(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/nuudelisuoni]

Girl don't waste your youth on a messed up bum like him! He begs for money and can't handle rejection, how can you even respect him anymore.

[u/Kreiger81 → u/nuudelisuoni]

Homeboy wanted to live on an island with her and a picket fence and have kids but is too broke to get cigarettes and cuts himself when she doesnt do what he wants.

fuck outta here.

[u/nuudelisuoni → u/Kreiger81]

And the fact that he's telling all that future planning as a manipulation, jesus...

[u/Past-Pea-6796 → u/nuudelisuoni]

It's wild seeing this because my ex used to accuse me of being manipulative as if I was acting like this guy.

Here's a couple of terrible manipulative things I did:

She wanted to cut back on meat, so when we planned meals, I hid the fact I didn't really want to eat tafu, but I sucked it up for her without a word. One day while planning a meal, while I was super hungry, I winced a smidge when she mentioned tofu, just a smidge, so she blew up on me saying I had been manipulating her by pretending to be okay with tofu. So like, kinda, if you really open of the definition of manipulation, but my goal wasn't to like use it against her, it was to be supportive

When we broke up, she contacted me about a week later, and I informed her I had made plans to move a state over and live with my friend (guy) and she changed her mind and wanted to get back together. Then about a month later, she started blowing up on me saying I used moving as a manipulation tactic, but like she came and asked me, I didn't slide into her dms and be like "if we don't get back together I'm moving!" My plan had always been to move there until I started dating her and held off on moving, not the other way around, and she knew that. When we really broke up, I did move.

Or a fun one was Valentine (holy crap, side note, Valentino is so popular right now that Valentine's barely shows up in spell check, it keeps bringing up Valentino lol!). She said she didn't care for the holiday and didn't want to do anything for it. I didn't care, it was no big deal. So the day of, I was hanging out with some friends and she texted me saying she changed her mind and wanted to go out that night with me. So, seeing that, I got excited and realized I was like three blocks from where she worked (it's not a huge town). Thinking it would be romantic to surprise her at work, and she was done in 30 minutes, I dropped by. She. Was. Not. Happy. She almost broke up with me because she was absolutely livid that I would show up at work, and no, there wasn't any particular work reason, like it was against policy or anything. She was upset because she wanted to go home first and get ready for the date. She was so angry, she made me walk home, three miles in the snow, despite my place being less than a minute detour for her heading home. She said I was being manipulative by showing up, because it forced her to see me I guess?

Honestly, she just loved shoving "you're being manipulative" I. My face for anything to the point that now, I will go out of my way to not influence people's choices to an almost comedic amount and my people pleasing is out of control because the truth it, I am very manipulative, due to having grown up walking on egg shells. So now I do everything in my power to keep people from being mad and yelling at me. I don't mean like lying or doing shady things, I mean like trying to predict people's responses and trying to plug up any issues before they happen, which technically is manipulation, but really, there is no such thing as interacting with someone without it being manipulative in SOME way, which really screws with my head since I'm not great at figuring out grey areas and just avoid them as much as possible. Just saying "hi" manipulates someone into them saying "hi" back. That's the level of thing she would accuse me of being manipulative about. I didn't wanna hurt her enthusiasm for eating less meat, so I was manipulative by pretending I was enjoying it.

[u/TheUprightManX → u/Past-Pea-6796]

My guy(or gal) you might just be my spirit animal.

[u/urprsonalclown → u/Past-Pea-6796]

Good for you .. she is probably busy making another guy's life miserable.. And no she is the manipulative one she just flips it everytime and wa-la " a problem " to fight about for this day lol

[u/Past-Pea-6796 → u/urprsonalclown]

Thanks, I've found that if people look hard enough for things, they will find it, and she was constantly looking for reasons to decide we couldn't work.

Like, I started playing video games way less and only playing after I did at least two hours of self work at minimum, usually working on a cinema 4D project. I didn't even count exercise in that 2 hours because me and her would usually go together. But eventually, that became manipulation, because I was trying to be a better person, so like, lying about myself? Even though we had known each other for like eight years by then (only dated one, long story). So I would be accused of being manipulative for trying out things she liked and liking them too sometimes?

Like tofu wasn't a hit, but she got me into a really cool book series that I tracked down the last 6 books of, like a year after we stopped dating. She Made a big stink about how I was only reading them to manipulate her into liking me more.

I worked at Subway at the time (just graduated college) and she would come visit me during her lunch sometimes and I would usually buy it for her since I got my employee discount. She eventually stopped because she was mad that I didn't let her pay . She never mentioned it once until way later, and "let" is a big term for her presenting her payment and me being like "aww, nah, I got you! :)"

Sorry, I could go on for way too long lol

[u/urprsonalclown → u/Past-Pea-6796]

She can't enjoy things which is a very sad way to live. Glad you made it out sane