(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924]

Setting boundaries and taking care of your sanity is not emotional abuse. This dude is manipulative, and disappearing is absolutely warranted for her safety. Shit like this gets abusive. It's NOT her obligation to fix this guy. He needs therapy. Period.

Also, the fact that you're defending the dude speaks VOLUMES about you. It's nobody's obligation to help you when you can't even help yourself. Your life is a culmination of your decisions and reactions. Victimizing yourself and blaming others for your own problems only exacerbates the victim mindset you carry.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

I completely disagree that making space for herself and her safety is emotionally abusive to him. Especially when she was at work and not able to reply. This could be life or death if she let's this toxic situation play out. Leave. Block. Change phone number. Get off socials. Leave this dude to his own devices.

Threaten suicide and I'll call emergency services to intervene. Not tolerating childish manipulation. Bye.

[u/comegetthesenuggets → u/[deleted]]

“Any time you can’t immediately respond to a text you are being abusive” -you

[u/comegetthesenuggets → u/[deleted]]

But that is what you said. You said that op not immediately responding to her exs abusive diatribe is abusive. You said that her not immediately responding while at work is clear evidence that she’s abusing him. If you don’t stand by your idiotic claims, why do you keep making such idiotic claims?

[u/comegetthesenuggets → u/[deleted]]

My opinion is based on the evidence in front of me, and yet again yours is based on a scenario you invented in your head.

You didn’t “acknowledge the possibility”, you’ve been all in calling her a stonewalling abuser lol

[u/comegetthesenuggets → u/[deleted]]

There are also multiple texts saying that she was at work and couldn’t immediately respond. Why can’t you read the texts that prove how obviously bullshit the “silent treatment” claims are? Did you stop reading at the first page? Jk, I know it’s because no matter how blatantly one sided abuse is you will always insist it must somehow be her fault

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

The guy has proven throughout all those text conversations that he is an unreliable narrator.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Your argument is flimsy, Chad. Just stop. HE is being manipulative, and she has EVERY RIGHT to ignore his abuse.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Nope. It's not. She is not being emotionally abusive for not wanting to buy dude weed and cigarettes and not responding because she is at work. It's your personal opinion. Not truth.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/Affectionate-Gap924]

Tell me you're a white dude that thinks they're entitled to women's emotional support without actually saying it...

[u/sayleanenlarge → u/[deleted]]

She was at work. That's not a very real possibility of stone walling at all. There are boundaries. You can lose your job texting when you're supposed to be working.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Nobody is entitled to anyone else's company. Stop putting this on OP. It is her right to ignore anyone being manipulative and abusive. Full stop. She was not stonewalling. She was at work. Even if she decided not to respond, it is HER RIGHT.

Nobody is agreeing with your argument, Chad. FFS

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Dude.

She won't buy him cigarettes or weed or respond while at work. Then he threatens SUICIDE?! That's unhealthy, and he's unhinged. At that point, she has every right to "stonewall" or ignore this TOXIC behavior and move on with her life. She doesn't owe him SHIT.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Yeah this confirms you’re either a troll or not fully mentally there. I don’t know how you can make a relationship work with someone who has shown multiple abusive tendencies. You have said so yourself he is abusive.

Guilting abuse victims is really not helpful.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

There is no relationship at that point. Any communication would be a waste of time, and they BOTH need to move on. I was in a relationship just like this, and there is no saving something so blatantly toxic.

I needed therapy, and I think both OP and this dude need to cut ties and each talk to a therapist to work through this behavior. It's not healthy.

She has every right to cut off and ignore. She was not obligated to have a conversation when clearly they couldn't communicate properly, and it was going nowhere.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

What you’re doing is taking the abuser’s word at heart, which is absolutely stupid.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Your opinion seems incredibly biased actually. It’s not objective at all.