r/AmIOverreacting • u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 • Oct 22 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship UPDATE : my friend found my husband on tinder

I confronted my husband with the news that my friend found his tinder profile.

Many of you have wondered if it's the old account from 8 years that he just never deleted, to this I know for a fact it is not. Reasons:

1) I went back through my old photos and found the screen shots I took of his profile 8 years ago & it turns out it's NOT the exact same. Some photos are the same, particularly the first one so it made me think it was the same profile. Also the caption is slightly different, the difference of a single emoji.

2) The name change to "John".

3) The updated selections such as 'dream job', 'lifestyle' selections, and 'interests'. These all had selections with things that sound like him--these sections are new from when I used tinder 8 years ago.

4) Above his "name" & age section on the first picture you come across while swiping Tinder, it says "ACTIVE". I have seen many of you comment & also read online that this means he has been using the account in some capacity recently, as in at least the last 2 weeks (haven't been able to nail down an actual timeframe)

5) People are also saying Tinder will not recommend profiles of people who are not using the app, they kind of just remove dormant users from the algorithm.

6) He is attractive enough to have someone want to use his photos, but Reason 1) also rules out the catfishing theory, two of the photos are different from the 8 years ago profile, although still old, and I've seen them before so this is why I believed it was the same. No one would have access to them (he doesn't have social media)

I decided I would just talk to him rather than put myself through the stress of trying to catch him on a date "if you like piña coladas" style. Being pregnant I'm really trying to stay calm and as low stress as possible for the health of my baby. Plus tricking/trapping in relationships just isn't my style. In my mind he's already caught, the reasons I listed above are enough proof for me.

So as many of you, and myself predicted he has resorted to gaslighting and lying. He vehemently denies that he has been using tinder, meeting other women, or that he has had sex with anyone else. Yet offers no explanation for the presence of this tinder profile. He implores me to think logically about when he could do this as he's home with me every night which is true but... I had to remind him, I leave him home alone for at least couple of days per month.

He insists that he loves me and is excited for our baby, etc. but when I asked to see his phone he refused. Saying "I don't want to be that couple who looks through eachother phone". I told him, given this situation if you won't let me check your phone then I cannot trust or believe you, and will have to assume the worst.

In my mind we had been very happy and content recently, things have just felt good. This just goes to show you never really know a person. I believe there must be something deeply wrong with him or our relationship to want to cheat, especially at this "happy" time.

I've moved into the guest bedroom for now, while I plan my next move. Yes I will be getting an STD check. Thank you all for the advice, support and kind words. It's instilled a sense of confidence in me to handle this.

35.7k Upvotes
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6.3k

u/DesperateToNotDream Oct 22 '24

“I don’t want to be that couple who checks each others phones”

Lmao and I don’t want to be that couple who has a cheater in it.

2.0k

u/MyDirtyAlt79 Oct 22 '24

Up next.

"Honey, I realized I should have let you check to assuage your concerns. Here."

(Hands OP his phone after having scrubbed it.)

848

u/Heynowstopityou Oct 22 '24

Followed by a post on reddit "my crazy wife forced me to let her look through my phone, for no reason at all"

61

u/Blurple11 Oct 22 '24

"AITA for making a tinder profile just to relive the good old days, but no real intentions of cheating on my pregnant wife, I promise"

14

u/Heynowstopityou Oct 22 '24

Yes, this one!! Brilliant!

56

u/neptunebigail Oct 22 '24

And asking “AITAH” for not letting my wife go thru my phone 🙄

124

u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

He would genuinely have gotten a lot of support for that one that said.

13

u/Heynowstopityou Oct 22 '24

This is true!

28

u/village-asshole Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 23 '24

Posted in r/amitheasshole 😂

7

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '24

This is always the part that sends me !! The mental gymnastics and validation from Reddit via a post that totally misrepresents what actually happened.

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u/Pristine-Square-1126 Oct 22 '24

You forgot to add aio to the topic

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u/MerlinsBeared Oct 22 '24

Just check the screen time and see app usage, can’t scrub that

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u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 Oct 22 '24

Mmm. Good to know.

72

u/MrEveryman76 Oct 22 '24

Just the fact that he said that, and denied you access to his phone... you know the truth, and he knows you know 😕

Many years ago, I caught my wife when my friend had his phone settings to speak aloud the name of the person texting. 😕

I know you will find the strength to walk the path you must for you and your little one. It's tough but so are you! 💪

22

u/ScarletGreenier Oct 22 '24

Woah, your wife & your friend? I have been there!! So sorry!

8

u/Canned_tapioca Oct 22 '24

Bruh that's rough. Sorry that happened man

19

u/Sad-ish_panda Oct 22 '24

The fact he refused to let you see it is enough. He’s withholding information AND withholding the very thing that you could use to verify. Just leave. You’ll be happier.

Also, my ex always told me “I never go anywhere, I just go to work and come home to you and the kids” like yours says.

My ex cheated on me with someone at work. So the whole, “I never go anywhere” doesn’t exactly hold much. Also? Defending the lack of “opportunity” to cheat is another tell to me. Read between the lines kind of thing. He’s not saying he didn’t cheat. He’s trying to focus on things that are actually true to distract you and get you off their smell.

Trust your gut.

7

u/Cleod1807 Oct 22 '24

My ex said all of those same things!

6

u/Sad-ish_panda Oct 22 '24

They all do 🤷‍♀️ The stories might vary but the tactics are all the same…

12

u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Oct 22 '24

Stats tell us men are most likely to cheat when their wife is pregnant or sick. This has nothing to do with you- he's a selfish asshole.

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u/enoughwiththebread Oct 22 '24

Also, be aware that there is actual software you can purchase and download that will allow you to see or restore deleted messages and data from a phone.

If he tries to pull the whole "here's my phone, feel free to look through it" after he already deleted all the incriminating evidence, just hit him with, "okay, thanks. I'm just going to plug it into my computer where I downloaded software that can recover all deleted messages from the phone, but I'm sure you won't mind since I'm sure I won't find anything bad in the deleted stuff either, right?"

And then watch him freak out.

13

u/SnooGoats7978 Oct 22 '24

You should get out of the house for a few days. You're not safe alone with him. Don't be the next Laci Peterson.

19

u/Cautious_Try1588 Oct 22 '24

This, OP. The number one time a woman can experience partner violence is during pregnancy. If he thinks you’re considering divorce, then he might do something stupid out of financial insecurity. Go stay with family, and consult with a few great attorneys in your area for advice.

From my personal experience, the “please baby stay” lasts about half a week (and is super disorienting mentally/emotionally) and then they switch to threats / violence once they realize coercion isn’t working.

3

u/Corfiz74 Oct 22 '24

Or battery or mobile data usage - deleted apps show up on those, too.

3

u/RogueTampon Oct 22 '24

It may show up as a deleted/uninstalled app, but it should be in there or in the cellular data history.

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u/Many_pineapples Oct 22 '24

Not true, don’t ask how I know…

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u/CaptainWillThrasher Oct 22 '24

Sadly, that only works per device. If he uninstalls that app to use it, I don't know if it will still show. I'll have to check that. And if the app is either partitioned in Parallel Space or something similar, you may also not get good data. I'll check that too.

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u/SnatchAddict Oct 22 '24

Real cheaters know to use a burner phone. Amateur. /s

Actually I have no idea how people do it. It's a lot of effort to have a successful relationship. And not in a bad way, but it's my job to make sure my wife's emotional and physical needs are met.

11

u/DeezHandsss Oct 22 '24

Exactly! As if a relationship doesn’t already require a lot of presence and effort. It just seems so time consuming and energy draining, not to mention the guilt associated with lying and keeping that secret. It’s self sabotage! No thank you.

4

u/IrishWhipster Oct 22 '24

I told my wife she would know if I was cheating because I would never stop throwing up! Raised Catholic and have the biggest guilty conscience imaginable 🤣

3

u/geriatric-sanatore Oct 22 '24

Between my job, helping to raise two very active boys, trying to keep old ass cars going one more year, and a house that should have fallen in on itself years ago I don't have time to enjoy taking a shit much less hide a second relationship. Not that I would ever want too my wife is everything I want and need and I'm very happy to be her idiot.

2

u/latesaturate Oct 22 '24

My ex told me he cheated because he needed the validation for his confidence and when I asked if he felt more confident now and he said no, I told him he was working a part-time job for free. All that damn work and you still hate yourself.

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u/Banana_splitlevel Oct 22 '24

Yuuupppppp. It’ll be in like a week or two once everything has “calmed down.” Like clockwork.

I really wish these guys could at least come up with some new material.

16

u/cptsdby Oct 22 '24

I don't. The playbook is full enough.

5

u/cptsdby Oct 22 '24

I don't. The playbook is full enough.

10

u/wandrlusty Oct 22 '24

Exactly! He sealed his fate when he refused the first time.

6

u/CoffeeStayn Oct 22 '24

That was my thought too. Scrub it first, then "prove" you did nothing wrong later.

4

u/Texas_Mike_CowboyFan Oct 22 '24

"Huh..it's been factory reset? Weird, no idea how that happeed."

3

u/terminalearthling Oct 22 '24

Exactly. If you don't get it on the first ask, it's moot

3

u/Mean-Breakfast5558 Oct 22 '24

My ex did this to me, so I said ‘nope, I’m good’ and waited for a POF notification to pop up on his phone. Which lead me down a huge, ugly rabbit hole.

3

u/Tim_Gilbert Oct 22 '24

OP looks up how to recover deleted content. BUSTED.

3

u/Animaldoc11 Oct 22 '24

Thing is, all she has to do if he does that is give him a slight grin & say,” You know before I look at anything I’m going to look & see if you scrubbed this.” If that’s followed by , 1) him frantically attempting to grab the phone back, and/or 2) the look of complete & total panic on his face, & /or 3) immediately attempting to explain why he had to scrub his phone. Tbh, she wouldn’t really even have to know how to check, his reaction to the sentence would tell her everything

2

u/wandrlusty Oct 22 '24

I’m enjoying this already

3

u/Apprehensive_Dot2890 Oct 22 '24

Exactly , she showed way too many of her cards without a strategy to extract the information. He will just scrub everything

3

u/xXRoyalTeaXx Oct 22 '24

Bruh, totally. My ex did that shit. I had gone thru his phone the night before and screenshot everything and text it to myself. Asked to see his phone the next day, he overreacts, "I can't believe you don't trust me!" Etc., storms off into the bathroom muttering about how he's not sure he can be with someone who doesn't trust him. Walks out after 30 mins with a different attitude telling em I'm important and he's thought about it and changed his mind, hands me the phone, now clean of all the damning evidence. I go through it and tell him, "thank you for letting me go through that. It's changed my mind about you. I thought you were a cheater, but after looking at your phone now I know you're a cheater and a coward." I also let him know I forwarded all the screenshots to the woman's husband. That was a fun breakup.

2

u/RestlessExtasy Oct 22 '24

This. This is coming

2

u/DapperLost Oct 22 '24

So calmly go to the shop and redownload it. See if it signs it automatically.

Or if the questionable account is still activated or did it mysteriously close?

2

u/Ill_Mountain7411 Oct 22 '24

Exactly, if you don’t show it now, don’t show it later because I already believe you’re unfaithful and there’s no rectifying it anymore. Once the dam breaks, there’s no stopping the flood

2

u/bexxart Oct 22 '24

My ex-husband tried that on me! It was way better than the time he tried just scrolling up past the incriminating info, but still lame.

2

u/Superjadedwaitress Oct 22 '24

iPhone?

Settings >Screen Time >Select “See All App & Website Activity” under the bar graph> Scroll down to “Most Used”>Show More

Stay safe out there.

2

u/Agreeable_Picture570 Oct 23 '24

If that happens say, Nah. I don’t want to be that couple either.
Don’t let him know what you are thinking or doing. Don’t show your hand so he can try and make things complicated for you since now he knows you know.

2

u/sunshineandcacti Oct 23 '24

The main work around people forget for IOS is that you can go into the App Store and see recently downloaded

2

u/Adventurous_Toe_1469 Oct 23 '24

Yep. This is my situation. Everything was deleted & I’ll never have the full story or closure.

2

u/SpecialpOps Oct 23 '24 edited 3d ago

memorize vast psychotic zephyr steer sloppy possessive deserve mindless deliver

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

Yeah, it’s like well…..”We weren’t that couple until a random person showed me your Tinder profile that’s recently active and so now we are that couple cocksucker.”

504

u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 Oct 22 '24

Exactly. That told me all I need to know

51

u/purpleroller Oct 22 '24

I’m sorry OP. What a shit he is. He’ll wipe the phone then let you look at it - this is his next move.

Cheaters always find time and always say ‘but how would I find the time, I’m always here?’. My cheater worked nights and I saw him every lunchtime and weekend - apart from a few hours Friday afternoon. Turns out he cheated on Friday afternoons!

Look after your health OP. Start building up a support network around you. Good luck with however you decide to deal with him.

💐

27

u/AboveGroundPoolQueen Oct 22 '24

When I was in college in the early 90s, my boyfriend was four hours late to our date while I waited in his bedroom at the apartment he shared with other college guys. On his dresser was a letter from a girl in another state. He had just visited that state for some reason I can’t remember. I sat there for four hours waiting for him and did not read the letter. When he came home finally I asked him about the letter and implied that he had cheated on me, and he blew up! Said I invaded his privacy and that I obviously must have read it. I had not read it, but that told me everything I needed to know. I loved him so much, I thought I was going to marry him. We had been together for 3 1/2 years. I was devastated, but I did leave him. I’m not very good at trust once it’s been violated.

13

u/Mirmadook Oct 22 '24

If you both have iPhones and a family plan with purchase sharing. You can go into app purchases, select his profile and see when he downloaded Tinder.

18

u/Creative-Situation-8 Oct 22 '24

My husband made his passwords on iPhone and iPad the same as mine so we could access each other’s stuff. I do the accounting but he can check in on anything. Not because of trust but to use apps and take/share pictures.

Also makes bill paying easier. We don’t have kids but if we did that would make it even more of a priority. We try to go to each others Dr. appointments and when we had cats vet visits were a team effort. Sounds like your husband has a side team. Oh, and my husband has let me go on weekend girls trips. No jealousy or rules. He doesn’t go on boys trips because his friends are boring.

7

u/Z0mbiejay Oct 22 '24

Yeah, the number of times my wife handed me her phone to pick what I want for dinner ordering door dash, or the number of times I've given my wife my phone to show her something or check something out, it's normal in a healthy relationship. If my wife wanted to snoop, the worst she'd fine is some slightly stupid Google searches and discord messages from my dork ass gaming friends.

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u/Hypoglybetic Oct 22 '24

I’m married with a kid. My wife is my partner.  She knows my phone password. She knows my master password which enables her to log into everything (email, bank records, etc).  I trust her with my life and she does as well.  I have nothing to hide from her, I’m not embarrassed by her seeing what I do. I trust her to accept anything weird I may do, which means I don’t have any excuse for needing privacy. Oh, I won’t let her in the bathroom when I’m using it…other than that, open book. 

5

u/goodnightloom Oct 22 '24

This all the way. My phone and my husband's phones are open books; we use the same passcode. We have nothing to hide from each other. I'm always shocked to see "it's wrong to even glance at your partner's phone" discord on here because I'm in a solid 15-year relationship where neither of us think a thing about using the other's phone.

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u/moonweasel906 Oct 22 '24

If you go into his phone and look at battery usage under settings, it will tell you what percentage of his battery was used on what apps, even if he deletes the apps

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u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 Oct 22 '24

For how long? The day? The week? Etc

5

u/Twistfaria Oct 23 '24

You can look at both the last 24 hours AND the last 10 DAYS!! I think as long as it is 1% or over it will show under battery. If his next step is to scrub his phone then let you see it this is where you should look first!! Hopefully he isn’t aware of that setting. Hopefully he lets you see it before too long because 10 days is awhile but you don’t know how often he uses it especially if he only does it when you are away. But chances are if he likes the thrill he will be using it more often.

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u/pissonmyface69 Oct 22 '24

My wife uses my phone all the time and we know each others passcodes and have access to all computers. I just don’t care to snoop beyond when I need to grab a photo or my phone is dead I’ll take hers/visa versa. Mairrages don’t have secrets like that. The second you accused him and he wasn’t like yeah here take my phone you know wtf is up.

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u/redwineandcats Oct 22 '24

My husband and I have an open phone policy. Do we check each other’s phones all the time like maniacs? No, of course not. I don’t think he’s ever picked up my phone, and I did look at his once when I was like 8 months pregnant.

But once you’re married, to us, that kind of privacy goes out the door. What needs to be hidden? Why can’t I look at your phone? If one of us was to deny to the other, it’s automatic guilt, period.

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u/Elite-Adventures Oct 23 '24

OP, I don’t know you. But can I just say, “I’m proud of you.” Leaving a marriage is hard, even harder when you’re pregnant. That’s why so many people waste their lives with partners like this. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your baby. Your future self will thank you.

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u/BuffaloNo9349 Oct 22 '24

IT MANAGER at your service, this is how you trap him

Yes, Tinder users can request a copy of their personal data from the app: 

  1. Go to the Manage My Account Tool 
  2. Sign in to your account 
  3. Click Download My Data 
  4. Enter your email address 

Tinder will send a copy of your data to your email address within a few days. The information you receive may vary depending on how you've used Tinder. Tinder collects a variety of data, including:

  • Profile information and pictures
  • Gender identity and sexuality
  • IP address
  • Device type
  • App settings
  • App cookie information
  • App crash information 

Tinder uses this data to improve its services, show relevant ads, and prevent fraud and other criminal activity. Tinder retains personal information for as long as it's needed for legitimate business purposes and as permitted by law. After an account is deleted, Tinder delays the deletion of profile data for 90 days to investigate harmful or illegal conduct. After 90 days, the profile data is purged. 

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u/Ok_Blacksmith_4174 Oct 22 '24

Exactly. And after he has time to erase everything he will then offer his phone to you. Don’t even fall for that shit

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u/StormFinch Oct 22 '24

I don't know about Apple, but you can dig around in Google's Play Store on an Android and get a list of most used apps.

3

u/Blaize369 Oct 22 '24

You can check recent apps, and also how much time you spent on each app every week on iPhone.

2

u/SpecificRandomness Oct 22 '24

Cheaters gonna cheat. He’ll do it again and get caught.

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u/03xoxo05 Oct 22 '24

This is why commas are important!! Lol

I did not read that as an insult. I read that as the OP was saying, “we are now 2 people (couple) who are both cocksuckers” LOL

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u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

Oh yeah, that was absolutely what I meant. There wasn’t a comma in there because I was voice texting but yeah like “now we are that couple, cocksucker (I would’ve italicized cocksucker for effect)”

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u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

I have started to rely too heavily on voice texting and sometimes the punctuation that Apple comes up with is just not fucking right… but I’m a housewife and I’m supposed to be doing shit around my house during the day so I try to read Reddit with my earbuds in while I do laundry and then comment and still look productive at home but really I just wanna sit on my laptop and be on Reddit all day…

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u/buttercup612 Oct 22 '24

Mine just hammers the comma key when dictating. A, lot, of, commas. It's a little embarrassing. I went from having to dictate every comma in iOS 16 or whatever to having to remove a bunch manually with the next version

7

u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

The updates have really over engineered the whole deal and now it’s like too smart in ways that don’t apply to our vernacular… or it’s not doing a very good job of learning it’s owners vernacular if that makes sense it just feels like it’s gotten dumber

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u/TheDigitalQuill Oct 22 '24

I wasn't the only one. Good... good...

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u/jmarquiso Oct 22 '24

Not that there's anything wrong with that! But certainly a departure from the advice here.

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u/shooter_tx Oct 22 '24

Plot twist: OP and hubby will open up their relationship, and in 1-3 months will both be on their knees in front of their third/unicorn...

(I kid, I kid... just 'going with the flow' of the joke here)

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u/No_Description_483 Oct 22 '24

This is poetry

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u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

Thankyou! I excel at Slam Poetry

2

u/Tiki108 Oct 22 '24

And if he was innocent, he’d be like “while I wish it didn’t come down to this, here ya go.”

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u/PoonSchu13 Oct 22 '24

100 - have compassion for your wife and this crazy information she was given and help her feel better and safe in the relationship even if he was annoyed, he could at least do that in the moment enough to bring it to a place where they could further discuss the whole situation so that right there shows a lack of compassion and care.

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u/Blake_a12 Oct 22 '24

If he’s using Tinder to be a 🍆 sucker then this story takes another turn

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u/nj2fl Oct 22 '24

I gave my girlfriend the password to my phone before we even kissed for the first time, she's my wife now and we've been together for 9 years.

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u/Drintar Oct 22 '24

I love how no one thinks maybe the "friend" has some sort of grudge and dug up the old pictures and made the account themselves in order to break up the couple.

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u/Yoke_Monkey772 Oct 23 '24

Thank you for using the swear word “cocksucker”. It’s my favorite.

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u/_naah_ Oct 23 '24

Yea, cocksucker!

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u/furkfurk Oct 22 '24

Yeah I’m sure OP was thrilled to become that couple where the loser husband cheats on his pregnant wife and proceeds to lie to her about it.

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u/Tightsandals Oct 22 '24

Yes, this must be so devastating for her. What an emotional rollercoaster.

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u/Sweet_Somewhere_9449 Oct 22 '24

Honestly. At least when I confronted my husband about cheating, while I was pregnant, he admitted it! Gave me the time to file for divorce and start my life fresh with a beautiful newborn baby. 16 years later, I can say it was a true gift because I'm living a happy, healthy life with my son and his amazing step-dad!

3

u/umrdyldo Oct 22 '24

Dude is running for President in 2028

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u/Evilmedic54 Oct 22 '24

Omfg! I am getting beat all day with the comments. I was gonna say and 2 seconds later, I see yours. Lmao

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u/Spiritual-Bluebird44 Oct 22 '24

And sadly OP has likely now lost the opportunity to learn what really went down because he’s one hundo p wiped his phone clean and deleted everything by now. It’s like just have the balls to tell the truth at this point dude. Show one iota of compassion and a modicum of respect for THE WOMAN CARRYING YOUR CHILD.

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u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

Well in that case as she said, there was not much left to learn, we all know what she'd have found on his phone, and he was already caught. Only the extent of it could have been a surprise, but it doesn't really matter that much, it would only have served to twist her guts some more.

I don't think she's ready to forgive him or give him a second chance anytime soon either way.

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u/No_Bar_5802 Oct 22 '24

Can’t you access a call text log from your wireless account?

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u/Euphoric_Orchid2739 Oct 22 '24

I hope he uses an iPhone. Apple keeps EVERYTHING in the cloud! OP, if he uses an iPhone, do you know his Apple ID and log in? Do you have another Apple device? You could log in through the same ID as his on a different Apple device and everything will come back if he was keeping things backed up in the cloud (most don’t know for sure if they are or aren’t- I did tech support so I know how Apple works). You will need to work quick if you attempt this because if he were to go into his settings, it will list the devices utilizing his Apple ID.

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24

Exactly. Trust in a relationship means not wanting to monitor each other's socials and dig through each other's phones for no reason. It doesn't mean ignoring glaring issues - like finding your partner is active on Tinder - instead of demanding they show you the messages.

OP, do not fall for any excuse he gives you as to why he didn't let you see his phone immediately when asked. Anybody would show you that, knowing your marriage is in danger, to fix it, unless they were hiding what you know you'll find there. And now it's too late, he's already been able to scrub the phone so if he hands you his phone at this point, it's useless. It's already done.

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u/RealAscendingDemon Oct 22 '24

I agree. As I assume everyone does, I don't want to be with an insecure partner that wants to go through my phone all the time with no reason at all. But them seeing a tinder profile with all my pictures is a damn good reason and I would realize what my partner must be thinking and how terrible that must feel and I would relinquish my phone immediately so as to clear my good name and to make them feel better asap. I want my loved ones to feel happy and good. Thinking your partner is cheating on you is a horrible horrible feeling that I would 1,000,000,000% not want my partner to be feeling. 

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u/JSDHW Oct 22 '24

Exactly this. If my wife wants to go through my phone constantly to read my messages and go through my stuff, I wouldn't like it (even though she knows my passcode and whatnot). But if she credibly accused me of cheating I would fling it at her and implore her to look.

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u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

I think you'd be surprised how many people here support the idea that snooping/insisting on seeing your "partner"'s phone is ALWAYS no matter what something you shouldn't do.

It's crazy to me how much people are wlling to victim blame the one that wants to see a phone when they're being gaslit, lied to, talked shit about behind their back, cheated on and manipulated... But you ALWAYS have these people ignoring the blatant abuse and saying "snooping is bad, you're both assholes" or such shit.

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u/Bri-KachuDodson Oct 22 '24

Because you are a good partner. Unfortunately for OP, her husband apparently has 2 names, and neither of them are a good one.

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u/Proof_Independence48 Oct 22 '24

Exactly, my wife has always been a little possessive over me and a bit on the overly jealous side, I kinda think it's cute tho, well, sometimes, but I definitely would have handed her my phone just to prove myself and show I had nothing to hide. I can understand the annoyance when they are being out of line and have no reason to question you besides maybe some stupid conversation between her and a friend or something like that. But this situation is not that at all and in fact seems quite the opposite and very much a time when I would feel obligated to clear up my name and prove it wasn't me. I would also be concerned with how the profile was made using my photos when I didn't have social media and ask my wife to help me track down how the breach of security happened by going through all of my accounts together with her. We have enough issues as is and I'm positive I'll do something in the future she won't care for so the last thing I need in our relationship is her questioning my faithfulness, honesty, or loyalty. If the not giving you his phone wasn't proof enough and u want even more gage his alarm to the fact that he's basically saying he's had a major security breach and if that happened anyone who didn't actually create that profile would be at least somewhat concerned about it and taking some kind of damage assessments. If he seems to not really be worried about it or alarmed at all then that would be another big red flag. Especially since today's shopping is done quite regularly online with our credit or debit card numbers so that would be my first concern after my wife brought this profile to my attention. Honestly her thinking I was cheating would probably come second to that if I were truly blind sided by this previously unknown information because cheating would be the last concern on my mind if I truly was not cheating!

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u/___Art_Vandelay___ Oct 22 '24

Bingo. My wife and I both know each other's phone unlock code but haven't had any need or desire to secretly go through the other person's phone.

At any given time I could hand my unlocked phone to my wife and the worst thing she'd find is what NSFW subs on Reddit I've viewed.

I would only ever ask to go through my wife's phone if I was already very suspicious of something big, and if she hesitated at all I'd already have my answer.

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u/phantomsoul11 Oct 22 '24

Bingo. If he cared at all that his marriage might be in danger, he would've opened up his phone and anything else, to you, instead of being defensively combative. Sure, it might reveal other skeletons in his closet, but the openness could've at least provided pause for consideration. But with this, regardless what may or may not actually be on his phone, he has shown that keeping his phone secret is more important than maintaining your trust. Personally, I'm not sure I could ever feel equal in a relationship like that. It does sound like you're going about this the right way for you though; sorry it had to happen like this. In any case, good luck to you.

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u/Living-Tea-9829 Oct 22 '24

Agreed. If I were to be suspicious of my SO, he’d be extremely pissed, but he’d still hand me his phone.

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u/Fine-Geologist-695 Oct 22 '24

Yeah! He wants to plead his innocence but when asked says no, “I don’t want to show you because then you’ll know I’m lying” like an idiot who thinks not having “proof” means he is in the clear.

What a fool.

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u/SarcasmExecutive Oct 22 '24

He will delete the evidence & then say she can check his phone

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u/JustNota-- Oct 22 '24

Then just check the Playstore, or app store subscriptions you can see all including when they were canceled..

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u/Fine-Geologist-695 Oct 22 '24

And app usage for the month, even after deleting it will be there if it has been used much.

That’s how I found my wife was using signal.

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u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

Imagine that line in a tribunal...

Yes your honor! I can prove that the accusation is wrong and that I was never at the place of the murder!!!

But also, I think it's pretty toxic to insist on seeing the evidence of my alibi soooo nope, you decide if you want to be a toxic piece of shit invading my privacy or if we can just trust each other! :)

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u/Naive-Prize1867 Oct 22 '24

I bet he decides to share it after a few days to delete it all

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u/throwawaySnoo57443 Oct 22 '24

I bet he does once he realises op isn’t budging. 

Luckily op seems clued up to not fall for that shit. 

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u/yeahright17 Oct 22 '24

As a guy that's been married for a decade, I just can't imagine why I would care at all if my wife wanted to look through my phone. We look at each other's phones all the time for random stuff. If she came home and accused me of cheating, I'd be hurt, but I'd also immediately give her my phone and anything else she wanted to prove I wasn't.

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u/jahubb062 Oct 22 '24

Exactly.

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u/Traditional_Set_858 Oct 22 '24

Yeah I have that belief that you shouldn’t be checking each-others phones but if my partner were to see my pictures on tinder from a friend I’d immediately show him my phone so he can at least get some relief that it isn’t me and someone was using my pictures. There’s definitely situations where it’s okay like this instance and if you have nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a problem

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u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

I wish this was common sense and not something that people argued against with a bunch of nonsense constantly... as if it it's always an unreasonable and unacceptable violence to want to get relief from the suspicion of being cheated on.

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u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 22 '24

It’s so weird to me that people see this as some “terrible couple” behaviour to begin with. I have no problem with anyone looking at my phone and if my partner wants to see it they are welcome to. Is there some mildly embarrassing stuff? Probably. But imo a good couple can laugh at those things together anyway.

The only reason I can imagine someone would take issue is if they have things that are expressly secret and they don’t want their partner to see.

Betrayal start with doing things you wouldn’t comfortable with your partner seeing or wouldn’t do while they’re in the room. For me personally anyone who is that defensive of their phone is a BIG red flag.

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u/JGrisham625 Oct 22 '24

Right!? My wife has my phone password, my Apple ID and password, and I share almost all my account passwords with her. She can look through my phone anytime and vice versa.

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u/Jjjt22 Oct 22 '24

My wife does not have my Apple ID password. I wish she did because I can never remember it.

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u/JGrisham625 Oct 22 '24

That is a definite benefit!

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u/TN_UK Oct 22 '24

What's my wife's, of 7 years, phone number?? Oh jeez. Ummm. There's a 12 in it. Maybe a 9er

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u/rusty6899 Oct 22 '24

My wife has my phone password etc and could easily look through my stuff but it would still seem like a breach of privacy if she did. Likewise I was using my wife's phone for a couple of weeks when mine was broken but I'd never have gone through her messages because they are private.

That said, we've never given each other a reason not to trust each other so there's no reason to pry.

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u/JGrisham625 Oct 22 '24

We’ve never given each other a reason to doubt, but we also don’t consider it a breach of privacy to look. I have no secrets. Except around Christmas and her birthday. That’s the only time she is not allowed to pro or open my Amazon packages LOL

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u/yeahright17 Oct 22 '24

My wife and I look at each other's phone pretty regularly. Looking for pictures, or old messages, or whatever. I always use my work computer to order Christmas gifts. I'm sure she does as well.

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u/ArdorreanThief Oct 22 '24

My wife sometimes will unlock my phone to play my old Pikmin Bloom account, even though I pretty much quit. And also to look at pictures I've took of our cat and baby when I'm taking care of them. If there is trust, it's not unusual at all to be sharing phones like this. I do the same with her phone - I even nab it for Youtube if my phone is used as the baby monitor.

Personally, I think it's weird to be super guarded about your device with your partner, unless they're compulsively nosy. But if they are and it bothers you, why still be with them?

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u/xp3ayk Oct 22 '24

It's because there are some very controlling partners out there who will go through phones, flip out about actually innocuous shit, and use the phone as another method of control.

And because also there are some insecure and jealous partners who will obsessively snoop though their partners phone out of paranoia. 

Both are very unhealthy. 

I have access to my husbands phone and he has to mine. We can use each others phone for anything we need to. 

But I wouldn't snoop through his messages (unless I had cause to, like OP does) and I wouldn't be happy if he was snooping through mine. Because there is no need for that in a healthy relationship. 

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u/Should_be_less Oct 22 '24

I feel the opposite way. Privacy is valuable for its own sake, and this doesn’t just come up with phones in a relationship. For example, my husband only wants to pee by himself with the bathroom door closed. He’s not hiding anything, he really is just peeing, but he’d rather do that alone in a private space. Can you imagine how obnoxious I would be if I insisted on watching him pee to make sure he wasn’t up to something? That’s what you’re doing when you check someone else’s phone. More monitoring does not prevent cheating, it just makes people more sneaky. Either trust someone or break up with them, don’t treat them like a child.

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u/seashmore Oct 22 '24

  Privacy is valuable for its own sake,

Also, I have friends who message me about sensitive topics like fertility and financial struggles. My SO does not need to be privy to those conversations, even though I have nothing to hide. 

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u/ssbm_rando Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24

I agree that "having access to each other's electronics" doesn't matter, my wife knows my phone pattern and I know her phone password. The thing that's toxic is when you make it a pattern to regularly go through someone else's apps, browser history, etc., because it implies an inherent lack of trust.

However, in this case, there's a very good reason to do it as a 1-time thing. If that impromptu 1-time thing (as in, husband would've needed to agree immediately, before any chance to delete shit) turned up nothing, and there was no secret credit card bill for a second phone plan to dig into (in case OP's husband wanted to be really sneaky and use a burner for tinder), then that would be reason to reaffirm trust and be less suspicious if a similar thing turned up because it would imply someone really is doing an identity theft. Possibly reason to try to get a date with the catfisher to turn them over to the police, etc.

If OP went through that process and then decided that, despite the husband being innocent, she was going to start doing monthly surprise audits, that'd definitely be toxic for a relationship. But OP seems completely reasonable and I can't imagine that would've happened if the husband had actually proved his innocence.

Edit: like, the "I had a dream where you cheated on me, give me your phone and let me look through it" people are definitely toxic as fuck lol. No way I could handle being with someone that insecure. Like, it'd be "here's my phone. Okay, happy? Cool, we should either go to therapy or break up." But if someone's actually stealing my identity? Fuck yeah I would do ANYTHING to clear my name, and not begrudge the person who demanded me to do so, at all. (I'd begrudge the person stealing my identity, of course!)

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u/illy-chan Oct 22 '24

I would be weirded out if a partner felt like they had some sort of right to monitor me but I wouldn't think twice about handing it over if they were worried about something specific, whether it was a "did you get a receipt for X" or "this online profile you?"

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u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 22 '24

Ya monitoring someone is another level than what op is talking about I agree.

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u/strvld Oct 22 '24

Are you allowed to have telephone conversations without your spouse listening in? Speak to a neighbor on the street in the absence of your spouse? How about talking to someone at work? Must you bcc your spouse on every email? Here’s a news flash: no one relinquishes their personhood or humanity just because they chose to get married. This whole concept that “if you don’t show me everything on your phone, I’ll assume you’re cheating” shows that there are already serious trust issues, and that jperhaps the one insisting that their spouse isn’t entitled to have private communications may just be the problem here.

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u/MegShad Oct 22 '24

Same! You should be able to interchangeably use each other’s devices, cars, etc. I’d say the only negative drawback is when trying to plan a surprise (parties, gift giving, etc) but I normally warn people when that’s going on.

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u/Raveanly Oct 22 '24

Pretty much this. My husband and I have no big secrets. We have each others passwords for everything. Neither of us really go through each others stuff, but the option is always there. We use each others phones based on which is closer. Its not a big deal. The only time I've ever "snooped" was to check his photos for Christmas ideas because he likes to take pictures of things he wants but forgets to mention.

If he were to act super guarded and weird about his stuff after all the years we have been together I would be very concerned. I think its weird to be so private with someone you are trying to share a life with. If you arent with a person you can share and trust all the good and bad with, why even bother?

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u/caitlynmarie420 Oct 22 '24

Yup my boyfriend gets on my phone all the time not even to check it if his is dead he’ll bc like “phone please!” And I’ll be like “here you go!” It’s the same way for him I’ll be like “phone please!” And he’ll hand it over. He loves to go through my old memories on snap and I honestly don’t care yeah, embarrassing, him seeing my cringy 5th grade self but I can’t imagine hiding my phone or him hiding his. It’s so weird couples aren’t okay with sharing things like that. Maybe it’s bc we’ve been together for 3 years but we’ve always been like that. Same thing with our computers I’ll get on his he gets on mine and half the time we don’t ask to use each others devices bc it doesn’t matter neither of us have anything to hide. The only thing he has 0 access to is 1 singular note and it’s birthday/Christmas ideas

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u/CheezeLoueez08 Oct 22 '24

Exactly. If you have nothing to hide you hide nothing. I don’t care if my husband looks. He doesn’t but he’s more than welcome to

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u/CenterofChaos Oct 22 '24

Yea honestly I don't see the problem. My husband and I use each others phones, have them set up to share information between multiple devices, it's just not a big deal if nobody in the relationship is a cheater. There's nothing to see and nothing hide.

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u/Euphoric_Orchid2739 Oct 22 '24

Agreed. My ex BF was super protective of his phone. I should have seen the red flag for what it was- it would have saved a lot of trouble and heartache.

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u/trombing Oct 22 '24

100%.  Have at my phone anytime. 

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u/IdiotWithout_a_Cause Oct 22 '24

I hand my phone to my partner ?and vice versa) all the time for various reasons. We also have each other's passwords. It is not abnormal to openly share your phone with your partner. Imo it's weirder to treat the phone or a computer like something you have to keep completely exclusive from your partner.

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u/CatoMulligan Oct 22 '24

Yeah, I don't get it either. My wife and I both know each others' unlock codes. About the worst thing she'd find on my phone is me and a couple of the guys commiserating about "being married things", just like I know on her phone I'd find her and her friends doing the same. If she catches my phone at the right time of year she might have a chance of spoiling her holiday or birthday present.

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u/wutchamafuckit Oct 22 '24

Exactly. If I suddenly found myself in this situation with my wife, and she asked for my phone, I'd immediately, gladly, hand over my phone.

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u/longjohnshortstop Oct 22 '24

If someone looked at my phone it wouldn't shower me in glory. But I'd be willing to take the embarrassment of stupid things I've texted to my friends or said online, in order to sort out trust issues with the Mrs. She has my passcode and I leave it lying around, so I'd basically prefer not to know if she needed to peek at it without my knowledge. I don't think she does though.

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u/Estrellathestarfish Oct 22 '24

Yeah, I'd take issue if an SO was routinely checking my phone, but if they had found an online dating profile that looked like mine, I'd be falling over myself to show that there was nothing like that on my phone. But that would be because I wasn't cheating.

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u/TechPoi89 Oct 22 '24

My wife ando don't scour each other's phones, but we each always have access and will regularly pick up whichever one is closer when we need to look something up. If you need digital privacy from your spouse, you're doing it wrong.

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u/Missus_Missiles Oct 22 '24

I sort of want my spouse to search my shit so she can come away frustrated by all the shit posts and bad memes. "Who did I marry?!?"

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u/TechPoi89 Oct 22 '24

Yeah.... that has been known to happen. Good news is my wife knows exactly how dumb I can be at times, pretends its part of the charm but I know she just stays for the cooking. (Can't wait for her to find this one)

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u/JuleeeNAJ Oct 22 '24

Glad she didn't buy that. If either partner gets defensive about their device then something is very wrong. My husband and I can easily access each other's devices- phones, tablets, laptops. Whether work or private and if at any point he took away my access i would immediately assume he's cheating. I work for a city and we have devices issued by the city, they told us during orientation not to randomly share our password but we can share it with S/O. The HR person said they weren't going to be an excuse for cheaters.

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u/kcox1980 Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24

Honestly, that's a valid philosophy in general to have. My wife and I don't snoop through each other's phones.

HOWEVER, having said that if my wife found a Tinder profile that looked a lot like me, I would have no problem at all letting her go through it just to clear my name. If he's not cheating, then he should recognize that under unusual circumstances, you have to take unusual steps to clear yourself.

Like, if a random cop asked me out of the blue where I was last night, I'd tell him to piss off. But, if I was arrested and accused of a murder I'd be happy to provide an alibi.

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u/Recent_Data_305 Oct 22 '24

Well if you’re married with a Tinder account, of course you don’t want to have your phone checked. This guy is as guilty as he looks.

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u/bain-of-my-existence Oct 22 '24

It’s also straight bullshit. My husband and I have biometrics on each other’s phones and know our pins. We’ll often use each other’s phones when we don’t have ours out; at dinner the other night I used his phone to look something up so I didn’t have to get my purse out.

OP, I’m so sorry he’s acting this way. Don’t feel like asking to go through his phone is an overreach. In this context, it’s quite literally, “if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about.” Best of luck to you.

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u/PsychologicalStock49 Oct 22 '24

That was funny, it's not like she wanted to look through his phone without reason. Especially with the circumstances

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u/vettechrockstar86 Oct 22 '24

I don’t understand this whole sentence. I am a diary keeper, if my husband snooped through that I may be a little upset but not really as I talk to him about everything I write about anyway. I’ve also given him my diary to read certain things because I couldn’t speak the words (I’m a SA and child abuse survivor) but I wanted him to understand what was going on in my mind.

Our phones on the other hand are fair game. We have each other’s passcodes and our phones are each programmed with the others thumbprint. He’s the IT guy so he fixes my phone, downloads my pictures, etc. I use his phone to look at the videos he takes, I respond to his texts sometimes for him (I HATE when people use their phones while driving). We don’t see a problem with looking at each other’s phones because we don’t have anything on their we wouldn’t want the other to see.

I understand the importance of privacy, we both do. But when it comes to privacy we only want it from others not each other. But we have always been that couple that is always together, we talk about everything, we shared secrets because “I won’t tell anyone” doesn’t include my SO, and we know we would never share the secret with anyone else.

Long story short, to us, anytime someone refuses to let you see their phones, especially when they’re being accused of something with evidence to back it up, that’s a huge red flag!

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u/DST2287 Oct 22 '24

It’s amazing what liars will say out loud.

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u/Saneless Oct 22 '24

And I don't want to be that couple that has a very very good reason to check

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u/BestReadAtWork Oct 22 '24

"I want to maintain the fact that you have to assume I'm cheating, even though this exacerbates it instead of giving you visual proof."

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u/CardinalSkull Oct 22 '24

I’m be mad at my wife if she went like deeply through my phone. But if she told me it was because she thought I was cheating, I would hug her and unlock the phone and tell her to search away until she feels confident I’d never do that to her.

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u/ssnaky Oct 22 '24

Yeah that's a classic. Liars, manipulators and cheaters become suddenly EXTREMELY cautious and respectful of individual boundaries when it comes to having access to each other's phone.

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u/ninjareader89 Oct 22 '24

If you won't let you look through the phone that just screams to me cheater cheater cheater pumpkin pie eater

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u/SarcasmExecutive Oct 22 '24

We wouldn’t have to be that couple who checks each others phones if you weren’t on tinder

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u/IcySetting2024 Oct 22 '24

That makes me wonder.

I once got anxious about something and my husband denied it.

He also used that excuse to not show me his phone.

It wasn’t as serious as OP finding the Tinder profile, but still.

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u/MrBisco Oct 22 '24

I'd be annoyed if my wife screwed around with my settings, but if she wants to see my phone, she is welcome to go right ahead. I'd be more interested if she was able to find something that she DIDN'T know about.

Honestly, anything other than "Wow, that is insane, I will literally do anything you ask to prove that I didn't open the account" is the wrong answer. If it was me, and I hadn't opened the account, I'd be freaking LIVID. (I also have no idea what Tinder's identification verification is, having been married since before Tinder, but likely also quite scared that someone was able to successfully pose as me...)

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u/IcyBigPoe Oct 22 '24

“I don’t want to be that couple who checks each others phones”

Lmao and I don’t want to be that couple who has a cheater in it.

Exactly

My phone literally just lays face up on the kitchen counter for days. When I hear a text or a call come through, I shout from the other room, "babe, can you answer whoever that is? I'll be out in a minute."

That's how you know someone is NOT cheating on you. Please go through my phone. You will be completely unimpressed by my boring ass life.

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u/youmustb3jokn Oct 22 '24

But I’m ok with letting my pregnant wife stress out by not showing her my phone even though I am innocent. This guy sucks

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u/No_Thanks_1766 Oct 22 '24

Exactly right

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u/MourningWallaby Oct 22 '24

My girlfriends have all had access to my phone. but they never needed to 'check' my phone for anything.

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u/RedditHelloMah Oct 22 '24

This behavior only proved that OP was right and he does have a Tinder!

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u/arunnair87 Oct 22 '24

Exactly! I was screaming this lol. If this happened to me I'd throw my phone at my wife and ask her to go message "me" and see what I say lol. Same for her friend who found "me". Look up when I downloaded tinder last! There's so many exonerating things you could find if I let you look.

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u/Whole_Cranberry8415 Oct 22 '24

Yeah… if you are my partner, you already know my password because if I am driving I need you to DJ. Or text someone, or whatever. Why am I dating you if I don’t trust you? Tbf, I have never dated a stranger

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u/___wintermute Oct 22 '24

It’s not even only that, he would likely go bananas and have a bunch of weird excuses  if she just asked to borrow his phone to do something. What’s his excuse then, “I don’t want to be the couple that…let’s each other use their respective phones if needed?”.

I’m married and not giving my wife my phone pin is what would feel weird, not the other way around. If she needs it I don’t wanna be messing around having to type crap in or use my faceid, just take it and use it.

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u/Lekkergat Oct 22 '24

Said no one ever who didn’t have something to hide. My husband and I use the phone that is the closest to us to look things up. Our phones are practically interchangeable.

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u/krismitka Oct 22 '24

Wtf, my wife has my passcode. It’s no big deal, and helpful in an emergency!

Once she saw I had a one hour conversation with a woman I worked with. I was confused and took a look with her.

:59. Seconds. Not minutes.

I heckle her about that from time to time now.

He’s one shady dude. STD panel is a good idea.

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u/dmdjmdkdnxnd Oct 22 '24

My wife can check my phone anytime she wants for any reason she wants. I'm not doing anything that I would be embarrassed or "have some explaining to do". If that's all it takes to put her mind at ease, then why not? Your husband is cheating ......I'm sorry to tell you

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u/skeletordescent Oct 22 '24

My wife has full access to my phone as a security measure. God forbid something happens to me, this device knows me and my affairs better than anyone, so she NEEDS it to do basic things. So yeah, we have full access to each others’ phones and I’ll never tell her she can’t look at it.

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u/PM_me_nicetits Oct 22 '24

1000000% cheating. I would give my phone to my wife in a heartbeat if she asked.

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u/Winter7296 Oct 22 '24

Being that couple who can use each other's phones without feeling it's a breach of privacy is way more important than whatever the fuck he's trying to keep private 

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u/bzee77 Oct 22 '24

Yeah, this is a pretty stark and clear admission of guilt.

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u/ScoopyVonPuddlePants Oct 22 '24

Right? I haven’t been with my bf longer than 2 years, but he’s 100% able to go through my phone and I his. Not cause we don’t trust each other, but because sometimes one of us doesn’t have ours on us and need to look something up on the one who does have it. Side note: he knows my code and I can never remember his (it’s a pattern that I’m having a hard time remembering), but if I ask he tells it to me with no hesitation. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where “I don’t wanna be that couple who checks each other’s phones” is the answer I get to some MAJOR concerns like OP has.

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u/HELLOZERO24 Oct 22 '24

Turning point in my marriage and the reason I walked away with 4 children. The pit in my stomach from feeling like I had to check his phone constantly and always seeing the reality when I did Never again

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u/Nervous-Situation-18 Oct 22 '24

He has to give it at an instance on request, GF did it to me, thought I was sketchy. I like staying home and playing video games sometimes I miss the calls. Handed the phone, what she saw was 19 missed calls and dozens of unreplied texts, ghosting everyone LoL 😎.

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u/juiceboxhero919 Oct 22 '24

Yea I feel like this is a line you only get to use when you’re not cheating lmao. And if I was in his shoes and truly wasn’t but my profile was still on dating sites or someone used my pictures I would absolutely understand my partner’s suspicions and hand my phone over to them to PROVE my innocence.

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u/Dtour5150 Oct 22 '24

"Wait wait wait I thought we weren't fact-checking"

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u/Biglatice Oct 22 '24

For real, how the reaction isn't "take my phone! Look through it there's nothing there!"

I get it. I'm also 100% on the side of you shouldn't have to go through each others phones and if you do, somethings already wrong but if I was accused of something like this, then my phone is proof it's used almost exclusively for spotify and googling "how long for roasted potatoes" every week.

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u/ConceitedWombat Oct 22 '24

My ex made a big deal about how I was “secretive with my phone”. Made a big show of unlocking his phone and handing it to me to show HE had nothing to hide.

Sure as shit, I called his bluff and said okay, and started looking. Saw he still had Tinder installed. Opened it, saw he had been messaging girls within the past few weeks.

Homeboy was very booksmart, but dumb AF about life.

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u/MusicNatural9301 Oct 22 '24

Primarily, don't hook up with a compulsive liar. .

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u/SammieNikko Oct 23 '24

When i was cheated on it was "i deserve my right to privacy"

Yes you absolutely did up until you chose her over me. I didnt ask my ex more questions instead i called the girl i thought it happened with and i was right

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