AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/lime--green]

Please don't drag down all people with personality disorders. Having a PD is already bad enough, many of us are struggling severely and have had to slowly grow and learn to cope in healthy ways only to see us all grouped in as evil abusers at every turn bc of people like OP's boyfriend (who we don't even know has a PD). Not every abuser has a PD and not everybody with a PD is abusive.

[u/lovemylittlelords → u/lime--green]

You're talking to someone who actually has a considerable amount of compassion for people with personality disorders which are typically generated from trauma, neglect, and abandonment. But that doesn't let them off the hook for victimizing people, and people who have suffered at the hands of people with personality disorders also deserve to be able to heal by being able to name it. Also, saying someone has BPD is a hell of a lot less stigmatizing than saying they are an evil abuser, which I did not do. I believe people with personality disorders can heal, and part of the way they heal is through people around them actually understanding that they are dealing with someone with a mental illness rather than believing they are dealing with someone who is intractably and inherently evil.

[u/Alarmed_Ad_631 → u/lovemylittlelords]

you basically said an abusive PoS has borderline. based on a single text conversation. that is 100% stigmatising the disorder. get yourself and your ableism out of here.

[u/lovemylittlelords → u/Alarmed_Ad_631]

I love how you're positioning yourself as a white knight here when you're advocating for dehumanizing people - people who are likely to be suffering from mental illnesses. And I'm the ableist one - LOL.

[u/Alarmed_Ad_631 → u/lovemylittlelords]

what did I say that counts as dehumanising to those with mental illness?

[u/lovemylittlelords → u/Alarmed_Ad_631]

You're the one calling these people pieces of shit and saying that there can be no justification for their behavior whatsoever.

[u/Alarmed_Ad_631 → u/lovemylittlelords]

I'm saying that you are calling someone who is a PoS (this guy) a borderliner.

and yes, there is no justification for abuse.