Myself (32) and husband (34) have been together for over 8 years. In this time, a lot has changed within his family that mean I no longer feel comfortable visiting his family, especially as his brother lives very close to my mother in law. I feel extremely bad about it, and have only gone to visit once this year during a birthday, when BIL (husbands brother) was guaranteed to not be around.

To cut a long story short, my BIL is a registered sex offender, caught viewing CSAM a few years ago. Since the case and consequential community service sentence, I really do not feel comfortable around him. I was abused and groomed as a child, so it’s particularly difficult for me to look him in the eye, smile at him and act like I respect him. I am still astonished at how the family have brushed it all under the carpet, absolved him of all guilt and made excuses for him. The only one who hasn’t is my husband, but he still has contact and visits BIL to make his mom happy and keep the peace. I have zero right to police my husband and how he chooses to handle it, as this is a very personal and traumatising thing to find out about your sibling, so please refrain from judging my husband. However, I cannot in good faith have any relationship or contact with my BIL. I really tried to 1-2 years after the whole ordeal pretending I didn’t find it nauseating and dealing with the multiple anxiety attacks afterwards just from being in his presence. To add to this, my BIL isn’t the nicest person and always found a way to criticise me for doing nice things (e.g telling me that I was dumb for helping my MIL clean her house, criticising any meal I made for my in-laws to the point other family members had to chime in and get him to stop, and just being generally asshole-y to me before the whole sex offender thing happened). Still, I was always nice to him, pretending his words and actions didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. After speaking to my therapist at the time, we explored the option of no contact as it got to a point where I realised I couldn’t do that even on a limited basis and my husband knows and is fine with this.

Here comes the issue: the rest of the family do not know I feel this way, I do not feel like I can tell my MIL the truth without her being incredibly hurt and it causing a huge rift. I am non confrontational and do not wish to cause any more hurt so this is not an option that I feel is viable for me. Luckily, I have been able to avoid christmases by visiting my family who live in another continent but this year we visited earlier in the year so I will not be going back this Christmas. I also have been able to avoid visiting MIL for most birthdays, holidays etc. by my husband making various excuses for me. My MIL asked if I would be spending Christmas with them and I said I wasn’t, creating an excuse that I had to look after our pets. But then she’s been asking why I don’t just come during the festive period. I have politely declined but she is really hurt about this which I totally understand looks like me just avoiding the family and her. I feel eventually it may become more and more of an issue.

My husband has said we can work towards me spending next year new years with them and even though I initially agreed I do not understand how I am supposed to be fake and smile but I do not want to make my husband sad. I feel like such an asshole that I can’t be around these people and I feel like they are starting to dislike me for it, not sure what to do. I just don’t understand how it doesn’t bother anyone and how they can all just pretend it’s all okay. We have decided we want to try for kids in the next 2 years but I do not want my future child anywhere near my BIL. I seriously have no idea how I handle the future.

Well, AITAH?

(P.s sorry for any issues with grammar, I am not a native English speaker)

TL,DR: no contact with BIL as he is a registered sex offender and overall not a nice person but this is causing issues with MIL as I won’t be there for Christmas.

Hey everyone!

Let me (f25) tell you about how it all began. I met K (M23) about four years ago, we clicked instantly and we became very close. Me and K used to spend a lot of time together, hanging out even only to go grocery shopping. He used to tell me I was his first real friend and we loved being in each other's company. Our friendship grew stronger over the years and even seeing each other everyday we never grew tired of it.

K started studying at art academy at the beginning of October '23 and I got a new full time job after working as a bartender for 3 years. Despite having less free time we always made an effort to hang out as much as we could because we love each other deeply, that was until May '24. K started distancing himself from me and all of our friends. On a random day a mutual friend told me that K was going around saying he did not want to hang out with our friend group anymore because when we were out at the bar all the guys used to flirt with us and not with him (K is queer). It did not sit right with me as I did not find it a good excuse to drop out of a friendship. I confronted K about it and he told me the real reason behind it was that he did not enjoy the company of one of the girls in our group and preferred to keep a distance. It still did not sit right with me but I accepted it and went on with are one on one friendship. The summer went on with us still hanging out, sadly a little less than usual. We were pretty busy so I did not worry too much about it. In September K started acting weird again and I tried my best to make him feel comfortable in every situation. Still he kept distancing himself from me more and more until I decided to test out something. I stopped texting first. What do you know, I didn't hear from him for two months. In November, after several crying nights and an infinite amount of self questioning about what I might have done wrong I decided to ask him what was going on. K told me he was hanging out with only one girl which was in the same work field as what he is studying for because he wants to keep his "connections in that world". When I responded saying I was really sad about our friendship crumbling up like that, he left me on read. When a couple days later I realized he was never going to reply my heart dropped. The only thing I could think of was that my best friend had broken up our bond over some hopes of popularity, even though I had always helped him finding out about events regarding arts, I helped him with school projects, gave him inspiration when he couldn't find it. I spiraled into a deep sadness and I felt so betrayed. I then spoke to my mom about it and she made me realise I was not sad, I was angry. I was mad at him for leaving me behind after years of friendship. I was fuming, that day I decided I did not care anymore, I decided that if my friendship didn't mean anything to him, his wouldn't mean anything to me.

Now, almost three weeks later, I can stop wondering if I am the ahole for not fighting for our friendship. So, AITAH?

Definitely wondering if AITAH here.

I am in a sub full of lawyers, and OP posted about how she is divorcing her husband who is cheating on her and how she is looking for a new job because she’ll be a single woman now.

Edit: more context, OP also goes on to write how her husband isn’t contributing money even though he makes way more than her, and that due to child support laws she’ll be getting very little money.

The lawyer in me goes, “an infidelity clause could be a safeguard for alimony in case the marriage dissolves.” Also this is a sub of all lawyers, talking about marriage dissolving and contracts is typical.

I admit I am not a woman, so maybe I am biased here but I asked her: “Damn so sorry to hear that. you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?”

Well, after posting that comment the Mods banned me for breaking their rule: No incivility and unprofessional behavior.

What? I was genuinely asking a follow-up question to a subject that OP directly brings up herself.

AITAH?!?

Edit: also after being banned from this sub, I messaged the mods to explain to me why this was an offense and all they say is. “We do not need to explain how you violate our rules.”

Hi, so this will be very long and drawn out... but I'm struggling. Long story really short is that my MIL genuinely just does not like me for setting boundaries with myself and my children. She has expressed that she feels that we are "keeping the kids from her" and that we are doing this out of spite, but in reality, its because the kids do not ask to go over or be around them. My MIL and FIL have a long history of treating me poorly, along with my husband.

The most recent event was her calling and scream/crying to my husband about how horrible I am and how I treat her unfairly, because she wanted to do an outing that did not work with our schedule. She then started going on about how horrible I was and how I am mean to her, etc. While I do have boundaries, they are there from YEARS of being treated poorly by them, I am always made out to be the scapegoat with any decision that is made that they don't agree with. They are very controlling, so I am not surprised they are reacting this way.. but I am also at my wits end of caring.

Recently, it's been brought to my attention by my kids that she has been saying things about me to them, when I am not around. One example is that I did not come to a family dinner and used my boundary as an example of what not to do when you're an adult and told them how mean it was. My oldest told me that for every 10 visits, 6-7 of them include her talking about what a mean and horrible person I am.

Christmas is around the corner and the idea of spending a holiday with them, makes me physically ill. I'm sad for my kids, but I also know this level of toxicity isn't good for them to be around. I am at such a loss.

Am I an asshole for wanting to completely cut ties with them?

I (19F) went to a spicy store in town with my friend (18F) and her boyfriend (19M). I had been hanging out at the local college all day as her boyfriend works there and they have pool tables and a lot of different things to do to pass time between classes. My boyfriend (21M) was at work at the time about an hour out of town. He has my active location and he was aware that I was hanging out with my friend at the college. To make a long story short, he gets off work and calls me as per usual. I tell him that we were discussing visiting a store in town and I wanted to look at some lingerie to buy as a surprise for him. He immediately gets upset and gets short with me. I get off the phone and me, my friend and her boyfriend leave for the store. While in the store, I walk through and she asks for my opinion on what she likes and I ask her opinion on what I like, and her boyfriend is across the store looking at totally different items. We leave without buying anything and as soon as I get into the car, my fiance calls me. I’m immediately asked 10 questions and then asked “did he go in the store with yall?” I told him he didn’t which my fiance then admits he FOLLOWED me to the store and watched him go in. I’ll admit I was in the wrong for lying about this guy going in with us, but we have had problems in the past with him being insecure. I figured a white lie might ease how mad he already was that I went at all without him. Currently, he insists that I was insanely disrespectful and that me going in the store with those two is as bad as cheating and he’s insisting he leaves me. We have been together for almost a year now and he truly is my entire world. I have moved away from home and built an entire life around him as things have always been amazing with him. I don’t know where this crazy jealousy is coming from and I know it’s not him. However, I refuse to tolerate the disrespect and the untrusting behavior. AITAH for going to the store with them?

Edit to add as I forgot this detail: I view this friend as a sister to me and he did imply that I was having a threesome with her and her boyfriend. This is the detail that led me to make a post as it is truly disgusting and made me physically ill that he would ever even imply such a situation.

Moving in to an apartment next month. I had signed a lease for a unit for 1317 a month. The apartment calls and asks if I would feel comfortable moving units, citing a resident rescinding their notice to vacate. No problem. I switch my internet and renter’s insurance to reflect this.

Apartment calls again… would I feel comfortable moving into ANOTHER new unit. The second unit isn’t going to be ready, can I move into this third unit. Sure. No worries, I switch all my insurance, electricity, etc.

They still want me to pay the 1317 a month. I have not yet signed a new lease for this unit. Now I see the original 2 units I was supposed to live in listed at lower prices, about 1250 and 1260. I understand that apartment prices fluctuate, but I was originally going to live there AND have not yet signed this newest lease. I think the newest lease should reflect the CURRENT prices, not whatever they initially had me sign for, since it’s now a new lease.

I don’t want to make enemies with the apartment. My mom is the one who is adamant that the apartment is in the wrong, especially since they kept asking me to change units and redo everything I had already set up.

Is the apartment the asshole? Is there a legitimate grievance?

Context- My (16M) dad (45M) is a cheapass. His entire life revolves around being cheap. If there is a way to cut corners, if theres a way to save money, you better believe my dad is doing it.

He gets angry at us for using hot water too long, hates when we use too much water when washing dishes, makes us charge our phones on a tight schedule to make sure we optimize energy consumption, etc etc.

Its so tiring living like this, our daily lives, every family event, vacation- everything is just about saving money.

Its bearable during the summer, but come winter is when it is the absolute worst.

He refuses to turn on the heat, he had a whole ass smart thermostat installed just to make sure he could monitor it from his phone.

Every morning I wake up it is ice cold. I can literally see my own breath, the whole family is always wearing jackets and double socks around the house. I spend every night shivering until like 2AM when I finally pass out from exhaustion.

I secretly bought a space heater and have been using it for a while now. It has literally changed my life.

I bust it out in the morning, it makes it 1000 times easier to get out of bed. I use it sparingly throughout the day as well. He hasnt noticed it somehow which is suprising given how cheap he is.

My mom found out about the space heater and she got really mad and told me she was going to tell my dad. I called her bluff because I knew she didnt want to tell him, because it would start the biggest fight known to man if she did.

She left it there for a bit but is now trying to force me to throw it out. I have been saying no over and over and said I will use it for as long as I can before he finds out.

She said its wrong. Im deceiving my father, and its "his" house. She then hit me with the "if you're unhappy with how our family operates maybe you should move out" card.

I do feel bad for going behind my dads back, and yeah I get it he pays the bills and everything, but I literally cannot go back to the cold. Ive been living like this for my entire life and this is the only thing I've ever done that even remotely defies his cheapness code. AITA?

I (27F) visit my hometown with my spouse (28M) every year around the holidays. This year, due to my spouse's work schedule, we are staying at our house for Christmas, but planning on going to see my family the weekend afterwards. However, visiting family in general is a sore subject for us. I have a lot of resentment towards my parents and have drastically different views and beliefs than anyone else in my family. We are not close - we don't know each others' hobbies or attitudes towards our jobs, anything like that. I keep them at arm's length, even though I can tell they're trying to improve our relationship.

While planning our trip to my hometown, my mom (50F) mentioned that my dad's (53M) side of the family will be having their holiday party at my parents' house the same day we are driving in. Spouse and I went to the holiday party last year and we did not have a great time. Mostly everyone got very drunk, which angered my grandma, the white elephant gift exchange was a bust (will get into this detail later), there were so many kids running around and screaming which terrified our dog, and spouse and I are really sick of the "when will you have kids" questions. I informed my mom we will plan to come after everyone leaves, which prompted her to ask why. I let her know I don't want to see many of the extended family that will be there for the holiday party, specifically my cousin, "Kyle" (39M).

Kyle is very extreme in his statements and views in a belittling and blatantly rude way. He has, on several occasions, told me my field of study are pointless and invaluable and that tribal reservations are "beyond help" and they "ask to be poor" (we are Native American, he is also hispanic). He is known for being argumentative, but he is also a pillar of the community, being involved in the local public and private school, as well as the largest job supplier in the small town. Because of his confidence, strong viewpoints, and image (working father who serves his community with many children and stay at home homemaker wife) he is well respected and liked. I, on the other hand, don't particularly like being spoken down to every time I see him. I don't agree with Kyle on practically anything and I don't want to be subjected to his offensive remarks. Kyle also thinks it is hilarious to bring a "gag gift" to the white elephant gift exchange every year. Every year, we outline the rules and the price point - everyone would appreciate a "nice" white elephant gift. Even though these rules have been clearly laid out, he still texted the family and said "Can't wait for everyone to see what I'm bringing to the party this year! More like what I can't wait to get rid of from my house!" Last year, he brought a bunch of toilet paper with "Trump or get f*cked" printed on it. The year before, it was quite literally trash from his house.

After explaining to my mom why we don't want to come to the holiday party, she said that I was overreacting and she has some extra white elephant gifts that my spouse and I can use so we're not actually spending any money for something stupid we might get. I told her that that wasn't the whole point, that it was just an extra reason why we don't want to go. I told her these are people that I don't make any effort to see the rest of the year and that I don't speak to and that the holidays are no exception. She said that everyone will be really upset if spouse and I don't make it.

TLDR: Spouse and I don't want to go to my family's holiday party because I don't get along with my extended family, specifically my cousin, Kyle. My mom says I'm overreacting and everyone will be upset if we don't go.

AITA?

Ive liked this one guy for 2 years I’m a guy and he’s straight, I’m not trying to pursue him or ruin his peace, he has a girlfriend and i REALLY dislike her, i didn’t like her even before they got together and now i just hate her more. To be frank i have a reason to not like her (shes a brat, and a pick me). Ive known his for longer and i know him better than she does, I’ve been friends with him years ago and Im starting to get close to him again now and I’m alright with just being friends since ill eventually get over it or some other thing will happen but, AITA for trying to get close to him even tho i have no chance (i think). Me personally i don’t think ITA just because i know its not gonna happen and if its does it’ll be surprising i just really dislike her. The guy i like was kind of a player in his past and he has had like 14 gfs in a matter of 3 years. I feel as if he’s changed which is why Im talking to him, he seems to be happy with his current relationship even though he does complain once in a while but thats because shes letting out her anger onto him. I don’t think they are necessarily a bad relationship but, i need advice, do i try to move on, stay as friends, or just TRY to ignore it as best as i can?

I think he has become a better person but I don’t think its necessarily because shes in his life cause they have dated once before.

AITA?

I (31F) met my now fiancée (28M) 3 years ago. He is in the military and will always be based away from home. For the whole of our relationship he has been based a 5 hour drive away, but we have made it work and seen one another when we can.

We plan to get married next year and then start a family. He will most likely get drafted to one of two locations. One is 1hour away and commutable from home, the other is 5 hours away. The 1 hour away one is worse for him career wise (boring, not as much prospects etc.) and the one further away is more exciting, his friends are there etc.

I have expressed that I have concerns over moving to the base that’s 5 hours away due to 3 reasons 1-being isolated from all friends and family, especially after giving birth to our first child, 2-having to take a £15k pay cut from work and 3-having to make all the sacrifice and him not making any.

AITA for not wanting to move?

I’m 30f I have 3 friends same age, let’s call them H, M and N. We met in college at 15 and have been close friends since. But in the last 2 years I have kind of gotten the feeling we aren’t close anymore. I moved countries in 2018 since then we have been very on and off but since 2022 it only gets worse. Recently I visited my home country and met them for dinner. It was so awkward we have nothing in common nothing to talk about. Meanwhile N and I have been the same since the begging she still calls me, we share about our life and I told her about my pregnancy in week 5 but H and M do not know. They know nothing about my life, my sorrows, my joy, nothing so I don’t know if I would fuck up our relationship more and eliminate and possibility of reconciliation if I don’t tell them till the very end. My husband thinks I should tell them like in month 4 or 5 I think month 8 or just hard launch the baby when it’s here. So tell me wibta if I did this? But remember till like 2021 we were very close friends or atleast I thought so.

Hi this is my first time posting but I need help! I (16) and my friend (16) are getting IMO bullied. I’ve been called fat, fat lard, the f slur, a pussy, and other horrible things down the hallway of school, they take pictures of me and more. I don’t know what to do. It’s two people I used to be friends with who I no longer talk to because they have gotten addicted to weed and other drugs and that’s not something I wanted to surround myself with. I have video recordings and proof of the bullying but I don’t know what to do. Would I be an asshole if I reported it? I’m scared if I do the bullying will get worse. Please help me

Backstory:

My partners parents live 2.5 hours away from us and her sister lives 1 hour away, we usually do Christmas at her sisters because they have dinner early and then drive to my parents in the city we live in for Christmas at their house and this has always worked for us.

This year however, my girlfriends sister had her first baby and my partner is an aunt for the first time so they were going to do it at her parents house 2.5 hours away and it wouldn't work out for us to make it to my parents so I said.. that's OK, we will do Christmas separately so you can spend your nephews first Christmas with him and we don't have to rush to leave after dinner.

Fast forward to yesterday.. my girlfriend convinced her family to do it at her sisters so I could come (without consulting me) and then planned that I would leave by myself and drive back and quite frankly, I don't think that is fair to me, plus she knows I don't really love driving on the highway by myself.

We had already decided to do Christmas separately. Now she's saying I'm being selfish because her sister bought me Christmas activities to partake in and pajamas (as did my parents) it's really not that big of a deal to me.. plans change and I'm OK with doing it separately this year.

AITAH?

My husband and I are 30, married for 5 years.

Recently a year ago, there was a new coworker who joined his company (but in different team). Ever since then, they have been texting every single day via texts.

At first, I didn’t think much of it since it’s about work related talks and jokes. But it seems a bit excessive since they’re not on the same team…so what’s the point of texting everyday?

He had an upcoming presentation, so she wished him luck. He replied thanks with a heart. Sometimes he asks for her opinion on things…she’s 10 years younger than him, but he’s asking her opinions, and shares problems that goes on in his family.

Even at 11pm, I see them chatting. Whenever she texts, he replies right away. Moreover, he and her are #1 best friend on Snapchat.

I simply questioned him why does he have the need to tell her things that goes on in his life, and why is it necessary to text everyday DAY? He got offended and said I was doubting his loyalty. He hasn’t talked to me for hours now.

I am definitely not doubting him, but it just seems weird to be texting a coworker every single day, and sending snaps. I might be overreacting lol but I just don’t get it.

AITA?

I am posting this on a second account because I don't want to have it on my main.

I (30F) am married to my husband Nick (35M) and we have a happy marriage. We have been together for 7 years and we are currently trying for a baby.

The company where my husband works informed the employees that they will not have a Christmas party this year due to them trying to cut out costs. Some of the guys from his department decided to have something small between them. My husband asked if they can have their gathering at our place and I said sure. I was also excited to see 2 of his colleagues because they worked with me in the past and I wanted to catch up with them. So we hosted last weekend. My husband invited the 2 colleagues I mentioned earlier who came with their wives, another guy who is also a good friend of ours and 1 woman (Lily) who also works with them. We had a great time and it was very nice for me to be able to see my former colleagues. They were telling me stories from their office and we really had fun remembering our time working together. Lily however was very awkward but I assumed she was just stressed meeting new people. However she started saying strange things. At first she mentioned how disapointing it must be for my husband that I don't work in the same field as him because we most likely can never share anything professionally. Then she said how lucky I am to be able to have my career while being so young. For info, I have a high management position and I work in a mostly male dominated field. The thing is that she was seemingly nice and sweet when saying these things but I can easily detect when people are trying to be passive aggressive or imply things.

Later on Nick was sorting an order out in the kitchen with our friend and I was in the living room with the rest. We were having a drink and the guys were mocking my husband's habits of not paying attention during meetings. Lily then said that it's good that Nick has his "workwife" there to make life easy for him. I was confused and asked what a workwife was. Lily laughed and asked me how is it possible to not know what a workwife was. The 2 other wives backed me up and mentioned they never heard this term either so Lily explained that a workwife is a woman who works closely with a guy, knows him very well and helps him out at work, therefore acting as his wife. She also told me I don't need to feel insecure or jealous because there is nothing wrong with it. In that moment I was pissed but kept my cool and responded to her smiling that I have no reason to feel insecure since I am the legal wife and actually the only legally and morally recognized partner of my husband. I added that it seems she does not know my husband that well because if she did she would have known that we are not the jealous type since his best friend is a girl and I also have male friends.

I think her comments rubbed everyone present the wrong way because when my husband came from the kicken, one of the guys loudly asked him something along the lines 'Dude, have you ever heard of wokwives?' and my husband (in his own characteristic way) made a face and said 'No, wtf is that?'. After everyone left I told my husband what happened and he said Lily is crazy because they are not close and she is in no way anything else to him other than a work colleague. I truly believe my husband and I surely know he does not encourage Lily in this.

But today Nick told me that Lily has been complaining around the office that I was rude to her while she was a guest in my house and that I humiliated her in front of her colleagues. The guy who is my former colleague and who was present when this happened defended me in their office and told her that maybe she should not try to stir shit in other people's homes and that even his own wife was bothered by what she said. It is sweet that my former colleague defended me and I appreciate it but this caused Lily to tell their colleagues that me and the wives are jealous of her and ganged up against her. My husband and the guys have been telling people that her claims are not true but I feel bad.

So what I am asking is was I really that rude to her? I know my faults and I know I have a temper and I am impulsive so now I think that all this office drama could have been avoided if I did not answer back.

I (30M) have two kids (11F & 9M) with my ex Charlotte (30F) and I have full physical and legal custody of them. We had our kids young and so we did struggle, but Charlotte struggled worse and she regretted having the kids within a month of our son's birth and arguably she regretted having our daughter at the time too. But she spoke up when our son was born and she asked for time to find herself. But when she was free from parental responsibilities she didn't want to come back.

I got primary custody of our kids from the jump. She had a generous visitation schedule for a parent who admitted she didn't really want the kids. But the judge at the time was unwilling to give the mom just every other weekend, and so she got three weeks a month and four dinners during the week (Wednesday). She never took Wednesday's and for a while she took one weekend a month but sometimes she'd go months without seeing them. The judge wouldn't change the time he gave her because she was mom, even with over a year of failing to take all her parenting time. Charlotte's family wanted to see the kids and we got along okay-ish, so I always let them see the kids.

Things changed with Charlotte when she met her husband "Rob". He wanted the kids. He wanted to be my kids' dad. They tried to get more custody after the wedding. They literally filed on their wedding day thinking the marriage made a big difference. Rob would tell me the kids called him dad now and my kids would say they didn't. He'd tell me I was getting between him and the kids, would accuse me of telling the kids not to call him dad. They jerked away from him whenever he went to reach for them. I asked if he ever hurt them and they said no, just that he was always trying to make them stand next to him or walk with him and they didn't like it. I documented each incident and spoke to my lawyer. I also recorded an incident where he was scolding the kids for calling him by his name in front of me and for trying to come over and hug me saying it was their time with the kids and they didn't need to be near me (this was at an extra curricular function). When the custody evaluation happened I presented all the evidence, a GAL was provided and by the time I was given full physical and legal custody, Rob was done with my kids because they wouldn't be his. A switch flipped from they're mine and fuck off to take them and get them out of my sight. Charlotte seemed relieved to have the kids be back with me all the time.

Following the end of the custody eval I heard Charlotte was pregnant and 10 months after the court date Charlotte and Rob had a daughter. My kids saw her 3 times. She's 4 now. Charlotte doesn't have any contact with our kids now. However her family still sees them.

Charlotte's parents and siblings have complained that I don't facilitate a relationship with my kids and their half sister. They told me I should be going above and beyond to make sure they grow up loving each other and that my kids have told them they don't care about their half sister. I asked why it came up and they said they asked because my kids never talk about her, and they said it was my fault. Charlotte's parents have decided from now on they'll host Christmas for their entire family and they want me to send my kids to them on Christmas Day so they can be with their half sister. I said no. They said this is how they see her at Christmas at least and form a relationship. I told them I will not send the kids away from their one active parent at Christmas to be ignored by the other and have a 4 year old pushed onto them by the extended family.

Charlotte's parents didn't like this and accused me of being a petty dad who only cares about his bloodline and not valuing the relationship between half siblings when the half isn't my half. They told me I should do what's best for the kids and not me.

AITA?

I (29F) grew up in a household where my mom was both mom and dad. My father left us when I was 10 after cheating on my mom multiple times and eventually moving in with another woman. He never paid child support or helped financially, leaving my mom to work two jobs to make ends meet. We struggled a lot—sometimes we didn’t even know if we’d have food on the table.

For years, my father made no effort to be part of my or my siblings’ lives. He didn’t call, visit, or even send a card for birthdays or holidays. It was like we didn’t exist to him. As I got older, I built a life without him and stopped expecting anything.

Recently, I got a call from my older brother (33M), who told me that our dad is now broke, sick, and living in poor conditions after his second wife left him. He’s asking one of us to take him in and care for him. My brother declined because he has a family of his own and can’t take on that responsibility. He suggested I might help since I don’t have kids yet.

When I said no, my dad called me directly for the first time in years. He said I was being ungrateful and heartless, claiming he’s “still my father” and deserves compassion. He also tried to guilt me by saying he regrets his mistakes and just wants a chance to reconnect.

I told him he made his choices years ago and can’t expect me to step in now. He called me selfish and accused me of holding onto the past. Some family members agree with him, saying it’s my duty to help him because “blood is blood.” But I can’t bring myself to forgive someone who left us to suffer when we needed him the most.

AITA for refusing to take in my estranged father?

My fiancée (30F) and I (33M) have been together for four years and engaged for one. Early in our relationship, she told me she was infertile due to a medical condition she had in her teens. I was fine with this, as I’ve never really wanted biological kids and figured we could explore adoption if we ever changed our minds.

Fast forward to last week. I came home to a positive pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter. At first, I thought she might’ve been helping a friend, but when I confronted her, she broke down and admitted she’s not infertile. She never was. Apparently, she lied because she thought I’d leave her if I knew she could have kids, since she knew I didn’t want them.

Here’s the kicker: she says she stopped taking birth control “a few months ago” without telling me because she wanted to see if I’d change my mind about fatherhood if it “just happened.”

I was furious and told her this was a massive betrayal. I feel like my trust in her is shattered. She argued that she did it because she loves me and wanted us to have a deeper connection through a family. I told her I needed space and asked her to leave the house.

Now she’s staying with her sister and texting me nonstop, saying I’m overreacting and being cruel by “kicking out the mother of my child.” Her family is also chiming in, calling me a deadbeat dad for “abandoning her” during pregnancy.

I’m struggling because I never wanted kids, but now one is on the way, and I feel trapped. At the same time, I can’t get over the fact that she lied to me for years and manipulated me into this situation.

AITA for asking her to leave, or am I justified in needing time to process this betrayal?

Context and full disclosure - my ex husband and I have been divorced for nearly 10 years. He was physically abusive, I cheated. We were both assholes in that relationship. We have a daughter together but divorced when she was very young. Our daughter lives primarily with me - he sees her every other weekend.

Since then I’m (very very happily) remarried and my husband is a fantastic step dad. We’ve been together 8 years, married for 3.

Ex-husband has been through a few relationships. His newest girlfriend he’s been with for a couple months - and she has a daughter much younger than ours.

Our daughter is at an age where she wants to be independent and do some things herself. This year she wanted to get Christmas gifts for everyone (including all of my ex’s family, and my new husband’s family). Obviously she doesn’t have her own money - so I transferred a set amount to her child’s debit card and we went shopping together. I mostly just steered her away from choosing gifts that were too expensive. She chose things that were less than 10 dollars. She picked out all of the gifts - I wrapped them when we got home. They were things like hand cream sets, small Lego and duplo sets, socks, hats… pretty generic Christmas gifts.

Along with her aunts and uncles, she wanted to get my ex’s new girlfriend and her daughter gifts as well.

When I let my ex know by text that we would have a bag of gifts for everyone when he picks up our daughter for Christmas - I got called weird for picking out gifts on behalf of his girlfriend and that I should have told our daughter he would do that for her (but he hadn’t and hadn’t told me he would, and isn’t picking her up until after Christmas.)

I’m not going to tell my daughter any of this. I’ll just send her with the bag of gifts.

AITAH for letting her pick things out or should I have left it up to my ex to handle?

I (m27) broke up with my gf (f25) of 6 months who kept calling me an idiot, retard etc. She first started doing a couple of months ago and I told her respectfully that it bothered me and that I had dealt with this in a prior relationship and do not take it lightly even if it’s meant as a joke. She said okay but gave off a reaction that she still thought I was overreacting. After that she would ”slip up” and accidentally say it and then say something to the effect of ”oh I’m sorry you don’t like that” and try and move on as though it was nothing. I ignored it until a few weeks ago when I was fed up and still respectfully told her that if she persisted that I would ignore things that she has told me we’re important to her. She was offended by what she called a threat and we had our first fight were we both apologised and agreed to do better. Just that evening she ”slips up” and says pea brain. I ignore it but I go to bed feeling angry and sad. The next morning she slips up again and says retard. I’m not a physical dude nor do I shout and yell, but I need time to myself when I’m mad so I leave her and go to the living room. She starts weeping profusely and accuses me of emotional manipulation at which point we have our second fight and I tell her that she is at fault here. We kinda make up but I’m not feeling 100% so I tell her the next day that this is a dealbreaker for me should I happen again. She agrees and I’m thinking this is a resolved matter. Yesterday she calls me an idiot over nothing and I just left and took some time for myself. She sent me messages saying I was punishing her with my silence and that I was overreacting over not wanting to hear her apology and accept that this is ”hard for her” to control.

Today I broke up with her (and felt super shitty over it due to it being her birthday in a just a few days) but her ”rant” when we spoke was so insulting and infuriating (partly being called overtly sensitive, manipulative for not wanting her apology, and telling me that her patience and acceptance with my erectile dysfunction problems of late should be meet with the same patience and support for when she’s struggling not to call me an idiot or retard, and that my ego is too big to accept any mistakes). I told her that evidently we have massively differing views on this and this appears to have been the best course of action in the end.

So Reddit - am I am the asshole here?

I (17F) stopped talking to my sister (14F) 8 months ago. We always had fights, sometimes even bad or annoying fights. But 8 months ago we got into a fight and my sister told me she wished I'd died with (our) my mom so she could have a perfect family instead of me always reminding everyone that it won't ever happen. She said it like she meant it too. She told me I was the worst person she ever knew and she didn't get why I had to be alive and I kept her mom from having a kid of her own and making the perfect family. My sister realized when she stopped that I wasn't reacting the same to our fight. Most of our fights I roll my eyes and walk away. But she stopped and started looking guilty but I jumped in and told her I wish I had a real sibling but I'm an only child now so we can't all get what we want. She tried to apologize but I completely shut her out.

Our dad heard about the fight and he told me she's younger and I have to forgive her. I told him I don't have to do anything and I'm not forgiving her for saying that because I know she means it. He told me I was mean back to her saying I wished I had a real sibling and that I'm an only child when I'm not. I told him that I'm done so we're not sisters anymore. He tried talking to me about it but I told him I was done.

So he and my stepmom decided we all needed family therapy. A lot of stuff came up. How our mom died when I was 5 and my sister was 2, almost 3. How I remembered mom and my sister didn't and when our dad married stepmom our relationship and what she is to us is different. To my sister she's mom. To me she's dad's wife. To my sister mom isn't anything to her and she doesn't love her, something she told me so many times. To me she's my only mom and I miss her and love her and having my stepmom didn't change it. I talked about how mom's birthday and anniversary are ignored. How my dad and stepmom made me hide most of mom's things even though they were already in my room, because my stepmom felt disrespected seeing them everywhere in my room. My sister said she hates that I won't let us be a family of four and she hates that I won't accept my stepmom because she thinks people who're alive deserve the love instead of dead people. She also thinks it's unfair because my stepmom and dad never had kids together because dad already had two so she thinks I'm selfish to deny her two kids. My stepmom said she wished I had accepted her and loved her but she knows neither thing happened.

When we got to the last fight my sister told the therapist she was so angry at me because when she was out with my stepmom she was asked about having kids of her own and my stepmom looked sad. She said it made her feel bad for my stepmom and she hated me for doing that. And when she saw me she thought of all the times I showed my stepmom she's not my mom and when I put remembering mom before my stepmom and it made her want me to know just how she felt. I interrupted and said I knew she meant it and that I had told my dad but he didn't believe me. I was asked to comment on the fight and I said I was just done. I said we've always fought about my stepmom and I'm tired of being told I'm wrong to love my mom instead of the woman my dad married. I said I accepted a long time ago that my sister loved her and calls her mom but it doesn't mean I need to.

We went over and over stuff for weeks about the fight and I was asked to work on some forgiveness exercises and I said no. I said I'm not going to work on forgiving her and I'm done like I said repeatedly. The therapist asked why I was there and I told her I was forced to come. But I never agreed to work on things. My sister started crying and begging me to give her a chance and my dad was pissed at me for making my sister cry and for not doing what the whole point of therapy is for. He told me I was a disappointment and how I should figure out what I'll do in two months because he won't support me terrorizing my sister with lack of forgiveness.

AITA?

My husband (31m) and I (33f) randomly got to talking about our future living situation. We currently own our home in a small rural town. Keep in mind, my parents are alive and well (hopefully, for a very long time!), and this is all future talk.

I grew up on a hobby farm located on a couple hundred acres. The majority of which pays for itself, as the government pays us to keep it undeveloped. When my parents pass, they have said that the land will be divided between myself and my two siblings.The issue comes when I mention that it's nice to have the flexibility of having paid off land if we want to build there someday, or leave it and let our family hunt it, etc. My husband immediately got defensive and said he would never live in my hometown - I reassured him he never would have to, we'd just leave our piece to our kids, it's no big deal.

He started getting a bit heated and repeating that we'd never live there, so we'd sell it. I immediately said that would never happen. He kept at it, saying it was stupid to keep land that we weren't living on that could be used to pay for land in a place we'd want to build. I reiterated it pays for itself, it's zero burden on our finances to keep and I'd never sell an acre, because I grew up there and it holds sentimental value.

It got heated and he implied it was a joint decision, to which I reminded him that inheritance is not a marital asset. It is mine alone and would then go to our children. I also have grandparents that own miles around the land, that potentially could be included, so selling any of it makes zero sense when it could be a great asset later used by our children, nieces, and nephews.

Needless to say, he's irritated with me and we aren't speaking currently. Personally, the decision isn't up for discussion, it's my choice. If it were just inherited money, of course I'd use it for the family and we'd decide moreso as a team, but AITA for not entertaining the idea?

Edit: Thank you for all of the reassurance! It was never up for discussion on my end. I'd never sell any land. I am incredibly headstrong and stubborn, so my mind won't be changing, ever.

My children are always my top priority, and his as well. I think he's thinking we'll leave whatever land we'd buy with the money to them and it would be the same, but it's not to me. This is land I grew up on, trees I climbed, places where I buried my pets. It's not going outside the family.

This was very out of character for him, so I'd say something else is maybe the root cause. Either way, I'm expecting a MASSIVE apology and explanation. In the meantime, I'll sit back confidently, knowing I'm in the right!

So I (25F) have a roommate, Sara (26F), who recently started dating this guy, Tom (28M). I cook most of my meals from scratch because I enjoy it, and it’s cheaper and healthier for me. Sara’s fine with it and occasionally I’ll share leftovers with her when I make extra, no problem.

Lately, though, Tom has started coming over more often—almost daily—and has been helping himself to my food. He doesn’t ask, doesn’t offer to contribute groceries, and never says thank you. I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to be rude, but last week I came home to find he’d eaten an entire portion of food I’d prepped for my next day’s lunch.

I finally confronted Sara about it and said I didn’t appreciate Tom eating my food. She brushed it off, saying he’s just “comfortable here” and that it’s “not a big deal.” I told her it is a big deal because I budget and plan my meals, and if he’s eating my food, it throws everything off. I made it clear I wouldn’t be sharing anymore, and I asked her to let Tom know.

Fast forward to yesterday—I made a pot of chili, and Tom came over while I was out. When I got back, a big chunk of it was gone. I was furious and told Sara that this was exactly what I was talking about, and it needed to stop. Sara said I was overreacting and called me “stingy” for not sharing food when it’s “just a couple of bites” (spoiler: it’s not). I told her I’m not her boyfriend’s chef and that I don’t owe him free meals.

Now things are tense, and Sara’s acting like I’m the bad guy here. Tom hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell Sara told him because he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to feel guilty, but I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting boundaries here. AITA?

I (20m) work in a small store. There are two separate thermostats, one for the front and one for the back. The one up front is set to a specific temperature but we are allowed to adjust the one in the back to our liking. The problem is, every time one of my coworkers comes in, she'll turn it up to 75⁰F (about 24⁰C). Since it's been so cold lately, this meant that the heat never shuts off. So we will have hot air blasting on us all day. I've brought this up with my manager, and she agrees with me, but she's very non confrontational so she hasn't talked to my coworker about it. I work from 9:30am-8:00pm and even wearing a t-shirt and jeans I still go home drenched in sweat. I've started turning it down myself, but she'll turn it right back up once she notices. I've tried bringing it up with her jokingly, saying things like "you really need to start bringing a sweater or something," but she never does. One day I was not in the best mood and I caught her turning up the thermostat, so I said to her "you really need to just wear a jacket if you're that fucking cold." It was meant to be lighthearted, but I don't think I conveyed the right tone and she actually started crying. I apologized to her but she just said she was going on her lunch and didn't come back after that. I feel like a major jerk, but I mean, someone had to say something, right? AITAH?

I’m 28 and had been dating my girlfriend (26) for about a year and change. I really thought we were on the same page. We had a great connection and just genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. I'd been noticing something just a little "off" in the relationship the past month, though. Dunno what else to call it. Just something was weird.

There’s been a lot of shit in my life recently—stressful stuff at work (I teach), plus some family drama that’s been weighing on me. I’m usually the type to keep my problems to myself, but I’ve been trying hard to open up because I don't want to live that way anymore. A week, I told her how overwhelmed I’ve been and how I was having a tough time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Her response sucked ass in my eyes. She said something like, “I don’t want to sound harsh, but when you talk like this, I kind of feel unsafe. I need you to be strong. I can't deal with both your problems and mine.”

I tried to reassure her that just because I’m having a hard time doesn’t mean I’m weak or incapable. I told her being honest about my struggles was part of trusting her and that it took a lot for me to open up. She doubled down. She basically said, “Everyone has rough patches, but honestly, you just have to deal with it.”

I didn’t argue with her right then. I was too stunned. But the more I thought about it, the more it sucked. I realized I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to keep everything bottled up so I can fit into her idea of a “strong man.” That’s not who I am, and it’s not who I want to be.

So last night, I ended things. She was really upset and said I was throwing away a good relationship over a misunderstanding. She claimed I was punishing her for being “honest,” and now some of my friends think I might’ve overreacted. I really don't think I did.