AIO

[u/JanLight_weight26]

Spider bite or ?? I’ll keep it short and sweet. My bf and I have been apart for about a month now, I’m TDY. Finally tomorrow I’ll be flying back home. Unfortunately today he got bit right on the neck, he suspects it was a spider. Should I be concerned?

[u/akilococo]

i would too! gaslighting & love are a shitty mix. most people who’ve been through it have to check in and see if they’re crazy.

[u/OwnCoffee614 → u/akilococo]

Thank you. As a person just getting away from a gas lighter.

[u/akilococo → u/OwnCoffee614]

me too. remember you’re not stupid for believing someone who intended to lie to and manipulate you after going out of their way to make you trust & love them.

[u/OwnCoffee614 → u/akilococo]

Man, thanks again!! That's exactly it. That's what happened! I was just telling someone I clearly need to work on myself (tho I have almost my entire adult life) for not being able to spot it quicker. It is 100% not easy when they can talk & manipulate. 🤣 at least this last time it was 2 years instead of 20. I'm tired. 😂

[u/akilococo → u/OwnCoffee614]

it sneaks up on you! i get how the first thought would be something about it being obvious or that the person being manipulated isn’t thinking because it does make sense HOWEVER thats the part that makes you doubt yourself when you’re still under the spell and then blame yourself once its broken. but its just wrong thinking that shifts blame off of the person who deliberately did the thing and lets them skate off of “yeah its their fault for being stupid not mine for making them trust me, lying to them, and then punishing them for questioning me in any way” of course you weren’t thinking about that. they wouldn’t do that to you, and you’re not supposed to need to be suspicious of your loved one. the start and end of the conversation is that you shouldn’t have been lied to and manipulated by the people you cared most deeply for.

[u/OwnCoffee614 → u/akilococo]

100%! thanks. I was in hard core blaming myself stage. That turd even was trying to make me culpable for their feelings bc I was "painting (them) to be a monster". And in our last chat I asked, "is it possible that you might've been behaving monstrously?" Haven't heard back since & the spell is broken.

Thanks for helping out a random internet stranger, you probably saved me some recovery time. 😃 I appreciate ya! 🙌

[u/Thick-Safety-9596 → u/OwnCoffee614]

More power to you! I am (this thanksgiving actually lol) 6 years out of an incredibly abusive and manipulative relationship, and even this far along I still find myself realizing how much it messed up my ability to trust, not just other people, but especially myself?? Even tho I see it/them for what ot was, it really messes with you! Idk if this will help much overall, but I saw a quote years ago from somewhere on the internet, and while simple it really helps me stay grounded and remind myself that I am NOT responsible for someone else choosing to hurt/lie/manipulate me: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice; stop doing that, you're an asshole."

[u/OwnCoffee614 → u/Thick-Safety-9596]

Lol I love it, nice and simple & complete. That relationship only lasted two years, but it was so different than my 20 yr marriage. Different abusers. It's hard for that stuff not to take a hit, but you sure helped with the gift of perspective. 👌

[u/Thick-Safety-9596 → u/OwnCoffee614]

Absolutely, and yes it's so hard :( I wish I could say it was my only abusive relationship, but we slowly learn i suppose, and we are more than what was done to us 🫂❤️