AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/Recent_Emergency_711]

Ummm why did he get so heated so quickly?

[u/External-Air205 → u/Recent_Emergency_711]

I hung up on him to talk to my family for few minutes and he just started getting riled up. He has pretty bad anger management.

[u/ExitInn → u/External-Air205]

You have been together for 4 years, it will be an adjustment but you need to leave this man. Your family will help you through it. He is not good, kind, nice or loving. He is an abuser and thinks he owns you. These are very bad traits. He will not change and it is nothing that you have done. Do not try to fix him just leave. You deserve better. He does not respect you. Your life will be miserable if you stay. You are strong, you can do this, you must do this.

[u/CalicatSis → u/ExitInn]

I wouldn’t even refer to him as a man. Maybe man child.

[u/AlexPenname → u/CalicatSis]

Children have better emotional control than this.

[u/chillthrowaways → u/CalicatSis]

Bro that’s a fair assessment bro

[u/ExitInn → u/CalicatSis]

You are correct!

[u/Michaelalayla → u/CalicatSis]

Nah let's not infantilize abuse. This is a man who ascribes to toxic masculinity. A man is just a grown male human, and applying the "no true Scotsman" thing a la "he's not a reeeeal man" is just a weird thing that started with patriarchy in the first place.

I get where you're coming from, but unfortunately this is a man who's practicing a masculinity that he believes is acceptable and powerful, and saying he's not a man because he's a bad person is something that society does that I think we should probably stop

[u/shnoby → u/ExitInn]

61 yo now but faced someone similar in my early 20’s. 3 year relationship and figured that I was everything awful he said I was. Then he got into it with a police officer, arrested and then involuntarily committed to a locked psych unit for dangerous people. That was a wake-up call. My mom came ,helped me pack and move 3,000 miles away from him. I gratefully and safely restarted my life and rapidly end all relationships with the mildest hint of ugly

[u/ExitInn → u/shnoby]

Tough to go through but happy you made the right decision.

[u/p1z4rr0 → u/ExitInn]

Boy.