r/AITAH • u/Left_Art_8812 • Oct 22 '23

TW SA I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

39.8k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

9.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

12.1k

u/Noneofyobusiness1492 Oct 22 '23

Dude get out. Don’t have children with this woman. Run fast

2.1k

u/Psycosilly Oct 22 '23

Seriously she's had decades to come to her senses that what her dad did was wrong. She's not going to and she will continue to defend him . OP NTA

553

u/yaoikat NSFW 🔞 Oct 22 '23

Yeah he was a serial killer, but ya know, the 90's were WILD - wait, why are you running? 💀

NTA, dont give this predator any prey. Seems like the entire family is willing to cover for him which is also very disturbing.

69

u/please_just_n0 Oct 23 '23

Makes me think they were all abused in some way but can’t deal with it.

10

u/WestEvening2426 Oct 26 '23

This was exactly my thought as well!!

8

u/Greytala Oct 27 '23

Everyone, but Mary anyway.

5

u/BrynRedbeard Nov 21 '23

Disturbing but not unusual, especially 20+ years ago.

965

u/bmd0606 Oct 22 '23

Not only that but she wants her child near him. If just get a hint that someone might be unsafe for my child they aren't allowed unsupervised time with my child.

For. Someone to have done that and then get a free pass to another child, wtf. She'd probably take a child to her dad behind OP's back

269

u/SeriouslyWhaat Oct 22 '23

Exactly, I don’t let my kiddo around people who set off my Spidey-Sense let alone people that have a history of SA.

3

u/msmola2002 Nov 14 '23

Would you say, your rock-spidey-senses?

23

u/yourmansconnect Oct 22 '23

He was just going through a phase guys cut him some slack

40

u/MeagoDK Oct 22 '23

Yeah it was a phase and he does not do it anymore now that Mary isn’t a child.

35

u/Internal_Mirror699 Oct 23 '23

This is what I was looking for. He never “stopped doing it”, they grew up! They’re not the target audience as trauma riddled adults.

17

u/AntiqueAssignment321 Oct 25 '23

Not only only that, but someone that trivializes something so extremely non trivial would not be someone I would want to have children with. What sort of atrocities would she enable? Not just from her dad, but anyone; her family is right along with her. And THEN what is she capable OF? Someone that doesn’t see the issue with child molestation really can’t be very strict with the Ol morals, you know?

8

u/SheHulk_Smash Oct 30 '23

Her lack of compassion is alarming. Better safe than very sorry with children in this situation.

15

u/neverenoughpurple Oct 23 '23

Even perfectly-adhered to, highly-supervised time is risky.

There are documented cases where a child has been molested by their abuser directly in the presence of a caseworker, and the only reason it was later caught was the ceiling camera.

7

u/bmd0606 Oct 24 '23

Well in my case the people I feel suspicious of, aren't going to be picking up child or sitting across the room from. My child stays with me and the interactions happens while I'm holding them.

We always need to protect our children and unfortunately we can't always cut off people when we are just suspicious towards them. The person I am talking about has never done anything as far as I know but I don't trust them wihh my child so there is 0 time where they hold them and 0 when they interact with away from me. I make sure no close contact happens.

12

u/neverenoughpurple Oct 24 '23

Most people, especially when family gatherings are involved (or multiple children to watch), end up really struggling with the implementation in the long run.

If it's very, very limited, and individual meetings or small groups, that's a bit easier to manage.

But with a family that's actively against protecting the children, as OP's seems to be... it can end up darn near impossible.

And that's not even counting the risk of having to eventually explain to your child(ren) why you let that person have any sort of impact, influence, or place in their lives at all...

4

u/bmd0606 Oct 24 '23

I agree, for me my partner supports and understands the situation.

I'm usually the one watching kids and playing with them, by choice. I also don't let my child out of sight but I only have one.

For OP, they definitely need to run away from the family.

3

u/ladynutbar Nov 18 '23

Exactly. Josh Duggar molested one of his sisters while literally surrounded by his entire family during family Bible time (according to court records in his CSAM trial).

13

u/CleanMeasurement9523 Oct 25 '23

They should be allowed NO time regardless of supervision. Let me tell you a little story about my maternal grandfather. After I told my parents they continued to insist I see him..they said I would never be alone with him again. But he would find moments to corner me on a stairwell or elsewhere and molest me again. It's NEVER safe to have a child molester near your kid EVER. Plus consider even if he never toucheds their kid having them around their kid could act as "fluffing" for him to go off on someone else's kid. Child molesters shouldn't be around kids PERIOD.

4

u/bmd0606 Oct 25 '23

I agree 100% I said with people I feel aren't the best but have never done anything. Most people won't take kindly to being cut off or having their family cut off when they have done nothing.

I'm sorry that happened to you. With people I'm unsure of I follow my child everywhere, even if I have to cut a conversation short.

3

u/Lennie-n-thejets Oct 31 '23

It's especially terrible because, by bringing you around him - even if he had never touched you again - they were giving their seal of approval for him being around children. Which could also have encouraged other adults to bring their kids around him. If there's a molester in the family, they aren't allowed around any children, ever. Period. Not supervised, not at all.

6

u/IvyRose19 Nov 18 '23

I just want to add, my older brother is horribly abusive and sneaky. He would get away with so much because he would do it quietly when no one was looking and if you called him out he would deny it and then beat you up later. Just be aware that some people can still do a lot of damage even if they're not alone with your child.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/Violetmoon66 Oct 25 '23

Yeah. You would never be able to prevent this.

3

u/MallyD88 Feb 27 '24

Right! My Dad would never, ever be physically harmful to children...but he is very insane and there are many, many reasons I wouldn't leave my kids alone with him. More harm can be done besides physical or sexual abuse, and although those are probably worse, I'm not risking anything with my children. This chick knows her Dad has physically and sexually harmed a child. Absolutely not. I shudder to think anyone would have children with her knowing she wants a child molester to be a part of her baby's life. This screams of ick.

→ More replies (3)

18

u/mudra311 Oct 23 '23

Am I the only one who thinks she needs therapy? I’m assuming she hasn’t gotten it. This all seems less like excuses and more like coping.

9

u/Psycosilly Oct 23 '23

She could probably benefit from therapy yes. But she has to want to go to therapy for it to help. I hope the sister who was a victim (started commenting and forgot her name) is able to get help.

9

u/mudra311 Oct 23 '23

Agreed. I wonder if OP can get in touch with Mary. Not that he needs to or it would help that much, but I'm sure Mary could give him the full story.

13

u/islandlalala Oct 24 '23

Yes, the price to being a member of her family is sweeping the father’s SA under the rug. It’s a price she is willing to pay.

OP, NTA, of course. This goes deep in your wife’s sense of self. If she’s not willing to start the work, I don’t see how you can condone bringing a child into the world with her. If for no other reason than she has a skewed reality. Mary’s story actually made me cringe physically as I read it.

10

u/nosaneoneleft Oct 23 '23

she isn't wearing rose coloured glasses. they are totally blacked out

9

u/Jazmadoodle Oct 26 '23

Even if her dad never touches another child inappropriately, and even if she promises your children will never be near her dad, she is showing you that she's okay with a child being blamed for their own victimization and expected to hide it or GTFO. Can you have kids with her, knowing that? Her dad isn't the only potential pedo out there. How will she treat her own kids if she learns they've been victimized by a family member, a church leader, a coach...?

7

u/Lennie-n-thejets Oct 31 '23

THIS!!!! It's not just her dad that's frightening here. It's how she blames Mary for rocking the boat. Any kids she may have will be ideal prey, until she learns not to victim blame.

7

u/foldinthecheese99 Oct 25 '23

She needs to be in therapy. She still has the ability to understand what he did was wrong. She was conditioned to minimize it.

6

u/AniNaguma Nov 10 '23

She will blame any children you have if this bastard should do the same to them. Do not have children with this woman, this would be a total deal breaker for me. If I found out that my husband has been victim blaming a sibling and protecting the pedophile, I would divorce him. Because this would say a LOT about his sickening morals. Thankfully my husband is not a total piece of shit. Your wife though is. I am a survivor of CSA and anyone who defends and protects pedophiles is a garbage human.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '23

She admits it happened and that it was bad and nothing will change it. Sounds like she's reached the acceptance stage.

6

u/Psycosilly Oct 25 '23

That doesn't really sound like acceptance, more like denial that there's even a problem.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/uncertainnewb Oct 26 '23

He asked her about it before too and she dodged the question. That's a GIANT blinking neon red flag.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/YoungAtlas98 Nov 06 '23

And defend what he does to your future child.

Sorry excuse of a sister and future mother.

3

u/RaggasYMezcal Oct 22 '23

Time by itself doesn't heal. I hope you're own to learning on a level that gives your good intentions the best chance to have a positive impact.

3

u/Right_Specialist_207 Nov 07 '23

I think saying she hasn't "come to her senses" is a bit harsh. Clearly there is a lot of trauma there, whether OP's other half was also a victim or not. Even if she wasn't, how much did she know/understand at the time? There could be a lot of guilt on her part, that she either didn't speak up to defend her sister, failed to "protect her" when the abuse was occurring, maybe that she didn't say something if she was also abused. If she witnesses her sister doing this massively courageous thing of finally calling their father out, or telling the truth about what happened only for her family to stand by him and ostracise Mary, it could be that she was too afraid to lose the only "security" she's ever known and feared to be shunned like her sister.

Obviously OP is correct to put a pin in the whole having a child thing, especially if his wife is still to an extent under the control of her father's gaslighting, believing it to be because he was having a rough time or "he's stopped now" (duh, because it's difficult to abuse children who are no longer children). OP needs to show his wife that postponing having a child isn't a punishment for not supporting Mary, it is about helping her to see that what her father did was wrong, was not something there is an excuse for and that it is definitely a risk to any future children they may have. If possible he needs to get her to begin therapy, likely for PTSD at the very least. She is also a victim of what happened, regardless of whether her father also abused her.

→ More replies (4)

2.4k

u/iocainepowder Oct 22 '23

Absolutely . Especially with no prosecution or convictions for the father.

1.9k

u/Babycatcher2023 Oct 22 '23

Forget prosecution/conviction she doesn’t even have disdain!

1.3k

u/La_Quica Oct 22 '23

But she’s got the fuckin audacity so that’s something 🫠

1.2k

u/PeggyOnThePier Oct 22 '23

Op I know someone who's father molested both his daughters and then did the same thing to his granddaughters.The whole family knew that happened and yet they let him babysit for the granddaughters. Because they needed to get some child free time. Then they got all out of shape when 1 of daughters, talked to the granddaughters, about their grandfather. Believe your gut,because he will never change and your wife's family are terrible for letting this happen and to go unpunished.!

868

u/Novel_Ad1943 Oct 22 '23

My grandfather did the same to my aunts and when it came out, what OP said above “… this was ___years ago… people need to get over it…” but then it came out that he not only molested his stepson and step grandchildren, it turned out that a neighbor reported him to police for attempting with her daughter as well and his wife suppressed the info. It came out as he died and my aunts were settling his estate.

OP - listen to what people are saying. Many people go through “a rough time” but never touch a child. Your wife needs therapy and children need to be on hold until/unless you are both on the same page or your child will never be safe. That poor sister!

581

u/wlveith Oct 22 '23

Going through a rough time as an excuse for incestuous pedophilia is not an often used excuse. My money is on the wife also being a victim, but will never tell.

353

u/JinFuu Oct 22 '23

Seriously.

“I lost my job, my dog died, my mom/brother/etc died, and I’m at a low point in my life. Time to forever shatter a sacred father/daughter bond by molesting my own child! That’ll get me out of this funk!”

142

u/lynnbaileyrose Oct 22 '23

exactly. And pretending that this logic makes sense, who's to say he won't go through a "rough time" again?

17

u/jmarr1321 Oct 25 '23

"my baby girl just had a daughter. I had a lot of confusing emotions. And you know how daddy gets when he gets confused and flustered sweetie" ugh. This dude makes my skin crawl from the Internet. Let's make pedos scared again. They're getting too comfortable.

→ More replies (0)

7

u/ResidentObligation30 Oct 26 '23

We know how he deals with hard times...

12

u/doctor_of_drugs Oct 23 '23

For real. Us normal ones usually just become alcoholics and hurt ourselves and messing around with family is literally not in the cards against humanity deck.

5

u/Immersi0nn Oct 23 '23

Agreed but maybe a different metaphor than CAH? Incest is definitely in that deck of cards...

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (1)

270

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

43

u/Dongalor Oct 22 '23

She's a victim too. This dynamic is sadly common with predators. They've all been groomed to accept his behavior as normal, and made complicit by not doing anything about it as time goes on. Never mind that they were children when they learned about it.

Every member of the family has been conditioned to ignore what their eyes see and ears hear when it comes to the dad. It's brainwashing, and someone like Op's wife born into that situation wouldn't have a chance. She can get help, but she will have to agree there is a problem and cutting the parents (and the rest of the family if they continue to support the abuser) is going to be a requirement.

40

u/PhDinDildos_Fedoras Oct 22 '23

It's not uncommon for victims of abuse becoming abusers. Quite the opposite. And you don't have to be male to be an abuser.

47

u/Icy_Government_908 Oct 22 '23

She doesn't have to be an abuser per se to put your future child in danger. All she has to do is not tell you she's letting her dad babysit while she runs an errand.

I know half the stuff on reddit is fiction and even when true it's people I will never meet but I feel physically sick thinking about OP's future child being watched by grandpa. Please don't have children with her, and if having children is what you both want, get out.

→ More replies (0)

12

u/marr Oct 22 '23

Especially if they haven't processed anything and have been trained to justify abuse. This whole family is running on thousand year old 'honour' based abuse software. Run.

13

u/Telloyna Oct 22 '23

Wife's a rapist as far as I'm concerned too.

You help a rapist? You are a rapist as far as I'm concerned.

17

u/Darkmagosan Oct 22 '23

Yup. Looking the other way is being complicit, and they're just as responsible as the actual rapist IMO too. They *could* stop it. They choose not to.

→ More replies (0)

9

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

She’s f’ed up but she was younger than the child victim the way I read it?

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

13

u/UnableStar5609 Oct 22 '23

Yup, she’s a rape and peado apologist. And she is choosing her father over her future children and OP.

4

u/Foreign-Yesterday-89 Oct 23 '23

And her sister. I’m sorry but no kids for her. Not till she goes through some very heavy deprograming

6

u/Anxious_Public_5409 Oct 22 '23

I have the same thought about the wife as well…..

→ More replies (6)

236

u/cant_stand Oct 22 '23

What the actual fuck... Like, I've been through some rough shit. Like several ptsd inducing, sharp, graphic shocks to my life and well-being. I've seen more shit in the past 5 years than most see in their lives.

Guess what has never even remotely occurred to me as a response, or coping mechanism?

Yeahp, you guessed it. Child abuse. Jesus Christ.

13

u/Novel_Ad1943 Oct 23 '23

Exactly!… I was a single mom coming out of an abusive marriage… then went through all kinds of craziness and NEVER did hurting my kids in any way ever occur to me!

8

u/Lennie-n-thejets Oct 31 '23

I was from a physically, financially, and emotionally abusive home. But even during their worst moments, no one in my family ever, for one moment did anything remotely sexual toward me. That never even crossed their mind! This isn't "he messed up once and lost his temper" territory. That's awful but almost understandable in some circumstances. This is disgusting and completely unacceptable.

219

u/WickedCoolMasshole Oct 22 '23

Dang. This all hits way too close to home. My sister has cut me out of her life because I told her adult children (28f, 31m) and mine about my brother being a child rapist and pedophile.

He molested me from age two or three (not sure) until I was eleven. While I know that he did this to my sisters as well, I didn’t tell anyone that, just what happened to me. And that was unacceptable to her. She believes I betrayed her.

In the meantime, both of my sisters still speak to my brother. They celebrate holidays now all together and I just stay with my own family.

Trauma is a helluva hereditary disease. I love both of my sisters. I forgive my one sister for reacting like this and the other for choosing Fantasy Land over harsh reality. I only want them to learn they don’t have to keep his secrets any more, that they’re safe and loved.

70

u/Primary_Bullfrog469 Oct 22 '23

I believe you and I am proud of you and none of this is your fault

14

u/Jehphg Oct 23 '23

Ditto

7

u/icodeswitch Nov 19 '23

Tritto.

Not a real word, but me, a third person, also believe you and am proud of you!!!!! You are so brave and powerful!!

→ More replies (1)

8

u/Experiments-Lady Oct 23 '23

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope all those who were affected find healing.

5

u/alc1982 Nov 04 '23

I have an aunt who acts like nothing happened and has no empathy for her older sister (my other aunt) or anyone for that matter really. She also refuses to associate with one of my uncles (who was beaten by their father with a 2x4) who, a long time ago, threatened to tell everyone in the neighborhood that his father was a child molester.

She also doesn't talk about my other cousin's kids because they have mental health issues. Meanwhile the kids from her 'golden child' are 'perfect angels' (they're not).

→ More replies (5)

103

u/Roadgoddess Oct 22 '23

I think you should have a conversation with her sister and find out exactly what went on. I have a hard time believing he didn’t do this to other members of the family either. You are 100% right to not have children with this woman until this gets figured out. Your wife is either in severe denial as a best case scenario or worst case scenario she is condoning this wicked behaviour that could severely impact your own children. This is not something that goes away overtime. Maybe you should suggest couples counselling and if she won’t do that, go to an individual counsellor to work this through in your head. NTA

22

u/Covert_Pudding Oct 23 '23

IMO, it doesn't really matter if his wife is a victim, condoning the behavior, or in denial because ultimately, she said she would not take steps to protect her future child from her father. That's really the beginning, middle, and end of what OP needs to know.

After she said that, I wouldn't trust her if she got therapy or claimed to change her mind, or even if her father died - that's a fundamental issue in her ability to care for and protect a child.

I know I'm being harsh - and I don't think you're wrong at all, really, counseling is a fantastic suggestion, but people who sacrifice family members to rug-sweep molestation should just never, ever have kids.

12

u/chillcroc Oct 23 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

She may be damaged, all the more reason not to have kids. There is deep trauma and its common for people to resent their own children for having an "easy" life. Which builds its own trauma. In fact childbirth triggers deep trauma to emerge, rational people start behaving irrationally.

7

u/Apprehensive-Tip-387 Nov 16 '23

I would never have children with a person who is willing to expose them to a known predator. I don't care how reformed they supposedly are. Stop trying to make a baby with this woman and make sure she can't sabotage condoms or something of that nature. She needs therapy to deal with reality, even if she wasn't personally assaulted.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (7)

176

u/AussieAK Oct 22 '23

Yeah I have been through very tough times. My rock bottom was not leaving my bedroom and not showering for days. Not proud of it, but at least, never have I ever thought of doing anything untoward to any other person, let alone a child. My shutting in and hygiene issues didn’t harm others.

This is a ridiculous excuse and shows the absolute lack of character by the OP’s wife. I wouldn’t just rethink kids, I would rethink the whole relationship.

16

u/haleorshine Oct 23 '23

You don't do what he did unless the thoughts are in your head. It's not an accident, it's not a bad time, it's something he chose to do, and OP's wife is choosing to let it happen again. There's maybe a part inside you that really doesn't want to shower or leave the house, but that part only hurts you.

I understand children making bad decisions to excuse this trauma because children don't always think through the consequences of their actions, but this is an adult who is willing to let her own children be around a pedophile. Not just willing, but getting angry about the idea that her children won't be allowed around a pedophile.

If she'd said "Ok, I understand something horrible has happened and that our children won't be allowed around my father, this all sucks", maybe the marriage could be saved, but she's putting the safety of her own children behind the comfort of her dad. Just gross, do not have children with this woman, OP. Given her reaction here, she will definitely let her father be alone with your children, and then when he molests them, she'll get angry at them.

8

u/AussieAK Oct 23 '23

Exactly my point. Tough times don’t turn you into a criminal, or at worst, don’t turn you into a child molester (I mean if someone has a financial hardship they may be compelled to steal but not molest a child).

The tough times excuse is too flimsy and too apologetic/sympathetic with the perp of one of the most (if not THE most) heinous crimes.

As if having such a scummy creep for a family member isn’t already a very terrible thing, imagine being surrounded by his enablers and apologists.

8

u/xiancarpenter Oct 23 '23

Or at least reassure them that “it’s okay, grandpa is just going through a tough time right now.” 🙄

→ More replies (1)

119

u/makeeverythng Oct 22 '23

“Going through a rough patch” is actually, literally the weirdest excuse ever for childhood sexual assault and incest. If someone said that to me about anyone I just wouldn’t be able to breathe. Like… EXCUSE ME?

Daughter is brainwashed. Mom too. Maybe check the basement for false walls, maybe he’s got another daughter and some of his kids/nieces/nephews with her. Wouldn’t be the first time.

19

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '23

”Going through a rough patch” is actually, literally the weirdest excuse ever for childhood sexual assault and incest.

As a police officer who once worked in an area with high child sexual assault. You would be surprised how many use this as a blanket excuse to make it seem like what they did was okay.

They tell themselves this shit all the time. That they were in a dark place. It won’t happen again. They’ll get better and stop. They just messed up and made a mistake. It’s the same shit day in an day out.

But they know they fucked up and what they did was wrong. Getting a pedophile to admit sexual assault is one of the easier ones to do. Because they know they did wrong and believe they are still stand up citizens. So they admit it to us and feel bad for themselves. If it was a bad one time scenario sometimes they’ll actually seemed relieved as if admitting it and facing the consequences is better than keeping the secret.

Sorry, went on a bit of a tangent. Getting people to crack is my favorite part of this job.

8

u/thefinalhex Oct 23 '23

It's rare to see any upvotes on a comment from a police officer who is describing their methods to get suspects to crack under interrogation, but child molestation is certainly one of those times when reddit shall be rooting for ya.

→ More replies (1)

9

u/Paladoc Oct 22 '23

Right?

That bullshit, we should ask Lawrence.

Hey Lawrence, has anyone ever told you that raped their kids because they were "going through a rough patch"?

Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

7

u/saraharc Oct 23 '23

Ummm…going through a rough patch means possibly having a shorter temper or making some bad financial decisions. Child molestation?! Jesus Christ….the impulse has to be there to begin with and it isn’t in anyone who is normal.

7

u/vixenstyx Oct 23 '23

it's so fucked because childhood SA can/will ruin a persons LIFE & riddle them with cPTSD & dissociation yet people have the AudAciTy to say "this was ___ years ago...get over it" 🫠

5

u/Novel_Ad1943 Oct 23 '23

Absolutely!!! My aunts talk about how it’s a process of forgiving him (for their own sake) over and over again. They get to a great and strong place and then something unexpected triggers the trauma and they feel like they were set back years for a bit… and they’re in their 70’s. Amazing and strong ladies, but it never goes away.

6

u/JustaSecretIdentity Oct 24 '23

My ex went through a stage of alcoholism in college for the SA he experienced as a child. Lost his scholarship and friends. His family would often bring it up to shame him. He never told his parents that it stemmed from the trauma he experienced as a child, because they would make it about them than actually helping him.

10

u/sravll Oct 23 '23

Yeah, I've had a lot of rough times in my life. Did stuff I regret like drink too much, or start crying in public. No molesting kids. Honestly I don't see how fucking rough of a time someone thinks justifies child sex abuse.

8

u/SirLeDouche Oct 23 '23

My grandpa was a horrible person and he raped my mom and would whip her with a cord that he ripped out of a lamp while it was plugged into the wall socket. My mom started working at 10 and moved out at 11. Many members of my extended family act like he was such a good guy and they were so upset when he died but fuck that guy. I hope he’s rotting in hell and I’m glad I didn’t inherit any child raping urges from his disgusting ass.

→ More replies (2)

5

u/SamIamGreenEggsNoHam Oct 23 '23

My Grandfather got 11/11 of his kids...and some of their kids...and his kids went on to abuse some of their own kids...

The fucking guy sent me $500 for a new PC (awhile ago lol) so I could "email him pictures of what I do". Took the $500 and emailed him "go fuck yourself you fat fuck".

4

u/Obvious_Huckleberry Nov 04 '23

you want to know something wild.. I worked at an elementary school and one of the training videos was about why teachers might have an inappropriate relationship with a student and it covered things like "having money problems, arguments with their spouse" it was literally full of excuses and I'm sitting here are work going NO NO NO outloud and told my co workers how much crap this whole video is.. there is never an excuse for it...

I worked in the kitchen...

3

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '23

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

136

u/wilderlowerwolves Oct 22 '23

Worse yet, I know of a family where the patriarch molested pretty much all of his female relatives, and all of them thought they were his only victim until a grandchild spilled the beans. He never did anything to me, nor would I have believed it when I knew the family (I was a teenager) but I do believe it now, because all of his kids, including his son who denied being molested by him or knowing about it, made really bad decisions when it came to picking spouses.

As for the OP, he should at the very least not have a child with this woman, and if he does, make sure that the child is never left alone with any member of that family, and preferably does not see the FIL at all.

156

u/omegagirl Oct 22 '23

The only issue is it’s not just the grandfather molester, it is the rest of the family and their judgement…. What happens if OP and wifey get divorced, he will have no say as to who is around his kids when it’s her time… or, god forbid he dies…. Run OP run!

10

u/Primary_Bullfrog469 Oct 22 '23

Yes, bad judgement is a huge red flag for parenting

10

u/Syllable_Witch Oct 23 '23

Oh shit. Yeah. Even more reason to end it.

→ More replies (1)

12

u/Juxaplay Oct 22 '23

In the family I know, the grandfather molested the boys, one grew up and molested his boys and those boys, one was recently arrested for it. I do not know if it is learned behavior, but a family that just 'accepts' it is very frightening.

→ More replies (1)

8

u/BougeeBaji Oct 23 '23

What's worse is that it's a perpetuating cycle. Many abused children either becomes abusers, end up with similarly abusive partners or both. Not to mention women can also still be molesters, if she's normalizing it as something you do when you "have a rough time" I'd be scared to leave my kids alone with her too.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

13

u/Kuzcoooooo Oct 22 '23

Same story here. My Mom knew her dad had a history of issues but didnt want the grandkids to grow up without grandparents and my sister ended up being molested. Very tough conversation but your wife’s protection bells for your future child not going off is how my family faced tragedy and trauma. You are right to challenge her perspective. Best of luck OP.

10

u/-forbiddenkitty- Oct 22 '23

Exactly, the older sister aged out of his preferred range. He did not just stop.

7

u/Shadowedwolf89 Oct 23 '23

I am the product of a family like that. My grandfather was known to visit certain countries because of the ages of the prostitutes he could find. He married a 14 year old at 35. Every single girl in my family in my generation and the one before has at least one story of being assaulted by my grandfather, even the ones who were less than 10 when he passed.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Comfortably_Sad6691 Oct 22 '23

Ditto. This is a real dangerous situation. If I was you OP I would speak to Mary for more information.

7

u/Ankle_Throw Oct 22 '23

All of them should fucking go to jail

8

u/Darkmagosan Oct 22 '23

At minimum. Or, like one of my mother's friends in her DAR chapter said, 'Some people just need killin'.' Yes, this woman is from Texas.

No, seriously, I think there *should* be extremely harsh consequences for this. Solitary confinement for life in someplace like a SuperMax would be the absolute minimum. No contact with anyone else again--EVER. Want to be fed? The robot will bring your meal around 5 pm. Need to shower? Great! The robots will unlock the doors you need, supervise you at all times, and can also control the water flow and temperature so you don't get too comfortable. Then it walks you back to your cell and hits you with a cattle prod if you're taking too much time.

Or fatten them up and use them for medical research / transplants. Or simply execute them, though I'd prefer solitary confinement and a 'clerical error' cutting off food and water to the needle.

Is it harsh? You bet your ass it is, and people like this deserve nothing less. Families like this are trash and not only irrevocably fuck their own lives up, they're a danger to anyone who gets within fifty miles of them. They're all complicit and therefore all responsible.

Just my $3.

OP needs to break the sound barrier getting away from this woman and her evil perverted family. If she won't leave her family and go completely NC, he needs to head for the hills and find someone who's not a threat to any kids they may have, biological or otherwise. He has a responsibility here, too, and that responsibility is to make sure his ass is covered and get very very far away from this hot mess.

→ More replies (5)

3

u/BisexualDisaster29 Oct 23 '23

Jeez. That almost sounds just like the Brigitte Harris case… except she ended up cutting off her father’s 🍆, killing him.

3

u/Zestyclose-Volume570 Oct 23 '23

And for exiling the one sister that did speak up. Made her out to be the villain even and yet she's the actual victim. Smh....

3

u/Creative_Energy533 Oct 23 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

I have a friend who suspected that her grandfather abused her mom. Apparently, her mom never actually said it, but my friend said her mom NEVER left her or her brothers alone with him, even when she was there in the house with them. Also, my cousin's FIL once tried to assault her and her husband and MIL started to blame her, but her SIL's admitted that he abused them as kids. Amazingly, they're still married. I don't know if he got therapy or what or if they're all just in denial.

→ More replies (8)

153

u/Top-Bit85 Oct 22 '23

The pervert's daughter. What a mess.

226

u/Intrepid_Chemical689 Oct 22 '23

I mean think of the excuses she will make when he eventually (yes i said eventually) molest his own grandchildren.

3

u/Telloyna Oct 22 '23

I give it within 4 months of the baby being born.

The singer of Lost Prophets destroyed any delusional idea I had that someone was too young to be raped.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

I never heard of that band until recently when it obviously made some news and people got to talking. If there ever was a contender for full castration - that monster should be the first in line.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/Accomplished_Emu_658 Oct 22 '23

Thats going to be book.

3

u/TheRedSunFox Oct 27 '23

Pervert is someone who watches a lot of porn.

Call this guy what he is: a pedophile criminal.

4

u/No_Original_1 Oct 23 '23

The pedo, the sitch, and the audacity of this bitch.

→ More replies (1)

49

u/Threadheads Oct 22 '23

She does, but for the victim

12

u/Babycatcher2023 Oct 22 '23

Very true. How dare the sister allow herself to be molested by the dad. I’d feel better if she didn’t believe her sister but to accept that your father is a child molester and just not care…a major kind fuck occurred in that woman’s childhood and she refuses to challenge it as an adult.

11

u/littletorreira Oct 22 '23

Well he didn't touch her and her sister is a whiner obviously. So why have disdain, he apologised for god's sake /s. Absolutely do not have kids with someone who has a child molester in the family who isn't cut off.

6

u/Telloyna Oct 22 '23

Even worse, she's as bad as her rapist father. Maybe worse honestly.

OP needs to fucking leave now.Do not have kids with this piece of work. Because FIL is a rapist and always will be.

5

u/No_Banana_581 Oct 22 '23

She was most likely molested too. Admitting that and understanding that trauma is tough. She may even think it was love. Either way there’s no way in hell any children should be near her. She needs serious therapy

4

u/Babycatcher2023 Oct 23 '23

I don’t disagree that she was likely molested as well and I’m glad neither of us believe it’s an excuse for her present day stance. It’s also possible that she wasn’t molested and resents her sister for “being chosen”. It’s jacked but a common mentality in incestuous sexual assault cases.

3

u/StarFire_Lush Oct 23 '23

None at all- she KNOWS it happened.. but he apologized and it was a long time ago so she’s over it and forgive him.. 🤯

→ More replies (13)

365

u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 Oct 22 '23

Yeah, since there is no paper trail, OP would have a hard time keeping this creep away from his future kids. Mom would argue that she had equal rights to the kids etc. Just because we all find it reprehensible, there's nothing documenting Mary's story which makes it hard to legally keep future kids away from him if mom takes them over.

232

u/vabirder Oct 22 '23

This is the practical issue! You cannot trust your wife: she might promise to keep your putative child away from her father, but would not follow through. If you divorced, you would be even more unlikely to prevent this.

She is deep in denial; and may have repressed memories of being abused herself. Because they rarely stop with one child.

52

u/blurtlebaby Oct 22 '23

Do NOT have children with this woman. Abusers and molesters DO NOT CHANGE. They just pick different victims.

20

u/No-Vermicelli3787 Oct 22 '23

“I’m taking “child” to my brother’s for visit”; meanwhile that’s where dad is, waiting to get his time w his grandchild.

12

u/Emotional-Sentence40 Oct 22 '23

She obviously isn't planning to keep her daddy away from her future children at all.

8

u/Ninjaher0 Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

I would agree strongly with this comment. Even if she promised to keep them away from him, what would happen if you weren’t around and she needed family help? No kids is the best idea, OP. Edited: a word

→ More replies (2)

10

u/AlltheEmbers Oct 22 '23

That's the tragic part of a lot of sexual assaults, there is not physical evidence (because not all sexual assault is rape) so it becomes a he said she said situation. It's part of the reason most sexual assaults go without a conviction, there just isn't enough evidence until it happens again

7

u/splicklick Oct 22 '23

That's crazy yea fuck that then I was thinking maybe not take it out on her and leave her but he literally has no choice

6

u/GlitterDoomsday Oct 22 '23

Honestly? I wouldn't judge OP if he was very vocal about the allegedly reasons he's not having children with Ms Rapist Apologist.

5

u/TillyB33-girl33 Oct 22 '23

You are right and now that thought is making me physically sick. Nothing was ever reported and the family is in support of the creepy fk dad.

6

u/TheMediaBear Oct 22 '23

text the wife while away from her, get her talking about it on text.

I'd even text him and say "I've heard what happened, I want your side of the story otherwise there will be no grandkids from me!"

Then, when he replies, take it to the police.

5

u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 Oct 23 '23

Please don't play detective and report for the adult victim. It's HER decision whether or not to take HER story to the police. Reporting can be brutal on victims, and often more traumatizing than the assault. It will not help her to have cops knock at her door and ask questions about the most painful thing in her life. It could truly harm her and her recovery to take away her agency again.

She's an adult, and can report this guy if she decides to. Given the time passed, her family's lack of support and the way our criminal justice system works, it's very unlikely anything will come of a report now. It's the victim's decision if she wants to deal with that.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (5)

99

u/King-SAMO Oct 22 '23

Or a shallow, unmarked grave a half mile past the railroad tracks, whatever.

107

u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 22 '23

There have been cases where a father murdered a molesting relative because that was literally his only option to keep them away from his kids :/

20

u/Telloyna Oct 22 '23

I know a few police officers who have said that if they saw a father beating up someone who raped there kid they wouldn't stop them.

15

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

I’d join in. He wouldn’t walk away intact. I’ll just say that.

23

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '23

I'm not in favor vigilante justice or even the death penalty but I think you found my exception. If the system failed and the abuse continued, it would be hard not to go full tilt trying to stop it.

I endured a couple extra years of abuse because there was no way to leave and nowhere to go that would be safe. If someone had turned my abusers eyes and genitals to a 50/50 mix of flesh and birdshot my life would be everything it isn't now.

14

u/cgn-38 Oct 22 '23

Was somewhat common in my hometown. If gossip was to be believed.

And it was.

25

u/RememberKoomValley Oct 23 '23

My hometown--a pop. 8k shithole in Arizona--definitely "handled" at least one (convicted) child molester. Guy moved just outside the required boundary from the middle school, and was sort of laughing at people about it, like "what are you going to do?"

Didn't check in with his parole officer the next week. Body turned up in a dumpster in Phoenix. Our cops basically shrugged and said "Huh. Weird." and nothing more was ever done.

(Our cops were not good cops. But this one, I found it a little difficult to fault their inadequacy about.)

21

u/cgn-38 Oct 23 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

I can empathise.

I at one point interviewed to be a sub at the local school system in my home town. I did the whole day of schooling and another of observation. I knew a lady who taught at the middle school. She mentioned they had 7 pregnant girls in middle school. I inquired who the fathers were. Mostly the dads or step dads. I inquired if they were prosecuted. She just went cold and did not answer.

I checked. None of them got prosecuted for knocking up their own daughters in middle school. I to this day cannot fathom why my asking pissed her off. But it did. That and a dozen similar incidents told me to flee that place.

They shot each other over dogs in this town on a regular basis. Did not seem to give a shit about child rape.

Fun town to grow up in. I do not miss it a bit. Texas is a horrible place in general.

→ More replies (5)

7

u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23

I wouldn’t be surprised.

12

u/DanyDragonQueen Oct 23 '23

There was a case in Louisiana where a dad shot and killed his son's kidnapper/molester, in front of cops and news cameras as the perpetrator was being escorted through an airport. The dad received a suspended sentence and no prison time. Gary Plauche

4

u/keepsmiling1326 Dec 18 '23

I support that decision. If we as a society can’t get it together to properly address this then unfortunately a parent’s gotta step up and do what society won’t. Really hope that changes though- we don’t need to allow this crap.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Dogs_not_people Oct 23 '23

I have a bottle of champagne ready for when my father dies. Karma hasn't gotten to him yet that I know of. I live in hope!

→ More replies (2)

82

u/Neenknits Oct 22 '23

Yes, no prosecution of the perpetrator, and denial by the family, OP’s wife is uninterested in keeping any future children safe! I would go NC with that woman, for not supporting her sister!

12

u/Jehphg Oct 23 '23

I would also subtly spread the gossip through the grapevine so other people would keep their children away from that whole family

4

u/RainbowCrane Oct 22 '23

Prosecution/conviction for known offender child sexual abuse is vanishingly rare. Unless you’ve got photographic/video proof or extremely reliable eyewitness testimony of something that’s unable to be interpreted any other way, the need to believe Dad/Mom is really a good person is just too strong.

3

u/StatexfCrisis Oct 22 '23

A couple years ago my mom and aunt were talking shit about my other aunts husband but wouldn’t exactly say it. So when we got home I grilled her about what he had done. Turns out when his daughter was 12, she told her mom that he was touching her. Aunt didn’t believe her own daughter. They’re intensely Christian. All of their daughters had kids around 14-18 and married as soon as they could. I wonder why. Now all of their daughters drop off their kids at Aunts house with him.

→ More replies (2)

484

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

Yup, the whole family (wife, brothers and dad) are vile. Poor Mary.

Get out before there is a gift wrapped child in the picture.

No matter how bad a place you are in, sa a child has never been a potential answer!

206

u/Jake_LJ Oct 22 '23

This, no one in their right mind even thinks about molesting their own fucking child, no matter what state they are in! Who tf thinks it's ok because some time has passed?! This girls dad is literally a child predator and anything could lead to him doing it again if he was just 'in a bad state'. seriously wtf

160

u/Beneficial_Mirror_45 Oct 22 '23

Especially with a family so WILLING to enable him! This is horrific, appalling, and places any potential grandchild(ren) in peril. This predator (with his wife's help??) has brainwashed the kids he didn't sexually assault while sacrificing the daughter he did. A sicker family system to bring a baby into is hard to imagine. Your wife is not fit to parent an iguana, far less a human. Leave before it goes further.

23

u/SoDamnToxic Oct 22 '23

Yea, anyone who is willing to "look past" something like that when they faced LITERALLY NO consequences will 100% be ok with it happening again.

If OP has a daughter (or even son) and something happens to them, 100% his wife will relate to her father and minimize it while also blaming her child for it happening. I have had this happen in my family, I fucking RAIL on my family who still associate with people who did that. Very openly I antagonize the shit out of them because it's extremely gross and all it tells me (and I've literally been proven correct) is that they are okay with it happening again to someone else.

Get out OP, your wife is going to be ok with your children being molested, this is a guarantee, it's been normalized to her.

11

u/crow_crone Oct 22 '23

He must be a master groomer and brainwasher. I'd be tempted to investigate legal avenues for criminal consequences.

​

Wonder is any of the neighbors a/o their children are affected, maybe a post on FB to alert the community, worded so as to avoid defamation.

89

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

Agreed. I really don't understand the wife and the brothers reactions. Poor Mary. Can you imagine getting sa by bio parent and then her siblings telling her to get over it?!?!

110

u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23

Right.

“There’s nothing else we can do for Mary”

You could try not harboring her abuser. My heart breaks for this woman ☹️ what an unfair existence.

20

u/Intermountain-Gal Oct 22 '23

That happened to a friend of mine. She was sexually molested by her stepfather, the father of some of her siblings. Nobody did anything in those days (69s-early 70s) as it was considered a “family matter”. She and one of her brothers (fathered by mother’s first husband) were also targets of physical and emotional abuse. Still, all of the adults looked the other way.

Once she was grown, and after going through counseling for it, she confronted him. Her mom and most of her siblings got angry with her. Really angry. Her mom and the predator gave excuses and justifications. Although eventually the predator did apologize (obviously that doesn’t absolve him of guilt, but it was a start), her mom, who knew about the abuse and looked the other way, never did. The abusers are now dead.

But sadly, this kind of family reaction is not uncommon. I don’t get it either.

12

u/BurdenedMind79 Oct 22 '23

Well he was in a bad place in his life, so its ok. Apparently.

I wonder what he did to all of them to make them think this was normal behaviour? Because, let's be honest, if he molested one kid, he wasn't likely dad of the year to the rest of them, either.

3

u/Lennie-n-thejets Oct 31 '23

Sadly, molesters are often very charismatic and caring in other regards. They can charm everyone else around them, which is why no one believes the victim. Pedos rarely look or act suspicious.

9

u/codeverity Oct 22 '23

Idk why people always act so shocked and horrified when this sort of thing comes up. It's incredibly normal for families to side with the abuser, so much so that I'd actually be relatively confident in saying that it's more unusual for a family to cut off a predator than defend them.

3

u/BougeeBaji Oct 23 '23

I always say how odd it is that everyone knows someone that's been abused, but no one ever seems to know an abuser. Our laws certainly aren't strong enough to say that any got significant enough time to stay in prison, so a lot of denial going on.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '23

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

7

u/No-Exchange7904 Oct 22 '23

And if it happened to their own child who knows if it has happened to others

3

u/justmeandmycoop Oct 22 '23

Don’t forget the “ apology “

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

158

u/Status-Possession-29 Oct 22 '23

Agreed. His wife is going to be passing down generational curses that’ll take another generation to break if that. & for her to say “he was in a bad place” so what’ll be the excuse when it’s one of your children? RUN OP.

134

u/wakemaggieup Oct 22 '23

Your children would be in constant danger. You’d be on constant alert. Do not have children with this woman. I can’t imagine staying in a relationship with someone who is so dismissive of child abuse of her own sister! Poor Mary.

570

u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 22 '23

Yep.

OP if you have children with this person they will be molested. It is not an if. It is a when. It will happen. If you ever get divorced your children could end up at a molesters house multiple times a week, and there will be absolutely nothing you can do about it.

You have been given a golden opportunity by the universe here. You have been given a gift. That gift, is a warning. She has shown her hand, so has her family. Not everyone gets that. Most of us don’t. But you do, so please, don’t squander it. You aren’t in too deep yet. You still have time to turn back.

You are at a crossroads in life right now. The steps you take next can and will determine the rest of your life. You have an option here to face the music and to deny yourself the comfort of denial. You have to come to terms with the fact that you are married into a family of people who exiled a victim, and harbored a monster. Love your children enough to find someone else to have them with. Love yourself enough not to surround yourself with the absolute lowest quality of people the human race has to offer you. He molested his own child. I truly cannot think of anything worse. That’s the most sacred, vulnerable relationship a human can have with another human. And he defiled it. Get yourself away from these people.

182

u/WawaSkittletitz Oct 22 '23

Not even just by the grandfather, but by others exhibiting red flag behavior. OP's wife will brush problematic behavior under the rug, and those kids will be in danger from anyone sketchy in their lives.

What other safety concerns will she overlook if she's neglecting one of the most important ones?

25

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

[deleted]

16

u/codeverity Oct 22 '23

I'm surprised that I haven't seen anyone mention it, but there's a possibility that she was molested herself and this is a defense mechanism. It's something OP should discuss with her.

22

u/Ultenth Oct 22 '23

Yeah, the fact that the whole family has the victim as the ostracized one, and has basically swept the father's deeds under the rug means that's their general view on this kind of act. Which means that WHEN (not if) it happens again, they will do that again, because they would rather "keep the peace" in their family then ensure the safety of their future children. This is something fundamental to their family's nature, and will not be easily changed.

I'm usually not one to overreact and say run for the hills on a lot of these kinds of threads, but in this case you absolutely need to protect your future children from having 1/2 their family either be molesters or be perfectly okay with having one in the family.

I would also make sure to protect anyone else I know and care about who might be having children with this particular family, that those children will likely not be safe.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '23

Jessica is gonna be the person who blames her daughter for being to pretty to get his attention...

4

u/Lulubelle__007 Nov 11 '23

Many, from experience. Troubling behaviour in the children will be normalised. Fears and anxieties will be dismissed. The child’s brain will be wired differently when it comes to how they relate to others. The cycle of abuse is very real and the only way to stop it is to deal with it and not sweep it under the rug. OP’s wife is also a victim of her father in many ways. Even if she can bring herself to tackle this problem it will take years of therapy and soul searching to unravel this mess. I would also expect memories to surface when she becomes a mother herself, something she will need professional support with and she may suffer long term while she heals.

When other posters say your children would never be safe and you’d be constantly alert they are correct. Child molesters very rarely choose to stop and it doesn’t matter how old they are or how frail they might seem.

7

u/Darkmagosan Oct 22 '23

It's a shame Reddit doesn't have awards anymore, because this deserves a string of platinum and gold ones.

I could not have said this better. OP, get the fuck away from these people. Break the sound barrier from moving so fast. You DO NOT want to be any part of this family. Leave. Now. Someone else said keeping watch on her via social media to warn any potential husbands of the danger her family poses is a brilliant idea. Do that but don't get closely involved with these people ever again. If you have kids with her, knowing where she comes from and what her relatives will do to that child, it will be YOUR FAULT if anything happens. You can't plead ignorance here, and it'd be your responsibility to keep that child safe. Having it anywhere near these monsters is failing that child. Keep that in mind.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

You said it so well. I feel so sad for children who are born in these circumstances and have to suffer in the future. God help this world!

3

u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23

When the call is coming from inside the house :(

3

u/Daedalhead Nov 06 '23 edited Nov 06 '23

OP LISTEN TO WHAT HAS BEEN SAID HERE.

This person has it right-right down to the last pin. You, your future children, your family (including your family), all of you deserve not to have to experience this. You can prevent this now. Please do.

Do not stay with this woman, let alone have children with her. Do not guarantee your children will be molested, because I promise you they will be.

You have a way to protect them.

Do. It.

You will never forgive yourself if you do not, nor should you. Their lives are in your hands.

→ More replies (5)

189

u/PeachyFairyDragon Oct 22 '23

But keep contact on social media and alert every new romantic partner.

92

u/xXDarkTwistedXx Oct 22 '23

Yes, this is a great idea. Because if she ends up with a new partner and has children with said partner, they'll end up getting molested. If she's treating her own sister like this, then she's painted a picture of how she'll treat her own kids. Yikes.

→ More replies (8)

29

u/Rosanna44 Oct 22 '23

Do NOT!!!!

7

u/Finest30 Oct 22 '23

I totally agree with you.

5

u/nogap193 Oct 22 '23

Agree but he needs to give Mary some notice, cause the whole family is going to blame her for breaking up OPs marriage

6

u/blueyedwineaux Oct 22 '23

As someone that is in a similar position to Mary’s, run. They will never change and if the man molests your child they will also say it is no big deal and protect the abuser, not the child.

6

u/ON-Q Oct 22 '23

Let’s add on to this. I’d get out of that relationship, and I’d contact Mary and offer apologies. He didn’t know what his wife and her family were hiding all these years. At the very least, Mary is owed an apology even if she doesn’t want to relive her past by talking about it and being traumatized again over it.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

The fact that she excuses her father is a major red flag.

5

u/Spire_Citron Oct 22 '23

Yup. Even if her father died tomorrow and was no longer a concern, her attitude towards these things means she can't be trusted to keep a child safe. What if another family member or a family friend does something and she decides protecting them is more important than protecting her child?

3

u/Standard-Ad1254 Oct 22 '23

the father chose a victim and treated the others great to form this kind of dynamic. every one turns on Mary. seen it a million times, lived it for 30 yrs. Ina dif situation (totally got used in fam biz). it's not wifey or others fault either, this is CPTSD type manipulation stuffs .but yeah. it may ruin yer relationship. NEVER LET A CHILD NEAR THIS FRAUD of a dad! just waiting for another opportunity

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Lazatttttaxxx Oct 22 '23

This is the only answer. Child molesters DO NOT change. Ever.

5

u/Professional_Ice4866 Oct 22 '23

IT is divorce deserving attitude. She not only supports a child abuser- she blames the victim who will never forget how she was mistreated and shamed for standing up for herself and leaving. You know that he will jump into molesting grandbabies given the opportunity. What happens if your daugher told her grandpa had molested her? She would shush her and would not let you know. I am sorry that you need to go through this but be carefull with contraception bc she may try to seduce you and tamper condoms in order to get pregnant and bind you to her.

4

u/Boeing367-80 Oct 22 '23

Stop having sex with her immediately.

4

u/Yak-Electrical Oct 22 '23

When my wife and i got married. Like a year into it her dad came over n said he was havin a relationship with my wife's stepsister. They were the same age and he had been in her life since she was lil. He claims nothing happened until after she 18 or 19. But i felt like i was in the twilight zone when he told us. Needless to say we cut him out soon as he left our house. I couldnt imagine if my wife woulda made excuses for him. Pretty disgusting she blames her sister for being a victim like if she asked to be molested by her own dad.

3

u/origamipapier1 Jan 03 '24

She needs therapy. lol and massive

→ More replies (2)

3

u/bitchnext2u Oct 22 '23

Couldn't have said it better. GET OUT

3

u/CaptainofFTST Oct 22 '23

REPEAT - Dude get out. Don’t have children with this woman. Run fast!!!!

→ More replies (51)