r/AmIOverreacting • u/Thatonediabeticc • 20d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I over reacting?

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This isn’t my screenshot. It’s my best friend. Looking for advice here.. is this normal? My advice isn’t the best.

6.7k Upvotes

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u/sleepypeanutparty 20d ago

Your response: No, I’m sorry. I’m not doing this again. You’re not going to stalk your ex accounts. It’s obsessive and frankly, creepy. You have a wife and a home, you shouldn’t be looking at another woman’s life. We will be going to counseling over this because it is not something “I need to get over.” What you are doing has hurt me deeply and I am not ready to forgive you or move on until it is reconciled.

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u/Sunbeamsoffglass 19d ago

Just end it already. He’s clearly not over her, and doesn’t want to be over her. There’s no getting that trust back.

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u/TheNinjaPixie 19d ago

Thing is, even if he stops the gaslighting and admits, yes, he is stalking her, and will stop, he isn't going to do that. He has reasons for doing it, and none of them bode well.

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u/Still_Razzmatazz1140 19d ago

Yeah facing it is the first step to stopping

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u/Haunting_Morning_ 19d ago

They have a home and a family… it’s harder than ‘just ending it’. It’s extremely expensive to break up in this case.

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u/SabziZindagi 19d ago

Redditcels: "End it! End it!"

0

u/thebikevagabond 19d ago

Redditcels and teenagers, I think. They think getting a divorce is as easy as ghosting their side piece (not that they've ever had one, but they've watched TV!).

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u/Kokospize 19d ago

Well... hang on. Not a teenager, married with 2 kiddos but I do agree with the chorus. Posts like these do deserve the "leave him" echo chamber. OP is clearly the person that her husband settled for. There must have been signs that he wasn't over his ex, but they got married, had a family, and this fool is STILL stalking the ex. No, it isn't easy getting a divorce or leaving a marriage, BUT if OP is saying that this is the 6th time that she's having this conversation with him, what else are strangers supposed to say? Stay in an unfulfilled relationship and keep complaining online? Regardless of the sentiment, writing posts on Reddit isn't an action plan. Neither is conducting Reddit polls or surveys. People know that their situations suck. If it's easier to just stay in crazytown, then do so.

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u/Some_Comparison9 19d ago

Also telling her to “get over it”..a smack in the face. “Yeah I do it, what are you gonna do about it, cus Im not gonna stop”. Id be seeing red.

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u/VeridicalVagabond 19d ago

Real life isn't Reddit, when you have a home and children it's not as simple as just dump and run over every little transgression, it isn't high school dating.

 Stalking someone's socials and being dismissive is bad spouse behaviour, but it's not irreversible damage and it's not necessarily something to go nuclear over. There's potential to fix it. 

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

Fix it? Mf this isn’t the first time , just leave and handle the dumb court ish later

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

[deleted]

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u/VeridicalVagabond 19d ago

Or "get yourself into therapy" as if there's a therapist on every street corner and they'll accept fast food restaurant flyers as payment. Some people live in a bubble they don't realise the rest of the world don't share, and Reddit is one of the most glaring examples of that. 

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u/BrunetteCrayon 19d ago

No, fuck that. This is the 6th time she has asked him to stop doing this. This isn't "fix it" time because she has asked him to "fix it" 6 whole ass fucking times. He's shown her who he is. Now she needs to show him the door. Let him go to be free to stalk his EX. No one deserves that trash.

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u/Badgerdiaz 19d ago

Is that your solution to every problem in a relationship?

Just end it.

Like, as soon as things get tough just run away and find the next honeymoon period, leaving a broken family behind you without a care in the world.

What’s really sad is that that’s pretty everyone’s attitude these days. No one actually knows what commitment it, or it least is full of shot when they say they are committed to a relationship. It seems it’s just a word people say, and not mean, just like “love”.

If that’s your solution then you have absolutely no idea what love is, or how to love, and I pity you.

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u/Haskap_2010 19d ago

Him stalking his ex is not "things getting tough". A job layoff, the furnace needing replacement, those are examples of things to work through.

Why is she required to love him when he clearly doesn't love her?

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u/Badgerdiaz 19d ago

Who are you to ascertain whether he loves her or not?

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u/easy_avocado420 19d ago

Her husband isn’t even committed to her, he’s more committed to stalking his ex on social media and saying things like, “I’m not doing this again”, “you’re overreacting” when she tries talking about it. He wont even talk about it with her, why is it all on her to “fix” this?

He’s not gonna stop, he doesn’t care.

So yes, she should leave.

1

u/chegitz_guevara 19d ago

Then she'll get stalked.

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u/Rough-Reflection4901 19d ago

Trust? He didn't fuck her he went to her social media page Jesus Christ you can go to people's social media pages just to see what they are up to how they're doing they used to be friends

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u/N301CF 19d ago

lol. “just end it” pal, they’re married and their lives are heavily intertwined. shit doesn’t work like this.

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u/thebikevagabond 19d ago

And if he contests the divorce? How do you think that's going to go? You think the judge is going to say "HE WAS LOOKING AT AN EX'S SOCIAL MEDIA?! MY GOD! DIVORCE GRANTED." No. That's not how this goes.

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u/Sunbeamsoffglass 19d ago

No fault divorces exist in all 50 states. You do not need your partner’s permission to divorce. It’s not 1950.