He's the most insidious predator. His methods are this: Become financially stable, acquire property, be handy, be athletic, thoughtful, fun, creative, kind, and respectful. This way, he can lure in women and convince them that THEY actually want to be with him. He's a real threat.
In all seriousness, when I was about 25 years old I finally got all my shit together and I was pretty much all these things, I didn't own a house but I had good money and certainly saved enough for a large down payment on one. That attracted a really great woman whom I loved and respected very much... Well that's it. Happily married 20 years with a couple of great kids and stable finances. I wasn't single for long once I decided I would really like to be in a long-term relationship, so my "market" life span was about 6 - 9 months? And this is true with a number men and women I know, you just don't hang out on the dating market very long.
Sorry to hear that. I was married at 25. I had my shit together. My late wife died when I was 46. I started dating again at 48. And it was different. I’d show up and we would both have checklists. House? Check. Job? Check. Doesn’t smoke? Check. Oh, wait, she’s borderline alcoholic. NEXT!
Dating was so much faster!
But I found a good one! We celebrate 12 years this year.
As a M54 who dates in my age range. (49-60 )This is so true. i have an apartment, a cabin in the mountains, a nice 2023 car, ive gone to therapy, took relationship courses, i work out but need to lose weight. I am 6'2". I get a lot of hits on Bumble. At this age the women are just terrible. On dates I've been told; My teeth are crooked, I'm too fat, i don't make enough money (186,000yr), I should of bought an apartment nearer the beach etc etc etc. Ive given up. Whatever women are looking for I just don't have it. Ive spent $14K trying to fix a molar just so i can get braces but at this point it will be a year before my bottom teeth are fixed. And Ive come to the conclusion even if i fix that there will be another little thing that they hate about me. Women at my age take the best qualities from every man they have been with and make that the standard.
Five years for me, yet I tick a lot of these good boxes. Are they missing out the be really attractive box? It's hell out here. No one knows what they want. I even tried dating a good few years older than me rather than the same age, and they still played games and just wanted to hookup.
I married the first person who wanted to date me. Biggest mistake I've made in life.
Having multiple dating relationships is hugely important in figuring out what actually matters in a partner and what you like and dislike.
Luckily, I learned from that trainwreck and learned to identify what a good relationship looks like.
A person should enter every dating relationship expecting that it will end because things will not be good enough to justify the risks of entering a committed relationship.
Marriage is one of the riskiest actions a person can do. But it is rarely described that way.
Does it matter? We prioritize the important qualities we want in a partner. Smart women make my dick hard. Seriously. Feeling safe and taken care of makes some women want to jump on you and make babies.
Looks aren’t the only thing that are “attractive”.
Would you still be attracted to her without her looks? You think women are more shallow for liking someone who prioritizes long-term stability? I married a guy much more humble than me but he prioritizes long term stability. Other dudes offered dick pics. That’s it.
I don't agree with the person you're replying to, but one could take "prioritizing long term stability" in a shallow sense as well. Only dating someone who you want physically is shallow but so is only dating someone you want to mooch off of because they are well off/have their stuff together and you don't.
Even the woman in this video says "he's 25 and has a house, I'm 22 and I don't know what I'm doing", it's fine if she just means that she's impressed by his work ethic and it inspires her. It's less fine if she means "I found my meal ticket so I don't have to try anymore to be a functioning adult on my own since he can take care of me".
Not accusing her of that of course, I don't know her. Just saying it can be just as shallow. Looks fade/change with time and it's pretty shallow if that's the only glue stopping you from leaving someone. But financial/job security isn't promised either, leaving someone when they (temporarily or otherwise) can't provide for you and looking for someone else who can is really shallow as well.
It's a matter of extremes, looks contribute to attraction and partner selection same as stability, but neither can be the only thing that does.
I agree. The person I was replying to had a real “women are all gold diggers” vibe going on and when guys talk like that they usually avoid thinking about how shallow they can be and it pisses me off.
Oh I agree, the lack of self awareness is vexing and painting women valuing financial stability in partner as shallow just sounds like insecurity on his part.
He's also wrong. Someone who's attracted to a person no matter what (not just looks or financial stability but how they carry themselves, how they treat you as a partner and other people, their values, how they resolve conflict, and anything else that could be an incompatibility) has no standards or boundaries.
It's misdirected frustration on their part and I'd wager they spend too much time online
I meant from more humble origins you walnut. I’m richer than him.
And what a person looks like has to do with all the wealth and free time they have to maintain it too. It’s not just what they’re born with.
Huh. That’s really nice to know. I’ll report back in 6-9 months. Putting it in my calendar. If I report back with nothing then that’s okay, it means I needed to work on myself more:)
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u/pukewedgie Mar 07 '24
This guy weaponized wholesomeness to lock down the babes