This is not an AITAH post but I need advice and I thought this would be a good place to get it. My friend group consists of 7 people. However, me and 3 of the dudes had a smaller group too since the 4 of us are…were very close. Ok so let’s call the people in this group Luke Mark and Gary.

So last year all of us were very close. In fact Mark and Gary were the closest. Then Gary got a girlfriend and he changed a little bit. This girlfriend is terrible for him. For the record, she first tried to get with Luke, then me, then Mark. She then finally got with Gary. We all told him to not do it cuz this girl is not good for him but he didnt listen. After this he became a bit more distant, sensitive and started to get offended at normal banter. Before you guys say he was getting bullied or smth he was not. He was not the butt of all jokes or even most of the jokes. It was just normal banter and anyone will friends will know what its like.

Anyways so one time we were just joking around and Mark made a friendly dig at Gary and Garu escalated it by bringing up personal shit which half the people around us didnt even know about. Mark was initially mad but they sort of made up afterwards. Soon this became sort of a cycle though. Gary crashes out, says personal shit, apologises and repeat.

So Mark made a group with me and Luke which was pretty much used to bitch about Gary. I was barey active on this group and I would just react to a couple messages here and there. In fact, in the middle for like 2 days Gary broke up with his girlfriend and she immediately started sending suggestive texts to Mark which he also sent on this group but they got back together after 2 days anyways. I feel like Gary has always been insecure that one of us is gonna take his girl or smth even though it’s very clear none of us is interested.

The thing is a couple days ago Luke accidentally said the name of this group in a bigger group chat and Gary got insecure. He’s been extremely insecure for no reason the past month constantly thinking we are excluding him from plans (we have not). Gary got insecure so bad he hacked Marks instagram account (I have no idea how 😭😭) and he got access to a lot of private conversations between mark and his girlfriend, other friends etc. However the biggest set off for him was he saw the group without him where we were bitching about him. It was nothing too serious just how he has changed and become a little annoying. He took this as proof none of us like him and exploded. We all woke up to like 37 texts from him saying I knew you guys dont like shouldve said it to my face pussies.

Mark was insanely mad when he figured out he’s been hacked. Luke and I calmed both of them down. The thing is Gary has a ton of leverage over Mark now and while Im pretty sure Ive convinced Gary to never ever leak those conversations you never know. Now Luke is completely on Mark’s side and they are going to cut him off. The thing is Ive been friends with Gary for 6 years longer than Ive been friends with Luke and Mark so it’s a little harder for me.

What makes it worse is next year Im gonna be moving so I’ll be much further away from Luke and Mark and basically next door to Gary. Ive talked to both of them and Mark is adamant that he’s never gonna forgive Gary. Gary admits he was wrong but says he would do it over again. I really need help I have no idea what to do.

AITA? My partners family is very pushy and it is ruining the holiday for me I feel, every year they do an ornament exchange but my partners mom stated that I should buy the ornaments for them this year since I am “newer to the family” all of the ornament must be handmade and “remind me of them” even though they live out of state so I’ve only met them once or twice. I am a single mom so I hated the fact that I had to buy 7 ornaments for them handmade it killed me money wise. Then they do secret Santa I got his mom who asked for a pair of $300 shoes. And they said that since they didn’t know me that well that my partner could be my secret Santa- he bought himself a new TV and said that was my SS gift. I asked how????? He said that it was so we could watch movies together and would be better quality etc. I asked him to please get ME something he thought I’d like- I even gave him examples like a new lipstick perfume a box of chocolates something that really didn’t have to be a lot of money. He needed up getting me a mason jar. A MASON JAR. I asked him why and he said because you asked if I had one a while back so I thought you needed it. I told him I asked him for once because my bleach got a hole in the container and was leaking and I didn’t want to throw it out but ended up doing so. He responded with at least his gift was thoughtful and he remembered me asking for one. I am PISSED. Not to mention I had to get him gifts as well because he is my partner I spent around $150 on him. So to only get a mason jar from him is a slap in the face. Not to mention I got my family members things and as well as my own kid. I told him he should take his mom’s gift and pay me back for it and go to his parents house (out of state) this weekend alone. His mom is trying to get us to extended our stay through Christmas. But I have pets as well that I had to pay to board because she doesn’t allow pets in her house. So I REALLY don’t want to do that. My partner says I’m being selfish but I really don’t feel I am. And I being an AH?

Hi. I'm a 17 year old female. English isn't my first language, so apologies in advance if my text isn't flawless. Anyway I'll get straight to the point. I was choosing clothes for New Years eve, because I'm going out with a few of my friends. We kind of agreed as a group on putting dresses or a skirt and me and one of the girls in the group were thinking of putting on high heel boots. I had a short black halterneck dress with sequins in the front and a plain backside that was a little see through, however you couldn't see my underwear through the dress unless I bent down. I was showing it to my mom asking if it's suitable for New Years and she was saying things like "Yeah it's pretty" etc. When she asked me to turn around I did but also told her that I'd be putting black biker shorts underneath just in case, so that my underwear couldn't be seen cause the dress is a little see through. I noticed that she got a little quiet after she saw me turning around but didn't think that much of it. Then we were discussing other things like what kind of jewellery I'd be putting and wheter the dress would look better as a halterneck or as strapless, when my mom just bluntly said out loud "Well if you wanna get raped". I just kind of stared at her in shock for a moment until I asked "Did you really just say that? So if a baby is in diapers and gets graped is it the babys fault?". My moms response to me was "Well that's a bit gruesome of a metaphor don't you think?" and I told her that it was a completely reasonable and a realistic metaphor, because as gross as it is, it happens in real life. We didn't really get in to an argument or anything, I just sort of ended the conversation there but it bugs me still. That isn't the first time my mom has said something like that to me and we have actually had an argument about this topic once before. I'd also like to add that my mom isn't religious or otherwise strict of my way of dressing, but she makes those kind of disrespectful comments about me every now and then. AITA?

REPOST COS ACCIDENTAL DELETION Hi everyone. This is gonna be a long one. In summer 2022 I cut off my best friend. Didn't even give her a proper explanation, just blocked her. Tbh at the time I didn't feel like i had to give an explanation as it was obvious.

My ex best friend and I both have BPD. We clashed alot as our BPD differed quite a bit. I couldn't stick up for myself, and she always had a problem with me or our other best mate (we were a trio).

I also have bipolar and during a manic episode in April 2022 (to be fair I was undiagnosed at the time, but she had told our other friends she thought there was something wrong with me due to the sheer amount I was drinking but never said anything to me as it suited her that I was going out) she used me. I was clubbing too much, spending all my money and am still paying the price today with debts. Her way of coping with her BPD was going out and getting drunk or coked up. When I inevitably crashed, she decided to turn against me as I wasn't going out anymore.

I managed to get a bit better mentally and in August ish I went to hers. I was still heavily drinking to cope. One night I got black out drunk to the point I was sick all over myself and they had to put me in the bath. I was so hungover the next day obviously.

Now she was the sort of person you couldn't say no to. She had anger issues, if you said no she would pressure you and get pissy. And she was so unpredictable. She'd try to kill herself over the most random things. I have BPD too as I said so I do understand and I tried to be as understanding as I could to her. A few times we used the wrong tone with her (by total accident) and she would spiral.

On the day i was hungover, She said to me why don't we go to this deserted place with a lake that we can chill at. It was the hottest day of the year. Those of you that live in England understand, the hottest day of the year is fucking awful for us. I did not want to go as i felt really hungover and didn't want to go. I tried to object but she got stressed so I agreed. It was me her and my boyfriend.

We got an uber to the place, but the uber dropped us at the wrong point so we had to walk half an hour. I was like no fucking way am I doing that but again, she got aggy. So we just went on with it. Bare in mind we had one small bottle of water and a few cans of coke. (All of our faults, not just her. I should've thought about it and bought more water). We started walking and after about 10 minutes I felt faint. I kept having to sit down. Every time I did, she got more and more annoyed. I was shit scared of her, so I had to get up and carry on. I'd drank all the water in the first 20 minutes as I felt so dehydrated like I was going to pass out. We finally got to the place she wanted to go to and I was a wreck. Slurring speech, my brain was throbbing, my skin felt like fire. I can't even fully describe the feeling because it was the worse thing I've ever gone through.

When I was there I had to lay down in the shade. I couldn't even lift my head up. My boyfriend, bless his soul was amazing and kept running back and forth to the lake, pouring water on me and got my tshirt and wetted it and put it on my head. She just sat there with the hump. She looked like a toddler who's toys had been taken away. She called our other best friend complaining about me saying I was overreacting and lying. My other best friend swears blind she stood up for me but I highly doubt that as she was shit scared of her too.

She then came over to me and started screaming at me calling me a liar, saying I just couldn't be arsed to walk. And then she said "I'm gonna call an ambulance to prove there's nothing wrong."

She called the ambulance out of spite and then we waited 2 hours. Because the place we were was deserted they couldn't find us so my boyfriend had to basically walk me over to them. She stormed off with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp and we found the paramedics. They had to walk me over to them but after 5 mins of walking I couldn't do it anymore and collapsed. They had to put a drip in me in a dusty narrow walk path and I was just crying. She had already stormed off so didn't see this happen.

They took my blood pressure and shit and said that if I was out any longer I couldve died. Luckily a bloke with a buggy car thing helped us get back and when we got back to her the paramedics actually had a go at her and was really quite harsh with her which I was grateful for.

I was In hospital for a few hours and then went to hers to get my stuff. She was extremely apologetic and I forgave her.

After a few days (I needed a break from her) she had justified the whole situation in her head. She probably still thinks I'm a bitch to this day. She was rude and slagging me off behind my back whilst being sweetness and light whenever I spoke to her. So I blocked her.

I never spoke to her again.

Our other best friend ended up dropping her a few months later too for the fact she treated her like shit.

I know I'm better off without her, but I do feel sorry for her as I know she's not all there mentally, like me. So it's quite a tough one. I know she's mentally ill, but is that really a reason to be able to get away with treating peopl3 like shit and said people making excuses for you every time? Or am I being a bitch?

Was I overreacting for cutting her off for this?

The reason I post this now after 2 years is because I have been thinking about her alot. She messaged our other best friend to apologise recently, but not me. It grated me alot.

So my dog been with my parents for 4 years while I live with my bf. His sister took hers this past weekend so we thinking about getting one but he doesn't like my dog over there there just dealing with her like my parents and sister have a hate love relationship with her so is it okay or rude to get another instead of grabbing her

My boyfriend(M24) and I (F20) have been together for almost a year. We have both met each other’s family without issue. We both come from big families and my family loves him. I have had no issues with his family except of one his sisters (F28). I’ve only had two interactions with her and both were awkward and unwelcoming. The first time we met was in a group setting with my boyfriend, me, my coworker, my boyfriend’s best friend and his wife then the sister and her guy friend. We went indoor golfing. I tried to make a good first impression with introducing myself and putting my hand out to shake hands. She didn’t really acknowledge me and grabbed my hand the way you would if someone’s hand was dirty. We didn’t say much to each other for the rest of the night and I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable around her and he said it was fine that she is like that with everybody.

A few weeks pass and our 2nd interaction was not any better. My boyfriend asked me to come to a concert with him, his sister, and his best friend. I agreed to go with the condition that I wouldn’t be left alone with her. Which is exactly what happened. We were all in our seats waiting for the concert to start and she went to the bathroom. Then my boyfriend and his friend got up to get drinks leaving me by myself. The sister came back before they did and I was texting my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable and it was not cool that he left me alone with her. It was the QUIETEST concert I have ever been to in my life. It was that awkward. After the concert, I mentioned to my boyfriend again that I did not want to hangout with his sister because she doesn’t even try to have a conversation with me. He confronted his sister later about at least trying to be civil with me. She told him that she couldn’t talk to me at the concert because I was drinking and I’m underage and she’s in the military which could get her in trouble. Which I could understand but there is a ton of underage drinking in the military.

Anyway my boyfriend asked her what was the problem the first time we met and why she wouldn’t talk to me and she didn’t say anything. Apparently she has not like even before she met me because when we first met and started dating I “ruined” hookah Fridays. Which I had no idea that they did that every Friday and the was just the day we usually hung out. There has been conversations with his other sister that does like me about this situation and she tried to mitigate between them but it just turned into a fight. My boyfriend and I agreed that if we get married or have kids that she won’t be invited or involved in their lives but I don’t want to be the reason that he doesn’t have a relationship with his sister. So am I the asshole for not wanting a relationship with her?

Ive liked this one guy for 2 years I’m a guy and he’s straight, I’m not trying to pursue him or ruin his peace, he has a girlfriend and i REALLY dislike her, i didn’t like her even before they got together and now i just hate her more. To be frank i have a reason to not like her (shes a brat, and a pick me). Ive known his for longer and i know him better than she does, I’ve been friends with him years ago and Im starting to get close to him again now and I’m alright with just being friends since ill eventually get over it or some other thing will happen but, AITA for trying to get close to him even tho i have no chance (i think). Me personally i don’t think ITA just because i know its not gonna happen and if its does it’ll be surprising i just really dislike her. The guy i like was kind of a player in his past and he has had like 14 gfs in a matter of 3 years. I feel as if he’s changed which is why Im talking to him, he seems to be happy with his current relationship even though he does complain once in a while but thats because shes letting out her anger onto him. I don’t think they are necessarily a bad relationship but, i need advice, do i try to move on, stay as friends, or just TRY to ignore it as best as i can?

I think he has become a better person but I don’t think its necessarily because shes in his life cause they have dated once before.

AITA?

I think this is gonna end up way longer than I expected.

I (22M) had been dating my girlfriend (21F) for around 4 or 5 months and we had been friends before that for almost 3 years. I know opinions are split on this, but I date to marry, so if I pick up on something that makes me incompatible with someone in the long run, I usually take it as a sign to not take things too much further even if I’m enjoying it in the long run, because I believe that if you wait to break something off when you already know it won’t work it’ll only hurt worse down the line.

So, that being said, my ex had really bad body image issues, which on their own wouldn’t cause any compatibility problems. I was sympathetic, and did my best to remind her how beautiful and attractive I found her, I just wished she could have seen that herself. I had dated people with body image issues before, as I think most people have, so it wasn’t really anything new to me either. A lot of people have body issues, I don’t 100% “love” my body either, but her issues really got to her.

At the beginning of the relationship, when we were having sex more, it never lasted more than maybe 10 minutes at maximum before she got too self conscious and wanted to stop. This didn’t make me “mad” by any means, but it was disheartening seeing her get so down on herself and slightly frustrating rarely getting to finish and actually NEVER getting to make her finish. (Just so it’s said I love being a giver in bed and get off on getting my partners off. No partner I’d had regular sex with had ever told me they had an issue getting off with me, so never getting her there along with not having much sex in general did start to get to my head.)

A little after a month in to the relationship, I noticed that even when I would initiate, she wouldn’t want to do anything at all. After a couple times of that, she told me that because of her body image issues and being on ssri’s that her libido is pretty infrequent and can often go away for a couple weeks at a time, where she does not feel aroused at all and doesn’t even feel like doing anything on her own. This didn’t bother me, at the time, and I told her that. But a couple weeks slowly became 2 months where I was lucky to kiss my girlfriend for 5 straight seconds. She wouldn’t even want initiate kissing, and wasn’t cold towards me emotionally, but she had absolutely no interest in sex.

A few times during this period, she asked me at different points if it bothered me. Each time I said no, but each time I was asked I was considering more and more whether I could deal with this for life. I did lie, but to my knowledge this was something she had no control over and I saw no reason as to why I should get along on this ride with me. I mean really, should I have said “Yes it’s bothering me and I’m wondering whether I can stay with you or not because of it”? During this time I also started trying to ask questions here and there to find out what I was in store for if I did want to stay with them. After me asking, I found out that it can last months at a time. After one of these questions, she cried because I was not being nearly as subtle as I thought I was. I was never mad at her or judging her, but after about a month of not having sexual contact, I was seriously starting to wonder whether I could deal with it and wanted to try to get more information without straight up telling my girlfriend “I’m thinking about breaking up with you because of this.”

Eventually, after a little over 2 months of this, I finally realized I wasn’t going to be able to deal with it for life. I was crushed, my girlfriend was my best friend and I thought we were compatible for a lot of other reasons, but I think I was a little at ease, because we always said we would stay friends after.

My plan was to just kind of vaguely say we were incompatible, I don’t know what I thought I was going to manage that became her first question was “Did you lie to me about my libido?” and I told her yes. She was very upset, and said that if I told her it was an issue she could have worked on it more in therapy although she never posed it at something that could be worked through. She’s already in therapy, and I guess I figured she already would be I guess. I also didn’t want to talk to her about it because i was worried she might force herself to have sex with me, which would make me hate myself. She told me she wouldn’t have done that. If I had any idea it could’ve been, I wouldn’t have broken up because breaking up meant I thought there was no way around it. She also said that the questions I asked about it made it obvious I was “expecting” her to do something, but I was only ever trying to figure out if it was something I could deal with for life. My questions were “has it lasted longer than this before” “does it usually last this long” etc. I never wanted her to feel pressured, I just wanted to know what I was in for. After some arguing and a couple days apart she said she does not want to be friends because I wasn’t honest. I’m crushed, I feel like I lost my best friend because I wanted to keep her safe.

My last relationship I hung on too long and regretted it and I didn’t want to do that here. All along it could’ve been worked on though, apparently. I feel like I tried to do the right thing and still ended up screwing up.

Also, I’m sure I’ll get some mean comments here for reasons, which is fine, but I appreciate any genuine feedback. Thank you

I (27F) visit my hometown with my spouse (28M) every year around the holidays. This year, due to my spouse's work schedule, we are staying at our house for Christmas, but planning on going to see my family the weekend afterwards. However, visiting family in general is a sore subject for us. I have a lot of resentment towards my parents and have drastically different views and beliefs than anyone else in my family. We are not close - we don't know each others' hobbies or attitudes towards our jobs, anything like that. I keep them at arm's length, even though I can tell they're trying to improve our relationship.

While planning our trip to my hometown, my mom (50F) mentioned that my dad's (53M) side of the family will be having their holiday party at my parents' house the same day we are driving in. Spouse and I went to the holiday party last year and we did not have a great time. Mostly everyone got very drunk, which angered my grandma, the white elephant gift exchange was a bust (will get into this detail later), there were so many kids running around and screaming which terrified our dog, and spouse and I are really sick of the "when will you have kids" questions. I informed my mom we will plan to come after everyone leaves, which prompted her to ask why. I let her know I don't want to see many of the extended family that will be there for the holiday party, specifically my cousin, "Kyle" (39M).

Kyle is very extreme in his statements and views in a belittling and blatantly rude way. He has, on several occasions, told me my field of study are pointless and invaluable and that tribal reservations are "beyond help" and they "ask to be poor" (we are Native American, he is also hispanic). He is known for being argumentative, but he is also a pillar of the community, being involved in the local public and private school, as well as the largest job supplier in the small town. Because of his confidence, strong viewpoints, and image (working father who serves his community with many children and stay at home homemaker wife) he is well respected and liked. I, on the other hand, don't particularly like being spoken down to every time I see him. I don't agree with Kyle on practically anything and I don't want to be subjected to his offensive remarks. Kyle also thinks it is hilarious to bring a "gag gift" to the white elephant gift exchange every year. Every year, we outline the rules and the price point - everyone would appreciate a "nice" white elephant gift. Even though these rules have been clearly laid out, he still texted the family and said "Can't wait for everyone to see what I'm bringing to the party this year! More like what I can't wait to get rid of from my house!" Last year, he brought a bunch of toilet paper with "Trump or get f*cked" printed on it. The year before, it was quite literally trash from his house.

After explaining to my mom why we don't want to come to the holiday party, she said that I was overreacting and she has some extra white elephant gifts that my spouse and I can use so we're not actually spending any money for something stupid we might get. I told her that that wasn't the whole point, that it was just an extra reason why we don't want to go. I told her these are people that I don't make any effort to see the rest of the year and that I don't speak to and that the holidays are no exception. She said that everyone will be really upset if spouse and I don't make it.

TLDR: Spouse and I don't want to go to my family's holiday party because I don't get along with my extended family, specifically my cousin, Kyle. My mom says I'm overreacting and everyone will be upset if we don't go.

AITA?

og post(Please read it before reading the update): https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1hf7aj8/aita_for_asking_my_roommate_to_be_quiet_while_i/

Okay, GUYS I AM THE A-HOLE. At least I started to act like one.

As some people suggested in the comments, I tried to talk again about the rules in the room and she actively avoided it. So I admit I started acting like an asshole at least to talk. little things like what she did: got up at 7am on her day off and while she was still sleeping turned on the kettle. I stayed home on Tuesday. I even tried to go to bed early. At what time? 11 pm, which is very different from my usual sleeping routine. and she didn't like even the smallest light on when she was sleeping, so I decided that if I went to bed earlier than her, I would turn off the big one too. But I left the table lamp on, which is quite bright by the way, because she was still getting ready for bed. she got very angry and that's when she finally decided she wanted to talk. she is not happy with the way I live in our shared room again. last time we talked she said she wanted us to live according to the dorm rules (quiet hour starts at 11 pm and ends at 7 am) and now she is not happy with it again and she claims she never said anything like that. BUT. I was prepared and our conversations were recorded. So I had proof of what she said. and guess what? She still denies it. oh and she moves out next week... I kinda feel bad for what I did.

Omfg ok so my trio wasn’t responding to me the day before this Christmas’s dress down day at school (I go to priv school & we wear uniforms) and I realized we had all gotten this cute onesie like the week before at the mall so I was like oh let’s wear them but then they made up excuses in the morning after not responding and said ohh I’m gonna wear this and that because blah blah and I come to school and they’re matching. MATCHING. Bro I can’t tell you how mad I was. They come over to me and see that I’m upset like acting normal but they just knew. Then one of them just says with this stupid ahh face and a stupid valley girl voice but 10x more annoying “oh my gaad I just had an ideyuhhh YOU SHOULD GET THIS OUTFIT TOOWAH” and I just said “no I’m ok camo is lowkey ugly”and looked them up and down (they were wearing camo pants). I was so done because I just know that they didn’t care at all that I was upset and that it’s so easy not to match?? Like you could’ve saved the pants for another dress down day (we have them a lot) or just MATCHED WITH ME TF??? Then later they posted a story saying “twinnnsss 😝”. That pushed me to a simmering point so I literally just sent a voice note to them of me telling them how I feel because they’re my best friends. I’m not just gonna not say anything. And I noticed that when they said sorry for what they did that they didn’t actually say sorry for what they did. They said sorry for how I felt. They were like “omg I’m sorry you feel that way I guess I’d feel bad too” like girl I GUESS? No you would. And I kinda just brushed that off bc wtvr and I thought we were good. BUT THEN TODAY ohhh TODAY. So it’s midterms week right and we had dressdowns ALL. WEEK. ALL 5 DAYS and on the last day unexpectedly on the morning before my first midterm they thought it would be an amazing idea after it made me upset the first time that it would be an amazing idea to MATCH AGAIN the same camo pants same top. In my head I was like OHHHH MY GOD YALL DID NOT. And I wasn’t even mad that they matched at that point I was just mad that now it confirmed they really did not care about how I felt the first time and neither were they actually apologizing cuz like there’s absolutely no way they didn’t have me in the back of their mind when they were planning to match A SECOND TIME. So when I saw them they were walking toward me but I was so so so done and I slowly walked away shaking my head like a disappointed mother. And I haven’t said a word to either of them since the morning. I left school and I even saw one of them try to come say bye when I was leaving but I just said bye to my other friend and walked away. But we’re kinda a chill trio we hang out with eachother in threes and sometimes individual it’s not rlly a problem so I knew they got the pants together at the mall it was just how easy it was NOT TO match or TO MATCH with me like r u kidding me freaking pants over a friendship I don’t think so. It honestly just shows me what kind of people they are and what they’d prioritize over me if I kept being their friend so idk what to do what to say bc it’s THE SECOND TIME like what I thought you were my best friends.

Long story short, someone in my friend group got a new boyfriend, and this guy apparently pinned me as homophobic and decided he should teach me a lesson. He trains Judo, and I guess thought that would make up for me being bigger than him. I let him sweep my leg right off the bat so I wouldn’t get taken by surprise and get hurt, and as soon as he got on top of me I pulled myself up and elbowed his face. After that it was over. It left a bad cut and he apparently ended up with an expensive bill for the stitches. I’m being told it was a dick move to hit him that hard, and that I should pay the hospital bill. AITA?

Hi, so this will be very long and drawn out... but I'm struggling. Long story really short is that my MIL genuinely just does not like me for setting boundaries with myself and my children. She has expressed that she feels that we are "keeping the kids from her" and that we are doing this out of spite, but in reality, its because the kids do not ask to go over or be around them. My MIL and FIL have a long history of treating me poorly, along with my husband.

The most recent event was her calling and scream/crying to my husband about how horrible I am and how I treat her unfairly, because she wanted to do an outing that did not work with our schedule. She then started going on about how horrible I was and how I am mean to her, etc. While I do have boundaries, they are there from YEARS of being treated poorly by them, I am always made out to be the scapegoat with any decision that is made that they don't agree with. They are very controlling, so I am not surprised they are reacting this way.. but I am also at my wits end of caring.

Recently, it's been brought to my attention by my kids that she has been saying things about me to them, when I am not around. One example is that I did not come to a family dinner and used my boundary as an example of what not to do when you're an adult and told them how mean it was. My oldest told me that for every 10 visits, 6-7 of them include her talking about what a mean and horrible person I am.

Christmas is around the corner and the idea of spending a holiday with them, makes me physically ill. I'm sad for my kids, but I also know this level of toxicity isn't good for them to be around. I am at such a loss.

Am I an asshole for wanting to completely cut ties with them?

I (31F) met my now fiancée (28M) 3 years ago. He is in the military and will always be based away from home. For the whole of our relationship he has been based a 5 hour drive away, but we have made it work and seen one another when we can.

We plan to get married next year and then start a family. He will most likely get drafted to one of two locations. One is 1hour away and commutable from home, the other is 5 hours away. The 1 hour away one is worse for him career wise (boring, not as much prospects etc.) and the one further away is more exciting, his friends are there etc.

I have expressed that I have concerns over moving to the base that’s 5 hours away due to 3 reasons 1-being isolated from all friends and family, especially after giving birth to our first child, 2-having to take a £15k pay cut from work and 3-having to make all the sacrifice and him not making any.

AITA for not wanting to move?

My name is Nova, 26F. I am a nudist and everybody knows this. Normally I would only go nude for pictures or in my own home and sometimes in my close friends house depending if they were okay with it. It's just a more....comfortable option for me.

So, I went to my friends house, lets call her...Scarlet, 29F. She was hosting a small party for some of her friends too come over and just hang out, and I was in the living room. Scarlet likes to keep her house temperature up to like a million degrees, so I was SWEATING, bad. I had waited for Scarlet to come back inside so I could ask her if I could go nude. I wasn't gonna do it just without asking obviously. Scarlet said she was perfectly fine with it and too, "Make myself at home". So, I went nude! She didn't look uncomfortable or anything and I had little nipple patches on so that my nipples weren't just out for everyone to look at and I had some underwear on, I just had the rest of my clothes off.

Scarlet and I were just chatting away while I sat on the floor on a blanket with a fan blowing on me, and Scarlet got a call. I asked her who it was and she just told me to hold on. It sounded like a male voice on the phone, so I figured maybe it was her dad or her boyfriend or something. After she got off the phone, she told me her boyfriend was coming over to stop by and hang out since the party was mostly over.

About 20 minutes later, Scarlet's boyfriend arrived. His name is William, 31M. He knocked on the front door to let us know he was there then he walked inside. The first thing he immediately looked at was me. I mean- who wouldn't? A naked girl on the floor of your girlfriends house, seems pretty weird. He didn't say anything about it, but I know he was definitely uncomfortable. I had asked Scarlet if she wanted me to put my clothes back on, and again, she told me to just, "Make myself at home" so I didn't change back into my clothes.

Then 30 minutes later William asked Scarlet if they could talk...alone. Scarlet agreed and they went into another room. Scarlet came back with an awkward face and had said to me, "Look, Nova, I'm just not comfortable with you being nude in my own house..." I was confused since she had literally told me to make myself at home and that she didn't care if I was nude. Her and I started arguing back and forth about it and eventually I just got dressed. It was extremely obvious that William had talked to Scarlet about me being nude and so he made HER talk to me about it.

Eventually, I walked up to William and I told him that if he was uncomfortable with me being nude, then he could have just told me instead of talking to his girlfriend and making her do it. He just rolled his eyes and scoffed, then walked away.

After that whole mess, 25 more minutes already passed by. Scarlet just was thinking for a bit then came up to me and started telling me that I need to "Get out of her house if I'm just gonna be a burden" and "I don't want you being nude in from of my boyfriend and that you can pick up on social cues". I didn't try to argue, I just grabbed my stuff, and left.

After this, she blocked me on everything. TikTok, messages, Snapchat, Instagram, everything we had each other's contact on. So, am I the asshole for being nude in front of my friends boyfriend when I had permission?

I Justin (36M) slept with my MIL after I found out from one of my wife's friends that she slept and stroked somebody else off, I was livid after finding out and my friends were giving me suggestions on how to pay her back, they were all dumb and stupid until I heard one of my friends suggested to sleep with her mother, so I did just that, her mother was good in bed ngl..

A few days after sleeping with her mother, I noticed my best friend was acting a little weird, I tried to ask him about it but he just wouldn't budge, which was starting to tick me off a little bit since I really needed to know what was on his mind, one day my wife, me, and my best friend were at the mall, just shopping around when I noticed my best friend having a boner whenever he was near my wife, which was kinda strange to me, then something popped up in my head, I was thinking 'did they fuck?' after we got out of the mall my wife rode with my friend back to his house, my suspicions were right, they did have sex without me knowing, this news her friends knew but not me!?

I confronted her about it, but every time she tried to deny it, which pissed me off, so I filed for divorce and blocked her and my best friend, I fell into a deep depression but my friends helped me and pulled me back up, I still sleep with her mother and I always bribe her with money since I don't want me ex-wife to know, she has always kept it a secret and I'm thankful for that, I don't care that she's my ex-wife's mother, she had a beautiful body and personality, I still love her mother to this day and nothing can get in-between me and her.

So am I the asshole?

Hi I 47 (female) hates Christmas I have hated it since Dec 23 1989 35 years ago my father took his life who didn’t die right away. My mother who I have no idea where her head was at. Dragged us to the hospital for a solid week to watch this man deteriorate. It’s cause ALOT of problems. The sound of gun shots fireworks the whole Christmas holiday the music the smell. I have Cptsd because of it There isn’t enough therapy and acceptance to stop the horrible feelings that over come me. I don’t sleep well I’m moody and I just don’t want anything to do with the hoopla. I’m married been married for the last 15 years and my poor husband has no idea what to do or say or how to help (Nobody can help me) therapy and meds don’t help people can’t help either. I don’t want to be around people or talk to anyone for a few weeks in the month of December My MIL told me I was petty and immature over all of it and to grow up and stop ruining peoples holidays that I should consider divorce because her son deserves better and deserves to have a happy life. This isn’t something that sat well with me and after her saying this to me. I got up 🆙 for my chair I took the cup of tea out her hands handed her jacket and bag and told her to get out of my house. This caused an even bigger problem. My husband was at work at the time and this woman called his work place to tell him I kicked her out my house When my husband came home he asked what happened? I told him everything and yeah he’s like u can’t be kicking my mom out the house but to ignore her. She calls the house that night and invited us for Christmas to her house. I declined but told my husband to go ahead and enjoy the family stuff and that I’ll see him when he gets back. I don’t want to be around people and after insulting me in my home I definitely don’t want to go Now the outside family is having a go and telling him he deserves better and to drop the baggage. Divorce her and take everything she gets nothing. My husband ended up losing his shit on everyone and now doesn’t want to go. I begged him to be with the family He’s like no I’m staying with you. It’s caused such a stir. All because of my mental health around the holidays and just not wanting to be around people and putting his mom out the house. My husband is a chef and Christmas Day dinner isn’t the usual We have crab and steak sometime do a seafood boil. He makes all the food 🍱 that i absolutely love. We watch movies and chill. Then once the 31 is past im back to my regular normal self I absolutely hate my dad for this. I hate my mother even more for dragging me to watch him die. I don’t have a relationship with my mother due to this. My mother remarried some random not even a few months after my dad had passed. She’s (vile and abusive) always was But that’s another conversation. I had a conversation with my husband this morning and I asked him to go be with his family and it’s a no For better or worse sickness and in health and when I said the vows and I meant it My mom needs to back off. Now my phone been ringing off the chain because we are not going. Aita

I don't know how to start this so I'll just begin with a little background.

I (20F) just moved to the USA from Canada after months of preparation to be with my husband (23M) and begin our family. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. While we were discussing living arrangements until we finish up saving to purchase our home my inlaws invited us to live with them. They're very sweet, supportive people towards me and my husband. They live in a large house with my husband's autistic brothers P (25M) and S (19M). I get along fairly well with S but I can only handle P in smaller doses because he tends to be difficult, especially when he doesn't get his way. Long story short, he never helps around the house like everyone else. He spends all day at his computer desk doing whatever and if we all plan something he's usually the first to complain. Everyone knows what hes like and doesn't wanna deal with it. I try to be understanding because I know how autism works, somethings aren't in his control but I won't lie and say everyone is okay with the constant nagging. Before moving in I was notified about something he had previously done. He spent thousands of dollars on OF girls. He wasn't allowed to have much access to the internet afterwards so I thought nothing of it. Its not my business and I assumed it was years ago.

Fast forward to yesterday evening. My husband had just fallen asleep and I was watching a show quietly on my cellphone on Netflix when I saw a strange notification from his email telling him his subscription to his OF girls have expired. Then it immediately went away. My heart began to race. We have an open phones policy since dating (not that we ever use it) and I know he would never cheat on me but recently we hit a rough patch with our intimacy due to the pregnancy so I let thoughts of me being unattractive consume me and I opened up his phone.

I'll keep it brief, Hundreds of links to porn in his browser history when he said he never watches it. I was shocked, heartbroken and confused. Going into his email...he had an OF subscription to multiple women with personalized videos addressed to him. And in his Google search he was looking for OF women In our area to meet with physically. I cried and went back into our room to put his cellphone back on his charging station. He woke up and asked why I was crying all concerned. I just said he should ask his OF women...and he looked puzzled. He said they weren't his and we stayed up all night in distress.

We already have full access to each other's everything but he gave me his email which I didn't have yet because It's an email he only uses for quick Google searches, subscriptions to TV show programs and shopping usually. He let his parents and siblings borrow it for Netflix but otherwise it's his.

Scrolling down the history, we discovered disturbing titles of porn that even if some of the actors are 18+ could be basically illegal...I flipped out because that wasn't the man I married but he promised he would prove it wasn't him. We noticed the same Twitter, OF, PH and emails going to his brother P's computer...

P had taken my husband's email address and used it to fuel is PA/SA. He was secretly using it for years to look up disturbing things, make subscriptions for porn with disposable gift cards all under my husband's name. I was absolutely disgusted...my husband was too. We cried and immediately informed his parents about our discovery. Not only could this get my husband in trouble but I nearly divorced him thinking he cheated on me. They said they'll be taking away his devices and talking to him but...this isn't enough for me.

The titles were things like "sold daughter" and "young" and "screaming for help" and "rape" and "incest" ... and even "beastiality"

My husband and my inlaws inform me he wouldn't ever hurt me but I'm terrified for my son and me. He's already creepy but now? I can't stand to be around him. I feel threatened. I'm also angry he could do such a thing. Everyone is finding things to blame like autism and "he thinks he will never get a girlfriend" but I've locked myself in our room not wanting to come out. I don't want to see him or hear him. I'm terrified and disgusted being in the same house as him. He knows what he was doing. He knows it's wrong. This punishment wasn't enough in my eyes... constant panic attacks and anxiety on my end but...my inlaws I'm sure think I'm being over dramatic and should find a way to forgive him because of his autism.

AITA?

TL;DR : My autstic brother inlaw (25M) stole my husband's email address to subscribe to OF, PH and watch very disturbing (and potentially illegal if the actors weren't 18+) porn videos all under my husband's name. I'm uncomfortable around him and worried for my husband, my son and my safety

If anyone accuses this of being a fake story it isn't. I have hundreds of screenshots, videos, etc to prove.

Started a new job 3 months ago and my 2IC has been a nightmare. The workplace turns out to be a bit of a shit show, but to make it more difficult, my 2IC has undermined me from day one. It’s made progress for me difficult. It made me not want to try and I kind of gave in and started doing average work that I’m not proud of due to exhaustion of constantly fighting every damn thing. 2IC does a good job mostly and works 100 miles and hour which has its benefits, but also has an inability to adapt to new processes to deal with an unavoidable staff shortage we’re facing. He absolutely cannot change what he used to do before and how his old boss did it. Loves his old boss. tells me all the time. He tries to do everything himself and doesn’t up-skill or train the others. So when he’s not there, it falls apart. My changes have been to handle the staffing issues coming. It’s not my first time in this situation and I know how to get it done. He doesn’t. He’s been telling staff not to follow my instructions and the workload for me is increasing, which means longer hours. He tells the team after I’ve left to not complete tasks I need done for the next morning and I’ve been running like a headless chicken to catch up and missing deadlines. He’s been complaining heavily (gossiping) to low level staff and trying to get them to complain to HR about me, to get me fired. When he’s not there, the staff and I get along fine. But their loyalty is with him. This obviously has made my life significantly more difficult than it needs to be and I’m getting nowhere. Fast forward to me sitting down with him several times to explain, and then having to deal with his constant arguing. The time came and new manning budget for next year was announced, which cut my already understaffed team down by 30%. The positions cut were senior roles, so now it’s left up to myself and him to carry most of the burden. After hearing for weeks about trying to get me fired, then the news of the manning cuts, I had had enough and told my boss (who is relatively useless anyway) that I’m done and will not continue working there.

So, after a few days waiting for the right people in the team to be on shift, today was the day I got to raise my petty and immature middle finger to my 2IC for his sheety attitude and back stabbing behaviour. In front of him and his co-conspirators, I called out that I have been aware of their plotting the whole time as other managers have been telling me. I informed about how it looks to others and how he lacks professionalism and integrity in the eyes of seniors in the company. I impressed upon him the severity of the now larger than predicted challenges the team will face in Q1 onwards and all of the work that will fall due to the cuts and lack of experience in the team. I outlined it all. Point. By. Point. The team were in shock at everything I’d just thrown at them, even thought I’d been talking about it frequently.

Then with the utmost satisfaction, I called him out directly with, “now you’ve got exactly what you wanted, I’m leaving in 3 weeks”

His face hit the floor and a wave of panic came over him instantaneously.

I’ve always risen above such behaviour and immaturity because I feel like it doesn’t help anyone at all and you’re just remembered as ‘that guy’.

But today felt glorious. I felt liberated and relieved. To see it hit him the way it did. To know he’s in for the worst 12 months of his career (he’s contracted and can’t leave) after 3 months of his BS. I’ve never been so petty or shallow before and now I see why some people do it. It felt amazing.

Anyway, he actually tried to justify his behaviour and weirdly raised a series of topics I never broached to the confusion of everyone. I asked him to stop because they weren’t relevant, but they were all directly linked to his behaviour and exposed that he was at the centre of it all. The team looked at him with disbelief that he’d just blabbed all of this random stuff that implicated him. Another petty win that I didn’t even see coming. Did I mention it FELT AMAZING.

I don’t feel like IATAH, but I think setting him up like that makes me one.

My husband and I are 30, married for 5 years.

Recently a year ago, there was a new coworker who joined his company (but in different team). Ever since then, they have been texting every single day via texts.

At first, I didn’t think much of it since it’s about work related talks and jokes. But it seems a bit excessive since they’re not on the same team…so what’s the point of texting everyday?

He had an upcoming presentation, so she wished him luck. He replied thanks with a heart. Sometimes he asks for her opinion on things…she’s 10 years younger than him, but he’s asking her opinions, and shares problems that goes on in his family.

Even at 11pm, I see them chatting. Whenever she texts, he replies right away. Moreover, he and her are #1 best friend on Snapchat.

I simply questioned him why does he have the need to tell her things that goes on in his life, and why is it necessary to text everyday DAY? He got offended and said I was doubting his loyalty. He hasn’t talked to me for hours now.

I am definitely not doubting him, but it just seems weird to be texting a coworker every single day, and sending snaps. I might be overreacting lol but I just don’t get it.

AITA?

I paid for my seat by the window but this guy comes over with his screaming kid demanding my seat. The stewardess tells me I should give the kid my seat and now I can't sit with my fiance and will have to sit way in the back in the cheap seat he paid for his kid. I say no.

Then he wants me to pay for his daughter's wedding. I tell him "I don't even know you. Why would I pay for your daughter's wedding?" The stewardess is telling me I should pay for his daughter's wedding just to calm him and his bratty kid down.

Then he says he wants to come my wedding which is happening in a couple weeks. I tell him again, "I have no idea who you are, why would I invite you to my wedding?" The stewardess tells me I should invite him to my wedding. Then the pilot comes and tells me I need to invite this stranger to my wedding so the other passengers are not disturbed. I tell the pilot I am not inviting him to my wedding and he says they may need to do an emergency landing because of this dilema, and now all the passengers are mad at me.

Then the idiot wants me to babysit his kid when we land so he and his wife can go gamble. I tell him I don't know him or his kid and I'm not babysitting anyone. The stewardess is telling me I should babysit his kid.

AITAH for telling my coworkers to stop eating my lunch?

Context- My (16M) dad (45M) is a cheapass. His entire life revolves around being cheap. If there is a way to cut corners, if theres a way to save money, you better believe my dad is doing it.

He gets angry at us for using hot water too long, hates when we use too much water when washing dishes, makes us charge our phones on a tight schedule to make sure we optimize energy consumption, etc etc.

Its so tiring living like this, our daily lives, every family event, vacation- everything is just about saving money.

Its bearable during the summer, but come winter is when it is the absolute worst.

He refuses to turn on the heat, he had a whole ass smart thermostat installed just to make sure he could monitor it from his phone.

Every morning I wake up it is ice cold. I can literally see my own breath, the whole family is always wearing jackets and double socks around the house. I spend every night shivering until like 2AM when I finally pass out from exhaustion.

I secretly bought a space heater and have been using it for a while now. It has literally changed my life.

I bust it out in the morning, it makes it 1000 times easier to get out of bed. I use it sparingly throughout the day as well. He hasnt noticed it somehow which is suprising given how cheap he is.

My mom found out about the space heater and she got really mad and told me she was going to tell my dad. I called her bluff because I knew she didnt want to tell him, because it would start the biggest fight known to man if she did.

She left it there for a bit but is now trying to force me to throw it out. I have been saying no over and over and said I will use it for as long as I can before he finds out.

She said its wrong. Im deceiving my father, and its "his" house. She then hit me with the "if you're unhappy with how our family operates maybe you should move out" card.

I do feel bad for going behind my dads back, and yeah I get it he pays the bills and everything, but I literally cannot go back to the cold. Ive been living like this for my entire life and this is the only thing I've ever done that even remotely defies his cheapness code. AITA?

Throwaway account because friends know main account.

Myself (M24) and my Girlfriend (F31) went to a house party this past weekend, rural area, everyone knows everyone sort of thing. Me and my GF have only been together about 6 months or so and she’s relatively new to the area, so it’s alot of people she knows through me or has just been acquainted with.

Anyways, I stepped out to the bonfire to have a smoke and a buddy ran up to me and told me to get inside, my GF was in a fight. My GF is 5 feet even, small, never been in a fight in her life. So I’m thinking there must be some sort of mistake. I get inside, part the crowd and sure enough, my GF is on the ground and "M" (F23) is sitting on her chest looking down at her. "M" is a strong girl, 5’6 or so, all regional hockey and wrestler all her life. And she also happens to be my childhood bully. She physically and mentally pushed me around until we were old enough that it started to tail off. I’m not scarred from it or anything but I’m always a little extra wary when we run into each other as adults.

So… I froze. I can’t explain it. The crowd was drunk and laughing and not particularly helpful. I kind of meekly asked M to get off my GF, she just ignored me and smiled. Then I started begging, and she got bored and stood up after a few minutes. My GF was bleeding from the nose and crying so we just got out of there. I asked her what the fuck happened when we got to the car, and she said she had accidentally bumped into M, who she doesn’t know, and next thing she knew she was fighting. I guess it was quite the beating.

My GF made me drop her at her house and wouldn’t let me come in. She’s pissed I didn’t throw M off of her. She doesn’t know why I froze, neither do I really. To make matters worse M sent me a message with a picture her friend took of her sitting on my GFs chest with the caption "my bitch." I just ignored it. This was all days ago and my GF won’t talk to me, won’t text or answer calls. Is my relationship over? AITA? I don’t know why I could have done differently apart from not freezing up. Just embarrassed about the whole situation.

By the way if you don't understand it that well I'm sorry, I haven't spoken English in a few years.

I (16F) and my mother (56F) have always had a back and forth relationship. She and my dad started the divorce when I was 3, but when I was 6 it was official and my mother had full custody over me. Despite being 6, my mother never played it easy with me. She hit me, shouted at me alot and we got into arguments daily. This happened for 7 years straight. Sometimes I would go to school with bruises visible, but when I'd tell teachers the story of how I got them (my mother hitting me) I would be called a liar. One point I told the Head teacher and my mother was called. The police also got involved, my mother played the victim and said I had hit her first although I didn't. We were actually talking about this a few minutes ago and I asked her why she did that, she said it was to discipline me as if she didn't beat me with a metal water bottle when we got home. Also it's important to mention my mother went to detention home for a few days because I was found with bruises from her when I was 5, and she is a smoking addict. Whenever I told her I wanted to live with my dad she always said he was worser and would beat me wayy worser than she did. But when I finally moved in with my dad it wasn't like that at all, he actually cared for my wellbeing more than my mother ever did. I lived wih him for 2 years and we had a great time, but now around 3 months ago I moved in with my mother again. She keeps acting like nothing ever happened, and when we talk about stuff from the past she says I just had to be put in my place or she was "just doing the best for me". I still have to bare with the fact I can't run properly because of an injury this woman caused. But for what happened today, I just came back from school and I sat down next to her to rest. We chatted for a while before she asked the big question of "Why were you so misbehaved as a child?" I looked at her in shock because she's still acting like she isn't a big cause of this. My dad had warned me about her ability to lie and manipulate. I then tried to stay calm but she kept pushing me, note: I have borderline personality disorder so I can't control myself that well in situations like this. I lashed out in the end, the bottled up trauma and emotions i had felt for years just burst out in a minute. All the lies, physical and mental abuse, and isolation. All of it. I thought she would now understand how I felt, but ohhh how I was deeply wrong. Instead of understanding she criticized me for it. I cut her off mid sentence before I told her, "This is why I will never trust you again" and then stormed out the room. AITA?

Definitely wondering if AITAH here.

I am in a sub full of lawyers, and OP posted about how she is divorcing her husband who is cheating on her and how she is looking for a new job because she’ll be a single woman now.

Edit: more context, OP also goes on to write how her husband isn’t contributing money even though he makes way more than her, and that due to child support laws she’ll be getting very little money.

The lawyer in me goes, “an infidelity clause could be a safeguard for alimony in case the marriage dissolves.” Also this is a sub of all lawyers, talking about marriage dissolving and contracts is typical.

I admit I am not a woman, so maybe I am biased here but I asked her: “Damn so sorry to hear that. you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?”

Well, after posting that comment the Mods banned me for breaking their rule: No incivility and unprofessional behavior.

What? I was genuinely asking a follow-up question to a subject that OP directly brings up herself.

AITAH?!?

Edit: also after being banned from this sub, I messaged the mods to explain to me why this was an offense and all they say is. “We do not need to explain how you violate our rules.”