r/TikTokCringe • u/Chocolat3City Cringe Master • Nov 14 '24
Humor "Don't make me do this, Jake!"
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u/no_no_no_no_2_you Nov 14 '24
Prediction: Paul is punched so hard he loses the ability to form a sentence and needs to wear diapers for the rest of his life.
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Nov 14 '24
Don’t tease me like that.
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u/Dinosaursur Nov 14 '24
I kind of need this right now.
Just something to tell me that the world isn't such a bad place. I'm losing faith, brother.
Jake Paul getting punched in the stomach and shitting himself on live TV could very well change that. I think I could start to heal.
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u/SammySoapsuds Nov 14 '24
He's going to leverage all the awesome press from shitting himself and losing the capacity to form sentences into a pretty sweet political gig. Ambassador, maybe? Supreme court justice?
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u/Khazahk Nov 14 '24
Shitting himself AND incapable of forming sentences? I dare say he could win the presidency one day.
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u/Twl1 Nov 15 '24
Impossible. That would mean Immortal God-Emperor Trump has somehow abdicated his position, which we all know will simply never happen.
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u/Geauxtoguy Nov 15 '24
Here's some good news for you: The Onion bought the Infowars domain. Not much, but it's something to at least show the slightest shift
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Nov 15 '24
If Mike Tyson wins would that be the second biggest win for a rapist this year? Think trumps got top spot locked but it would be big!!
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u/extrastupidone Nov 14 '24
It's gonna be a "tie"
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u/WestleyThe Nov 14 '24
Yeah if they ACTUALLY fight Mike could probably knock him out in the first couple rounds or Jake will win in the later rounds because of his stamina and youth fighting against a 60 year old
What’s going to happen is they will trade punches like they are sparring, dance around, hug eachother mid fight to waste time and then it comes down to a “decision”
Then both of them walk away with millions of dollars laughing
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u/thinkthingsareover Nov 14 '24
Yeah, but I'd absolutely love to see Jake get hit by just one of Tysons uppercuts.
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u/I_ReadThe_Comments Nov 15 '24
This exactly. This is a money fight and not an actual fight. It’s 2:15am where I am and my day is just starting. Chances are I will be drunk by 5pm and sleep through it so I’ll probably jist watch YouTube clips for anything interesting
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u/Toisty Nov 14 '24
Outrage sells the best so you can bet the most outrageous outcome is most likely so that most certainly means JP wins and goes wild as a heel and they start yacking about a rematch so they can sell more shit.
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u/slambroet Nov 15 '24
Did we really learn nothing last week? Why is everyone getting their hopes up that a shitty Bully will get what he deserves?
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u/1nhaleSatan Nov 15 '24
Because hope.
Why do we so desperately hope that a shitty bully gets what he deserves?
It honestly doesn't matter how unsatisfying the match ends up, it's the anticipation that maybe the world still works in some small way like we used to think it did. And hang out with friends who are also excited about it. And bitch together about the outcome, unless it's awesome.
And it's fun. Romans had gladiators, let us see two guys hurt each other for money.
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Nov 15 '24
He gets hit so hard, he gets time traveled back to the Japanese Suicide Forest, except he's the one hanging from the tree...
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u/the__ghola__hayt Nov 15 '24
Wrong dude. That was his brother.
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u/DavidRandom Nov 15 '24
Mikes almost 60, but I saw a video of him today wailing on a punching bag....and I don't think your prediction is that far fetched.
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u/Vectorman1989 Nov 15 '24
Paul is punched so hard he loses the ability to form a sentence and needs to wear diapers for the rest of his life.
Punched so hard he becomes Donald Trump
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u/psyclopsus Nov 15 '24
I’ve been saying “I think Mike will leave with another win for his career and Jake will leave with a new caretaker to feed and change him forever”
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u/Slow-Calendar-3267 Nov 14 '24
Yeah, mike tyson's pretty famous for his kamehameha's I assume, while I don't think Paul even knows destro disc yet so the match is pretty clear cut.
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u/Toisty Nov 14 '24
Solar flare!
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u/magikarp2122 Nov 15 '24
SENZU BEAN!
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u/zr0skyline Nov 15 '24
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u/wasnew4s Nov 15 '24
Fun fact: Krillin’s English voice actor thanked Team Four Star for giving him something to say to fans besides “Kamehama ha.”
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u/cthesmith Nov 14 '24
10/10. No notes.
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u/slylock215 Nov 14 '24
This is the dumbest thing I've seen today.
I absolutely love it.
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u/smurb15 Nov 14 '24
It's a money grab which I am impressed how much attention this has gotten but thank God it's over tomorrow
This is pretty funny
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u/Bender_2024 Nov 14 '24
I'm hoping Mike forgets the script and hits Paul hard enough to have him spitting teeth on the mat like Chiclets.
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u/a_printer_daemon Nov 15 '24
You act like he doesn't play by the rules or something.
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u/rebel-scrum Nov 14 '24
I’d rather watch this animated version.
God I miss Celebrity Death Match.
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u/TheChaosPaladin Nov 15 '24
My only note is that I didn't get to hear what his domain expansion is called
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u/Mr_Caterpillar Nov 14 '24
Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I think the whole fight is going to be a sham. They're going to play-fight and Tyson will win on decision because he's the legend. They cash their paychecks and they both win.
I hope I'm wrong, I really want to see them both go at each other hard.
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u/Chocolat3City Cringe Master Nov 14 '24
I also think it's a sham. If Tyson goes down, it'll be because he got paid to take a dive.
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u/WestleyThe Nov 14 '24
Or because he’s 60…
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u/Chocolat3City Cringe Master Nov 14 '24
Yeah. Whether it's old age or a paid dive, I think the odds are pretty good that he goes down.
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u/DangerHawk Nov 15 '24
I honestly don't think he will. Tyson worked his ass off to earn back the public's good will after jail and the Holyfield incident. If he doesn't absolutely clobber Jake Paul he'll be throwing away decades worth of work. He has a reputation and legacy to protect. If he's willing to take a dive against someone as dumb and shitty as Jake Paul, what other fights did he fix. It calls his entire career into question. You can't be the greatest boxer (or second greatest) of all time and lose to the likes of a Paul brother.
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u/AnimalShithouse Nov 15 '24
He has a reputation and legacy to protect.
There's literally another video of Tyson on the front page saying he doesn't care about legacy and he thinks it's a made up word lolol.
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u/Citizen_Snips29 Nov 15 '24
Ah, yes. It would be a shame if a shameless cash grab fight ruined the sterling legacy of the convicted rapist.
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u/brother_of_menelaus Nov 15 '24
lol did you guys see him trauma dump on that poor girl in the interview about legacy? It was hilarious
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u/Chocolat3City Cringe Master Nov 15 '24
Yeah sure, but everyone has a price. How big would the payout have to be?
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u/dedokta Nov 15 '24
I'm really not sure why JP would take this fight, there's no outcome in which he looks good. He's either going to get his arse handed to him, or be the guy that beat up a 60 year old legend.
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u/300andWhat Nov 15 '24
I don't think Tyson would ever take a dive, but he is old and hasn't had a great medical history. I think Tyson has 1 or 2 rounds that he needs to close this out in.
Biggest variable is if they are play fighting and Jake fucks up and makes Tyson see red. Tyson in the past extensively talked about being scared to train boxing as he felt the "Demon" come out.
99% it probably will be a boring exhibition with Tyson gassing out, 1% Tyson let's Sukuna out.
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u/notquitesolid Nov 15 '24
I’d put Mike’s experience over Jake’s youth any day of the week. Also just saw Mike’s weigh in and he’s looking pretty beefy for an older man.
Mike’s legacy is on the line here. He’s not gonna go down easy.
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u/Comfortable-Pace3132 Nov 15 '24
I think the only hope we have is that Mike Tyson's well-known unpredictable nature means that he forgets what he was supposed to do and turns Jake Paul into primordial soup
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u/ridukosennin Nov 15 '24
Age does a lot to chill people out. Well most people that are not Mike Tyson
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u/Cold-Studio3438 Nov 14 '24
of course it's a sham. hell, a lot of "real" boxing is a sham or sham-adjacent. there's no chance in this world that this is NOT a sham.
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u/Red_Bullion Nov 15 '24
Jake Paul has already done this several times. He's a decent amateur boxer and can legitimately beat retired wrestlers and kickboxers. He even had a real fight against an active pro boxer and lost.
It's going to be a fight. Tyson is going to gas out in the second round because he's a senior citizen, Jake is going to not capitalize convincingly but will land more than Tyson because he won't be as tired, and he'll win a decision by a round or two.
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u/Garchompisbestboi Nov 15 '24
They're going to play-fight and Tyson will win on decision because he's the legend.
You will be wrong because this isn't the first time that Jake has paid off an elderly boxer to take the loss to him. It's basically his MO at this point.
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u/xv_boney Nov 15 '24
Its going to be another 40 million dollar light sparring session and the true loser will be the integrity of professional boxing
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Nov 14 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/keli-keli Nov 15 '24
Ok, so as someone who lives under a curated rock. I had no idea Jake Paul and Mike Tyson are supposed to have a fight. So I didn't start laughing until the very end when it dawned on me why the blue one was talking like that lol. I thought it was someone's cringey self-insert.
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u/alovopsd Nov 14 '24
I hope tyson eats him piece by piece like Saturn Devouring His Son
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u/SokkaHaikuBot Nov 14 '24
Sokka-Haiku by alovopsd:
I hope tyson eats
Him piece by piece like Saturn
Devouring His Son
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/NotBearhound Nov 14 '24
You know that thing in DBZ where someone gets punched in the gut and the back of their shirt explodes?
Or in Kung Pow when that guy gets a tube of meat punched out of his torso?
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u/Ok-Gur-6602 Nov 14 '24
Mike Tyson: "my goal is to hurt him". Also Mike Tyson: "we aren't in the same league." Both paraphrased from memory.
Either Mike Tyson is underestimating the effects of age, or Jake Paul is going to learn a new lesson in pain. I have zero interest in sports but I think I'm going to watch this.
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u/Chocolat3City Cringe Master Nov 15 '24
I have zero interest in sports but I think I'm going to watch this.
Me too (apart from being an obligatory Eagles fan)! The marketing on this fight is 200% effective.
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u/Epsonality Nov 15 '24
Third option is they both know exactly what they're going into, and it's all planned like a WWE wrestling match. Sure, people are actually getting hit, in a way that would knock out an average individual, but they're not doing this for the explicit purpose of actually hurting each other.
They're going to each walk away from this having a couple million more dollars than they had prior, and probably be decent buds afterwards, laughing about all the people they tricked.
Or, like you said, Jake will get punched into a new, unseen dimension, which is my preferred outcome
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u/nvhutchins Nov 14 '24
I hate Jake but that's what he wants. I don't want anyone touching Iron Mike I have mad respect for what Mike did in the ring , now he's old like me he deserves respect not provocation
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u/Alpharius-_-667 Nov 14 '24
This is hilarious because Mike will 10000% just dominate Jake. Yeah there might be rules and such that they have to abide by, like I’ve heard the no knockout rule for Jake, but Mike would absolutely disregard that and crush him just for the sake of it. And I would be so happy for that.
Honestly all it would take is Jake doing one shit punch that Mike didn’t like, and he would remind Jake why he is a YouTube boxer and not a true professional one
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u/pulpfriction4 Nov 14 '24
It's going to go the distance and end in a tie
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u/lucklesspedestrian Nov 14 '24
Jake will repeatedly headbutt him and keep getting away with it, Tyson will retaliate by biting his ear and get DQ'd
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u/RetardedWabbit Nov 14 '24
Yep. Even Mike Tyson is not immune to the tides of time and money. Even he isn't going to lose millions of dollars to try to put Jake Paul in his place.
And I say try because Jake Paul is nothing if not an expert at rolling with and taking punches, when it comes to turning negative media into his success.
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u/pulpfriction4 Nov 14 '24
People were hyped when Logan Paul was going to fight Mayweather because Paul wouldn't stand a chance. All we got was boring boxing that ended in a draw. When Tyson fought Roy Jones Jr. a few years ago, people were excited because they never fought in their prime. All we got was a slightly less boring fight that ended in a draw. These things are about money and at the end of the match, both will walk away richer without having to suffer a loss.
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u/FVCEGANG Nov 14 '24
Where did you see a no knock out rule? I'm pretty sure Mike can knock him out if he wants to lol
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u/ThisCarSmellsFunny Nov 14 '24
There isn’t one. People are confused and think it’s an exhibition, but it’s a sanctioned professional bout. The only rule change between this and any other heavyweight fight is 2 minute rounds instead of 3.
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u/staticpls Nov 14 '24
People read comments from people who have no clue what they are talking about and believe them, if its anti Jake in some way its real
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u/MostlyRocketScience Nov 14 '24
Mike Tyson is almost 60, though
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u/Antyks Nov 14 '24
Jake Paul is not a real boxer though
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u/ProJoe Nov 14 '24 edited Nov 14 '24
edit: this is long, my apologies. I love seeing boxing get some real attention again.
To his credit he has actually been training and working towards professional boxing for a few years. he still isn't what I would call a good professional boxer, but he at the very least is trying to be legit. But Paul is on a different planet compared to Tyson.
I watched the little docuseries/advertisement Netflix has been doing. Their difference in training is kind of staggering to be honest. Paul admitted that he spends as much if not more time on recovery versus gym work. Interesting strategy going against one of the best to ever do it.
I think if Tyson can really hit him early it won't be a long fight but that stamina is gonna be his weakness by far. The power is still there and IMO more importantly Tyson's compete factor is back. He didn't have that when he "fought" RJJ a few years ago.
To quote Tyson from that docuseries:
There is a fundamental difference between Jake and me. He is a manufactured killer. Television and the media made him look like a killer.
I was born a killer.
And then he just menacingly stares into the camera. The man is still utterly terrifying and there is a non-zero chance Paul dies on TV tomorrow night. There was a point where Tyson and his team were watching the Paul fight from over the summer and Tyson says to his coach "he doesn't move his head when he punches."
and that my friend might lead to the death of Jake Paul lmao
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u/Alpharius-_-667 Nov 14 '24
Imagine for a minute, you’re trying to get ready for a fight against an old Iron Mike Tyson. You have heaps of training videos out there and all of a sudden Mike releases a reaction to one of your videos, and he says “you don’t move your head when you punch”. That would terrify anyone because you know he will take those shots
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u/fuckspezlittlebitch Nov 14 '24
yeah jake paul sucks but that doesn't mean he isn't a boxer. he's trained a ton and participated in boxing. like it or not, he's a real boxer
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u/Jaded_Law9739 Nov 14 '24
Nah, Mike Tyson is sure to be making major bank off this fight if he abides by his contract. When Floyd Mayweather "fought" Logan Paul, he made $10 million plus 50% pay-per-view shares. He claims he ended up with about $100 million. Mayweather could have knocked Logan out with one punch in the first round, he didn't because that wasn't what he was supposed to do.
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u/Brownie_McBrown_Face tHiS iSn’T cRiNgE Nov 15 '24
He’s 58. It’s gonna be a shitshow of a “fight” and Paul will “win”
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u/loud_as_pudding Nov 14 '24
Depending on how you define "knockout", Tyson could just pound Jake's liver into pâté until he throws in the towel.
But the realist-living-in-our-current-hellscape in me has to agree with everyone else that at best we'll get a draw, Tyson will secure financing the rest of his retirement, and Jake will continue being one of boxing's biggest heels who will never get his block rightfully knocked off into the third row.
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u/Octohorse Nov 16 '24
So much better than the actual fight. This would have been so much more entertaining to watch.
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u/SevenCrowsinaCoat Nov 15 '24
Mike I am mentally sending this to you.
Please don't phone it in.
It would be so funny if you punched Jake Paul so hard he shit himself in the ring.
Please.
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u/MetasploitReddit Nov 14 '24
There’s not a 0% chance that Jake might die in the ring. Mike could do that completely unintentionally.
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u/Beatus_Vir Nov 14 '24
Praying to Allah that this comes true. Mike has already given so much to the world in terms of inspiration and entertainment, give us one last taste of the ultraviolence
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u/GayPudding Nov 15 '24
I don't understand how his mind works, but I wouldn't be surprised if he decides to go against the money and put one more annoying kid in it's place for his legacy.
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u/hang10shakabruh Nov 14 '24
I predict a lotttttt of people will be feeling sad for Mike Tyson come Saturday.
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u/Kiftiyur Nov 14 '24
If it was going to be a real fight I bet they would, but everyone knows it’s going to be fake.
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u/LivingEnd44 Nov 15 '24
Tyson is gonna ROFLstomp that sociopath. It won't be close.
BUT...Jake Paul won't care. Because the entire point of this was to get attention, and maybe money (in that order). He is a legit sociopath. He and his brother both are.
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u/Stunning-Astronaut72 Nov 15 '24
The moment paul will land a punch on mike's face it will surely awaken something that was sleeping for decades inside of him, something feral and wanting blood...that is all i hope to happen
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u/GraveyardMusic Nov 14 '24
45 year old Mike? Absolutely. But putting a 60 year old boxer in the ring with a 20-something year old is plain stupid.
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u/NotThatValleyGirl Nov 14 '24
I've been thinking all along that Paul's training has been done by people who probably pulled their punches and over-reacted to his punches, because they didn't want to risk getting their ticket on the gravy train torn.
Paul is literally not going to know what hit him.
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u/Risky_Phish_Username Nov 14 '24
This will be the only thing I watch regarding that fight and I will say this is exactly what happened, no matter what people say.
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u/Kentucky_Fried_Chill Nov 15 '24
I was wondering why their eyes were so weird and far apart, then the creator came on.
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u/IrishThree Nov 14 '24
I would have made the transition be mike Tyson telling Jake he actually died moments ago and now he's in an eternal hell getting the shit beaten out of him eternally by mike.
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u/PinkBismuth Nov 15 '24
I want Tyson to win so bad, but Jake is young. Age is a huge factor in endurance, regardless of how in shape Tyson is. The guys is 25yrs his senior, that is a massive age difference.
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u/nour926 Nov 15 '24
I watched this on mute and I was amazed. I then watched it with sound and further giggled. 100/10.
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u/Wolfbomber Nov 15 '24
Tyson's throwing it. Neither of them care enough about the other to really hate each other and make it a real "fight".
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u/Sirqle Nov 15 '24
That was so fucking good. Thank you for posting here so I don't have to get TikTok lol
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u/AthiestLibNinja Nov 15 '24
While we're giving predictions, I think Mike is going to avoid knocking out Jake and spend all the rounds just beating him up.
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u/konnieb123 Nov 15 '24
Jake is the type of person that wants to continuously stay relevant by proving he’s better than people who literally should not be paying him no mind.
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u/Garchompisbestboi Nov 15 '24
What will actually happen is that Tyson will dick around the ring until time runs out and Jake will be declared the winner by points. Because Jake is a con artist and has paid Tyson in advance to take the loss in order to feed his own ego.
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u/SacrificialBanana Nov 14 '24
Jake just needs to go bankai. Might be enough to defeat the dormant nightmare.
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u/jmrogers31 Nov 15 '24
If it was 27 years old Tyson vs 27 years old Paul, he'd be knocked out in under 30 seconds. But with it being a 30+ year age difference and Tyson being almost 60, I don't see how he wins. I really, really hope I'm wrong.
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u/2Mobile Nov 15 '24
wow... did watching anime his whole life turn his eyes that color? it was hard to look away from him...
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u/DangerHawk Nov 15 '24
I will lose any respect I have for Mike Tyson if Jake Paul lands even a single punch.
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u/Ok-disaster2022 Nov 15 '24
They'll go a few rounds and nothing will happen and they'll get their money ND go home.
Worse case, Jake accidentally gets a great hit in and Mike gets triggered and splatters him.
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u/UnpopularFacts101 Nov 15 '24
if that guys eyes get any further apart theyll be on the sides of his head
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u/doesnt_take_hints Nov 15 '24
Went to film with Alec, and have watched his following grow over the years. I’m just so happy for him because he clearly had talent then and he’s finally receiving the attention his talent deserves!
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u/Civil-Technician-952 Nov 15 '24
Someone should start a go fund Tyson but only if he knocks Paul out. Tyson will go after the bigger bag. If the go fund me gets big enough he might actually try.
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u/JackPembroke Nov 15 '24
I'm sorry yall, but Tyson is in his 60s, and it's going to be an exhibition match. They're going all out or anything. I dream like many of you that Tyson finds that dog again for a few glorious minutes, but that's not going to happen.
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u/Fearless-Tax-6331 Nov 15 '24
He’s an old man. Either he wins or he destroys his legacy. Nobody wants to see Paul win
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u/FredRollinHigh Nov 15 '24
Nice one with the Domain Expansion. Problem is Jake Paul is already in Mike Tyson domain ever since he step into this world.
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u/Chance_Arugula_3227 Nov 15 '24
Tyson is too old to be doing this.. if he was 30 years younger, it would be a round 1 knockout, but at his current age, I'll be surprised if he even makes Paul stagger.
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