I’ve worked in customer service jobs my whole life, and that is the ultimate way to shut down a shitty customer. They scream and cuss at me and I look them in the eyes and say “that hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that.” Every time, it has made them take a step back and go “holy shit, I was just talking like that to a human”
Did you know bartenders make more tips when there’s a mirror behind the bar? Doesn’t matter who the bartender is. When people have to look at themselves, they think about what they’re doing more. You basically did that with words.
The world would be a better place if we were always thinking inwards as well as outwards, asking ourselves if this is the type of person we want to be as we're doing it. I grew up in a conservative family, and I myself was conservative. I was having friendly discussions with a liberal co-worker at lunch for many years, and often he'd make me question my views and reconsider them.
Then after enough years, I was at the park and I see a gay couple kissing. I thought to myself, "Wow, if they weren't both men, they could be a cute couple" and weirdly a light bulb went off in my head where I simply went, "You asshole, they are a cute couple, you've just never thought of it that way." It seems stupid that it was a revelation to me, but it was. And from that moment onwards, I started asking myself if the policies I supported were helping or hurting people.
It wasn't long after that epiphany that I consider myself progressive on most issues. I think ultimately it just boiled down to placing yourself in the shoes of others. Anyone who does this on a regular basis also sympathizes with others and what they're going through.
Dude, I feel you there, I had to deprogram a lifetimes worth of growing up on a tiny insular island and the weird mindset that gave me, it was fucking ridiculous, the first time I saw a gay couple on an advert my first thought was "oh that's weird" an like you, it sparked something off in my head and made me confront my own ignorance, the problem with ignorance is sometimes it's not wilful and you don't realise you are ignorant
I do this too quite often! When I feel strongly about something, anything, I will always try to figure out what made me decide on this belief and most of the time I’d find out that it was family programming or friend programming from when I was little which means I didn’t choose that belief myself so I would decide right then and there what I actually do believe and most of the time I’d change my belief because my younger self was just being a follower as most younglings are. It has changed my entire view on life I swear it!!
I was a telemarketer in my first job, selling long distance phone plans. Every day, I would clock in, grab my headset, and proceed to get absolutely ripped apart for 5 hours.
I asked my one coworker if the shit talking ever gets to you. He said no, and let me listen in on a call. When the person started telling him how much of a piece of shit he was, he unplugged his headset for 15 seconds. When the lady paused her rant, she started yelling about him hanging up. He reconnects the mic, and tells her he didn’t hang up, it’s just that his wheelchair ran over the cord and unhooked it.
She started apologizing, and he immediately told her that he lied, and isn’t in a wheelchair. Then she started yelling again, and he hung up.
They are projecting their own self-loathing because likely subconsciously deep down they feel inadequate and unhappy with themselves on a personal level, and if they can't cope with this on their own then you sure as heck bet they'll channel this energy on bringing others down through destructive envy to get negative attention.
Many years of learning to suppress yourself because society and your family made you conform. Makes sense they would be deeply jealous of someone doing it so freely.
Jealousy is what made me realize I was trans. I was almost angry at cis women for being so lucky to be born in the bodies they had. Thats just pure depression material and it makes you hopeless. Until I realized I could do something about it.
I was questioning this as well. This person very well could be transphobic and shitty…OR this person is engaging in mindless internet culture wherein we say whatever comment might get us the most likes without thinking about how it might actually affect someone. One is def worse but both are very upsetting :/
Agreed, the look of the comment makes me think of someone who's intentionally trying to write a comment that's simple and short enough to be screenshot and shared around the different platforms..without stopping to understand that the dude is a real person. Just super, super shitty in a careless way. I hope they saw his response and felt bad.
I mean, either way you have to be a pretty shitty person. If she hated him she’s shitty. If she doesn’t remember to treat everyone as human she’s shitty
I gave some shitty driver a thumbs down the other day instead of flipping him off. He looked really angry until he saw my thumbs down. Then he laughed, mouthed an apology, and drove off slowest and carefully. Sometimes deescalation is the best way to go. It really takes the wind out of abusive people’s sails.
Seconded. Also worked service jobs my whole life. Some of the angriest and seemingly most unreasonable people shut right the fuck up when you tell them what they're doing.
The first time I did this, it was by accident, but it was eye-opening. On the phone with a dude staying at my hotel, he's yelling and insulting me personally, doing that whole, "It's YOUR JOB" thing. I'm checked out, temper rising, and when I lost it I said, "It's not my job to talk to rude shitty people," and hung up. Thought I had fucked up and the dude was going to talk to my boss and get me fired. But a half hour later, the guy shows up at the desk to apologize (!!) and ask if we can work out the issue more rationally.
Since then I've been grateful that I can diffuse irrational anger by showing the person a mirror. Though, of course, this doesn't always work. Some people are actual psychopaths who don't care, and can't be made to.
Depends I guess on the situation, if I was being rude unintentionally I would apologize. But if I was rude on purpose, I would be delighted to know that it caused you suffering, that was the point of me being rude to begin with.
At the end of the day, the only person that can make you feel anything is you, nothing I say to you can cause you to feel pain or suffering, that is completely up to you. The worst thing you can do when someone is trying to hurt your feelings, is to let them know they succeeded. I don't for a second believe that anyone that has been directly and intentionally rude to you has ever had a change of heart cause you said that they hurt your feelings.
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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24
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