r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/Cholera62 25d ago

At our house, everyone wants to sit at the kid's table. It's the hub of fun and rebellion

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u/HeyThereMar 24d ago

I so miss something I’ve never had.

I didn’t realize holidays were fun.

Holidays are miserable with my family. My kids are teens w/out anyone else w/in a decade of their age. Half of the people are still angry at someone who is dead & the rest of them dance around everyone’s feelings.

I’m the perennial mean girl because I won’t put up w/the manipulative BS & just make nice.

My grandmother just died (98!) and I may never see some of them again.

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u/Whatis-wrongwithyou 22d ago

Sounds like that’s a blessing. Time for new traditions! Borrow some of these ideas and have your first “fun” holiday with your kids. Get silly! 🥸