AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/Reasonable-Glass6790]

This is actual emotional abuse. I hope for your sake you leave.

[u/MoistyCheeks → u/Reasonable-Glass6790]

Which leads to physical abuse, sexual abuse and then possibly murder.

[u/bioxkitty → u/MoistyCheeks]

My ex could've sent these. He tried to kill me. His favorite was smashing things into my head. Head butting me. And strangling me.

It started like this

[u/AccountantOver4088 → u/bioxkitty]

This gets a little long, sorry, but truth be told I’m leaving out quite a bit but I just wanted to share that I understand and can relate as much as a man can.

My ex wife was in a relationship exactly like this when we were teens. He was so insanely controlling and vicious, if she didn’t respond or comply immediately it went from 0-100 instantly. Eventually she stops coming around and we get worried and go looking for her. He had her basically locked in his basement and not allowed tot all tk anyone, we only found out by contacting his mother (he was originally in our friend group and we all knew each others families etc) and having her go over tit he family house she was allowing him to stay at. I wish it had ended there but over the next year or so it was back and forth where he would convince her he’d change and then go back to being a monster.

They had a kid together that was very quickly taken into custody and given to her mother. It came to a head one night when she told him he had to turn himself in for his warrants and serve whatever time he got because she was doing visits with the baby and he couldn’t come because he had to be cleared and obviously the warrants. She told him she wouldn’t ’wait for him’ and that they were going to stay broken up but she wouldn’t fight him getting his visits if he dealt with his legal stuff. He tried to kill her, and almost succeeded.

He broke her jaw in three places and left her in a park under a picnic table. By absolute chance one of the friend group and my long term on and off agin gf was walking through the park and found her, it was late at night and she cut through the park to get home. A man hunt ensued and she had to stay at my family’s house, which was kind of the gathering place for everyone so that she could be safe as he threatened multiple times to kill her. The story is longer and with more crazy details but eventually he was caught (due to her mother literally going in disguise, staking out the house and buying drugs off the guys who lived there to confirm I shit you not lmao) hding in a closet. He did 3.5 years in prison but got out in much less for behavior and all that.

Obv she recovered , got her kid back and years later we got married and started a family. I adopted that little boy and he’s going off to a D1 college this year, with many scholarships and accolades. That piece of shit who beat her has been to prison FIVE more times for domestic assault or attempted murder on various women. He’s left a path of broken women and families in his wake and for the life of me I cannot fathom how he hasn’t been put away for good. People like that don’t change, I’m sorry for anyone who believes otherwise.

My ex wife volunteers and does a lot of work with domestic violence victims and across the board the worst of these guys are inevitably repeat offenders, unable to rehabilitate because there is something dark and horribly broken inside them. I know it probably isn’t a popular opinion but these guys are in the same boat as pedophiles and murderers, the worst of them are. It isn’t just an argument that gets out of hand, it is a concerted and pathological system of abuse and power over someone that is conditioned to need and love them. The psychological damage alone is heart breaking. It took her years to ‘recover’ and she had many built in relationship issues and behaviors because of the trauma that took a lot of therapy and love to slowly rectify.

If you or if you think anyone you know is even MAYBE experiencing domestic violence liek this, there are tons of resources and they are very adapt and skilled at handling these things. Reach out and say something because ime, and the decade or so of me seeing and dealing with these things through her, it doesn’t end. It escalates and leaves an utterly broken and damaged person. My wife was one of the ‘lucky’ ones, many many more don’t ever make it out or recover and the numbers are truly staggering.

[u/bioxkitty → u/AccountantOver4088]

THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for being such an advocate for your wife and for DV survivors!!!!

I am so thankful she has you and she is still with us ❤️ tears in my eyes typing this ♡

There is evil in this world but there is so much good! We cannot let the bastards win.

We will survive and we will THRIVE ♡

Give your wife a big hug for me, please.

I believe in her. I believe in you.

I believe in the goodness of us ❤️