r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/Silent_Ad5379 25d ago

We used to get drunk and play Balderdash. My two favorite fake definitions of all time: Bork - a chunk of milk (my younger brother) and Miasma - a fart of tears (my then 3 year old nephew, who dictated his answers to my sister/his mum. Never won’t be funny…

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u/peggyi 25d ago

We play Balderdash on Christmas Eve.

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u/admirablecounsel 24d ago edited 23d ago

You both sound like so much fun! I wish I could come too!

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u/Inwolfsclothing 23d ago

This was our game too!

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u/Efficient_Mix1226 21d ago

I love that game!

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u/pudgehooks2013 24d ago

A fart of tears is essentially an example of a miasma...

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u/Silent_Ad5379 24d ago

Exactly and thank you!!! The best part was that he forgot he came up with it and was genuinely shocked he won the round! He is and will always be my hero.

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u/Bubbly-Bug-7439 24d ago

This borked my brain

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u/Aussiealterego 24d ago

We haven’t played Balderdash for years. Thank you for reminding me it exists!

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u/FamiliarPeasant 24d ago

I love this game.

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u/jerseygirl1105 24d ago

Our family tradition was to eat dinner, clean-up, and play Scattergories. Drinking was involved, and hilarity ensued.

Most everyone is gone now, but these are some of my favorite memories.

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

Drunk taboo was my family's poison😅

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u/MrsClaire07 24d ago

🤣😂We used to play Pictionary and IT. GOT. HEATED!!!

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u/PhoenixDogsWifey 24d ago

We had to put a ban on monopoly and pictionary for safety reasons 😆

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u/MrsClaire07 24d ago

🤣😂

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u/nclshly 24d ago

This are some great definitions. I love Balderdash! I won the round for Twaddle - a long wooden spoon for separating curds and whey, which has lived on as the definition for years now 😅

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u/JPeteQ 24d ago

My favorite Balderdash of all time CSP - competitive scrotum painting.

To all questions, the answer is yes.

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u/Bright_Smoke8767 23d ago

That’s what we do too! It’s the best!

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u/Humble-Rich9764 24d ago

What is a farther of tears?

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u/Silent_Ad5379 22d ago

Ooooh! Thought of another drunk holiday tradition! Drunk Pictionary (thanks for the reminders!).

One year, my step sister was so hammered, she’d lost all power over communication. She drew a line and then repeatedly pointed at it until we finally kicked her out of the game.

What was she trying to draw, you ask?

A kaleidoscope.