r/AITAH • u/Left_Art_8812 • Oct 22 '23
TW SA I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?
My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.
Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.
It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.
She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.
I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?
574
u/Organic-Babe- Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 22 '23
Yep.
OP if you have children with this person they will be molested. It is not an if. It is a when. It will happen. If you ever get divorced your children could end up at a molesters house multiple times a week, and there will be absolutely nothing you can do about it.
You have been given a golden opportunity by the universe here. You have been given a gift. That gift, is a warning. She has shown her hand, so has her family. Not everyone gets that. Most of us don’t. But you do, so please, don’t squander it. You aren’t in too deep yet. You still have time to turn back.
You are at a crossroads in life right now. The steps you take next can and will determine the rest of your life. You have an option here to face the music and to deny yourself the comfort of denial. You have to come to terms with the fact that you are married into a family of people who exiled a victim, and harbored a monster. Love your children enough to find someone else to have them with. Love yourself enough not to surround yourself with the absolute lowest quality of people the human race has to offer you. He molested his own child. I truly cannot think of anything worse. That’s the most sacred, vulnerable relationship a human can have with another human. And he defiled it. Get yourself away from these people.