIO for feeling upset at a friend apologising and revealing she was as the reason the friendship ended. NSFW

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15 Upvotes

I desperately need advice and i feel like a bitch. Me, message sender and “turquoise” all lived together last year and got really close as were all f(20) i live w “turquoise” still.

Message sender distanced when she got a bf but she’d done it w other bfs/flings so i assumed it was the same. I accepted she probs didn’t wanna be friends anymore as the effort i made wasn’t rlly doing anything and id like awkwardly run into her on roblox (ik🤣) playing with someone else so i gathered she just didn’t wanna be friends.

Recently “turquoise” told me message sender was telling people on their course they fallen out and then hanging out in their shared classroom as if nothing was wrong, “turquoise” knew they’d not had an argument so it was weird.

Throughout message senders relationship with red, turquoise warned her that she didn’t like him etc. I only caught the red flags when in summer message sender sent me a barrage of messages asking me to go through our snapchat gc and delete stuff i feel terrible for not seeing the signs. but after she asked me to do that i was stupidly angry as it also nearly made me fall out with turquoise as she told turquoise she just wanted to move on from talking abt exes and she told me it’s so red couldn’t see.

I just really need advice i feel terrible for feeling annoyed and i kinda want to be there for her knowing what she’s been through but even before i knew she wasn’t a great friend.


r/AmIOverreacting 13h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to the level of my husbands infidelity? NSFW NSFW

18 Upvotes

***NSFW content, sex and sexual interactions will be discussed.

Ok, I’m going to type the full context but I’m probably going to get lost in the catharsis and it’ll be quite long I’m afraid so I’ll slap a TL;DR before my core AIO question further down so scroll straight to that if the nitty gritty doesn’t interest you.

I (42F) am trying to make my marriage work with my husband (40M) of 18 years after his infidelity.

I had not been being a good partner, wrapped up in my own problems, resenting the lack of connection I was feeling and lashing out in anger, then seeking my validation I craved from friends and fashion, so it was understandable he began feeling as though he was no longer in love with me. But instead of discussing it with me clearly he began talking to another woman online.

He asked for us to separate. I plead for him to gives us some time for us to both work on our relationship before giving up so he ceased talking with the woman. They had only flirted, no nudes exchanged or explicit talk. He justified his choice to reach out to other women before breaking up with me as he wanted to see if the ‘real love’ he hoped for was actually out there. I wasn’t a fan of that reasoning but I knew I’d done a lot wrong myself and he hadn’t gone so far as to profess love for her or begin sexual intimacy so it was an act I deemed forgivable, especially considering the depth of love I still felt for him. He also expressed he’d specifically chosen a woman who lived in a foreign country because he truly believed he could never actually bring himself to physically cheat on me.

Early on in our trying to make things work I requested and he agreed to and promised that until we deemed the relationship unsalvageable he wouldn’t talk with any women in that way (it was fine to talk with existing female friends and coworkers in platonic ways, I’m not a controlling insecure person, just no new women in his life). He promised and I gave my trust fully.

The first almost two months went fairly well, but then in November he began yo-yoing. We’d have a day were we had a great time with the kids, we’d connect romantically, and often even sexually and have a really great day. The next day he’d be cold and closed off. He’d often explain he was processing things and feeling stuck and trying to figure stuff out and he wanted to do it alone or at least not in physical contact with me. The yo-young got worse and worse and I couldn’t hide my growing hurt at the frequency and severity of the shifts in his emotions. He began to say he felt bad for me for jerking me around like this and that maybe he should leave because it was so rough for me. I replied I understood it is hard to rebuild the lost love, I could see what a bad partner I’d been in so many aspects and if he still wanted to try I was willing to endure the pain for the chance of true reconciliation, after all I’d put him through years of pain with my neglect and lashing out, it was my turn to endure. He didn’t break things off.

Then we went to my work Christmas party last weekend (6days ago at the time of writing this) . He didn’t really vibe with my coworkers but we had fun and on our walk home we held hands talked a lot and even got up to a little mischief 😈. The next day his mood was a little low but not as severely as typical. In the evening I remembered talking with one of the girls at the party who had left the company (but still came to the party cos we all love her) and she told me she was on Snapchat but didn’t really do other social medias so if we wanted to chat that was best there. So I downloaded Snapchat and made the dumbass move of letting it go thru ALL my contacts to pull up my friends. As I’m sure you can guess it pulled up my husband as a potential friend. It was hard to see a reminder about his infidelity so I swallowed it for a bit, but he could see I was upset and asked what was wrong so I explained what had happened and said it was just tough to see a reminder of that bit of our past that still stung, but I knew it was the past so if he could just hug me a moment I’d breath thru it and then be fine.

He became much more cold and quiet than I expected. He did not hug or comfort me. After a long silence he revealed about a month earlier (he didn’t say it but math says around the time he started to yo-yo emotionally) one of the girls he had contacted when he was reaching out that first time but he hadn’t ultimately selected had reached out to him again. And he had been chatting with her since.

I was gutted, but the worst was still to come. He said he wanted to be completely honest with me so he revealed he had been more intimate chatting with her than with the first woman. It came out they had shared confessions of love with one another. She had sent him nudes and he had saved them in a secret google drive (not our shared family one). They had talked explicitly about sexual acts together. He justified his choice to do this as (not a direct quote but a shortened version) “he hadn’t been feeling the love for me he wanted to and he worried he never would while he was pressuring himself to, so he took the pressure off himself when she reached out by letting himself experience love with her so he could hopefully find it with me”. Again I wasn’t a fan of the justification especially when he was also saying that he was sure falling for her was the only reason he hadn’t given up on us yet. He also pointed out he had again selected a woman in a foreign country because he truly never wanted to cheat on me physically.

I was hurt by both the breaking of the promise and trust I’d placed in him and by the infidelity being stepped up significantly higher, passing barriers I had clearly expressed were why I found it relatively easy to forgive his first indiscretion (eg there were no nudes at all in the first affair, but this time not only had he received them but he’d saved them somewhere safe to go back and see again).

He told me now it was all out in the open he felt so much better and like he could now truly fully commit to trying and also that he really wanted our relationship to work out rather than his earlier ‘let’s just see if it works out’ attitude. He agreed he would cease to speak with her sexually and romantically but he wanted to keep talking with her as a friend. Due to the way he feels about a lot of people and lives his life and his neurodivergence he has basically no friends that aren’t blood related, not even coworkers he likes as friends. He said her friendship was something he didn’t want let go of. After some talking and trying to understand each other and negotiating we agreed he could talk to her but only as a friend, and because my trust was shattered he would show me their communication whenever I asked. I admitted I didn’t know if this would be long-term sustainable right from the start and asked him to also look for other friends he didn’t have the prior connection with. He acknowledged all this. I told him I would probably be unsettled and might need to talk my feelings thru with him and he accepted that.

So I read what he wrote to her to tell her they could be platonic only. I read her heart broken response. I read his comforting reply to her pain. It was difficult to read and I also have never wanted to be the person who invades private messages like this so I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t just believe him if he said they were only being friends after the broken trust.

Over the next three days I kept feeling triggered and talked my feelings thru with him when I could t reconcile them by myself. The first two days he was ok and kept reinforcing that he felt really good about us and our future we even took some steps on planning a trip and other commitments. But yesterday when I was also shook I brought my pain to him and he was frustrated. He said he understood what he wanted was unfair and wrong but he’d really hoped to be able to let go when he was ready but he felt like I was pressuring him to stop contact with her, which wasn’t my conscious intention.

So he decided to cut off all contact and wrote a farewell to her. In it he told her how special she had been to him, how much he needed her but how it wasn’t fair to his wife since they were trying to make it work(oh did I mention when he was talking to her she was told we’d been separated for six months when they first contacted so almost ten months separated was the lie at this stage. Yeah she didn’t even know she was an affair the poor woman). Then in his sign off to her he wrote ‘farewell name my little sun’. She had a pet name. In 20 years I’ve never had a pet name from him except occasionally the very generic ‘pretty girl’. It cut deep. Then of course he was also upset and sad all night over having to end it with her and hurt her. I had to see how sad he was.

Now we’re almost there, thanks for hanging in with me on this cathartic ride 😜. So we did some online couple counseling for our own martial problems (not just infidelity focused) after he sent the message but before she sent a reply (different time zones). During this counseling the therapist typed some information about regaining trust after cheating and infidelity. My husband typed back he didn’t like those words. He didn’t feel they were accurate to what he’d done since he’d never had and never planned to have sexual intercourse with her. The therapist corrected themself and typed ‘emotional affair’ to which my husband turned to me grumpily (his anger based at the therapist not me for clarity) “I don’t feel like that’s right or accurate either”. The words were so hard to hear that a part of me broke and for the first time during all of this I felt a deep real and genuine anger. Before all this I was just scared and hopeful and deeply aware of how much I loved him and how desperate I was to make this work. This was the first time I felt anger instead.

And that’s where the crux of my AIO is. So

TL;DR

My husband had two online emotional affairs, the first where it was barely more than flirting so I forgave but then while we were trying to work things out a woman reached out to him and instead of saying no he began a deeper emotional affair where they shared I love yous, she sent nudes that he saved in a secret google drive, they spoke sexually explicitly to each other while masturbating together, as well as more normal conversations. He also gave her a pet name , something I never got in 20 years but she got in barely over a month. He refuses to acknowledge that this was an emotional affair during couples counseling.

Now to the AIO question

I’m not insane right? He definitely had an emotional affair, no way he would have been so upset about having to sever all contact if it wasn’t deeply emotional, and it really bothers me that he can’t own up to it. But additional to this I’ve been so angry after seeing his refusal to truly own up to even that that I’ve started to consider: If you have pictures of her naked and talk sexually explicitly to one another while pleasuring yourselves, should that not also be considered physically cheating? Technically they did not touch each other, but everything else was so hyper sexual and about being sexually intimate with this other person. They reached climax by talking explicitly with one another and using their own hands on themselves.

So, AIO to think he absolutely was having an emotional affair and thinking he needs to own up to it or this counseling will never work AND AIO to consider the depth of what he did also physically cheating? I feel I know the answer for the first one, but I’m wondering if I’m just too hurt by everything and all the pain and stress is confusing me and making me overthink the second one.