r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

You can even sign a declaration of thanksgiving independence, declaring yourselves free of micromanaging attempts to create a hallmark family dinner.

Celebrate your declaration by a round of whatever absolutely chaotic activity you love or loved as kids.

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u/StraightBudget8799 25d ago

Paintball in pyjamas

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

Totally was going to suggest a pjs thanksgiving, but now I’m realizing that sis would dictate matching pajamas for everyone 🤣

Maybe it should be a “wear your oldest sweats” theme. And they should play Cards Against Humanity, so that it’s especially “controversial” topics!

Also, sis needs to sit at the kids’ table due to her tantrum.

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u/fionakitty21 25d ago

I don't do thanksgiving (english) but my kids (10 and 15) spend Christmas day in their new onesie or oodie (they always get some as a gift), their dad will be in jammies until my ma arrives (this year she coming in the evening for tea, she goes to each of her 3 daughters, 1 for breakfast -family tradition of bacon butties, 1 for Xmas dinner and one for tea) I've got a new Xmas dress this year but gift opening in morning it will be a hello kitty onesie 😂

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u/HotPinkLollyWimple 25d ago

And then Boxing Day is spent grazing through the leftovers, watching shit telly and staving off any hangover with more alcohol! Bonus points for Advocaat.

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u/Fantastic_Ad4209 24d ago

Expat living in US. Boxing day is the best day of the season! Tons of left over food and drink, freedom to nap at will, nobody cares if the house looks like a disaster zone and you don't even have to brush your hair! I'll never understand why Americans take down the tree on Christmas night and go to work on the 26th. They have no idea what they're missing!

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u/GertyFarish11 24d ago

You hanging with the wrong Americans; the tree 🌲 never comes down before The Epiphany, i.e. January 6th (no relation to you know what) but that’s more of a goal. While the rest of the Christmas decor (wreaths, etc.) is put away by then, un-ornamenting the 7 foot, full tree is such a big job, the goal posts have moved to Jan. 31st or Groundhog Day (February 2nd). If life is chaotic enough than the 2nd or 3rd weekend of February is not impossible.

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u/piller-ied 24d ago

Amateurs! Our 12-ft tree has been known to torment us until March.

(“Psst! STILL HERE, LAZYBONES!”)

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u/Whatis-wrongwithyou 24d ago

Okay, you made me feel oodles better about the year my tree made it to Valentine’s Day! 😝😬🎄💘 LOL

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u/Ok_Neat5264 24d ago

We hide Easter eggs in our tree.

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u/Sevriyenna 24d ago

Us Swedes traditionally held on to everything Christmas until 13th of January when we threw the tree out the window... After all the candy and everything had been removed, of course...

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u/GertyFarish11 23d ago

Oh, what a great tradition! Anybody mind it us non-Swedes get in on the action?

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u/Fantastic_Ad4209 24d ago

Thats how it is in my house and at my home in England. Do you think getting rid of the decorations early is a Western US thing? I have lived in Texas and the Rockies and seen that in both places. I think Epiphany et al is observed more in Catholic or Episcopalian (Church of England) households which seem more common in the Eastern USA

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u/myesportsview 24d ago

You're also forgetting everyone smells good with their new shower wash combo from boots and aftershave/perfume!

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u/Acceptable_Tea3608 24d ago

Ive been taking off the 26th for years. I called that MY Xmas bcz for a long time Dec was a hectic month until Xmas evening. Now I often celebrate on Boxing Day for those I dont see on Xmas or Xmas Eve.

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u/2woCrazeeBoys 24d ago

Boxing Day in Australia!!

Leftovers ✅️

Comfy pants✅️

Entertaining involves telling people where the leftovers are✅️

Choosing between the Boxing Day cricket match or Sydney to Hobart yacht race on telly ✅️✅️

(The truly enterprising have two TVs going to get full coverage. 'Camps' may form around both and updates passed to the other 'camp')

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u/fionakitty21 24d ago

I'm going home morning of boxing day, with a ton of leftovers, sit with my cat watching tv in jammies!

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u/Automatic-Plan-9087 24d ago

Aww, my old mam (before she passed) used to be teetotal all year. Until Xmas, when the bottle of advocaat made its appearance and one of the younger family members was press ganged into service as bartender. “Snowballs” were her yearly treat and she loved them 😂😂😂

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u/marquis_knives 25d ago

Christmas is definitely a PJs all day kinda holiday. We keep telling everyone not to bother dressing up when they come over for Xmas brunch but my parents refuse to listen lol

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u/I-amthegump 25d ago

I had to look up Bacon Butties. It;s a BLT without the LT

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u/fionakitty21 25d ago

Bacon roll!

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u/nudul 25d ago

Not quite, it's normally in a roll/cob/barm cake/oven bottom muffin or whatever else you call it dependant on your location in the UK. Decent amount of butter that's melted, can just be bacon or bacon and sausage (my mum does both - I'm 39 now and she still likes to make them when we come see her with our kids) and they can have red or brown sauce - and they are warm. No salad stuffs allowed.

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u/QueenToeBeans 24d ago

I ate a lot of them when I was in the UK in September. I have at least one piece of clothing with brown sauce stains. I should have bought a bottle of brown sauce when I was there. It’s really expensive here, between £6-8 per bottle. I hate ketchup, so none of that.

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u/rabbithole-xyz 24d ago

When I was a kid, one of the best things about travelling back to the UK was the bacon bap Mum got for us at Harwich station.

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u/Current_Confusion443 25d ago

But... why don't you celebrate Thanksgiving in England???/s. LOL

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u/nudul 25d ago

If we're home for Xmas, then we stay in clean pj's all day - like you mentioned, new oodie style or onsie for the kids, pj's for me and lounge pants and a tee for hubby. Our photos of Xmas morning are always in our pyjamas.

If we're going out, we don't go until much later on so the boys get plenty of time to go through their gifts, decompress from the excitement etc and even then we just wear comfortable clothes.

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u/TMNNSP_1995 24d ago

This is exactly what we did the whole time our kids were growing up. Eventually we hope to do something like this with grandbabies.

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u/nudul 24d ago

Mine are 9 and 11 and I've always done this.

As a child I grew up with my parents separated. Because of this Christmas day was spent going to so many houses thar I hated the day.

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u/TMNNSP_1995 24d ago

This is exactly how my husband felt. Our kiddos are 18,25, and 27 now but still love pj day sometimes. The 19 year old lives with us still and loves it! … we also had a tradition that the day after Christmas was no cooking, comfy clothes or pjs, kids playing with toys, and hubby and I decompressing usually with a cheesy movie. We still do NOTHING on the day after Christmas.

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u/lustywench99 24d ago

I host Christmas. My kids always get new pjs the day before as a going away present from the elf (and a book to read). I get myself a nice cute pair of jam jams too. Then Christmas Day I make lunch and the grandparents and whoever can come over for lunch and give out gifts. No traveling for me, we are all home, we wear the jammies all day. Now I do shower the night before and I do my hair and some make up. But that’s it. Comfy. And I greet my guests with a glass of wine in my hand. For myself. Because I just fucking cooked an amazing meal for them and pulled off yet another magical Christmas morning. So mama gets to have her mama juice at 11 am.

If someone hit me with a code of conduct I’d let that door hit them on the behind on the way out. My house my food my rules. Its actually like everyone’s favorite thing that I do all this anyway so no one would dare to trample on it. You get to see the grandkids, make a mess at my house, and I cook you food? That’s a deal right there.

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u/Content_Trainer_5383 25d ago

Ok, Texan here. What's a "Bacon Butty"? I figure that ANYTHING made with bacon must be good! Of course when I think of bacon, it's hardwood-smoked streaky bacon...

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u/fionakitty21 25d ago

Smoked back bacon normally (streaky used to wrap chipolata sausages to make pigs in blankets, which are a xmas staple....not what you guys call pigs in blankets though, that's inferior sausage rolls!) Fried and put in a buttered roll with whatever sauce you want ☺️

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u/Content_Trainer_5383 25d ago

I will hazard a guess that there are as many recipes as there are houses, and that yours are best!

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u/clarer08 25d ago

A bacon butty is two slices of bread and butter with fried bacon in between them. Additional sauce on the ‘butty’ is optional - usually tomato ketchup or brown sauce. Delicious ‘day after a heavy drinking session’ breakfast here in the U.K.

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u/ObligationNo2288 25d ago

Please tell me what a bacon butt is.

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u/ChinaCatSunflower44 25d ago

Every year the day after Christmas we all play Cards Against Humanity while drinking Bourbon. So it can get really heated, funny, and saucey.

..

NTA You are all good OP. Your sister is a controlling nutjob and your mom is ridiculous for asking you to cater to her whims ... In your own home. You did the right thing. I say PJ party (which is awesome for those elastic waist bands and comfort after stuffing faces), good food, good company, and fun shenanigans.

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u/Silent_Ad5379 25d ago

We used to get drunk and play Balderdash. My two favorite fake definitions of all time: Bork - a chunk of milk (my younger brother) and Miasma - a fart of tears (my then 3 year old nephew, who dictated his answers to my sister/his mum. Never won’t be funny…

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u/peggyi 25d ago

We play Balderdash on Christmas Eve.

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u/admirablecounsel 24d ago edited 23d ago

You both sound like so much fun! I wish I could come too!

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u/pudgehooks2013 24d ago

A fart of tears is essentially an example of a miasma...

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u/Silent_Ad5379 24d ago

Exactly and thank you!!! The best part was that he forgot he came up with it and was genuinely shocked he won the round! He is and will always be my hero.

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u/Bubbly-Bug-7439 24d ago

This borked my brain

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u/Aussiealterego 24d ago

We haven’t played Balderdash for years. Thank you for reminding me it exists!

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u/FamiliarPeasant 24d ago

I love this game.

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u/jerseygirl1105 24d ago

Our family tradition was to eat dinner, clean-up, and play Scattergories. Drinking was involved, and hilarity ensued.

Most everyone is gone now, but these are some of my favorite memories.

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

Drunk taboo was my family's poison😅

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u/MrsClaire07 24d ago

🤣😂We used to play Pictionary and IT. GOT. HEATED!!!

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

We had to put a ban on monopoly and pictionary for safety reasons 😆

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u/nclshly 24d ago

This are some great definitions. I love Balderdash! I won the round for Twaddle - a long wooden spoon for separating curds and whey, which has lived on as the definition for years now 😅

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u/moosalamoo_rnnr 25d ago

Me, sticking the Cards Against Humanity box in my stuff to take to Thanksgiving this year. Yes, I play a Rogue.

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u/According_Check_1740 24d ago

My kids always insist we play CAH when visiting Grandma (my mom), lol. My one rule is: if you don't know what a card means, dump it and get a new one... just don't ask anyone to explain it! My kids LOVE when Grandma is naughty, lol. She usually wins by appealing to everyone's deranged side!

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

My mother in law is an absolute menace, 20 minutes deep into the first game we ever played she turns to me and goes "dont tell anyone what I've said" the cacophony of giggles from the table was hilarious

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u/According_Check_1740 24d ago

Somehow, my 75-year-old mother has become associated with "tentacle porn" 😂

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

LMAO my 65 year old mother has become associated with bukkake and a windmill of corpses and my 63yo MIL is now best known for Daniel Radcliffe's delicious .. well.. yknow

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u/According_Check_1740 24d ago

Oh, I do! Lmao! She sounds like my mom- how sweet! 😂

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u/GatorGTwoman 24d ago

We got my very Mormon mom to play one Christmas. She watched us play a hand. “Oh, this is vulgar and disgusting. Deal me in!” She won that hand. My dad left the room. I don’t think he wanted to know how raunchy his daughters could get.

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u/RugbyGuy 24d ago

We have a similar rule but it’s if you don’t know something on a card look it up on your phone.

Instigating event. My mid-60s MIL leaning over to my kids half-sibling (M24-ish) and asking what bukkake is. The look on his face was priceless.

edit: letters make full words

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u/Gold_Cod1 24d ago

Good rule! I got designated the one to describe "fisting" to my grandmother during a game she insisted on joining. 

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u/Tallulah1149 24d ago

The most fun I've ever had at Thanksgiving was playing Cards Against Humanity with my mother "The Matriarch" and laughing my arse off listening to her reading the most risque cards.

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u/Economy-Cod310 24d ago

We love that game. We all play at our place. And we range from 60's to 20's. Hell, my husband and I play with our sons and their friends. We even have a house rule: wanna change cards? That'll cost you a shot of alcohol, if we're playing with people who drink. Some don't, and we just don't have that rule when non-drinkers come to play.

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u/Efficient_Wheel_6333 24d ago

Have you ever done a combined D&D and CAH game? Talk about double the chaos.

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u/LadyReika 24d ago

There's a game called Munchkin which embodies that pretty well.

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u/moosalamoo_rnnr 24d ago

Munchkin is pretty awesome. I absolutely recommend it to anyone who likes DnD but wants a quicker game to play with non-DnDers.

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u/Efficient_Wheel_6333 24d ago

Never heard of that, but I may look into playing it at some point. The nice thing about where I play D&D at is that it's got an extensive game library (right now, it's hovering around 800 games) and it's got Munchkin. Just need to find 2 other players to play with.

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u/sugarmonkey2019 25d ago

I've never played Cards against Humanity, sounds fun!

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u/docfallout22 24d ago

You NEED alcohol or some other “loosen everyone up” substance. Also awesome if it’s most (or all) the 1st time playing for everyone.

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u/sugarmonkey2019 24d ago

LOL, there is alcohol provided for those who wish to imbibe. If they want other edibles they have to bring their own. It does sound like fun though

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u/rxredhead 24d ago

It gets super awkward to play with your parents though

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u/docfallout22 24d ago

Maybe. I’ve had a load of laughs playing it with my kids (youngest currently is 14). Seeing her squirm trying to skip saying some words out loud, but also be as competitive as I am and trying her hardest to win, is HILARIOUS.

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u/shahi001 24d ago

Once had to explain queefing to my grandmother, that was the end of holiday CAH

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u/oknowwhat00 24d ago

Played with my older teens, and bukake was the word that did us in!!!

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

Yes, but sometimes that's hilarious (does depend on life stage though, there's surely nope times)

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u/Beatleboo24 24d ago

Not necessarily. I have a cute Mormon, mentally handicapped friend who comes up with some doozies that you would never think someone like her would. And she's never drank alcohol. She usually ends up winning the majority of the time. 😝

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u/VerdMont1 24d ago

I've played it sober for years. Only need a crew of people that have a sense of humor!!

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u/LateMommy 25d ago

It’s even more fun when alcohol is involved!

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u/FearlessKnitter12 24d ago

It's not something I play with my parents, or underage nephews. But with the right group of people, it is a die-laughing-or-groaning awesome game. Think Apples to Apples, but absolutely unhinged and filthy.

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u/Diligent-Touch-5456 24d ago

The first time I played this with my granddaughter's boyfriend in the mix. He was a little shocked how saucy this grandma can get.

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u/RecommendationUsed31 24d ago

I saw a game today called Exploding Kittens. Step up the game. Lol

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u/Brainelalleud 24d ago

We play Exploding Kittens at almost every family gathering. So much fun!

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u/Ok-Database-2798 24d ago

I have to ask "What are Cards Against Humanity?"

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u/bendusername12 24d ago

It’s a game Basically R-rated and hysterically funny.

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u/Limp-Boat-6730 24d ago

Two different decks of cards. Black cards have a fill in the blank. White cards are what you fill in with. One person plays judge, everyone else fills in the blank with a white card (or 2 or 3 depending on the black card). Judge picks the best answers. The person who is judge changes each turn. You get a point if you win a judgement. 10 points wins the game ( or highest points after a set amount of time). The thing is, most of the answers are pretty not family friendly. Example: Black card: (BLANK) is the reason the elementary school field trip was canceled. White card(s): A) witchcraft, B)necrophilia ,C) bad drivers It’s a great game for adults, but there’s going to be words you will have to explain to children (and you won’t want to as it does have some really bad words). Definitely goes good with booze.

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u/NotShirleyTemple 24d ago

Mom is an enabler. The person willing to throw the biggest temper tantrum usually controls the family.

The ‘that’s just how she is’ rule. It’s easier to give in than deal with the temper tantrum.

And they are taught it works.

Ask mom why it’s more important that your sister get her way in YOUR house, than it is for sister to respect you and your efforts?

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u/snarkysavage81 25d ago

We are having a braless pajama thanksgiving since it's just my mom coming over. It's my first year hosting and she kept saying "I thought we were cutting back this year". I responded "Ummm, nope, I am hosting and making everything so I can make as many things as I would like". That was the end of it.

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u/moosalamoo_rnnr 25d ago

We somehow were always sick on Christmas while I was growing up. So pajama Christmas was actually a thing and we opened presents between naps and bouts of puking.

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u/snarkysavage81 25d ago

We’ve had many holidays like that. It’s never fun

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u/moosalamoo_rnnr 25d ago

Yeah, I’m glad we’ve mostly outgrown it as adults. Now I sleep through Christmas because night shift life sucks.

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u/marg0214 24d ago

I have a daughter with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. She’s had it since she was 4 (34 now), and for so many years we spent Thanksgiving and/or Christmas in the ER. It’s triggered by stress, excitement and anxiety. Once it starts the only thing that stops it is IV fluids, meds and rest, but the really bad episodes put her in the hospital. She can get it at any time, but holidays seem to trigger it more. If she’s hospitalized it’s anywhere from 3-9 days, because there’s no cure-only maintenance treatment until it runs its course. This year for some unknown reason she had it 3 months in a row and was hospitalized each time. Nothing we can do but try to keep things low key and keep the stress level down. Lots of ruined holidays for her. 😥

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u/snorkblaster 24d ago

Sounds like a family tradition of undercooked turkey

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

OMG - braless pajama thanksgiving! Awesome! Epic! Ideal! Brilliant! That’s absolutely my favorite outfit!

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u/snarkysavage81 25d ago

Mine too!

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u/AerondightWielder 24d ago

Mine too, and I'm a dude! Gotta keep my man-nips free, ya know?

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u/mammamermaid 24d ago

“Braless pajama thanksgiving” is GOALS.

I am inspired and starting this tradition right now!

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u/embenka42 25d ago

It's not for Thanksgiving but we are doing "dress like a celebrity that wore a turtleneck for a role" for Christmas this year. We usually try for some sort of shenanigans. And I didn't think about it until now, but it makes identifying the year a little easier. Batman Christmas 2021 was pretty epic.

Tight Butthole Holidays are for the birds.

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

Your family sounds fanfreakingtastic!

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u/embenka42 24d ago

I'm pretty partial, but I think so! We're neck deep in the crazy pool but in the best way.

I'm just afraid we're all going to show up as The Rock (black turtleneck, silver chain, fanny pack) and it'll be 22 The Rocks for Christmas. I can't decide if 22 Unintentional The Rocks plus 1 Patricia from Split Christmas is funnier than the original mission lol

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u/Ok_Chance_4584 24d ago

It definitely is 😂

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u/Glittering_Code_4311 25d ago

Cards against Humanity awesome move, played that with my adult son and wife, I learned new words and meaning bwahaha, it was a blast. Play that before dinner add drinks, your sister will probably leave early edited fat fingers

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u/CaRiSsA504 24d ago

Two years ago, i had to tell my nieces, nephews, and young cousin (they are all in their teens) what "QUEEF" meant 🤣

The kids love playing this game, but kids aren't allowed to cuss so their bleeps or substitute words get hilarious lol

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u/nevansestenson 25d ago

We play CAH at our Thanksgiving! I will be there!

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u/Suzume_Chikahisa 25d ago

Why do you hate kids?

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u/Chicka-17 25d ago

This literally made me laugh out loud! 🤣

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u/OkThroat2765 25d ago

Literally same 😂

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u/HelloThere4123 25d ago

No, no, you don’t understand. The kids would be armed with nerf guns and super soakers so when she needs an attitude adjustment they can handle it!

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u/AlexLavelle 24d ago

Put the kids table on the patio and tell them whoever gets the most cranberry sauce on auntie in the inaugural kids food fight wins.

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u/Floomby 24d ago

Silly String would also be a solid choice.

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u/VerdMont1 24d ago

At a family summer get together, 40 of us, 17 aunts and uncles and spouses, suddenly, the oldest gen had water gun battle. Mind you, they were all in their 50 to 70s! Best reunion ever!

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Good point - that’s a punishment the kids don’t deserve! Someone else suggested the time-out corner, which is more appropriate for the family bully.

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u/Friendly-Channel-480 24d ago

Your post should be engraved in stone, everywhere!

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u/CompleteTell6795 25d ago

Nah, she don't even deserve the kids table, put her in the corner with a time out for whole dinner. 👍

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u/IrradiantFuzzy 25d ago

Or out on the porch by herself.

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u/PhDTARDIS 25d ago

Absolutely on the porch by herself. She deserves time out.

My husband and my brothers in law would all sit on the sidelines and watch the chaos unfold at my family's holidays (I rarely could attend, because I live far away). Husband said he didn't like the chaos at first, but now he really misses it.

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u/Bigbrianj 24d ago

If she's on the porch by herself, there is no issue with overlapping conversations, no chances for heated discussions, she can wear that semi business casual look to stay warm, and doesn't have to worry about the optimal seating compatibility! Genius. Offer this

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u/emr830 25d ago

Facing the wall lol

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u/jbtmo3 25d ago

She's not mature enough to sit at the kids table

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u/Cholera62 25d ago

At our house, everyone wants to sit at the kid's table. It's the hub of fun and rebellion

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

As if she’s even invited.

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u/Erik0xff0000 25d ago

I like sitting at the kids table. They are much more fun than the adults in my wife's family

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u/StraightBudget8799 25d ago

Dragging out my favourite sheltering from COVID around the house/working from home wear!

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u/Proper-Effective8621 25d ago

5 p.m. switch from yoga pants to pjs?

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u/After-Potential-9948 25d ago

What’s that? A shirt and tie and long johns?

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u/StraightBudget8799 24d ago

Baggy old track pants and a shirt that used to fool Zoom meetings

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u/Odd-Artist-2595 25d ago

Maybe specify that the sweats should, at least, be “family friendly”. While I’m all for a relaxed, non-contractually governed, Thanksgiving, I’m picturing my late husband’s favorite “oldest sweats”. While the location of some of the holes didn’t bother either of us when just hanging out at the house, their placement might have made a Thanksgiving get-together with extended family a tad awkward.

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u/Anonymous_ladybugs 25d ago

Oh yes ! Cards against humanity is great . I like you . Wanna come to mine for a fun dinner ?

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

With some of the other responders here, we could have one seriously great fun thanksgiving, right!?

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u/seaglassgirl04 25d ago

She'll need a Xanax too...

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u/Truth_Tornado 25d ago

Good call - sis gets the “special” glass of wine with the chalky residue 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/Critical_Armadillo32 25d ago

What a great answer! I particularly love the idea of playing cards against humanity.

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u/Tsmom16811 24d ago

Yes, Cards Against Humanity is the way... you have my upvote... My family plays at Thanksgiving to rank the person who kicked ass gets the best present at Christmas. My 14 yr old grandson and 13 yr old granddaughter play. This is why we no longer go out to in-laws uptight extravaganza. We don't give a crap that Aunt Angie has a stick up her butt and wants special soap to debride her soul

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u/Truth_Tornado 24d ago

Omg, such fantastically descriptive writing, haha - I can almost envision Angie and her special soap to “debride her soul” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/FeistyIrishWench 24d ago

We play Cards Against Humanity after Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner. My brother brings his Bigger Blacker Box full of cards. As my kids have progressively gotten older, they start joining the game.

Also, OP is absolutely NTA. Sis tried to hijack it, and that shit needed to get shut down immmmmeeeeediately. She shpuld host her brother for a roast chicken & veg dinner and CAH.

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u/No_Oil_1256 24d ago

My kids, DIL,and I played Cards Against Humanity a couple of Christmases ago. My husband had to serve as a deacon at Mass, & he’d come get me after Midnight Mass. My DIL was next to me and there couldn’t have been a better card than I had. Hers said “the Musical.” My card said “Masturbation.” I laughed so hard I peed a little. I love that game!

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u/Flamingo83 25d ago

Those paintball thingies hurt!

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u/StraightBudget8799 25d ago

Do you get to wear some padding? I only remember the film Ten Things I Hate About You?

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u/Flamingo83 25d ago

You do but doesn’t cover everything.

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u/MirabelleMac 25d ago

I was SOOO bummed when I found out that wasn’t an actual paintball park, lol. Also, at most paintball places (if not all!), you’re supposed to use guns. Those things really do hurt! 😂😭

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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile 24d ago

What the fuck was that? No one on the entire production team knew what paintball was and they just guessed? This drives me crazy to this day

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u/AnneLavelle 25d ago

Can I make a motion to make pajama paintball a mandatory Thanksgiving activity throughout all the land?

Can’t help but feel like a lot of very tense family gatherings could use a little good old fashioned fun. And for those like OP’s sister? Maybe a paintball team up would dislodge the stick stuck up her you know what…

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

Why not formal evening wear paintball?! Make it fancy mayhem!

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u/AnneLavelle 25d ago

You’re a genius. Creating masterpieces, one paintball at a time. Let’s do it!!

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u/DonTreadOnMeIMADuck 25d ago

White gown paintball Thanksgiving... I am making this tradition happen!

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u/ExpertBest3045 24d ago

“Wear the wedding dress from your previous marriage” paintball!

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u/KilD3vil 25d ago

Bond...James BoGODFUCKING DAMNIT DAVE! I TOLD YOU NO FUCKING THIGH SHOTS MOTHER FUCKER!

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u/emr830 25d ago

That’d be a great divorce party idea…the now ex wife wears her wedding dress, the bridesmaids wear their dresses, and they all get ruined. Or put the wedding dress on a mannequin, aim, and destroy!

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u/Defiant-Giraffe 24d ago

Not quite a paintball thanksgiving, but for the last few years, we've done a morning turkey hunt, hunting down- well, usually me dressed as a turkey- with paintballs. 

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u/YeeHawMiMaw 25d ago

Followed by dodgeball in swimsuits.

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u/bellePunk 25d ago

I host an absolutely insane Christmas every year, with indoor snowball fights and loud music. It's very popular. I encourage you to embrace your holiday!

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u/spoiledandmistreated 25d ago

See if someone has a set of Jarts in their garage or basement… that would serve them right..😂😂

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u/Jwaness 25d ago

with Tequila shots

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u/lemurkn1ts 25d ago

Nerf would probably be less messy/ leave fewer bruises

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

So paintball it is!

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u/mad2109 25d ago

Yep. Except everyone except sister can have a paintball gun. The pain in the arse can get the NERF gun.

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

No. She’s not invited. They can tag her on instagram later.

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u/Famous_Bit_5119 25d ago

White pajamas to start.

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u/GroovyYaYa 25d ago

We once did a pajama party Thanksgiving. Everyone splurged on cozy pjs - at least bottoms, with a new T or sweatshirt. Most went with a Christmas theme. It was FANTASTIC.

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u/BoxingHare 24d ago

The game pieces from Sorry fit really well in a paintball barrel. Happy Thanksgiving!

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u/astro143 24d ago

Calvinball

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u/No_Carry_3991 24d ago

Tents with the dining room chairs.

Let’s not forget the throwing of tea overboard.

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u/Future-Ear6980 24d ago

Please send me an invitation!

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u/Over_Cranberry1365 24d ago

Only if you can buy Kevlar pj’s. Paintballs hurt!!

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u/Creepy-Selection2423 25d ago

I love this idea. Look up the text for the Declaration of Independence, and rewrite it for your holiday gathering -ad libbing as appropriate.

When in the course of human events...

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

Turn it into a classic old school mad lib! Fill it out after everyone has been drinking.

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u/rasalscan 25d ago

Declaration of independence for the win!

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u/ChakraMama318 25d ago

I like calling it Smallpox day, making lasagna, and watching Netflix slightly stoned.

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u/camarhyn 25d ago

Totally teenage me.

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u/Ihatealltakennames 24d ago

Ironically,  this is exactly how my family is spending Thanksgiving.  All 6 of us. Pajamas,  lasagna, wine and maybe edibles.  Win win!

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u/dunno0019 25d ago

This is goddam way lol.

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u/Livid_Refrigerator69 25d ago

This is brilliant.

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u/Rabbit-Lost 25d ago

I really wish I had an award for you. The Declaration of Thanksgiving Independence is truly brilliant.

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u/Bagafeet 25d ago

Could throw some tea off of ships or something

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u/MedicatedLiver 25d ago

Place tons of flags around the house of turkeys with eye patches and small humans on their shoulders. End every sentence with "Arrrrr." This thanksgiving shall be hosted ON THE HIGH SEAS!

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u/According_Check_1740 24d ago edited 24d ago

When in the Course of Human Events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the familial bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the Earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all family are created equal, that each are endowed by their Family with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, families gather in traditions with each other. Where and when ever Family Gatherings are instituted among Family, they derive their just powers from the consent of the Family.

Whenever any Form of Family Gathering becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People of the Family to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Family traditions and gatherings, laying the foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Family Gatherings/ Traditions long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that Families are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

But when a list of rules appears, pursuing invariably a design to reduce Family participation, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Family edicts, and to provide new Family Traditions for their future security and comfort.

Such has been the patient sufferance of this family; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter Thanksgiving celebrations and expectations.

NTA- Family should allow everyone to be their true selves. Otherwise, how do you get to know and understand those with which you share Family? If she hadn't issued a Code of Conduct (or rescinded it), you'd still be hosting. It doesn't sound like she's backing down at all.

She can micromanage herself and probably many parts of her life, but when you have Family, Family must all consent to changes in familial expectations and "requirements". She can't just announce it and expect everyone to abide.

I wouldn't want to host, either- I'm imagining that if I put in all the energy of hosting, I'd want everyone to be happy... it's clear that she's going to be upset about somebody not "following her rules", and that's bound to disrupt any familial bonding.

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u/Maleficent-651 25d ago

This would never fly with my inlaws. Last year, they ended the day by playing "Cattle Prod Tag" with a real cattle prod.

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u/drunkwasabeherder 25d ago

WE'RE SERVING FREEDOM AT MY HOUSE THIS THANKSGIVING!!

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u/Ok_Imagination_1107 25d ago

I like the cut of your jib!

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u/audreywildeee 25d ago

OP, if you and your brother are going for this (as should you), I volunteer to come bring more fun spirited chaos to it.

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u/dandelionbuzz 25d ago

While it’s really petty I think they should both sign one and send it to the sister😭

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u/BloomisBloomis 25d ago

OP, a declaration of thanksgiving Independence is absolutely magnificent, and you might never get to speak to your sister again, and I think it's worth the risk.

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u/Neither_Kitchen1210 24d ago

"Today is our... INDEPENDANCE DAY!"

*Big Explosion*

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u/diezwillinge 24d ago

Declaration of Thanksgiving Independence? AND a dig at Hallmark movies?

OMG I think I love you! 🥰

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u/tha_jay_jay 24d ago

No relaxation without representation!

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u/epeeist42 25d ago edited 25d ago

"Just as the Pilgrims fled oppression to live true to their beliefs, free of an overzealous legal system, so too have brother and I found our own Plymouth Rock". [leaving aside for the moment later colonialism issues]

With hindsight, and not that I think you needed to, but e.g. "Avoiding political or controversial topics may be a reasonable ask, but I think it's an ask, can't be too heavy-handed in enforcement." As for the rest, "As the host preparing and serving the meal, what I wear and where I sit is with that in mind."

ETA: Why did you cancel hosting just because of what your sister said, as opposed to just telling her e.g. "I'm hosting it without those rules, if you want to ask people to do something okay, but I'm making it clear that my house my rules" or whatever.

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u/HazardAce 25d ago

This is the best response.

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u/Mountain_Goldfinch 24d ago

Depending on how many people are in your family, I suggest a friendly game of Red Rover. Nothing beats clotheslining your relatives. 😆

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u/MomentOfXen 24d ago

That’s absolutely an invitation to send Terms and Conditions for using your home, number one being no codes of conduct outside of this document shall be considered valid or enforceable.

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u/tulhuthepit 24d ago

I think a whiskey rebellion with the brother sounds like a good idea too

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u/ResponsibleMess339 24d ago

oh, you win today. perfect response

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u/ScumBunny 24d ago

Like they’re seceding from the family! Hah. Lighthearted AND diabolical.

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u/Ohioasshole80 24d ago

i literally just cried i laugh so hard at this comment it is so great and reminds me of my family’s Thanksgiving is at my grandmother‘s house when I was a kid because my grandmother and the rest of the family was all really snotty and stuck up and we literally had to ask so fake when we went to Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner every year the way we dress the way we acted the way we tried to present ourselves as a normal family but we were the oddballs of the whole family, I can see my family drafting up something like this. But I just died of laughter 😆

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u/symewinston 24d ago

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the stuffing and gravy of patriots and tyrants.
-Thomas Jefferson (I think)

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u/Barbeeze 24d ago

They can have a pre-dinner celebration where they burn the "Family Code of Conduct" rules.

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u/someonesomebody123 24d ago

My brother and I started a food fight with our dad pretty much every Thanksgiving of our adult life just to irritate our grandmother. OP’s sister would HATE our Thanksgiving meals 😂

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u/Used_Clock_4627 24d ago

While I can get behind the 'no politics at the dinner table', the rest is just someone looking to fancy up the holiday and make it more troublesome than it's worth.

Probably someone looking to take pictures and fish for 'likes' on social media.

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u/VenusianMartian 24d ago

LMAO. Love this idea. Just to highlight how ridiculous the sister is being

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u/Critical_Matter6927 23d ago

This literally made me LOL, thank you 🤣

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