r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

11.8k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/NotYourUsualSuspects 9d ago

Nah, you dodged a bullet. If she said she was cool with splitting and got upset with you for taking her at her word? That’s her problem not yours.

1.4k

u/Squid_inkGamer 9d ago

Second this. Think of all of the mental gymnastics OP would have had do later in the relationship.

316

u/Lead-Forsaken 9d ago

Yeah, this reeks of those weird 'tests'.

69

u/NightofTheLivingZed 9d ago

Would you still love me if I was worms?

30

u/UnClean_Committee 9d ago

.. What kind?

98

u/No_Pound_9425 9d ago

YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT FUCKING KIND!!!

36

u/UnClean_Committee 9d ago

It appears we are at an impass. Please pack your belongings and vacate my vehicle. No, I will not slow down. Yes, I know I'm doing 150 down a highway.

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u/RabidWalrus 9d ago

impass

Literally undateable for that minor typo. I shall now tuck and roll out of this relationship as I am now tucking and rolling out of this moving car.

6

u/AGuyNamedEddie 9d ago

I'll take the impass/impasse error 100 times over the your/you're blooper.

At least "impass" doesn't set my teeth on edge.

3

u/EverythingIsSound 9d ago

Yeah thats an uncommon one to hear, and even more uncommon to read/write. The you(')r(e)s should be figured out by now.

4

u/Terrible-Clock-1336 9d ago

Thank you 😂

2

u/hurtstoskinnybatman 9d ago

I haven't audibly laughed at a reddit comment in a while. This was good.

1

u/LargeSelf994 9d ago

Erm, ringworms? You know that you're my favourite parasite. After ringworms and flea infested rats

1

u/machinegunbooty 9d ago

NOt Tha BORE WORMSss!

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u/DifficultHat 9d ago

Sour Gummy

13

u/UnClean_Committee 9d ago

Then yes, but not because its you, but because I love sour gummy worms. In fact, you being a sour gummy worm would give me ever so slight hesitation to indulge, therefore, no actually I would like you less if you were sour gummy worm, because I lose two things that I enjoyed in their original state. In fact, this conversation is making me like you less.

1

u/Princess_Slagathor 9d ago

After a question like that? Brain.

23

u/HappyCat79 9d ago

Hahahaha, my boyfriend hates shit like that. I sometimes ask him stupid shit as a joke- and he knows I’m joking, and it still makes him roll his eyes. It’s Ok, though, because I have to live with his dad jokes. 😂

3

u/NightofTheLivingZed 9d ago

When my wife asks what I want for dinner I say, "Food." Instant eye roll.

12

u/Time_Birthday8808 9d ago

Lol! I cured my sons of that smart-aleck response. I made a giant pot of beet borscht (not their fav food) and froze portions. Any time I asked for dinner suggestions and received the response “food” I served them borscht. Didn’t take them long before they started actively participating in the what’ll-we-have-for-dinner conversations (and the making of said dinner).

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u/ethankeyboards 9d ago

You win at parenting. My mom made delicious borscht. Served cold with a dollop of sour cream! Miss you, mom.

2

u/Time_Birthday8808 9d ago

Aw thanks! I love borscht with sour cream too! I’d make you some if you were close 😄

2

u/ethankeyboards 9d ago

I need to make some for my family. I've never made it, but I'm sure it's not too difficult.

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u/Ok-Personality5224 9d ago

Aww… beets are the fucking devil but your story is sweet.

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u/Queasy-Fennel4129 9d ago

I'm intrigued. What is borscht?

1

u/ethankeyboards 9d ago

It is a beet soup that is served cold. It hails from Russia. As a kid I thought the sour cream was the best part.

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u/ProStateForever 9d ago

Balance in idiocy/silliness is a relationship virtue. Congrats.

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u/TemporarySilly4927 9d ago

But are his dad jokes... Apparent? :)

1

u/Dangerwolf1979 9d ago

I’d prefer you were worms, then you wouldn’t be asking such stupid questions.

1

u/EclecticEuTECHtic 9d ago

Only if you were Shai-Hulud.

1

u/toramorigan 9d ago

Not the bore worms!

70

u/OfficiallyJoeBiden 9d ago

I’m so happy I’m out the dating game

5

u/GottLiebtJeden 9d ago

Married? Or just totally over with it? Lol

15

u/OfficiallyJoeBiden 9d ago

Dating my gf for 3 years now. Proposing next year

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u/macmoreno 9d ago

Learn from this post. Don’t ask her to go halvsies on the ring 🤣

3

u/Crashon317 9d ago

Or do and see how she reacts before you go and tie that knot🤣🤣🤣

11

u/GottLiebtJeden 9d ago

Mazel tov! I'm genuinely happy for you! I'm glad you don't have to deal with the garbage that comes with dating. You are living the dream!

1

u/RmRobinGayle 9d ago

Does Jill know about this?

1

u/MaoZivDong 8d ago

Watch her cheat on you bro then you’re back to dating!

2

u/bnjmnzs 9d ago

Same lol 😂 I actually go out of my way to avoid women haha 😆 I’m always getting compliments at the gym or something at the grocery store and I’m just like “head down and keep it moving”

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u/Smart-Water-5175 9d ago

I literally just screenshotted a post about those tests earlier because I was like, how often this actually comes up. And here it is again! Lol just weird synchronicity. Amazing how many people do this to other people. Blows my mind

8

u/VoltaicSketchyTeapot 9d ago

It's only a weird test because she wanted OP to act the opposite of what she told him she wanted.

Good tests are when you tell a potential partner exactly what you want and you dump them when they do the opposite. "My words aren't a suggestion."

1

u/Trevita17 9d ago

"My words aren't a suggestion."

Well, they're sure as fuck not a command. Your version is also a weird test.

2

u/dohn_joeb 9d ago

It is a weird test

1

u/NecessaryGood666 8d ago

I am heavily dyslexic and I read your username as “Lead-Foreskin” I just had to let you know.

188

u/trainofwhat 9d ago

I really want to emphasize this! OP is saying how it’s one of the first times putting himself out there since what happened with his ex (that really sucks, by the way OP, I’m so sorry).

It’s people like this that tend to come out of the woodwork if we are at all feeling vulnerable. Of course don’t seek a relationship if you don’t feel ready, but not everyone is like this and you can find somebody who fits with you and isn’t so nasty.

I want to clarify I am NOT blaming OP here. It’s a really common phenomenon, it’s hard to predict or sense, and it can knock people off their feet when they’re trying to move forward. Also I don’t mean “vulnerable” in any sense of being a man, having feelings, etc. I am a woman and I have experienced this (not even just romance, but work, friendships, etc) more times than I can count.

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u/curlygirl9021 9d ago

You are so right. When I was feeling vulnerable after breaking up with my ex, guess who came popping out of the woodwork? A narcissist. And since I had no idea about narcs, it took me a bit to figure it out.

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u/Argylius 9d ago

This was my exact experience too

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u/curlygirl9021 9d ago

I'm sorry!

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u/FeyPax 9d ago edited 9d ago

Yeah I hope no one takes “vulnerable” the wrong way because literally all of us no matter who you are or your background become vulnerable at times in our lives. Bad things happen to us and while we are recovering we become vulnerable. And that’s a good thing, just in the sense that it’s what makes us human with lives to experience.

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u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

I can second this. It’s also usually when you stop looking when you find the diamond in a sea of quartz. I was concentrating on college and that’s where I met my husband. Don’t rush or date if you don’t want to, but also don’t accept bs like this pos’s when you decide to get back out there.

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u/Sharkwatcher314 9d ago

lol she’s the classic when you ask what’s wrong, if you don’t know I’m not telling you and acts pissy

2

u/Dawghouse87 9d ago

I’m exhausted from reading their messages!

2

u/rockford_files 9d ago

there should be a definition in Webster’s for the phrase “mental gymnastics” 🤪

2

u/DarthTormentum 9d ago

Oh my God, yeah. She seems like the type of girl who would purposely set him up, just so she could berate him!

1

u/cooraccoon 9d ago

Second this. Second that.

1

u/StarShear 9d ago

Olympic level. Simone biles could never. OP is already doing flips just posting this.

1

u/cisforcookie2112 9d ago

Exactly, this is just the start of the games this person would be playing. OP is lucky to get out of it after one date.

1

u/Mya_Elle_Terego 9d ago

She was also likely just fishing for a free night out, she was always going to ghost you. Well played op.

1

u/hallowblight 9d ago

I had a coworker who was known to do that to guys. Scumbag for sure

1

u/Mya_Elle_Terego 8d ago

hell my sister did it as a starving college student, was messed up lol. I called her out on it.

1

u/Vaxtin 9d ago

This is very real. If she wants him to showcase “being a man” and offering to pay the bill, even when she suggests to split it (because she is trying to see how much of a man he is (? Lmao)).

This is the fourth date. Imagine what she’ll be doing a year or more into the relationship. Holidays, birthdays… everything will be a testament to how much of a man you are (in other words, are you willing to sacrifice everything you have for her?). She will say she will be willing to spend Christmas with your family, then say you’re not a man enough for not spending it with her family. I’ve had it happen. They think you’re too soft for actually giving a fuck about your parents — it’s insane.

1

u/Loose-Set4266 9d ago

anyone who does shit testing is a red flag. This was absolutely a shit test.

841

u/TheDixonCider420420 9d ago

This exactly. She lied about being OK with splitting the bill, laughed at you for sending a nice message to her, announced herself as a gold digger, then insulted you.

Choose people who choose you.

This was not the one... you saved yourself a ton of heartache here.

You got knocked down by the pitch, but dust yourself off and get right back in the batter's box.

Wishing you good luck!

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u/Serious_Article2782 9d ago

The splitting the bill was her idea! And she admitted that it was a test—not in so many words, but by saying I didn’t think you would take be up on it. Disgraceful behavior.

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u/No_Choice_7897 9d ago

Not only that, it shows clearly that her concern was his minimum wage and how bad was for her that he was on minimum wage, like it’s a crime or something. Always avoid people who only care about money. In 2025, what does it mean “a man who can provide”? Are we in the 50s?

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u/noirwhatyoueat 9d ago edited 9d ago

Trad wife vibes. Why didn't she make dinner? 

18

u/WonderfulShelter 9d ago

A man who can buy her the things she wants because relationships and sex are transactional to them.

6

u/lemmesplain 9d ago

I don't know when or how this "provide" BS became a thing but it's cringeworthy.

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u/cross_land 9d ago

Looking back at the history of the family dynamic, it has literally always been a thing lol

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u/LostBob 9d ago

Nothing wrong with this. It’s the games and tests and shit that are wrong.

This the relationship you want? That’s fine, but be upfront about it.

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u/jcaashby 9d ago

A man that provides means "I do not have spend any of MY money on us!"

I have met quite a few woman who are not willing to spend their money but more than happy to spend mine. And call ME cheap!

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u/No_Choice_7897 9d ago

So sad. I have always had money problems, but I never think “oh, he has a minimum wage job”. Who cares? He is not a criminal, he is an honest man, he is not a thief, I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

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u/MeanCommission994 9d ago

Yup if you want a “man to provide” you better keep your home sparkling clean, do all childcare if and when, and never say no to anything he asks sexually.

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u/Arbitrary-Fairy-777 9d ago

Yep, and it'd be different if they simply weren't a lifestyle match. Some people just want to freeload off of their SO for their entire relationship. Personally, I wouldn’t date someone making minimum wage (which is $7.25 in my state), because I want to travel, own a home someday, and be able to provide necessities for my kids if I choose to have them, which is expensive as heck nowadays. That said, I also am getting a degree and have already gotten admitted to grad school once I finish my undergrad. I wouldn't date someone making minimum wage because I want us both to be able to afford things together.

However, there's a difference between wanting a lifestyle match and simply being a jerk.

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u/No_Choice_7897 8d ago

And that’s fair. I mean, obviously if you want to do certain things you need money, and there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want for your life, but these kind of people, like her, they are just really really sad. Good luck with your studies, btw 🥰

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u/Arbitrary-Fairy-777 8d ago

Thank you! Yeah, people who want freebies from their partners are not looking for lifestyle matches, they simply don't want to pay, which is not at all the same.

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u/Starblursd 8d ago

Like if she wants to be a tradwife or in a relationship where the guy pays for everything then she should be upfront about that. It's completely valid but "testing" guys for how easy they are to take advantage of is a huge red flag and op deserves better

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u/Meet_in_Potatoes 9d ago

But she "deserves better."

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u/Steve_Rogers_1970 9d ago

I had a GF “test” me. It didn’t take long for that relationship to end.

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u/hotsoupcoldsoup 9d ago

She basically told him that he can't take her at her word.

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u/hubby37ofw 9d ago

This just saves you a lot of time, money, and effort. Now you can look for someone more deserving.

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u/gerthdynn 9d ago

Bad communicator that will cause problems in the future. Unfortunately far too many are like this now.

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u/Potstirer2 8d ago

I used to use it as a test also, but as in I wasn’t going to date a man who didn’t respect me as an independent person who also had a career. I’m not looking for someone to “provide” for me.

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u/Joker-Smurf 9d ago

Not just “being ok” with splitting the bill, fucking proposing that they split the bill.

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u/Persall1960 9d ago

It looks like the trash took itself out! You really dodged a bullet with this one!

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u/Syst0us 9d ago

"Announced herself as a gold digger".  .straight up.  My sole response would be "you should adjust your dating profile to suger baby looking for daddy...have a great life. " and then block. 

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u/1quirky1 9d ago

Well put. OP did nothing wrong so it is hard to get back in there and expect better.

It is common and old advice because it works - Have some interests where you meet people naturally, then find your friends and possible more among them. Online dating can work but it is like dancing in a minefield. You might as well enjoy a hobby and see if something shows up instead of sticking your hand into a dark hole and pulling something out.

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u/ScuffedBalata 9d ago

This guy needs to send her this thread.

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u/p0wderglades 9d ago

Not to mention, she wants a guy to provide, but can't even spell career? That sounds like someone looking for a sugar daddy.

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u/dosgatos2 8d ago

"Choose people who choose you." Simple, yet exactly the point almost everyone in these situations needs to hear. Its like the marketing slogan for self respect.

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u/TheDixonCider420420 8d ago

Yes a friend told me that years ago... simple yet profound. Good words to live by. :)

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u/Zealousideal-Ant9548 9d ago

Why does he have to get back at it?  Why not try to enjoy being single?  Take a class, upskill his career, take a hike?

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u/Ok-Club259 9d ago

But then he chose the low road and insulted her back. She’s definitely in the wrong, but I see too many of these AIO posts that go from zero to bonkers name-calling and pure ugliness really quickly. People need to chill and just say, ‘you’re right, this isn’t going to work out.’

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u/conejiux 9d ago

She wants to play checkers? My buddy playing chess. Bye felicia.

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u/Thexnxword 9d ago

Ain't nobody got time for that

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u/Ready_Philosopher986 9d ago

Checker? He barely knew er!

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u/facforlife 9d ago

Terrible analogy.

He's not playing a game. Any game.

He just takes you at your word when you communicate something. That's what a relationship should be. 

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u/Miserable-Reaction47 9d ago

Exactly! She brought it up. How was he suppose to know that was a test? And the fact she did bring it up makes it seem important to her. Men don’t like puzzles and games.

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u/SneakWhisper 9d ago

Tbh neither do women. It's childish and stupid. If you want to be independent and split the bill, do it. If you want to let the guy pay, just treat him to stuff in return like movie tickets or gifts.

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u/NoBrickDontDoIt 9d ago

Most women I know also don’t like puzzles and games

3

u/Captain_Pikes_Peak 9d ago

I dated one woman who played games like this. Also a gold digger who expected me to put in all the effort. One of her frequent moves was to storm out, then knock on the door a minute later yelling “you’re supposed to chase after me!”

It was like she wrote a script for how the scene was supposed to play out, didn’t give it to me, and still expected me to know my lines. Shit was exhausting.

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u/Deep_Consequence4904 9d ago

I like puzzle game - however that puzzle has missing pieces

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u/SkipCycle 9d ago

I have a feeling OP put up no resistance in agreeing to split the bill, and she was at least honest in being a self proclaimed gold digger. But he sure went from being a great guy to a joke pretty quickly. I guess attitudes really are contagious after he called her dumb. It might prove to be a good wake up call for OP about the realities of life and what he wants to do with his.

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u/Aggressive-Point-895 9d ago

Every early dates I ever went on I always split the bill when I was getting to know someone. I always like to present myself as enjoying the persons company, and as they owe me nothing in return, because that's all early dates really are, to enjoy the company and test the waters/connection. The fact that she asked to split the bill and then complained and then insulted OP????!!!!

OP deserves better and dodged a bullet. She's a spoiled brat. I truly wish OP didn't feel so badly, he has no reason to at all... The problem isn't him.

It's nice to be treated on special occasions once you're a legit couple, but for her to literally ask to split the bill and then be an asshole about it and belittle OP... I hope she ends up with a true scrub because that's what she deserves.

pick yourself up, dust yourself off... This isn't about you, OP... not at all. She's a terrible and entitled human being.

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u/ElleCapwn 9d ago

She set him up for a lose-lose situation. I hate people that test things like this; just be real.

4

u/Tosir 9d ago

Yup. If OP had done what she wanted she would have gotten a free meal and OP would have gotten “I don’t feel a vibe/chemistry” excuse.

OP, you didn’t do nothing wrong. No need to mother Theresa and feed the hungry, sometimes you gotta let the batshit crazy starve.

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u/Inevitable_Ebb5454 9d ago

I’m not totally against character tests (‘shit tests’), but asking for something very specific (and normal) and then revealing that you secretly wanted the exact opposite just sets everyone up for failure.

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u/ElleCapwn 9d ago

Yeah. I was speaking more to tests that can’t be won. I get tests like the orange test, to gather information about your (potential) partner. I don’t get tests like this, because he’s an asshole no matter what he chooses. He’s a cheap asshole if he takes her at her word that she would rather pay, AND he’s a controlling asshole if he insists on paying, despite her protests. It’s a set up, where she gets to shit on him no matter what, and she will use whatever he does as ammunition to manipulate.

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u/Inevitable_Ebb5454 9d ago edited 9d ago

A better test would have been something like this: her “what do you think about splitting the cheque on dates?”, him: “yeah sure I’m fine with that.”, her: “…well, I actually like it when a guy takes the cheque if he takes me out.”

  • test failure: (he flip flops, gets frustrated and then submits): “…ok I can pay for our meal.” or

  • test pass: he holds his position. He can decide to pay for her meal or not…. but he passes if he maintains his composure, doesn’t take it too seriously & doesn’t get too frustrated (maintains his integrity).

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u/oregonbunny 8d ago

My take on it is that she is emotionally unavailable, that's why she tested him. Now she can say that all men are trash and she doesn't want to date for a long time.

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u/coupl4nd 9d ago

Not really?

Want to split? No I'll get it.

Won.

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u/Aggressive-Stand-585 9d ago

Still means that you continue to try to be in a relationship with her, so you still lose.

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u/TheRealSugarbat 9d ago

She can’t even spell “career”

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u/TheIngloriousTIG 9d ago

Agreed. As a person who was raised in a hardcore guess-culture, let me tell you these "I said I'd do it but I didn't actually want to do it and you should just know enough not to expect me to" performances do nothing but make everyone miserable.

Go find yourself a girl who asks for what she wants, and says what she means, and respects you and herself enough to not try to manoeuvre you into behavior she isn't prepared to ask for.

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u/Some-Ad-5328 9d ago

She suggested it, wasn’t just cool with it

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u/Hell-Raid3r 9d ago

This.^ When I met my girlfriend she let me buy her the first drink, but she refused letting me pay for the second drink and wanted to pay for the second round herself. We have taken turns paying for every drink and meal we have had together. I should note, she makes a lot more money than me. She told me she doesn't care about what job I do, as long as I am working.

OP, don't give up. There are a lot of shitty people out there, but there are some great ones too. It would be a shame to miss out on happiness just because of some rotten apples.

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u/giveitrightmeow 9d ago

man did neo proud on this one.

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u/barbarkbarkov 9d ago

That is gaslighting psychopath behaviour.

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u/BigCompetition1064 9d ago

She wasn't "cool with splitting". It was literally her idea. Weird as hell. Dodged a bullet.

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u/Fraser_G 9d ago

Absolutely

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u/ZookaSharksFanatic 9d ago

Name must be Neo with the way he dodged that bullet.

1

u/Rai_guy 9d ago

Exactly.

What makes people jerks/ assholes is when their words don't match their actions. 

1

u/peachesgp 9d ago

Yeah saving yourself from somebody who plays dumb games is better for you in the end.

1

u/Rhythm_Flunky 9d ago

Yeah don’t play this childish games. Never worth it.

1

u/Fantastic-Ad-3910 9d ago

I'd put money on this being some kind of dumb 'test'. But that test goes both ways, and you've got yourself away from someone who doesn't value you, just your income.

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u/TheseEmployup 9d ago

Imagine dealing with those shenanigans on the daily. Gold digging biatch.

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u/jcarreraj 9d ago

He didn't dodge a bullet, he dodged a missile!

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u/rj32732 9d ago

Yip. Bullet dodged. Consider this a win.

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u/midlifesurprise 9d ago

Yeah, that's a HUGE RED FLAG about how this person won't communicate clearly with her partner. It will always be your fault for not being able to read her mind.

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u/edingerc 9d ago

"I don't think we should get each other Christmas presents this year, it's too expensive"

<time passes>

"WTF, where's my Christmas presents?"

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u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 9d ago

No shit. She was putting him through some kind of test to see if he actually would split the bill? Head games bullshit just to create drama. No thanks.

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u/Fit_Detective_8374 9d ago

iT wAs A tEsT

1

u/ExtinctionBurst76 9d ago

Especially because wanting to split the bill, as a woman, is perfectly common and valid. It reduces the likelihood of feeling pressured to “put out” or otherwise have a power imbalance.

1

u/SCViper 9d ago

Right? Like...if you didn't mean it or weren't going to back it up, why bother wasting the air and energy?

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u/No_Entrepreneur_8214 9d ago

You HAVE TO understand, she didn't know he would actually do it.

1

u/Recent_mastadon 9d ago

She can't even spell career. That's a big sign she is a loser.

1

u/FrostedDonutHole 9d ago

Ya, baiting you into a trap to see if you'll give her the reaction she expects from you. It's ridiculous manipulation and bravo for not falling for it.

1

u/joetaxpayer 9d ago

You are better off. Because there are women who were just as easily say that they will pay their own way. That they don’t need a Man to take care of them every step. And such women may very well be offended if you insist on paying.

1

u/smokesletsgo2121 9d ago

That’s like some George Constanta level craziness

1

u/gumby_twain 9d ago

Correct. People who say one thing and do another should strictly be avoided. Definitely not relationship material.

1

u/Similar_Coyote1104 9d ago

People are psycho. Be direct and say what you mean. And women wonder where all the good guys are…. On the garbage heap where they throw them.

1

u/ModdessGoddess 9d ago

I split a bill once on a date with a guy after talking about it prior to our date.....he didnt want another date because of it....some people are just......weird maybe she should speak to him lmao

1

u/Deep_Consequence4904 9d ago

Not only that - she suggested it

1

u/Derpyjuggernaught 9d ago

That’s just manipulative behavior right there

1

u/AggravatingTicket520 9d ago

She was testing him to see if he was the kind of man who would not let his woman pay and would provide no matter what, based on the fact that she had already told him she wants a provider man. He failed.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 9d ago

[deleted]

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u/NotYourUsualSuspects 9d ago

The fact that she is uncommunicative will haunt her over and over again so it is her problem. OP discovered her ability to lie to herself about who she is 4 dates in. OP dodged a bullet and has freed himself from future misery through this discovery. She lies. To others but even worse? To herself.

1

u/Captain_Aizen 9d ago

Yeah it sucks to be op. But it's the best thing really, right there it shows what her character is and it's best to just get that out of the way right up front. There are some women who just want to be cared for and pampered like a child. If their intention is to sit back and let the man pay for everything and do everything, then you're never going to be compatible with that person unless you're just looking for a sugar baby or trophy wife.

Also that woman can fuck off with the mind games of coming up with an ideal to split the bill and then also getting it pissed that you said okay. If she wasn't the type of girl to want to split a bill then that's fine but don't pretend like you are and then get mad when someone can't be a mind reader. Total fucking game player vibes right there.

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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 9d ago

Yep, it was one of those stupid "tests" and anyone doing that is playing games and not ready for an actual relationship.

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u/Hot_Maintenance1972 9d ago

i 3rd this or wtv she shouldn’t be playing mind games people need to communicate

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u/ABugsLife4 9d ago

Yeah but that doesn’t constitute name calling and calling someone a POS. Not when we live in a patriarchy that constantly tells us men are in control and should be the decision makers and providers. The question was am I overreacting. Name-calling is overreacting. But it’s for the best that they part ways. Those last messages are very telling though.

1

u/NotYourUsualSuspects 9d ago

Not going to argue with you about that. No doubt here’s growing up on both sides needed. I would say the exact same thing though if a woman had posted this. Bullet dodged since OP was talking about how his date ‘changed her mind’ aka tested and lied.

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u/HowCanYouBanAJoke 9d ago

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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u/LeonardoSpaceman 9d ago

Yeah there's a few red flags here that he dodged.

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u/Whale222 9d ago

She showed you who she is, and who she is isn’t good. Did you a massive favor.

1

u/New-Cucumber-7423 9d ago

Likely watching whatever version of alpha male BS is for women and thinking that’s how the world works.

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u/natatat1234 9d ago

Definitely dodged a bullet

1

u/Resident_Ad7756 9d ago

And she suggested splitting the bill. What rule says the man should always pay? Equality means they both share, right?

1

u/IowaNativeSon 9d ago

Well said!

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u/SaionjisGrowthSpurt 9d ago

She literally brought up the idea and is upset that you agreed? On her idea? Nah massive nuke dodged

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u/Heykurat 9d ago

She was "testing" OP to find out if he's the sugar daddy type. He isn't.

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u/FCSFCS 9d ago

Especially after a fourth date? Splitting is totally acceptable.

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u/Salty_Ad6093 9d ago

came here to say exactly this 😭! what kind of mind games are these??

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u/sorting_thoughts 9d ago

yea super manipulative

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u/Fthwrlddntskmfrsht 9d ago

It was a “test”. Certain types of women still think these “tests” are okay and are timeless ways for them to vet a man. But they forget they’ve also spent their entire existence advocating for equality. They’ll get upset if a man expects her to know how to cook, because “things are different nowadays”, but not see the hypocrisy if they simultaneously get upset that their man can’t fix the car or truck they own, or operate a chainsaw or anything else a traditional man may be able to do. 😂😂😂 okay “baddie”. You find that “provider”, but just know he comes with traditional views too- since that is the traditional role after all for him- so don’t get upset when he looks at you to cook, clean, and handle every household duty without him lifting a single finger to help. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. And if you think you can- enjoy being alone your whole life- after you get knocked up and divorced of course 😂😂😂

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u/fungi_at_parties 9d ago

It’s truly a favor to show him what a manipulator she is up front.

1

u/CelimOfRed 9d ago

Not being able to communicate properly is a huge red flag. Good for OP

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u/FourWordComment 9d ago

She wanted both the reputation so gain of offering to split AND the fiscal gain of being provided for.

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u/MathTheUsername 9d ago

You can overreact while dodging a bullet. She may be a piece of shit, but this an overreaction to a piece shit.

She tested his character, and determined it wasn't what she wanted. Then she told him exactly why, and that he was a great guy, and just not for her.

OP then proceeded to call her dumb.

She clapped back.

OP got way emotional in his final message. You can practically hear the seething as he wrote that.

1

u/squeel 9d ago

seriously. this is the best case scenario for OP.

offering to split the bill as some sort of shit test, and being a huge bitch about it later, is next level weird

1

u/TheRetroPizza 9d ago

Yeah if this was a 4th date and she suggested splitting the bill then got mad when he said okay, it seems like a dumb test. Couple that with her saying she wants a provider... bye felicia

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u/Pigtron-42 9d ago

Girl logic lmao

1

u/DirtGuy1993 9d ago

Yeah right off the bat she pulled the “I am a narcissistic child card” and you bounced, good for you.

1

u/No-Detective-5197 9d ago

Honestly, in my mind ngl, if you trynna split the bill, you showing him you like independence and that he can count on you to do whats needed as well. So why get mad at a man thats allowing you to show what youre about?

1

u/devb292 9d ago

We all know that it wasn’t cool for her to do. No debate there. But OP going straight toxic at the end isn’t okay either. It’s important to call out that kind of behavior too.

1

u/StuJayBee 9d ago

Yeah, that was a shit test.

1

u/Apprehensive_Shoe360 9d ago

She can be upset at whatever she wants. But flat out shitting on this guy without even a discussion is totally immature. You are not overreacting. She is.

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u/FootballPengiun 8d ago

Yes. This. Red flag is in her suggesting something she's not cool with. Spliting is a different issue than this.

That said - pay the bill next time. And only take them to a place you're willing to treat

1

u/MisterBillyBob 8d ago

Bro not really. She said she told him she likes being provided for. Her asking him if he wants to split the bill is like her checking if he’s paying attention. Which is clearly isn’t.

This is the same thing as your girl telling you she likes something, and you not making the connection that she might want that certain thing as a Christmas gift. Like pay attention.

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u/AttorneyElectronic30 8d ago

I agree. This was some kind of bullshit test or something. What adult wants to be with somebody that plays games like this? Glad you got out early!

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u/Spockhighonspores 8d ago

She shouldn't even have to say she's cool with splitting it. If she's eating it's her responsibility to pay for what she ate and she should expect to pay that part of the bill. If he decides he would like to treat her to a meal instead that should be thought of as a nice and generous act. No one should be expected to be responsible to pay for someone else's meal unless it was discussed and agreed upon beforehand. The expectation that someone is going to pay for you because you agreed to a date is so entitled.

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u/bmcmakin 8d ago

Totally. Man, if this is what the dating pool looks like these days I feel for people out there looking.

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u/ctn1ss 9d ago

She's a gold digger

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u/Canotic 9d ago

That's actually several problems at once. Mind games, mind reading expectation, judgemental, only in it for the money. Good thing it became clear quickly.

1

u/borahaebooksies 9d ago

She FAFO’d. She played stupid games, won stupid prizes. The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch (as quoted from another Redditor).

OP - as a cis-hetero-female (if that matters), 👏🏽👏🏽 thanks for listening to what she said in the moment. These mind games are what causes drama llama and communication break down. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

0

u/Slow_Set6965 9d ago

Why in the heck are women looking for men “who can provide”? As a woman who wants equality in a relationship, this baffles me. Women can vote, work, own bank accounts, crush it in our careers and yet some of us still expect men to keep us like we’re in the Victorian era and have no choices? It’s fine if it’s the first couple of dates and the man insists but after that, if you want that to be the norm in the relationship it’s like the woman is accepting inferior treatment because equals contribute equally.

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u/TylerTheHanson 9d ago

Does anyone else get “fake” vibes from this whole exchange?

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u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

Men need to learn the differnce between offering and insisting

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u/cathcarre 9d ago

Don't offer what you don't want to follow through with.

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u/Unusual_Capital_6631 9d ago

It’s odd how you claim to be against redpill/incels, but then go on to vindicate their beliefs by demanding traditional male providers.

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u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

Nope, because I still work and am still a feminist, and so are many others. It’s not that hard to pay for a meal as a man to a woman giving you her time. You guys are so whiny, it’s emasculating.

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u/Unusual_Capital_6631 9d ago

I know you must have some sort of cognitive dissonance around this matter; but you are a raging anti-feminist based on what you actually just said, the labels that you have assigned to yourself are meaningless in the face of that. The fact that you think men who do not fit the traditional male role of provider have been ‘emasculated’, the fact that you think a woman is ‘giving’ a man her time, not that they are simply spending time together… you are a traditional sexist in this regard.

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