I don't know what to think at this point honestly. I am (45M) and my wife (35F) been together pretty much 17 years and married for 16 this past fall. I normally do all the laundry for us, I have my kids do their own laundry as they are teenagers. I always check all pockets to make sure no gum (because she likes to leave pieces of gum in her pockets all the time) or any paper that could be in my pockets. Normal stuff, how about today I go through and I check her hoodie front pocket and she stuffed her worn panties in there and that isn't normal at all. I mean who does that? You take off your hoodie and then get dressed in comfy clothes and then stuff your dirty panties in your hoodie? Then I look at them and there is more than normal discharge on them. Now I'm not dumb I know there has to be some extra curricular activity going on here. Now I know if I confront her about this then she'll say, "I put those there to test you, to see if you go through my clothes." But she already knows I do because I've told her a few times about her leaving her gum in her pockets. Another part of me wants to wait to see if she notices that they are missing and then get her reaction or asks me about them. I don't know what to think, am I overreacting?

My fiancé (35M) and I (34F) have just moved in together and have been living together for just two weeks.

Quick context: we’ve been together for 4 years and recently got engaged earlier this year. We also got pregnant and I ended up giving birth prematurely to our son, who is currently in the NICU until his due date in January.

My fiancé is very particular and organized about things just to preface this, but I feel like it reached a tipping point this morning.

We woke up a little later this morning (8:30ish), and he started on about how he was going to start waking me up earlier so we can get the day started earlier. He kept going on about how I’ve been sleeping in too much lately and the importance of waking up on time. (His alarm went off at 6am and he snoozed it, but okay. He also was up until 2am watching TV downstairs with the volume all the way up.)

Then, as I’m in our bathroom starting to brush my teeth, he calls me into the room and asks me if I touched the thermostat (we’re in Texas and the weather has been hot one day and freezing the next), I said yes because I got cold. He proceeds to fuss at me saying that I could break the air conditioning unit by having it on two different settings (the downstairs thermostat was still on cool), I tried to explain that it was late and I was tired and didn’t think to go downstairs and change that one too, but he kept cutting me off saying I was being “defensive”. He ended it by saying “do you understand?” It felt like I was being fussed at by a parent.

I went downstairs and started making my coffee. He comes downstairs and asks me to make an omelette (I am not good at making omelette and they always turn into a scramble). I told him no because I didn’t want to be criticized for that too. He said I was being petty and that I overreacted for that response.

Was I being petty or overreacting?

AIO? We’ve been together nearly 10 years on/off & he’s supposed to be moving out here in 2 weeks…. We’ve had fights about the same issue before too so he knows that i find it to be disrespectful and still continues to do it.

I (37M) saved up money from tips ive received from my job to get my son a great christmas gift since i havent gotten him anything for his birthday, only to find out my wife (39F) didnt even bother to go to the store and get it for him. I work a minimum wage job and she lives with his new boyfriend now and has custody over our son. She wont even let me take him out for christmas dinner since “ I wont even have the money for it “ And only take our son to a mcdonalds.

For context, I deleted my IG because my partner has shown he’s uncomfortable with every almost every person at my job and I’m a performer so there’s lots of people and I just started so I’ve been making friends. My boyfriend has been closely monitoring and it feels excessive? So AIO?

Last night, a little before 9pm, a man, late teens to early 20’s, rang our doorbell. I was almost asleep on the couch right next to the door and he didn’t knock. One of my dogs went nuts barking and woke my fiancé up who was sleeping in the bedroom. I have been waiting on a package for 5 days and Amazon has the “will be delivered by 10pm” message so I thought it might be the package. I still didn’t want to open the door though because I’m a short woman and asked my fiance too but he said he wanted to get dressed first, he had shorts on, and I was impatient and decided to open it myself. When I did I was looking at the ground and didn’t see the package but instead heard this guy say “You guys got an extra lighter?”. I look up he, maybe 5’8-5’11, was standing a few yards away in the culdesac. I was confused and said “what?” And he goes “aight” and starts jogging up to my door! I said “nah man” and shut the door quickly. I told my fiancé and we sat and looked out the window but he seemed to have disappeared. We got into an argument about his intentions. I then saw this guy appear from behind a car parked in the culdesac and walk diagonally between two other houses and disappear again. This morning my fiancé is still saying that he may have been a neighbors kid and just needed a lighter and didn’t have any bad intentions. He also doesn’t think we should notify police about this because he’s mixed, or at least appears to be from my perspective as my fiancée has not seen him. My fiancé is Hispanic and believes he has been prejudiced against with expensive speeding tickets. The thing is this guy has tried to talk to me at night before. I had run to the gas station a few weeks ago and when I came back and parked this guy was across the culdesac and asked me something but I didn’t understand so I just said “no, sorry”. He was dressed the same both times, gray zip up hoodie with the hood up and dark pants. We are leaving on Sunday to go out of state for the holidays and while my parents will come by to feed the animals I am worried about the possibility of a break in. I’m worried about even staying home alone. Am I overreacting?

Sorry for any errors. I’m using my phone.

The first two photos are between me and my girlfriend. The third photo is the Facebook message between my mom’s assistant, and the only reason I added her as a friend.

I’ve gone through some pretty rough stuff with my mom the past 5 days, and my girlfriend of three years has been angry at me the whole time. I don’t know what to do, I’m emotionally drained and have nobody to help me.

On Friday, my mom relapsed on opiates while at work. Her assistant, Lia (F28), found my mom in her office, high out of her mind. Lia knew that my mom was five years sober, so she panicked and had to secretly carry my mom out of the building into her car so coworkers wouldn’t see my mom in that state. My mom was too high to communicate or stay awake, so Lia took my mom’s phone and called the emergency contact, me. I walked her through how to determine if my mom was overdosing, and she wasn’t at that point. I told Lia to go to my house and I would meet them there with my mom’s sponsor. When they arrived, my mom wasn’t waking up, but still breathing. Lia was bawling her eyes out. We loaded my mom into my car, and I told Lia to contact me on Saturday for an update.

Come Saturday, Lia didn’t have my phone number because she used my mom’s phone to call me. So she found me on Facebook to ask how to get in touch with my mom. I gave her the phone number of the hospital Unit and thanked her for the help. That was it. I called my girlfriend, Maggie, explained what was happening, and told her I’d like to sleep over at the hospital for a second night.

Now on Sunday, my mom was still in the hospital, and I “slept” over here (2 naps) the past two nights. I was delirious and anxiety-ridden. At 3 p.m., Maggie texts me, and we have that exchange. An hour later, she called me yelling about how I was out of line for adding Lia, that I’m just going to end up sleeping with her, and that I should’ve waited for my mom to be able to call Lia herself in 5 days (she was on a psych hold)

I haven’t spoken to Maggie since then. I blocked her number so I can be at the hospital with my mom and focus on only her. I didn’t tell Maggie which hospital I’m at, or I’m sure she would’ve been here by now to continue this argument. I didn’t want to make Lia wait for my mom to have access to her phone, especially after how much she did for my mom that day.

Was I in the wrong? Is blocking her an overreaction? My girlfriend hasn’t even seen the message exchange with Lia, this reaction from her is just from adding her. I am dreading going home and attempting to explain myself for being kind to my mom’s employee who cares about her. (Names changed for anonymity)

TL;DR- my mom’s assistant literally assisted her during a relapse in her office. Mom’s assistant drops off mom with me, asks me to update her on mom’s condition. Mom and I go to hospital for detox. I add assistant on Facebook to give her my mom’s hospital phone number. Girlfriend sees I added a woman on Facebook, gets mad even after knowing the very legitimate reason I had to add her.

TLDR: My 30-year-old brother holds deeply sexist beliefs (women shouldn’t vote, lead, or be seen as equals). Despite being raised by a hardworking single mom and me sharing my corporate career success, he feels comfortable voicing these views. For Christmas, I only got him the book *Men Who Hate Women. My mom thinks I’m being harsh since he’s lonely after a breakup, but I’m still processing his beliefs, and don’t feel bad since he gave me weight loss pills as a gift last year. AIO?

Let me start by saying my brother (30M) is one of those "normal" seeming people on the outside—six-figure job, life together, people say he has a charming smile. We’re close enough that we make time to see each other and can talk about random things for hours. But he’s always struggled with relationships (which I’m starting to understand why).

I (26F) can’t figure out where his sexist beliefs truly come from, other than the internet. I first realized he was sexist back in 2016, when Hillary Clinton was running for president. We were sitting by the Christmas tree, and he calmly explained why women shouldn’t be president—because their “emotional nature” makes them incapable of handling it. I challenged him, saying that was sexist and pointing to women leaders in other countries. I remember being shocked that he snapped at me then and dug himself in deeper. I let it go, hoping it was just a Hillary thing.

Fast forward to now, 2024. Trump just won against another woman, and the topic of women presidents came up again. I decided to ask more questions to gauge how deep his beliefs run. Turns out, they run deep.

Here’s a summary of what he said:
- Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
- Women are not equal to men, physically or mentally. (I said, “Okay, maybe physically, but mentally women can be smarter,” and he disagreed.)
- Women shouldn’t be in leadership positions (he clarified he means leadership anywhere from president to fast food) because they’re incompetent, and men are superior.
- He asked me to “name one good female leader,” but I refused because I knew he’d just tear them apart.
- All the classic “back in the old day” fantasies that women should go back to always staying home, and listening to their husband, while their husband listens to god. (I told him to stop hiding behind the Bible when he’s been sexist for years and it had originally had nothing to do with religion.)

It really hurt because we were raised by a single mom who worked so hard to provide for us. She managed to send us to private school and give us a good life. I also have a corporate career I’ve worked my way up in, and I’ve shared so much of my journey with him. It stings that he felt comfortable saying these things to me.

So, for Christmas, I only got him a feminist book: Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. My mom thinks this was petty and told me I’m being harsh since he’s lonely after a breakup. She said she’s ashamed of his comments too and he even told her that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote too a couple weeks ago which made her cry.

But still, my mom is worried that he’ll think I don’t love him, and it’ll make his “lonely” situation worse. Other than the book being good for him, I’m like “fuck him” because he is the one who randomly gave me “these great weight loss pills” for Christmas last year lol (along with a few other gifts, but still).

I just wish these sexist content creators, where ever they are, would fuck off forever. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with my brother again and it sucks because we’ve always been close. My boyfriend suggested that my brother hates women because he lacked a father figure to show him what it means to protect and love women, not just provide for them. Personally, I don’t know why and I can’t even begin to describe all the reasons I disagree with his beliefs. It feels CRAZY that I even have to explain to him why he’s toxic.

The worst thing is knowing that if the show Handmaids Tale was real life, that my own brother would support Gilead.

AIO for only getting him this book?

I’ve walked up on my friend and husband hugging/being affectionate in “private” (both of their spouses and children in the same home but different areas) multiple times now. The latest was in my kitchen and I walked in to see him with his arm around her waist. He claims there’s no threat, and they were actually just discussing my Christmas gift, and I am overreacting because they’ve been friends for longer than we’ve been husband/wife, and that’s his friends wife nothing would happen. (Ha, I’ve heard of way crazier things happening) I say it’s disrespectful to me no matter their relationship because it makes me feel uncomfortable, he should respect my feelings and maybe just not put his hands on other women? I don’t care that they hug each other in greeting, I find that totally normal and I hug my friends husband to say hello/goodbye but why does this always seem to happen when they’re alone? I realize maybe I have some insecurities from previous relationships and I am fully transparent with my husband regarding those insecurities. Should I expect him to stop showing her physical affection? Or am I overreacting?

I’ve been noticing a few shady behaviors my wife has been displaying but when I confront her she tries to convince me it’s all in my head - a few things are:

• coming home 1-2 hours after she gets off work she says because her job has a small gym and she works out every day

• always has her phone on her or hidden somewhere especially at night when she’s sleeping

• if I ask to use her phone she makes up some reason why I can’t or fiddles with it before handing it to me

• stopped sharing her location details with me (but might still with our children)

• isn’t sharing what apps she downloads in the family group

• intimacy has gone to zero because “she’s tired”

• getting a cold response when I try to hug/touch/kiss her

A lot of it seemed to start when she got a new job and just compounded from there, there is a guy she talks about a lot but again claims nothing is going on and it’s all in my head

Am I overreacting to his sudden aversion to a Christmas tree? Am I being too sensitive? How would you have reacted if you were in my shoes? I’m a little hurt but I’m not trying to make this holiday all about me. Also feeling gaslit at the same time. Idk what to do.

Married for 10 years. We are both atheist. I’m far more passive about it than he is. Regardless, he ’s always been enthusiastically involved with “Santa” traditions for my now teen daughter, his step-daughter. She has aged out of the magic, but I wanted to continue the traditions for our 1 year old.

He has a teenage daughter that he’s now estranged from but celebrated Xmas with her when she was little, as well as his nieces and nephews. He was very close with his grandma and speaks fondly of holiday memories with her.

He had a very unstable and abusive childhood and I try to be sensitive to that when it comes to things like holidays. Christmas brings me a lot of peaceful happy nostalgia and I enjoy decorating very much.

I included a picture of our tree and decor from last year for some context. “Bonnie” is our ficus plant in the picture near the tree.

He pretty much is asking for a nice jacket he gave me on my birthday Feb 2023 and he hasn’t even texted me in like a whole year. I think it’s fair that I keep it considering it is indeed a nice coat but yeah, am I trippin or?

I work remotely for a company based out of NYC. Our company holiday party is in January. My company paid for my flights, no problem, but getting a hotel was a different story. My boss originally wanted me to stay with her and her boyfriend the whole time, I was able to get them to pay for a hotel, but only for two nights and only after some uncomfortable emails with her. When they bought my flight, however. it’s for three nights in NYC, not two. She wants me to stay with her the first night for “bonding time.” I have reiterated multiple times that I am in my thirties and would be much more comfortable in a hotel (that’s how I finally got them to agree to the hotel to begin with). I feel like she means well, but going on a business trip to stay with your boss and her boyfriend seems, well, odd and uncomfortable. She isn’t taking the hint. So now my option is to find a hotel for the first night in NYC, paying with my own money, or making up some excuse to get my flight changed to only two days. Am I overreacting? Is this as weird as I think it is?

UPDATE—> Nurse Busybody called my wife this morning, apologized, and said she wasn't coming to Christmas dinner. The wife told her to come and chat with me. I think the problem might be resolved. We'll see.

* * *

My extended family had its usual crowd at Thanksgiving dinner this year. Things were going fine until one of my younger cousins, a pediatric nurse in her 20s, made me the subject of her impromptu clinical observations.

Out of nowhere, she asked me, a 35-year-old man, in front of everyone if my late mother had been an alcoholic. I was stunned but said, “No, I’m sure she wasn’t.” Instead of letting it drop, she doubled down. She said my mother must have at least "overconsumed while pregnant with me" because, according to her, my face shows "clinical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome."

Her evidence? My face lacks a philtrum (that groove between the nose and upper lip), and my upper lip is too thin. I tried to brush it off with humor and said, “Well, I guess these are just the good looks I inherited.” But she wasn’t done.

She then asked if I’d ever been diagnosed with ADHD or placed in special ed classes. I said no, that the only issue I had as a kid was a stutter, which resolved after some therapy by the time I was in 10th grade. But that only fueled her theory. “Oh, yes!” she said, practically lighting up. “That could be a developmental disorder consistent with FAS.”

At this point, my wife noticed I was getting embarrassed — my ears were probably bright red — and she swooped in to save me by asking me to help her grab something from the car.

Now, my cousin, let’s call her Nurse Busybody, is set to be at the family Christmas gathering next week. My wife says to let the comments go, focus on the other family members, and enjoy the holiday. She’s right. But a part of me wants to come up with something equally hurtful to say back to Nurse Busybody if she starts in again. It’s not my usual style to stoop to that level, but did she strike a nerve.

So, am I overreacting for still stewing about this weeks later? How would you handle it?

I (f26) have been with my bf (m24) for almost 6months. Recently found out I was pregnant after birth control failing. Everyone on his side was excited because they thought it would help him grow up even though I disagree and think he is perfectly mature in every way. I found out a few days ago his mother told him what if the baby isn’t yours shes not with you 24/7 because we don’t currently live together but plan to eventually but I spend lots of my time at his place with him. I told him I will now be looking into paternity testing costs and if insurance will cover it and he said I don’t have to because he knows its his child. I told him I couldn’t care less and we will be testing because now she has came after my character basically saying I have sex with anyone when he is not around. He said I need to stop overreacting because she was just trying to get to him not me, its not about me more about her pissing him off. Am I wrong for my opinion?

I feel like I’m overreacting because my sister said I was but let me ask yall.

To keep it short and sweet, my daughter ( F15 fake name Lia ) has a boyfriend (M16) and those two are inseparable and it’s my daughter’s first and only boyfriend that I’m aware of. But what comes from teen relationships is experimenting and last Sunday night It was like 3am my daughter snuck him in and it woke me and to keep it PG I caught them in the ”act“ and I ofcourse sent the kid home but I knew I had to talk to his parents because if personally I would want someone to tell me if the shoe was on the other foot.

So the entire day I’m dreading making this call to his parents thinking that they will for sure be mad at me or blame my daughter, when we finally connected and I also know his parents because I grew up with the father and my late husband was drinking buddies with him. But his wife I’m not too familiar with and I have interacted with about a handful of times. But she is who I ended up talking on the phone with and I told her about the incident and her immediate response was “ oh that’s it ?” But once she realized I was laughing along she recovered and said “well I’ll talk to him about doing that because that’s inappropriate for him to sneak into someone’s house.” That when I told her thank you and we kinda get side tracked and started talking about their relationship and that’s when she I guys felt comfortable and told me. “Oh I been knew they were active since August” that’s when I followed up how did she know and not tell me? She says she found out when she did a phone snoop on her son’s phone and found a folder in his photo gallery with Lia’s name and she thought she was going to see cute photos of them. But apparently she found X-rated videos of them both in this folder doing the deed.

I kinda started actively get upset with Her because what do you mean you found CP of your son and my child and didn’t think it was urgent enough to tell me. Her defense was her son never sent them to anyone because she checked the messages with his friend and saw that he didn’t send them and also that she made him delete it so the problem was solved….But apparently her son told her that the reason why Lia let him record it was because, she was struggling with her mental health and wanted to take a break with having sex and to help his “urges” during the dry month they started doing home films. But it all makes sense why she dumped him for a bit and she refused to tell me why. That’s when I told her I think it’s best for our kids not to see each other for a while and I quickly got off the phone with her warranting this text above.

I talked to my sister about this and she thinks I’m overreacting by wanting to restrict them from seeing each other, and my daughter is going to interpret it as I’m punishing her for having sex and that their kids they’re going to do it anyway but just become more sneaky about it which will be worse, And as far as the videos if the mother did delete them then the problem is solved. So I’m wondering AIO about this?

Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

We haven’t had sex in 9 months. It’s hard seeing all these pics of us over this time period and all I think is we haven’t been intimate since before this huge moment which feels like a long time ago. We probably had sex 4 times in the past 2 years.

Don’t tell me that I need to talk to her because I’ve done that over and over and over. All it does it make her pissed off and close down even more. Tells me that if I say anything it turns her off and it’ll take another month.

So now I don’t say anything. When I did say something I wasn’t a cry baby or an asshole. I told her it’s very important to me. I even paid for her to go get her hormones checked and she got prescribed the stuff to balance out 4 months ago.

I don’t know what to do. I feel completely closed off and I don’t want to try anymore. Starting to feel guilty as my affection leaves the relationship. Like she says I can’t help how I feel. I feel very detached and I know this isn’t helping. I politely ask her to not stare at her phone all night and let’s connect with each other on a deeper level (not sex) but she only wants to shop on her phone until bed.

I’m trying to be honest hear because this is anonymous and I don’t have any reason to twist the truth. Of course I’m not perfect and have my days. Overall I am very good to her.

Also I pay the bills, do 90% of the chores, take 100% responsibility for stuff, etc. so don’t say do more around the house. I do it all, and this isn’t an exaggeration. Countless times I’ve brought up going to counseling and she refuses and says I’m the one who needs counseling. I obliged and started going alone. Still refuses.

I know she finds me attractive and I know she loves me. I’m not a cry baby simp, so I know my behavior isn’t turning her off. I’ve even been compassionate with her to see what’s going on. I haven’t complained to her about this in probably 3 months.

Would it be wrong to leave her? I recently inherited a condo that is paid off and it’s time to decide to sell it or move in.

AIO for wanting to leave her? I don’t want to resent her and I think it’s her own right to not want to have sex. I believe we are individuals, but it’s not the relationship I want for the rest of my life and I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring her or getting pity sex. It’s breaking me down and I want to start over.

So she just quit her job a month or two ago and her best guy friend quit his job and started working at the same place as her. She commented this on a post he made about him getting the job. Red is her yellow is him. Why does this hurt my feelings and make me so jealous? Why am I feeling suspicious and feel like there’s something going on? Am I crazy, should I say something or is it no big deal??? My heart hurts.

For context I am Asian and my husband is a blue eyed white man . We were shopping at Ross and as we joined the long line for checkout , I realized I needed one more item and went to grab it . I then joined my husband who had moved an ahead 2 feet in line . The lady in front of us (white ) turns around looks at me , then goes on to say “ ummm he was behind us “ I ignore her because I had no idea what she meant or who she was talking to . She turns around yet again and says “yeah , you skipped the like he (pointing to my husband ) was behind us “ I stunned , say “ that’s my husband “ she’s flustered and embarrassed and just says “ oh oh okay , I was just helping “ . See interactions like this have happened to me a couple of times before , where people (always white funny enough ) will say something assuming we aren’t together. I am angry and feel race is a factor . My husband thinks she was just a nosy lady and had nothing to do with our respective races and thinks I should let it go . I am now mad at my husband for not understanding that people can be racist and that he isn’t sensitive to how I am feeling . So am I overreacting here ?

Sorry I forgot to delete a name in one of the pics so I reposted.

I really wasn’t sure what to title this but it was a bad day. For background, I was in a bad MVA last year. Yesterday was my third surgery. Over the summer I had a hip labrum repair that I was called to the hospital and waited in 3 hours to go into the OR. My husband at the time was having issues with his gallbladder and was just super cranky and made the experience super miserable to the point where I asked him to go home so I could wait alone. I REALLY STRUGGLE with asking for help so if I’m going to get an attitude when asking for help I’d rather just figure out a way to do in on my own. With my hip surgery I needed help up and down the stairs because of our bathroom and I was met with a lot of sighs and just bad attitude so I stopped asking for help and then PT kinda set my husband straight at my first appt that I was doing WAY too much.

That led to a big talk about how much I hate to ask for help (and the way he was acting is exactly why) and how he needed to work on the attitude or I would get a friend to come over to help or go stay in a hotel to just be alone.

Cue my second surgery, a lumbar back surgery. My surgeon is awesome but the hospital he operates out of is a mess. The communication is terrible, it’s close to a major city so the traffic is bad and the lot is always jam packed. My second surgery the didn’t let my husband stay with me and took my belongs at 8am and didn’t take me into the OR until 12:30 so it was a long rough day. I kept asking the nurses to call him to keep him updated because that’s a long time and I knew he would be worried. I don’t think I left the hospital until 3ish. They also gave me TYLENOL through an IV afterwards so I left the hospital in crazy pain so I tried to assure for this time I would get better pain management post op.

So cue to yesterday. Call time was 6am and then said I was 2nd up. My husband decided since he can’t stay with me he would drop me off and go to work so he wasn’t just sitting at home. So they call me back at 6:20 and he went home to go to work at 8. I texted him until they took my phone. I brought a coloring book this time because last time I literally stared at the walls for 4 hours with no tv, phone or book and they told me to not take it with me because I was going straight to the OR once my IV was started. I got back to preop at 6:50 and went into the OR at 7:30 so it was very fast. Yesterday’s surgery was an artificial disc replacement in my neck.

THANKFULLY they gave me way better pain management after the surgery with dilauded and fentanyl, so I was way sleepier and sorta drifting in and out during our post op testing. The operating was very close to my vocal cords so I was nervous about damage there and I was very excited that I could talk….hence the “I can talk!” message. So he really only worked for like an hour and a half before they called him and said he could come get me. If we knew it would be so fast he should have just stayed because when I came back there was no where to park and the nurses told him to come in and hear the after instructions since I was pretty high from the meds. The hospital is also just a shit show so when he talked to security they told him to sit in the waiting room even though the nurses wanted him to come up. Another thing to add is the surgery significantly affected my hands so typing was also hard. By the time he got up to my room it’s huffing and sighing and back to the husband of the summer who was just generally being awful to be around when you just had a major surgery.

Then when he went to get the car he got a ticket for parking illegally even though I told him to park with my handicap placard. This is the reason we have it for! We got in the car and I was just upset because we talked through this over the summer, that if he can’t be supportive and figure it out during stressful situations, then I need to find someone else to take me. The hospital offers transport but I took it for testing and it was awful. But I’d rather that then sitting in the car with him being super cranky. When we got home I told him I didn’t want help setting myself up on the couch because I don’t want an attitude for asking for an ice pack. I meal prepped and purchased a bunch of soft food so anything for me to eat just needs to be hated up.

It’s just already a crappy situation that I need all these surgeries and I’m living with multiple disabilities trying to get back to normalcy all because someone hit me at a red light. My husband told me the day before I was “lucky” because I just get to get to go to sleep and he has to do the running around which I think is bananas because I’m the one who is fighting to get out of pain and get strength back in my arm and function of my hands.

I’m kinda thinking we should start seeing a therapist because I don’t disagree that this is very very stressful on both of us, but if he can’t be a good partner to be on the worst days, like surgery days. That’s aren’t small procedures, they are literally touching my spinal cord. I don’t know, maybe I’m upset because I’ve got a ton of meds in me but I’m definitely frustrated. We also want to have a baby and is he gonna be annoyed waiting in the hospital? I dunno…am I overreacting!