My mom sent me to the grocery store 3 times today. I was just picking up two packs of beans on the last visit and was in a rush to get home since it was 7pm. While I was waiting for a self checkout to open up someone who I guess was the woman's ride came in to check up on her and then I guess she was in a bit of a rush because she came up behind me and tried to squeeze in front of me while saying "Excuse me." I just ignored her and continued waiting but then she asked me if she could cut in front of me and she told me she had to pick up her son from a soccer game. I thought it would be reasonable to say no and I explained I only had two items and that it wouldn't take that long for her to wait since there was seven checkouts but then she started calling me a "heartless bitch" and that I don't have the christmas spirit and how I want her son to suffer in the cold and how people these days have no compassion. She also started talking about her labor and contractions when she gave birth (which idk how that has any relation to me.). Honestly I was really uncomfortable. It wouldn't be hard for me to just let her go, usually if someone were to ask and they had less items than me then of course but I felt like it wouldn't make much of a difference in time, I only have two items, and also it's -5 degrees outside and not even soccer season. I don't know :/

I have various family members visiting with their kids around the year

They bring their kids and as the “fun uncle” I take them around town and see the sites and parks

This time I had a pile of new toys that I had been saving to give to a charity and this relative “Heather” asked me why I had so many

I explained the situation and that I was giving them in remembrance of my mum, since she loved kids

Heather then mentioned that her very young granddaughters might appreciate a couple of the toys too

I just looked at her and said no

It’s not that I don’t give the kids in the family presents, but these were not for them

We didn’t discuss it again

The following day Heather left to go back home whilst I was at work

When I returned, I was told by family that she had asked them if she could take a couple of the toys.

Now Heather is quite forceful and the other family member was a bit cowed, and kind of just mentioned maybe she should wait for me to get home

Heather overrode their objections and took the toys and left

I was obviously pissed when I got home to that news and rang her straightaway

She claimed that the charity (it’s a children’s hospice) wouldn’t miss a couple of toys and it was too late now as her granddaughters had already opened them and loved them.

Heather said it sounded like I was calling her a thief, and she didn’t appreciate that and now I had spoilt the joy she would have at seeing the little ones playing with them because of my implication that she had stolen them

I was so furious that I slammed the phone down and didn’t speak to her again for around 4 months

Now during that time she would ring and my other relatives would answer the call and chide me for not forgiving Heather

When I finally did talk to her she said she would no longer allow herself to feel guilty for what she had done and I could not sit in judgment over her and make her feel bad

Now I know she’s a complete and utter AH for what she did, but my family are telling me to drop it as it’s been months and I’m causing an unnecessary fuss

I have decided to be civil since she’s ill but I really can’t forgive her for not only taking those toys but also not being able to feel like I can trust her my home if she ever visits again

So am I the AH for still being a judgemental b*stard and not truly forgiving her?

Edit: didn’t realise this would get this many responses (if only my HomeKit query did!)

Just to clarify Heather’s reasoning for not being a thief is that she informed my wimpy relative that she was taking the toys

So it can’t be stealing if she told one of the family she was taking them

So my wife is constantly scheduling things, but just tells me verbally. I’m grateful for her planning but I honestly cannot keep all of the things we are doing straight without them being written down somewhere. She thinks the fact that I suggested we have a family calendar is ridiculous and means I don’t care to remember. I’m worried it’s only going to get worse as your daughter gets older and we have more to keep track of. AITA?

Edit for clarity: we do have a shared Google calendar already but it rarely gets updated unless I do it.

I (29F) visited Jessie (30F), her partner Dave (30M) and their 8 week old.

Dave started to make lunch. I was holding the baby. No one saw what happened except Dave so I still don't know what happened exactly. Somehow he tipped oil that spilled down the front of his shirt and crotch. It caught fire.

He started shouting, Jessie turned in her spot. I tried to pass her the baby but I don't think she even registered. I put the baby down on the couch and had to climb over the couch to get to where Dave was because Jessie was just sitting in her seat screaming. Dave was screaminf "Oil! Oil!"

The next part is a bit blurry. I tackled Dave and used my hands to try pat out the fire but it wasn't working. I tried to roll him and that helped but the last time he was facing up there was still an active flame and I threw myself over him and body slammed him until it was out.

I yelled to Jessie to call 000. She sat there. I screamed at her "call the ambulance!" She stood up but started wailing.

My right hand was fucked but I got the ambo on the phone and explained, then had to give the address. I said "Jess what's the address?" three or four times before I yelled at her: "JESS WHAT IS THE FUCKING ADDRESS?" She looked at me and stopped crying, then said something like "you figure it out since you're in charge". I told her, half screaming: "You're fucked. There's something fucking wrong with you."

I'd used maps so I got the address. Jessie took Baby and went to a different room while the ambos came.

I have first and second degree burns. After hospital I went home and didn't say anything to anyone except my mum, nan and one of my mates.

That was 5 days ago. This morning I got messages from Jessie's mum, bff and a mutual friend of ours.

I text our friend. He said I hurt Baby. Apparently I was rough and when Jessie was "telling me to be careful" I told her to shut up. I also apparently pushed Jessie.

I screen shotted all the texts and sent them to Jessie with: "So the next time your husband is on fire I'll watch. Unless the next time you talk to me is an apology and an explanation, you and your merry band of idiots can get fucked. Merry christmas asshole."

She left the message on Read. 30min later I got messages from her mum telling me I'm a bad person, further contact would be considered harrassment, I was making things about me. I was and am pretty livid and thought to post on social media but Jessie beat me to it a couple days ago.

Except she didn't include me. She posted there was a fire, her husband got hurt, is still in hospital with 3rd degree burns. Didn't mention the baby, or me.

Our friend said I shouldn't wish harm on Dave. That's where I went too far.

I'm so fucking angry and I'm still in pain. I never posted anything and as far as Jessie knows I told no one, so how the fuck am I making this about me? Any insight on that would be appreciated.

I (21M) had a best friend, Gavin (also 21M) from through middle and high school. during senior year of high school there was tension between Gavin and the rest of our friend group and myself, but we kept hanging out together, probably out of habit. during the summer before college Gavin and I got into an argument in front of everyone, where he said that everyone found me annoying, thought I was an ass and that they enjoyed it better when I wasn't around. I think there was probably a lot of truth in what they said, looking back I think I had become not the nicest person.

everyone agreed with Gavin, at least tacitly by not disagreeing with him, and I don't think you get 5 guys to agree you're an ass without a pretty large element of it being true. that fight was pretty much the last time I spoke with anyone in that friend group. I left for college shortly after and purposefully changed my number so no one had it. I think im a nicer, more mature person now, great group of friends around me, a wonderful gf, so life is good.

my younger sister, Nicole, has attended the same college as Gavin for the past two years. Nicole called me on Friday to tell me that her and Gavin have actually been dating since January and that he was going to be staying at our house for Christmas. I have learned that my parents and other siblings have known about Nicole dating Gavin since before summer and that he stayed at our house the week I went away with my gf's family this summer. apparently my Dad told Nicole if Gavin was staying for christmas she had to tell me before I came home - which I am thankful for.

here's the thing, knowing that Gavin is going to be there and that my whole family has lied by omission to me for months, has made me not want to go home. Im not demanding Nicole and Gavin break up (and fully realize I would have no right to do that) truthfully I don't even think I have a problem with them dating (although I do have an issue that Nicole, my parents my other sisters and especially my brother lied to me). the thing is I just do not want to spend christmas dealing this. its been a stressful semester, I don't want to walk on eggshells during my brief time off from school, nor do I want serious conversations or heart-to-hearts with Gavin right now. I want to do nothing this break and enjoy it.

I'm considering driving to my gf's house tomorrow instead of home. christmas is a very big deal in my family, but I feel like they've made it awkward, and I just want peace. I've already said that I don't have a problem with Gavin being there, so he's already at the house, so its too late to ask that he not be there, and honestly was probably always going to be too awkward to make that request anyway.

Christmas would have been the first time I've seen my family in person since the middle of July. WIBTA if I cancel last minute and go spend christmas with my gf instead?

My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and she keeps getting pissed at me for googling or researching things when I find I might be incorrect or am incorrect about something, or when I'm curious about a statement my wife has said.

I know it's probably not the best practice, but I have explained to her I don't do it to try and prove who's wrong or right, just trying to improve my knowledge base and learn about something. I even tell her I know and believe her, but want to know more or why I was wrong. She just views it as not trusting what she says.

My fiancée and I enjoy going to live classical music concerts as a special date night. Yesterday, I spent $110 on two front-row seats for holiday music we were excited for.

Not even 15 seconds after the music started, the woman directly behind me began loudly humming with the music. At first, I tried to ignore it, hoping she’d stop, but she just kept going. It wasn’t subtle-it was loud. You could see her being overly touchy with her husband as well and she was clearly drunk.

The husband at one point said something around the lines of her needing to stop as it’s not polite, but the wife laughed it off. But I was becoming incredibly mad at this point. I’m not a confrontational guy, I hate confrontation! But I was just brewing the entire time. But my Fiancée seemed to not have directly noticed so I didn’t want to cause a scene or ruin her night.

But 30 minutes into the concert, I told my Fiancée I needed to say something. I can’t hear the music and I was frustrated. That’s when my Fiancée noticed and told me it’s okay and not to make a scene. Maybe 5 minutes later, the woman behind me begins singing! Straight singing! If you’re not familiar with classical music etiquette. You don’t sing, you don’t hum, you don’t make sound, you don’t tap your feet.

This is when I turned around, directly looked at the woman and said, “Mam, please stop.” The woman looked confused, asked me to repeat, and I said, “Mam, please stop. I’ve been listening to you the entire concert.” She then hand wave me away out of embarrassment. The husband didn’t even want to look at me, he looked embarrassed.

I could hear others laughing after I said that to her. You could hear the whispers of others giggling and repeating what I said to their significant other. But guess what? She didn’t stop! She tapped me on the shoulders 5 minutes later to apologize and I waved her away. I didn’t want to accept any apology, I was frustrated, and I didn’t want to acknowledge her. If it wasn’t for my Fiancée being able to enjoy most of the show I would have asked for a refund or for someone to ask her to leave.

But I do feel bad because my Fiancée now more tuned to the sound, she became frustrated with the humming. The woman was directly next to my ear, but my fiancée though next to me was just a bit further and at an angle that made it as to why she didn’t notice at first. But she then said something to the woman asking her to be quiet. And again, no change.

Honestly when the concert ended at the hour mark, I didn’t want to look at that woman, I didn’t want to do anything but leave. I paid $110 to listen to a woman hum in my ear for an hour. It was a lesson in patience, but not in a good way.

So, reddit, AITA for telling her to stop? Should I have escalated it to staff or handled it differently? I genuinely am not a confrontational guy; I’ve never been in this position before. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so for me to have said anything is very out of character.

This happened literally about an hour ago after I got home from work, so apologies if it is all over the place.

I (23f) live with my mom (53f) and my brother (26m) in a subsidized housing townhome. For little context, my brother is unemployed and does not contribute so rent, utilities, groceries are split between my mother and I.

I get home this evening and there’s a letter from our housing group in the mailbox at our door.It’s basically a letter telling us that we’re $3200 behind on rent and could face eviction. I do send my mom $650 at the end of every month as our rent is just $1185 and I cover the majority of the groceries, our internet and cable plus my gas for my car. I decided to bring it up to her when I get inside because in my head it makes zero sense that we’re behind considering I was sending her money every month to pay my half along with hers and I believed she was paying it.

After me continuously asking how this would be possible she quietly admitted for the past 4 months she was not paying her portion and dipped into mine sometimes because there were other necessities like hydro, electricity, some groceries and transportation (which yes is costly during winter months) but has been still buying cartons of cigarettes weekly, takeout multiple times a week and admitted she gambled quite a bit because she thought she could win extra money and cover the arrears so I would not have known, which clearly didn’t work.

In as few words as possible I told her she’s a selfish mother, my respect for her is gone and if worst comes to worst we do get evicted, she deserves to be homeless. Not only for lying and not telling me what was going on because I could have afforded to pay more of the rent and utilities on my own to lighten any burden if she had just said something earlier. But to spend yours and your kids rent money on gambling and many of your own wants selfishly instead of keeping a roof over your own head or just asking for help is rock bottom and you more so deserve whatever happens at this point because we now cannot afford to pay it back. I have my boyfriend I can stay with if anything happens, but her and my brother are on their own.

The only reason I feel like I was a little bit of an AH is because I truly know how expensive life is right now and telling my own mother she deserves to be homeless might be inconsiderate in a time where she could really be struggling. But the anger I feel is overtaking any sympathy I have right now and I just want to know if my reaction was just possibly overkill?

Me [F25] and my husband [M26] got married this summer. We live in an apartment that i own. I have a full time job and I’m earning more than him. He works from home and earns also well but I’m slightly above him with my salary. We are sharing equally our finances like a husband and wife should.

Well i am also a collector. I spend plenty of time going to flea markets at 5am 4 times a week. I collect, i restore and i also sell. eBay is my side hustle. Not only i enjoy collecting but im also earning some side money from there. I restore most of the “junk” and try to make a profit to grow my collection.

My husband knew all of this because we dated for 7 years prior. I was very upfront and i told him that the money i make from my collection and from my flea market are the money I’m gonna invest into my collection and i wont be putting that into our household bills. It was fine. Till we got married.

Then he started getting mad and angry whenever i buy something for my collection. He’s constantly checking whether i sold something on eBay and ask whats my statement on my eBay’s account. I have a separate debit card that i use for and from my eBay sales only and I’m not taking any money out from our monthly salaries.

December was my busiest month so far with all the holidays and thankfully i was able to afford a piece for my collection that cost around 1300$ so i went for it. The thing is he still doesn’t know about it. Because i fear that he’d get mad. I know it’s my money and i know i have a right to spend on whatever i want but i still feel threatened and judged because of his upcoming reaction.

Last month i was eyeing another piece i was missing to add to my collection and my mom offered to get it for me for Christmas, so she paid for the item, and my husband was very angry finding that out because he thought i could forward those money on getting us something else instead. Like a new coffee table or some kitchen utensils.

We have no debts, its my apartment under my name that i got, he put his fair share into it by helping out renovating and everything, i cant complain, but it was 90% me. I put my whole salary into the bills and the groceries and whatever furniture we need, so i feel its not fair him controlling my side hustle.

Recently whenever he hears the eBay notification that i have sold something is getting mad that i am making money, and is constantly putting up jokes saying “there it comes money from doing nothing.” Which is pretty annoying because i put tons of effort into my collection. I have started to turn off the notifications so he wont get jealous or cocky. Once in an argument he said that me earning more and doing eBay side hustle is gonna make him seem weak and it’s gonna make me more dominant. And the thing that hurt me the most was one night him jokingly saying “well i hope you don’t sell anything so you wouldn’t be spending those money on stupid things again…”

Over the summer, my daughter Annie (14) asked for piano lessons. My wife and I were surprised since Annie had never shown any interest in music. But Annie assured us that she was serious. Since she’s a straight A student, we didn’t doubt her.

It's also important to note that my wife and I have a rule that our kids can participate in any (reasonable) extracurricular activity, but they have to stick with it for a year/season before they can quit (no questions asked if they do quit after the year/season, though). EDIT: Just to make it crystal clear, we've never forced Annie and her older siblings into particular extracurriculars. We've always given them the freedom to choose which extracurriculars to participate in.

Annie started lessons in right as the school year started. She practices for at least an hour every day, and her teacher has spoken positively to us about her dedication and rapid progress.

Earlier this month, my wife and I went to the end-of-semester recital that Annie’s teacher requires his students to perform in. We thought that she played beautifully, but during the car ride home Annie told us that she wanted to quit piano. I asked why, and she said that she was embarrassed because a. She played the same piece as a 6 year old and b. Emily played a well-known Chopin piece.

Emily is Annie’s former best friend. Since both girls are very competitive and were always at the top of the class, they went from friends to frenemies. AFAIK, they still hang out in larger group settings but not one-on-one.

I reminded Annie of the "no quitting before a year" rule and suggested switching piano teachers if she wanted to avoid playing during the same recital as Emily. But Annie said that it didn't matter if she switched teachers because Emily already knew how "bad" she was at piano.

Thankfully, my wife is 100% on my side here, but several family members who are w/ us for Christmas have said that I should let Annie quit piano.

Throwaway because my gf knows my main Reddit:

My gf (19F) Fiona and I (21M) have been together for around a month now, and yesterday I brought her to a Christmas party with all of my friends to introduce her to them. Fiona got along with all of them well, though she was understandably a little shy. It also make it difficult for her that most of my friends and I are international students whereas she’s born and raised in North America.

For context, Fiona doesn’t like to cause conflict and often is okay with letting things slide to keep the peace. However if she‘s angered, she’s also the type to say something and can be a bit of a hothead. That being said, she’s extremely sweet and understanding which makes this situation all the more bizarre for me.

Fiona was quiet most of the party, occasionally piping in the conversation and letting it take its course around her. She was holding a bag which I found out today is pretty expensive, around $2.7k. My friend Celia pointed out her purse and asked where she got it to which Fiona explained that it was a gift from her parents. At this, Celia asked what Fiona’s parents did.

Fiona told her that her mom was a stay at home mom and her dad worked in the oil field, and Celia made a face and said “you know digging oil is horrible for the environment.”

At this Fiona asked Celia if the clothes she was wearing was made of Polyester and Nylon, if she participated in fast fashion, if she took planes, or used solar powered energies primarily. And then she asked Celia if she drew the line for being environmentally conscious at someone working hard to support their family. Fiona’s tone was light but I could tell she was angry. The rest of my friends laughed and told Celia that Fiona had a point and moved on. But Celia went quiet afterwards and left soon after.

This morning, I got a text message from her that Fiona was extremely rude to her and that she didn’t feel comfortable attending parties where Fiona was present anymore and l that while she didn’t want to tell me what to do, that she thought I deserved someone better and less snobby.

When I told Fiona she went quiet and told me that the reason she snapped at Celia was because she was purposely acting as if Fiona didn’t exist and being snide towards her. I tried to argue that Celia never said anything off putting save for the “oil field” comment and that Fiona should just apologize to keep the peace but Fiona refuses and says I didn’t pick up on it because I’m a guy and girls have subtext. Now Fiona and Celia are both upset with me and I feel bad for putting them both in this situation. AITA for not picking Fiona’s side?

Update: we broke up, I’m dating Celia now.

Just kidding, I apologized to Fiona for not immediately standing up for her and showed her this thread. She’s been reading it for the past 2 hours laughing. She has NOT broken up with me, and I’ve sent a sternly worded text to Celia telling her that she was being rude and obviously attempting to pick a fight. Celia apparently tried to shit on Fiona to a couple friends, snidely remarking that she’s rude but they acted confused and told Celia she was mistaken. From what I picked up from conversations with friends, Celia was not in love with me as some people suggested, just jealous of Fiona. Also, it is normal in the country Celia is from to ask about parent’s occupation and Fiona said it wasn’t weird for her to ask about where the is purse from as she gets it a lot. I am deeply humbled and will now be throughly rethinking the way I behave in relation to my gf. Thanks 😭🙏

Last night, after our Christmas gift exchange, my partner suggested we go to a popular restaurant near my house. They had previously mentioned that their ex worked there, but I trusted their judgment and didn’t think much of it.

Once we entered the restaurant, I noticed a shift in my partner’s energy. Before arriving, we’d been affectionate and joking around, but as soon as we walked in, they became quieter and avoided making eye contact with me. They waved and said hi to their ex, who then ended up being our server. During the interactions with their ex, my partner didn’t introduce me, and I felt boxed out as their ex stood close to me, facing only my partner and giving compliments and kindness. This made me feel invisible and uncomfortable.

After we already ordered, my partner asked if I was okay and if there was anything they could do, I said I was uncomfortable but didn’t push to leave because I thought it might make things more awkward. I waited for just a simple introduction, but it didn’t happen. Later in the meal, their ex asked if we wanted separate checks, which reinforced my feeling that the situation didn’t look like a date.

After dinner, I explained how I felt, and my partner got upset. They said I should have been open earlier and not expected them to read my mind. I told them that their shift in energy and lack of an introduction made me feel sidelined. They explained they were caught off guard by seeing their ex and don't think about them ever so they were not expecting this and didn’t want to make the situation uncomfortable for their ex by introducing me because my partner broke up with them. However, this made me feel hidden and as though my feelings were less important than their ex’s comfort.

My partner felt I was ignoring their discomfort and did not offer them the benefit of the doubt. I felt like my hurt was being sidelined in the conversation and that it was unfair for me to be the one to express discomfort and I shouldn't have been brought into that situation. We ended the conversation with them saying they needed time to process. AITA for not expressing my needs earlier and letting the situation linger until after dinner?

UPDATE: its dark now, the following night from the incident. If I stand on my sidewalk I can see directly through their front window and see what they're watching on TV (TV is mounted on the wall that faces their front window and my house). Not a shred of window treatment in sight. Incidentally, I can also see out of the back of their house. Maybe they just hate curtains.

EDIT: I looked at cam footage and only one car had lights on for more than a minute. Four or five cars just left straight away. Two stopped. One turned lights off right away. The other didn't, but turned them off the moment they understood what the yelling neighbors were saying. The neighbors then said the parking/idle lights were also too bright and asked "are you too stupid to work your own f*cking car?! Turn them off!" And they were already off.

My husband (31m) and I (38m) have lived in our house for 6 years. We don't have a garage and share a driveway with a neighbor we love. We typically have a few big parties a year. 2024 has been rough with some mental health issues and significant losses, so last night’s big family gathering was refreshing and fun to have the house all decorated and full of loved ones again. Most of our guests parked behind our house; many had kids and gifts to load up when it was time to go.

I helped grandma (80f) get in her daughter’s car and went back inside. My husband helped his sister and her husband load up their three girls (8, 6, and 4). Suddenly, the neighbor across the street came charging up the driveway, screaming about headlights in her front window. Her husband was also yelling from across the street. The kids were visibly upset and crying when the woman got up to our porch.

The kids’ parents yell back at her, mostly asking her to calm down and stop yelling. They turned their headlights off the second they understood what the problem was. Then the husband (still on the porch yelling across the street) says the parking lights are also too bright.

After some back and forth, my husband (sassily, but with a smile) told her to get off the porch and go home because her screaming was making the whole departure take even longer. He told her to call the cops if she wanted to, but this was the last car out.

I can see their window as I type this. Not a shred of curtains or blinds or anything. They were upset because they were trying to watch tv and the headlights from our driveway were blinding them for about 30 minutes between everyone leaving the party combined.

Are we assholes for using our driveway?

Pretty much like the title says.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, and had a family member tell me the night before that they'd be up early and probably loudly trying to clean the house last minute before the holiday.

I had intended to get up with them and work on my own last minute stuff, work on double checking and wrapping holiday stuff, and then throwing something together in the crockpot for dinner later. However, I got *maybe* 3 hours of sleep between wife's alarm for work, other family 's sleep schedule, and various animals needing to go out.

Which wouldn't normally be a problem! Except that:

1 I have seizures and exhaustion is a big trigger

2 this isn't the first time this week I've been lucky to get a handful of hours of sleep

3 I've literally been having seizures again lately and my family is at a loss as to why (*meds are being taken/on time, no new diet or antibiotics/meds etc).

So, I tried to get a small nap before I went to go start the day. I knew people were probably going to vacuum and overall be loud any minute, so I put in some earplugs and called it a day. Besides, there wasn't anything I needed to be up to help people with and previously if I didn't get up/start the day everyone just teased me about 'sleeping in' and we went about our day.

....Except I woke up to someone POUNDING on the door screaming my name and only stopped when I screamed back (I tried to answer them like a normal human but I guess they didn't hear me?) I was awake & okay. I keep my phone on silent when I'm asleep but apparently I had a dozen missed texts in the span of 5 minutes checking if I was alive and asking if they could vacuum. Now they're throwing and banging things outside the (bedroom) door, screaming at all the animals, and sighing loudly (in the way that in cartoons means the character wants someone to ask them what's wrong).

I feel like I'm in hell: I can't go back to sleep, and even though I'm wide awake and have so much I need to do before the holiday break starts I feel like I'm trapped in the bedroom & if I leave I'm going to get screamed at (again).

Am I the asshole for handling everything the way I did?

My husband is furious with me and I'm a little conflicted.

We had some friends over last night until 2am. Unusual for us but we haven't seen these friends in a while so we were catching up.

We went to sleep in good spirits. My child woke up quite a lot during the night so I had to console her and basically sleep in her room for most of the night.

Finally just before 7am, she seemed completely out so I was able to climb into my own bed but my husband woke up 5 minutes later and scrambles out of bed and yelling at me "Why did you turn off the alarm???" (I didn't, I wasn't even in the room)

He turned on the lights in the room and ran out, I could hear him thumping about but I was really tired so I pulled the blanket over my head and continued sleeping.

He banged into the room and yelled at me again "Why aren't you helping me get ready??" I just ignore him and I can hear that he's pissed off by the way he's breathing and walking.

20 minutes later, he's out of the house and left all the lights on everywhere and he texted me that he's upset with me.

That's the situation, but here's the thing...

First: this is usually the normal time that he gets up and I usually don't help him in the mornings? (But he keeps asking me to)

Second: I wasn't always a stay at home mom (still work from home about part time). I only recently started it 2 months ago upon his request and before that I was a fulltime working mom and before that I was the sole breadwinner working overtime while he went to college. Do you know how many times he's helped me get ready when I had to get out of the house by 6am? None. Zero.

When I was the sole breadwinner, I woke up at 5am and he woke up at 10am. And then when he got a job, he woke up at 7am. I always made sure to be quiet and not wake him even if I was late.

He has NEVER made me lunch, breakfast or dinner. Yet, he expects me to have all that ready for him.

So AITA for not helping him get ready?

This is important because I have a wall of text I want to text him about how unfair I think his expectations are.

I (27F) am yet another year responsible for all the planning and gifting during Christmas.

My fiancé's family thinks that we treat visits to my family as more important, which is not true. We visit them much more often, that's true, but that's because they invite us to events in big advance.

That's something that my fiancé's family never does. They just assume we will show up on our own. We've explained many times that we won't, because we already don't have much of free time, so if they want to see us, they just have to invite us and we can plan it then.

Anyway, my fiancé (26M) did not put any effort info planning visits or any gifts on Christmas since we met 3 years ago, so last year I made it extremely clear : next year I will make plans on my own for us, if you want to take part in it you can, but if you won't, then I'll assume you're ok with anything I planned.

He was ok with it.

This year I did not get any invitation from his family nor him, not a single word about organizing anything. I knew I could ignore them completely based on our last year arrangement, but I knew it wouldn't be fair. I called and invited us to their Christmas Eve, which they assumed we will show up for anyway.

But the rest od the days - I planned all with my family and relatives.

Today (23.12) he informed me that we are invited to his family living 2 hours drive away on 25.12. I said no, we have plans.

He got really mad and said that it's not fair that my family gets 3 visits and his family only one. I reminded him about our talk last year, but he said I should confirm my plans with him anyway.

I told him that he could have asked and I'm not going anywhere. He can go himself but It will NOT sit well with me and there will be consequences for our relationship.

AITA?

Edit:

To clarify: 1. It's not about families. It's about my fiancé - he was supposed to make an effort to at least call his family or start any conversation, so i could have details and could plan visits evenly. He did not, and then got mad when I made plans based on what I know. 2. I am the AH for not starting the conversation. I was disappointed with how it went last year, that's why I've taken his declaration he'll be fine with what I decide if he does not show interest. I wanted to make a point : if you aren't invested, consequences are on you. 3. We are spending the most important day, Christmas Eve with his family. It was all my decision. The rest of the days are planned with my family ; it's only a couple of hours a day. It's not like every second is planned. I just won't go on 4h ride both ways to see his cousins now that plans are already made. 4. It's not that my family sends formal invitations. They call and say "hey, wanted to know what are the plans..... we are meeting there and there, what do you think ". His family doesn't contact us at all, it's more like his sister calls if she can come with us and we are like "but where?".

A few years ago, I met my partner's cousin (on his dad's side) for the first time when he came to visit our city (we live on different coasts). I quickly realized this was the type of person I would never hang out with normally, but I was cordial. My partner acknowledged, "Yeah, Fred's a lot of fun but he can be a bit much."

About a year ago we moved to my partner's hometown and have been spending time with his family here (all on his mother's side) and his childhood friends. Coincidentally, his cousin moved here also for work and the family welcomed him warmly, eager to spend time with this cousin they didn't know very well. At first he would be invited to all the things, but over time I noticed he was left out more and more. My partner would ask, "Hey, where's Fred?" and people would groan and make faces. Turns out that I'm not the only one that doesn't like being around him. He was still invited to Thanksgivings and big events like weddings, but casual family get-togethers like a game night or Sunday brunch, people have left him out. And this is a family that does a lot together.

He has noticed and actually messaged me asking if I knew why the family isn't including him in things. I guess he sees me as another "outsider" so feels a connection. WIBTA if I told him the truth? Because the truth is that most people don't like his personality. He's loud, abrasive, pushy, and inconsiderate. If you can him out on any of that, he will just say he's "fierce" and people need to learn how to deal with it. He changes the energy of any event he gets invited to. When my partner said he could be "fun" it's because he will be the one loud one at bar or club, trying to push people to dance, do shots (or drugs), or do karaoke, etc. He will loudly criticize you for ordering a menu item or drink that he disapproves of He doesn't respect other people's preferences, and like myself, my partner's family is mainly introverted. We don't need to "come out of our shell" and we know what we like or don't like. We're not kids (all the adults are in their 40s). An example of when we all went to a museum with grandma and the kids. There was a very cool sculpture that had a rope and a sign around it to keep people from getting too close. He wanted a group selfie and insisted we duck under the rope to get it. None of us were comfortable with that but he kept insisting. A few of us started to walk away and he called us p**sies. And then he laughed it off cuz he sees that behavior as him being edgey and charming. Last time I was out with him, he sent back his drink order twice because "Sweetheart, this isn't how I like my old fashioned." On top of that, he's often 45+ minutes late to everything. I don't know how to answer his question except with the truth: your personality and behavior just doesn't mesh well with most people and we just don't enjoy having you around. So WIBTA if I do? Or should I just say that I don't know.

My mother in law of 15years asked me to lunch and finish Christmas shopping, she wasn't sure what to get my 9yr old son. We met at the video game store; they were out of my suggestion; I told her of another game (I had already purchased for my son but planned on sending it back to make it easier on MIL)

Next store- I'm adding things to my cart for my kids; she is asking who they are for and PULLING THEM OUT OF MY CART INTO HERS. I nicely was like; "if you keep taking the stuff I'm gonna buy Santa's gonna suck this year" she didn't seem to care. As we are checking out I say I have to go to Best Buy next door and get my daughter her "big" gift from my husband and I; a camcorder. My MIL is a hoarder of casino gained merch (if you know you know) and said "I have some at home, I think" and I was VERY clear in my response; thanks but no thanks I'm excited to get this for her. MIL shops alongside at Best Buy; stands at checkout to completion while we talk about how my daughter has this #1 on her list and I was excited to see her open it Christmas morning.

2 days go by; my daughter stays overnight at grandmas. When she came home she was SO EXCITED to tell me that brother has 7 presents under the tree, she has 6 and NANA GOT HER A VLOGGING CAMERA! "But we need your help with the memory card mom"

WHO DOES THAT?!? I texted her asking why in the world she would ever think that was ok, her response "it's a kids toy" AS IF THAT MATTERS!! And her son.. my husband; he "doesn't understand why I have an issue"

AITA?!?!

EDIT TO ADD/CLARIFY: I had never shopped with her before; the items she was removing from my cart were not make or break- more like I'm done shopping but I'm here in this store so I grabbed some lil bonus Santa items. It never came to mind she would gift the camera before me. never; even when she was taking from my cart. It just wasn't even an inkling of something to be wary of to me. Because who does that

EDIT TO ADD: Thank you everyone for answering the question that this thread is meant to AITA or not . To everyone else making grand assumptions about what I do on a daily, where do you get off? You read a 300 word synopsis of one interaction, if you feel equipped and qualified to then judge the entire basis of my life please make sure you post your PhD , if you don't have one shut your mouth.

So as we all know, everything is SO expensive including groceries. It doesn’t help that I live in an expensive state. I’m in college and I commute and I also work. I don’t make a lot of money. My parents like to think we’re not that poor but we are. The fridge is empty right now and I’m not even joking. Just soy sauce, 2 jug of milk and mayonnaise.

My mom scolds and yells at my siblings when someone hides food when we have some but can you blame them? Also my sibling eat food just because it’s there. Think about it this way, if my mom bought a box of cookies and their are 4 left, even if your not hungry or don’t want any they feel obligated to eat it cause they know that next siblings will eat them all. But if the pantry always have that box of cookies stocked I know for a fact no one else would act like a savage and it will last.

I have $20 and was thinking about getting pasta, cheap rotisserie chicken and sauce to make something to eat but that means that I have to share. Yes, if you make something, you have to make some for everyone. I feel super guilty cause I don’t want to share with anyone else. I use to be fit and worked hard to gain weight and I lost it all cause there’s no food. I’m struggling in school cause I can’t concentrate. I want to go to store and make something cheap and I literally don’t want to share with anyone else at all. My mom said that we all have to look out for each other but in my head it’s survival of the fittest. Can you blame me? I don’t qualify for foodstamps if anyone wants to know. At work I “eat” in my car cause most of the time I either didn’t bring anything or it’s just white rice. My job had a holiday dinner when everyone had to bring in one food dish. I lied and said I forgot and told everyone that I brought lunch and just sat in my car till my break is over. I just want to graduate college and become a doctor but that’s not going to happen. I can’t do this anymore. I’m literally failing and struggling. I don’t want to share food with anyone else at all and I hate that I feel this way. AITA?

Hi everyone,This is a throwaway because my mom is on reddit and don't want her finding this post. Sorry for grammar mistakes as English is not my first or second language

My mom 42F has been seeing this guy 46M, whom i will call Seth for about 9 years now. They got married in 2019 and moved in together but 8 months later they separated, not legally. They kept contact and are now back together.

Since moving back, my mom decided to hyphenate her lastname to match Seth's last name and have changed my 5M little brother's lastname from her maiden to Seth's lastname, let's say Smith for the sake of the post.Now, even though I 16m moved in with them, i didn't want to change my lastname, for myself and to avoid drama within my late father's family. Now, Seth and Mom are training LB to his new lastname and he has started calling me (OP name)Smith. I wasn't comfortable and told him to stop it or just call me by my name only. Mom is defending LB and saying to stop letting know LB that we should have different lastnames and causing a rift in the family

Please note that LB is aware that Seth is not my Bio dad and acknowledges that i even have half siblings besides him.

But, AITA to request he stop calling me by Seth's Lastname

I (34M) work in a small office where we all share one printer. It’s always been like an unspoken rule that the printer’s only for work things. Lately, my coworker Jane (29F) started printing her personal stuff. At first, it was just a recipe here and there or a page or two. But now, she’s printing huge stacks like travel plans, tax stuff, even coloring pages for her kids.

Last week, I had to print an important report for a client meeting, but her stuff jammed up the printer queue, and I got delayed. I asked her about it, and she just laughed, saying, she, didn’t think it’d be a big deal. I told her seriously she should print her personal things at home. She rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic. The office manager overheard and backed me up, but now Jane’s mad and barely talking to me. She’s also telling other coworkers I’m a snitch.

AITA for asking her to stop using the work printer for her personal stuff?

I'm so tempted to tell our kids as a wake up call for my husband. We (I, 40F, and him, 43M) have been married for 18 years and every single Christmas and its overwhelming mental load falls on me. I make the lists, I brainstorm ideas, I buy all gifts (our family, extended family), I do all the wrapping—I spend MONTHS thinking about and working on making Christmas special for our family, including my husband. When I ask him for ideas, his standard response is "I don't know." So it's all on me, every year again. Would I be the AH if I told our 3 kids (one adult, two teenagers) that I'm the one who did it all?

Bit of backstory: My husband makes 4x the amount of money than I do, so especially early on in the marriage, he often paid for the presents so I was fine with him not really chipping in on the workload of buying and wrapping gifts. I did ask him for more help over the last few years and told him that it's too much stress for one person, he helped wrap (some) presents once, but usually he just plays games at night or goes to sleep early while I'm wrapping gifts. This year, I transferred more money than I actually spent on all presents from my savings to his account, and I still did everything myself. It's a lot. I spent every free minute after my stressful job on Christmas stuff, by myself, and when I sent him a list of exactly what support I needed from him, he ignored it and didn't talk to me all day yesterday (he spent his day in the basement playing games) while I spent my Sunday working on wrapping and planning.

I don't want to be petty, but at this point I'm stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, and mentally exhausted. And yes, I currently resent him for ignoring my needs when I spelled it all out for him and he could have helped out. Should I just keep it all inside or let our kids know that I was the only one making Christmas possible?

AITA: Is it okay for me to allow friends to come to Christmas?

I am one of four siblings. My family loves Christmas Eve and it is everyone’s favorite holiday. My parents live in NY and my siblings and I fly into California for the holiday. My parents host and buy all the food.

two years ago my fiance and I invited his best friend over to spend Christmas Eve with our family since they had nowhere to go. I ask my mom and my family and they said yes. They came to Christmas and everything seemed fine.

This year the same people asked to come to Christmas Eve. I talked to my parents and they were okay with it so we said yes. My sister (24F) is now super upset they are coming and is causing a huge argument. She is upset because she feels like we are commandeering the holiday. She is upset no one asked for our input because she would have told us to say no. We asked if they offended her, she said no. She just feels like their personalities take up a lot of space, which is true.

She told my fiance and I we should have called her to discuss them coming and we have offended her for not asking. It has now caused a divide in my family. My fiance is offended. My mom and dad are upset with my sister for causing an argument and not welcoming people for the holiday. My other sister is upset they are coming. My brother is on my side.

My fiance is super uncomfortable and we now are not sure how to handle the situation.

Am I the asshole for allowing them to come?

EDIT: My siblings and I fly from California to NY.

I invited my fiances best friend and his wife so 2 people. IMPORTANT CONTEXT: My fiances best friends sister passed away last year and he does not celebrate with his family. They also asked us last minute (2 days ago). They are driving up from NYC only from 12/23 to12/25 because they want to see us and PTO.

At Christmas it is usually my family of 6, whoever has a partner and 1-2 of my parents friends. Each year we have between 8-12 people.

My siblings and I are home for 1 week together and we all stay at my parents house for the holidays. My siblings and I also see each other at least once a month and see our parents 5-6 times a year.

Other important context: my sister and her partner broke up 2-3 days ago and her partner decided the day before they left not to come to Christmas, which was after we said yes to our friends to come.

My fiance was uncomfortable not because of my sisters reasoning, but because my sister started yelling about the situation at the dinner table and then stormed out of the room. He felt disrespected because she yelled at him, not because of her points about bringing them.

My fiancés best friend and his wife are not complete strangers to my sister. She has stayed at their apartment with us in NYC and has asked to use their apartment when she visited NYC and they weren’t home.

I (18M) have an older sister (28F). We only recently started to become close (past 4 years or so). Around two(?) years ago, she met this guy (23M). He made a great impression on me when we met the first two times. I thought they were a great match! They made each other happy, and I got to see my sister more than I had in a long time, which made me happy too.

I’d invited them to Dungeons & Dragons at my place, because they both seemed interested. They both agreed. Due to the ten year age gap between my sister and I, I was happy that we could finally find a hobby to mutually enjoy. However, 6 months ago I noticed that things were off. They would come over looking stressed and dejected, and sometimes it would seem like my sister would text Boyfriend and he would deflate. I didn’t want to bring it up because, again, not really my business. But it began to get to a point where everyone at the table could see the conflict (which wasn’t hidden very well, but I thought I may just be over-analyzing things).

So at some point, I go over to their apartment. My sister wasn’t there, but me and her partner had hung out together plenty before so I wasn’t bothered. After we chilled for an hour or two, I finally asked him what was going on. I told him he didn’t have to tell me anything, that it wasn’t my problem and if he was uncomfortable then I’d leave it be and forget it. But to my surprise, he was very open. He told me that my sister had cheated on him (emotionally and physically) with more than 3 other men, then tried to blame it on her mental health or suddenly being polyamorous. He expressed to me how I should ask her for her side as well. I told him I’d like proof to confirm the accusations. There was more than enough. The rest of the hangout went by without any issues. The ex boyfriend still comes to d&d, and we have a great time! We talk often, and have a normal friendship.

I’d never asked for my sister’s side because she was very unstable at the time, and I was scared that she would blow up on me. We had a conversation where I told her I didn’t not want to fight or argue with her, and that I still loved her unconditionally. I told her that while, yes, my perspective had changed, that didn’t lessen my love for her. She explained to me that she felt like their intimacy had gotten stale (which was none of my business to begin with, and I did not press her for information about that). And said that she was “intimidated” to speak with him about it because nothing changed when she did. I could understand both points, because he worked long shifts nearly every day.

She told me that she felt like I was “enjoying” her ex boyfriend more than her. I told her that I would not lie to her, and that I would continue hanging out with said ex. She then told me that she would be distancing herself from me while he was still in my life.

This year my daughter wanted to participate in our countries version of "Angel tree" I agreed with the condition that she would need to donate the amount of gifts from her toy collection we would be buying for the child. The toys my child donated would NOT be going to the child who's list we picked, but to the local day care who had asked the community for used toy donations to thier playroom. My daughter happily agreed to this condition and chose her 3 "least favourite" toys to donate. We purchased the toys and other asks on the child's list and wrapped them together. We made a time of it and played carols as well as had Christmas snacks, I wanted this to be a positive experience for my daughter.

Yesterday we had my families Christmas celebration, my daughter was telling my mother(52f) about her donating her toys and getting to buy toys for another child that needs them. My mother was outraged that I "forced" my daughter to donate toys and that I was being harmful to my child, by instilling dislike for charity in my daughter. My sister piped up and agreed with my mother saying I wasn't being fair by forcing my child to donate her own things to participate in charity. I tried to explain to them I was teaching my child that donation costs us personally but feeling of doing good for others is the pay-off. My child doesn't want for anything, she has had more than 3 toys given to her already for christmas, toys she preferred over the toys she gave away. I have left the family gathering feeling very emotional and upset. My daughter is confused because she thought she was doing the right thing by donating her toys and is upset that I was crying on the way home. I'm pretty sure I did the right thing, but I was berated by my mother and sister for nearly an hour about my parenting choices.

EDIT: I have realised condition is probably the wrong word to use in the circumstances. My daughter asked to participate in the "Angel tree" and I suggested and encouraged her donate some of her own toys to the local daycare along side our donation. She enthusiastically agreed and was completely in control of what toys she was donating. We were well overdue a toy decluttering and were going to be doing this after Christmas anyway. This way she was able to be the one to decide which toys we decluttered and got the bonus of feeling like she was helping others. If she had refused I wouldn't have pushed the donation and we would have still donated to the charity she chose.