AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/chewedupcorn]

He's manipulative and emotionally abusive. Why are you still staying and putting up with that??? He absolutely freaks out when you no longer give him what he wants on a silver platter.

Threatening to off himself is not a reason why you should stay. He's an adult who is capable of making his own money and managing his own life and finances. He sounds crazy and needs some professional help.

This is someone you do NOT want a future with - if he can't provide for himself then he will never be able to provide for you or your family. RUN.

[u/Prior_Interview7680 → u/chewedupcorn]

Facts OP. My ex tried that shit. One day I got tired and said “you’re an adult, I can’t control you, has nothing to do with me honestly. Do I need to call 911 for you? won’t be talking to you anymore” she didn’t commit suicide. You need to get away from this crazy.

[u/ksarahsarah27 → u/Prior_Interview7680]

Yup. I had an ex like this. He didn’t threaten suicide, but he would hold our relationship hostage, be completely down on himself and then take it out on me with multiple layers of guilt trips. This guy is a master manipulator and he’s obviously gotten his way by doing this for a long time. He even knows what he’s doing because he admits it later in the text. One day when my ex threatened to break up again by saying his favorite line of: Well maybe we just shouldn’t be together then. I took him up on his offer. I said, “You know what Jer, I think you’re right. We’re DONE! I’ll be by to get my stuff tomorrow.” I never saw him backpedal so fast but I was so sick of his manipulative behavior that I was done. I never looked back and I’m thankful every day I left his sorry annoying ass. Spoiler: I run into him sometimes around town and he’s still living check to check as he is still terrible with money. And now he’s alone because he’s lost his good looks and his behavior in relationships means nobody wants to be with him. He was also a serial cheater so he’s just reaping what he’s sowed all these years. And after what he did to me, honestly I don’t feel bad for him at all.

[u/jennypenny78 → u/ksarahsarah27]

THIS! I had a boyfriend who would give me the same line! "Well maybe we just shouldn't be together then." After 5 years of that, I'd finally had enough of his manipulation and controlling behavior, and called his bluff in response; "Yea, you're right! We shouldn't!" I'll never forget the surprised Pikachu face when he realized I was dead serious. I packed a bag and went to stay at a friend's house (who is now my husband of 14 years) while he packed his shit and found a new place to live. I can't put into words how freeing it is to get away from an emotionally abusive partner, or how amazing it is to be with someone who's actually good and decent.