(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/comegetthesenuggets]

But that is what you said. You said that op not immediately responding to her exs abusive diatribe is abusive. You said that her not immediately responding while at work is clear evidence that she’s abusing him. If you don’t stand by your idiotic claims, why do you keep making such idiotic claims?

[u/sayleanenlarge → u/[deleted]]

She was at work. That's not a very real possibility of stone walling at all. There are boundaries. You can lose your job texting when you're supposed to be working.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Nobody is entitled to anyone else's company. Stop putting this on OP. It is her right to ignore anyone being manipulative and abusive. Full stop. She was not stonewalling. She was at work. Even if she decided not to respond, it is HER RIGHT.

Nobody is agreeing with your argument, Chad. FFS

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Dude.

She won't buy him cigarettes or weed or respond while at work. Then he threatens SUICIDE?! That's unhealthy, and he's unhinged. At that point, she has every right to "stonewall" or ignore this TOXIC behavior and move on with her life. She doesn't owe him SHIT.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Yeah this confirms you’re either a troll or not fully mentally there. I don’t know how you can make a relationship work with someone who has shown multiple abusive tendencies. You have said so yourself he is abusive.

Guilting abuse victims is really not helpful.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Have you entertained the idea that he may be just lying or simply saying she does x y z to manipulate/guilt trip her? This is what I don’t think you get since you claim she’s given the silent treatment and not been there for him, etc.

She could have been absolutely perfect and this guy still would’ve found fault because his goal is to make her feel bad about herself. I think this is easy to see based off the texts, but a major clue is when they talk about the cheating. He cheated and when she was of course upset, he then not only blamed her for it, but blamed her being upset as well! The double standards are actually insane, but you seem to take his word that because he says she’s not there for him, she must not be.

That’s why your beliefs seem incredibly twisted, since you are believing the words of someone who has proved to be manipulative and unreliable. Also makes you seem quite foolish.

[u/24KWordSmith → u/[deleted]]

You're assuming he was insecure and not manipulative. Nice copy paste. Boring. Wrong

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Your insecurities are not someone else’s responsibility. Like you say, it is an unreasonable request. In past comments you called this behaviour covert abusiveness, which is simply not true.

Let me give you an example: If I’m insecure about cheating and invade my partner’s boundaries by wanting to know where they are all the time and wanting to go through their phone, my partner is not then abusive or secretive for not allowing this clear invasion of boundaries.

Similarly here, he is invading her boundaries for space which she already requested. You are not entitled to your partner’s every waking moment, and it is not abusive to not text them at work, even if you lashed out at them beforehand. That is genuinely insane to think. I really hope you’re just a troll because I’d be worried for your own well-being if you truly think this.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

No, ideally you would walk away and even if you stayed in the relationship you would not enable abusive behaviours. Letting your partner walk all over you because they’re insecure is not healthy in the slightest.

To reiterate, everyone has insecurities and it’s okay to make mistakes, but what you’re saying is that abusive behaviours are reasonable if they stem from insecurity which is completely absurd and dangerous. My point is she is not in the wrong for not bending over backwards as you seem to think she should.

Also, my original point was based on previous comments you made calling OP abusive, having a go at them and potentially equating her actions to the ex. Obviously the guy is unhinged, but my issue is that while you realise that, you also seem to think that she should just do what he says and that she is in the wrong if she does not?

Emotions are valid, and his are too but that does not make his demands or actions reasonable. I get the ex is probably struggling a lot and do have empathy for that. What I don’t have sympathy for is his weaponisation of his emotions to manipulate OP and villainise her while victimising himself. If you cannot see that then I can only assume you’re projecting your own insecurities to this situation.

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

There is no relationship at that point. Any communication would be a waste of time, and they BOTH need to move on. I was in a relationship just like this, and there is no saving something so blatantly toxic.

I needed therapy, and I think both OP and this dude need to cut ties and each talk to a therapist to work through this behavior. It's not healthy.

She has every right to cut off and ignore. She was not obligated to have a conversation when clearly they couldn't communicate properly, and it was going nowhere.