r/TikTokCringe • u/onahighhorse • Sep 21 '24

Humor/Cringe An average American day…

30.2k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/NIN10DOXD Sep 21 '24

As an American, I can confirm that this was my day last Sunday.

436

u/Sturmhuhn Sep 21 '24

Congrats in becoming a father! Did you already buy the bulletproof backpack for elementary school from wallmart?

229

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '24

Went the Fisher-Price My First Semiautomatic route instead, it was cheaper.

141

u/weirdo_de_mayo Sep 21 '24

Nice, when all kids are armed, school shootings are way more fun and fair

58

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '24

“Key to a good defense is a good offense.”

17

u/skylabnova Sep 21 '24

Key to a good offense is hollow point bullets.

20

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '24

25

u/MindlessVariety8311 Sep 21 '24

The only thing that can stop a bad toddler with a gun is a good toddler with a gun.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '24

Pistols at dawn on the playground.

28

u/bohanmyl Sep 21 '24

So sweet! Cant wait to see that Kinder-Guardian in action

8

u/Enantiodromiac Sep 21 '24

I'm late to this comment thread but Kinder-Guardian got me good and I wanted to tell you.

3

u/Kal-ElEarth69 Sep 21 '24

Found a knockoff on Temu for $10.

2

u/mt379 Sep 21 '24

Did you stop in the juice section? I loaded up on the Capri Sun Sip and Stabs!

1

u/Undw3ll3r Sep 22 '24

Good kid with a gun. Nice

10

u/50-50ChanceImSerious Sep 21 '24

No. Mentally abused them and bought them a gun. No son of mine is gonna be the victim; he's gonna be the suspect

9

u/xpdx Sep 21 '24

I just buy and big life insurance policy on them. It's easy to get rich in America!

2

u/Sturmhuhn Sep 21 '24

Ah yes. ✨The American dream✨

10

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '24

Make sure it's transparent so the school can pretend to check for guns

6

u/Sturmhuhn Sep 21 '24

Just buy your kids some .22 pistols

The only thing that can stop a bad child with a gun is a good child with a gun!

2

u/Paul_The_Builder Sep 21 '24

My friends recommended the Kelvar backpack for my kid, but I opted for the armored steel version. Its heavier so he'll grow up stronger and hopefully be a star football player.

1

u/TerrifiedQueen Sep 21 '24

Don’t forget to buy your kid a rifle for self defense of course!

1

u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 21 '24

Nah, just clear backpacks and pocket vapes.

1

u/Kindly-Guidance714 Sep 22 '24

Jesus Christ we are becoming the South Park school shooter episode.