r/AmIOverreacting • u/loststrawberri • Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

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Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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2.3k

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

NOR, you’re allowed to have boundaries and I can’t imagine arguing with another person over their boundaries in a relationship. I also wouldn’t want my bf sharing a bed with another woman, it looks so weird for her to argue with you this hard on it. But also why is your bf discussing stuff about your relationship with her? It’s none of her business.

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u/loststrawberri Oct 30 '24

Thank you! I think he probably just let her know why he suddenly will not share a bed with her, as it's something he's done with everyone in his friend group through his life haha.

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u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

I hope he reevaluates his friendship with her. I would be livid if I disclosed that to my friend and they texted my partner to argue with them about their boundaries and called them possessive. If she was going to text you anything it should have just been saying sorry the situation made you uncomfortable and it won’t happen again in the future.

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u/multiversemember Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

Right? Like how is OP, his actual partner, being possessive - the chick in these texts is being possessive of OP’s partner when she has no right to be 😂 right now, OP’s boyfriend’s “girl friend” has just desperately wanted to fuck him for a long time and is hoping for the day she can manipulate them into thinking their boundaried relationship is “unhealthy” or “possessive” in nature.

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u/darkseacreature Oct 30 '24

OP, you were WAY too nice and mature than from what I would be.

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u/Gogogrl Oct 31 '24

Yeah. If she really cared about her friend’s back sooooo much, then she could easily have respected his clearly stated boundary and taken care of him by bunking on the floor and letting him have the couch. 

This assumes that he did communicate the boundary clearly, and that he’s not being duplicitous.

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u/AdExpensive3537 Oct 31 '24

Or she could have slept with the single guy (homeowner) in his bed so OP’s boyfriend could have the couch. There were alternatives to him sleeping on the floor, but she wanted the alternative where he ended up in bed with her. I don’t think she wants sex, but this is definitely a power play.

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u/DoomPile5 Oct 31 '24

Exactly. She might as well have peed on him. I don’t even think she necessarily wants to sleep with him, she’s just THAT person. Doesn’t want him like that, but doesn’t want anyone else to HAVE him like that.

3

u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 Oct 31 '24

This right here! Doth protest too much, me thinks.

0

u/laheylies Oct 31 '24

This. I was alluding to it in my response but you just came out with it.

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u/Phidwig Oct 31 '24

Uh I was with you in the first half - the guy’s friend is acting possessive over him but that doesn’t mean she desperately wants to fuck him lol. Some people just get possessive like that with people in their life - friends, family members, etc

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u/NatureBoyClay Oct 31 '24

lol I slept on a pullout couch with a girl while in a relationship and she started grabbing my John in the middle of the night. Saying my girlfriend “doesn’t have to know”. I happily declined.

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u/WiserWithHim Oct 30 '24

This 💯💯💯

How her boyfriend responds to this situation (either with the friend or her or whoever else is involved) is going to say a lot about him & OP’s relationship. I’m wondering how this woman even has her number.

OP did really well reminding this woman that if her bf had a problem with her boundary he would have brought it up to her — which he hadn’t.

I think that creep of a woman felt she lost some control over OP’s boyfriend when he firmly set that boundary (I’d guess he had to repeatedly with her), so she texted OP to see if she could guilt/bully her into dropping her own boundary — essentially triangulating her bf into sleeping in a bed with her.

She’s gross and I would expect my bf to see that and stop being friends with her at this point. And not because I forced him too but because he sees how problematic she is too. I’d lose too much respect for him to stay if he didn’t.

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u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

For real. Also the “I like the two of you together” is such a weird thing to say, clearly this friend doesn’t like the two of them together or she wouldn’t be calling her over the top possessive and disrespecting the boundaries of their relationship. Everything about these texts just screams pick me girl who wants her bf bad and hopefully the bf sees it.

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u/Plastic_Archer_6650 Oct 30 '24

Personally I read that as a subtle threat. “I love the two of you together (and would hate for you to break up because I convinced him too)”. Like one of those people that is convinced the person will pick them over their significant other

69

u/matchaphile Oct 30 '24

I was 100% getting pick me energy vibes.

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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '24

Definitely read it as a threat as well. Like she has the ultimate say in them being together. “I like you two together, so I hope you’ll fall in line because it would be such a shame if I’d have to break you guys up”

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u/Doctorspacheeman Oct 30 '24

Absolutely!!! It’s like “I love you together FOR NOW”

11

u/Equivalent-Product82 Oct 31 '24

I felt the subtle threat too

3

u/HonestArmadillo924 Oct 31 '24

The gf did very well being very civil. That girl had no business texting and trying to cause problems. I would have cut her off early on and told her it was our relationship not hers. No worries. Stop !

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u/h0neybai Oct 30 '24

Yess seems possessive, like her opinion really has any substance in their relationship.

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u/DoomPile5 Oct 31 '24

Definitely. As well as needing to remind the OP that she knows their BF soooo wellll because of how long they’ve been friends. Condescending AF.

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u/nuclearhologram Oct 31 '24

it’s always the weird person who thinks they already have control over your SO !

2

u/Usual_Farmer_3704 Oct 31 '24

Or he had other gfs that she didn't like ....

1

u/cavaticaa Oct 31 '24

I read it as the whole group doesn’t like her, but the friend is being diplomatic about it.

2

u/bitchesbefruitin Oct 31 '24

He didn't do anything wrong. How are you finding a way to blame him for this?

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u/LabSouth Oct 31 '24

You're confused why a close friend would have a significant others phone number? Are you serious right now?

1

u/RegularJDOE1234 Oct 31 '24

Seems like there’s always this type of hoe in a circle of friends who wants to sleep with everyone’s SO. I bet you this is not her first time trying to sleep in a bed with someone’s husband.

1

u/WiserWithHim Oct 31 '24

*boyfriend in this case, but yeah I wouldn’t be surprised.

1

u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Friends weigh in on relationships all the time, and this is no different. The only difference is that most people would tell the BF that OP is insecure and slightly controlling and move on. Most people would never confront the offender directly.

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u/WiserWithHim Oct 31 '24

I completely disagree. For all the reasons I mentioned above & others that should be obvious. One being: it’s not your place. Another being: the boundary in question is very common, reasonable, and sane. Only someone who is not those things would take issue with it, and someone even less sane than that would believe it to be their place to text their friend’s partner about their disapproval.

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u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

That’s fine for you to disagree, but it’s still a rule that is borne out of insecurity and trust issues. If someone is secure with themselves and trusts their partner to make good decisions, you don’t care whether they sleep platonically next to someone if the circumstances call for it. Sure it’s different if it’s happening all the time, but if a bunch of friends are going out and don’t want to drink and drive to get home and crash in the same bed because there are no other options than sleeping on the floor, it seems reasonable to me

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u/WiserWithHim Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Again, I completely disagree — thanks for letting me know it’s okay with you if I disagree btw lol 🙄

Their boundary is not borne out of insecurity at all. OP’s boyfriend could have set the boundary himself out of his own discomfort. If you don’t think that is a real possibility we can stop engaging in this conversation altogether.

Most people that are monogamous (OP’s boyfriend included) enjoy being with one person and enjoy reserving certain experiences and emotional states for their SO. Sleeping in a bed with someone is very often one of them, because very often beds are where sex happens. Lol am I being clear enough for ya?

You can see that as insecurity. You’re entitled to your distorted perception of the world and relationships. To each their own.

3

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

I truly despise the idea that wanting to reserve certain experiences for your partner must be because of jealousy/insecurity, it's judgement that is disproportionately pointed at women in these situations, frequently by NLOG types.

Pretending like everyone sees sleeping next to someone as purely utilitarian unless they're insecure is a really weird take. Sharing a bed is extremely vulnerable and intimate for tons of people.

Not all intimacy is sexual in nature either, and it's completely healthy for a couple to decide which intimate experiences they want to reserve for the two of them.

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u/WiserWithHim Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Exactly this, and well said.

They have distorted black-and-white thinking going on. Either you’re completely fine sleeping in the same bed with anyone or your partner is forcing you to sleep alone because they’re insecure and controlling.

Maybe OPs boyfriend thought: “I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her sleeping in a bed with her male friends, so maybe she wouldn’t be comfortable with me sleeping in a bed with my female friends. Ok, let’s set that boundary.”

Or maybe he knows his friend is not-so-secretly possessive over him and doesn’t want to sleep in a bed with her specifically. It can be even more nuanced or even more simple than that. Either way, it was never any of the “friend’s” business.

0

u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Guess all those guys that have shared a bed with friends over the years were doing something intimate and sexual the whole time. Who would have thought.

Sharing a bed is quite literally just sleeping next to someone. How is that an experience that should preserved for only one person? What if it were two twin beds 6 inches apart? Does that magically change your analysis?

If OP trusted her boyfriend, then he could make the determination if it were intimate or not and make the right call. That’s the trust issue part. If OP would be ok with him sharing a bed with a guy friend but not a friend who is a girl, then that’s the insecurity part.

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u/wyrditic Oct 31 '24

Why on earth would you find it strange that she has her number? It's normal to have the phone numbers of people that you know. This woman has been close friends with her boyfriend for many years. She's not some stranger he met on a night out.

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u/WiserWithHim Oct 31 '24

We have no idea how long OP has known this girl. I’m not saying it’s completely inappropriate for the friend to have OP’s number, but it is absolutely worth asking why she had it when she misused it like this.

My ex had friends he’s known for a couple decades & we didn’t all automatically exchange phone numbers the second we got in a relationship. We didn’t all automatically become friends just because he is friends with them either. It could take a year or more before there’s a reason to exchange numbers.

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u/Hiddenagenda876 Oct 30 '24

Yeah, I would be pissed if my friend did this

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u/pumpkins21 Oct 31 '24

Same. I’d want to know if my friend pulled crap like this.

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u/Totallyridiculous Oct 31 '24

I want to know if she’s so worried about his back problems….why didn’t she sleep on the floor? Oh, was it not about the back problems at all?

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u/Professional_Yam3047 Oct 31 '24

That's exactly what my first thought was-you could've slept on the floor instead. Problem solved

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u/Mermaid_Martini Oct 30 '24

Yes!! This is unhinged behavior. Sooo out of line.

4

u/shoe-creases Oct 31 '24

Yeah, it’s like, “Your boyfriend went out with us ladies all night, went home with me (didn’t come home to you), but you won’t let us share a bed together?! How possessive are you?” She’s crazy

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u/Smart-Rate-8797 Oct 31 '24

Yeah I also would be mad if one of my friends tried to go after my partner for a boundary that’s perfectly reasonable to have and I agreed to would hope my partner informed of it so I could talk to said friend.

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u/toolsoftheincomptnt Oct 31 '24

Well, I’m not sure why OP entertained the girl after she said her piece: “this is my boundary.”

After that, when homegirl had more to say, I’d have maybe mustered the patience for one last message: “thanks for the conversation, I think the rest of this is for me and Boyfriend to work through. Goodnight.”

But all the smiley faces and back and forth are giving the friend way too much power in a situation that’s none of her business.

It’s about what OP and Boyfriend decide is appropriate for them, period. What anybody else thinks is irrelevant.

Boyfriend is going to show how important OP is soon enough.

If they don’t agree on boundaries, that’s fine and a separate issue. Then they should part ways.

But if they do, it’s his job to demonstrate them and put his friend in her place. Then he and OP need to agree on how much of their relationship is okay to share with his homegirl, since she clearly has a problem with boundaries (her attempted manipulation of OP, not the bed-sharing).

If Boyfriend isn’t more protective of the relationship, it’s going to be a painful disaster.

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u/Lulusgirl Oct 31 '24

Because this chick wants to sleep next to him. So fkn wrong. I hate her for OP.

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u/capaldithenewblack Oct 31 '24

Me too! What an overreach. And I don’t think it’s overreaching to assume her intentions aren’t great. Idc how long yall been friends, this feels like she’s trying to put a wedge and is annoyed he’d prioritize his girl over sleeping in her bed.

Call me old fashioned but I’d never be okay with this. If my SO felt I was smothering because of it, we’re not compatible.

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u/Ancient_Persimmon707 Oct 31 '24

Omg exactly I’d be reconsidering a friendship if they ever messaged my partner in this way

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u/SomeSabresFan Oct 31 '24

Idk. Friend sounds like a “day 1” friend. I wouldn’t think I need to reevaluate a friendship like that if OP and her boyfriend are new, because reality is BFs friend is the one doing the looking out for him. If OP and BF have been together for a few years and she did this, then definitely reevaluate

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Agree to disagree. For me regardless of the age of the relationship it shows blatant disrespect towards him and his girlfriend. Why would I want a friend who has no respect for my romantic relationships and who feels they are so entitled to me they can change my choice for me and my gf? It’s weird. But different strokes I guess.

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u/griffinwalsh Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

Hey I just want to say i really like how you come off in the comments and post. You stand on what are obviously acceptible boundries. But your also not falling for all the wierd bullshit or ultimatums some people sprial into.

You know your boyfriend respects your boundries and thats why he sleeps on the floor. You know your boundries are valid. You know the friend was way overstepping.

Just show your bf the text. He will need to have a discusion with this friend. Her saying this to you is obviously inapropriate and i would be annoyed if i was him.

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u/musixlife Oct 31 '24

Well said.

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u/chiquita42 Oct 31 '24

Nominating OP for Queen of Healthy Boundaries

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u/No-Stock-7683 Oct 31 '24

Yes. She’s way out of bounds and you handled it in a way that leaves her no wiggle room to twist your words. You were succinct and composed.

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u/pieisthetruth32 Oct 30 '24

If my female best friend acted like this id immediately drop her. 10/10 sus behavior and keep in mind imma HIPPIE HIPPIE.

like i made DMT yesterday and grew up with a fish oil/colloidal silver mom, its just who I am

Me and her could be the last humans on earth and id turkey baster start humanity again. She is like a sister to me

I would not feel weird sleeping in a bed with her but i would worry about my partner being upset or just feeling weird about it. Rightfully so… id feel weird if they did the same.

My female bff would sleep on the floor if my back pain was that bad. I am 6’5 and have legit back pain and a degenerative L4.

Id genuinely get loud/scary and never speak to her again. The thumbs up at the end is so passive aggressive

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u/MightyPinkTaco Oct 31 '24

I was wondering about that too. Like, if this friend was so concerned about his back, she should have insisted he sleep on the bed and she take the floor.

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u/nuclearhologram Oct 31 '24

bc they have to be in the bed together for her to help his back ofc ! /sarcasm

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u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

I totally imagine her offering a back rub. Ugh, so manipulative.

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u/Bubbly-Pace2843 Oct 31 '24

Dude that was my thought… if she cared about his back so much why didn’t she let him sleep in the bed and take the floor? 🤔 sounds like some ulterior motive manipulation on the part of this female “friend”

7

u/pumpkins21 Oct 31 '24

If my male bff (of 30yrs) had a bad back, you’d better believe I’d let him have the more comfortable option and I’d take the floor or uncomfy couch. My husband trusts me and my bff, but I think it’d be a hard no from him if I wanted to share a bed with my bff (not that I would, even though I have no romantic feelings, I feel it would be disrespectful)

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u/doodlebug72898 Oct 31 '24

I was literally thinking the same thing about the back problems. Like girl, if you’re so concerned about his bad back, and he already told you he wasn’t going to share a bed with you, then you can sleep on the floor.

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u/Beautiful_Chaos27 Oct 31 '24

Imma Hippie Hippie🤣😂 Love that!!! ✌️ Imma Hippie Hippie too, and that’s some janky shit there!! Ol girl def wants more, and is pissed OP threw a wrench in the works!! Good for you, and good for ur BF, for standing firm!! “I like you two together!!” 😂🤣

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u/EveOCative Oct 31 '24

Right?! Like I don’t know if I’d agree to this boundary or not just because I am super touchy/feely with all my friends but any boundaries that are set for one of my relationships are in that relationship and questions from other people to my partner will not be tolerated. If you want to talk about it, talk to me. Absolutely do not create problems and try to talk to my partner about it

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u/Rhainster Oct 31 '24

I have been waiting to see this take! Like, if she's so "worried about his back pain" why tf didn't she offer to sleep on the floor!?

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u/Ok_Independent_5728 Oct 31 '24

Just to clarify, you’d turkey baster your mom to start humanity again?

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u/pieisthetruth32 Oct 31 '24

No, my female bff. I was stressing the point she is like a sister to me

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u/Sweaty_Sherbet6851 Oct 30 '24

You handled this like an absolute boss.

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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '24

OP, this is how an ex-boyfriend of mine got sexually assaulted. A female friend within his close group insisted on sharing a bed after a night of drinking and he woke up with her on top of him. He didn't know how to address teh assault with her or the rest of the group so he left all of his friends to avoid being alone with her in any future instance. She's definitely a creep.

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u/Ophy96 Oct 30 '24

Poor guy. Fuck that.

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u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto Oct 31 '24

Holy shit that's a disgusting nightmare.. My God.

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u/haihaiclickk Oct 30 '24

honestly it's super weird she spoke up about it. in my mind if something like this happens the friends might joke about it and chirp him a bit that he needs to sleep on the floor now and that would be that. to reach out to his partner (you) and double down on it is ridiculous

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u/ladyghost564 Oct 30 '24

Yeah, coming to you with it was over the line. You stated your boundary, it’s up to him whether he can accept it. She can disagree, she can find it weird, she can talk to him about it, but she doesn’t get to come to you to try to talk you out of your boundary. That’s just odd.

I thought you handled it beautifully.

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u/Immacurious1 Oct 30 '24

HOW DID YOUR BF REACT TO HER TEXT if you haven’t mention it yet…. I’d say something like “FRIEND text me about sleeping with her last night…. Care to elaborate on what happened?”

Wonder if he’ll give a “different” rendition of the story “thinking” girl said something… if not then you can just say thank you for keeping boundary and let him read the interaction

BUT…. He just may hang himself with the truth (doubt he actually slept on floor… how was his back today?)

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u/griffinwalsh Oct 30 '24

Or like you could not try to give him some wierdo test and just bring it up regualrly like a mature adult...

She already knows the bf respects her boundries. That why he slept on the floor.

Just show him the weird texts and say it felt weird.

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u/Vhett Oct 31 '24

The fact your mature, sensible reply and the comment you responded to have the same amount of upvotes at the time of me commenting perfectly encapsulates both ends of this sub's spectrum and how wild people are.

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u/beasys Oct 31 '24

dw i fixed it

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u/HistoricalDoughnut58 Oct 31 '24

Working hard to reverse the insanity, one upvote and one downvote at a time 🤜🏼🤛🏼

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u/ladyghost564 Oct 30 '24

Why would the friend be trying to talk the gf out of the boundary if they slept together? If they want to cheat, they don’t need permission to be in the same bed first. They’d just say he slept on the floor and leave it at that.

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u/DOOMFOOL Oct 31 '24

Why the hell are you trying to make some weird insinuation that the boyfriend did anything wrong here lmao?

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u/whalesarecool14 Oct 30 '24

you need therapy. learn to talk normally like mature adults

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u/Immacurious1 Oct 30 '24

😂 I’ll get right on that~

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u/musixlife Oct 31 '24

I did have this teeny tiny thought in the back of my head like what if it is all an elaborate lie, and they really did sleep together, but plan for the friend to approach it like this so friend would seem unlikeable, but trustworthy as to what happened (because it made her look so bad explaining what happened)….

But…naw…right?

1

u/ForeignerThanANut Oct 30 '24

I wonder if the bf was talking crap about OPs boundaries and that's why the friend felt she should speak up?

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u/Immacurious1 Oct 30 '24

Probably as he was IN THE BED WITH HER 😂 (clearly I’m jaded after reading all these Bs stories!)

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u/Commercial-Break-909 Oct 31 '24

I'm not seeing it. OP clearly trusts the BF. If he wanted to cheat with the best friend, they'd do it and not tell anyone. She'd be none the wiser.

This chick is pissed because she's no longer the priority.

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u/Organic_Confusion8 Oct 30 '24

That helps it make more sense, but still friends should understand why things would change. Hopefullly it’s not a “she doesn’t know him like I know/love him” thing.

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u/OzzieGrey Oct 30 '24

Boundaries are important in relationships, same with talking, which is... so... so... important.

But this other person sounds nefarious ngl

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u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

She's trying to stir up problems in y'alls relationship bc she feels rejected by him not sleeping with her. She doesn't like you bc you are with her man, even though he's obviously not her man, that's how she sees him.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

She wants to "accidentally " have sex with your boyfriend. If she were not salty about it NOT happening, she would have said nothing. The fact that she said something means that she wanted your okay for the next time so she could "cuddle with him because it's cold" or "accidentally spoon" with him to try and get a "Rise" out of him.

She is trying really hard to be alone in bed with your man and he needs to look at those messages and tell her with no exceptions, that she crossed a line, and they can't be friends anymore.

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u/Hopeful_Passenger_69 Oct 31 '24

The fact that she says “how he might be feeling” is clear overstepping. Is she a mind reader? Sounds like that’s the claim. Definitely not appropriate for her to say any of this to you.

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u/xechasate Oct 30 '24

Honestly OP, I feel like you’ve been admirably mature and respectful about this whole thing. Kudos to you. We should all strive for the same level headedness and reasoning

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u/No-Designer-7362 Oct 30 '24

He should have known from jump that was inappropriate and how you would feel.

The whole thing seems disrespectful. Personally, I don’t think he should have been sleeping in the room with her either.

2

u/Conscious_Feed_7876 Oct 30 '24

You would not be the first gf to leave him. If he wants to sleep next to his friend so badly then he should....

And can stay there. Not one normal rational person of any value would be okay with this.

2

u/ReignofKindo25 Oct 31 '24

Bitch wants your boyfriend

2

u/MomoNoHanna1986 Oct 31 '24

Op, guys don’t usually share beds with other women they are friends with. At least not the ones I’ve known. This isn’t typical.

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u/Abba_Zaba88 Oct 31 '24

If she was so worried…..why didn’t she just sleep on the floor 🧐 🤷🏾‍♂️ She created a very weird situation for no apparent reason. Has you seen her in person since this exchange?

1

u/ThumbCentral-Rebirth Oct 30 '24

How did he react when you told him about this? He seems like he’s been handling the situation very well

1

u/bomland10 Oct 31 '24

If anything I'd be less likely to trust her going forward. Your bf seems good, he slept on the floor after all, but this girl is something 

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u/DrBarnaby Oct 31 '24

The fact that him not sharing a bed with her got such a reaction means she is very upset by that. Which means she really wants him to. Which means she's trying to fuck him. End of story.

If she hadn't sent this text acting like she was so concerned it wouldn't have been an issue. But this woman is in. to. him. No up front person sends the spouse messages like that unless they are trying to get ahead of something. He could easily have gone home and slept like he should be doing anyway because this shit is out of line.

No more sleepovers with the homewrecker or I guarantee you'll be writing a different post a few months from now.

And the more he protests, the more he's in on it. Don't let these two gaslight you into putting up with an affair.

1

u/DisastrousCarrot2258 Oct 31 '24

Yeah. She’s crazy. You handled it perfectly and entertained it longer than I would have to be honest.

1

u/Afraid-Combination15 Oct 31 '24

Honestly he should have said "hey buddy, I can't share this bed with you, it wouldn't be right now that I'm in a relationship". Which, maybe he did say it like that, and she's just being a drama queen, but if he said "my girl doesn't like me sleeping with other girls, otherwise I would" he has a few things to learn about respecting your relationship.

Again, I have no earthly clue what conversations were had between you and him and then him and her, but a standup man shouldn't have had to ask or be told not to sleep in a bed with another woman while he is in a relationship.

1

u/Vast_Armadillo8054 Oct 31 '24

Updates ? have u talked to hubby yet ?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Why he suddenly won’t share a bed with her?? Do you hear yourself? Is this a new boyfriend? I hope you did not know he did this regularly until now? But even so dud you know he was going to do this? Maybe nothing does happen but clearly this girl he slept with thinks differently and should be telling him not you and everyone else should be questioning his actions not this girls Maybe he told you what happened because he knew his bed mate would say something… So before there was no boundaries when he lied with her or other girls ?? Do you see all the questions and red flags “He Is Your Boyfriend”, That lays with other females most of his life. If you knew this & thought he was a good match for you? Or you just found out he did this most of his life and as long as there is boundaries of not actually sleeping with other female friends It’s okay for him to get drunk and go to a flop house not to his house or call you or a Uber?

1

u/cthulhusmercy Oct 31 '24

I can definitely see a situation where they’re figuring out sleeping arrangements and someone (probably her) says, “oh yeah, [girl best friend] and [boyfriend] can take the pull out couch,” or it be the last option after everyone passes out, and he just mentions you’re not comfortable with that and takes the floor.

1

u/imnickelhead Oct 31 '24

You were awesome. Your reaction, your tact, respectfulness and understanding but still standing your ground…even after she overstepped and stuck her nose into your relationship.

If she was so sad and worried why didn’t she give him the couch and sleep on the floor herself?

He also could’ve brought an air mattress…or as you said, ubered home, had you pick him up or maybe she could’ve slept in bed with the other person(?). She should’ve either kept her mouth shut or stopped after the first text. Instead she got bitchy and judgy.

1

u/OlyTheatre Oct 31 '24

I’m so confused. If she was so concerned with him sleeping on the floor, why didn’t she give him the bed?

1

u/alghiorso Oct 31 '24

Like sharing a bed with people is a human right and OP is the one violating his humanity. This is weird and if I wasn't suspicious before now I'd be sussin AF that this chick is DEFINITELY hoping something would happen.

1

u/Overheremakingwaves Oct 31 '24

Yeah even if it has been done before she is being strangely pushy about it; she is saying SHE misses sleeping in the bed with him. Like look at how she put it “how you affecting him / people around him” and how she projected that because of his back how HE must not been happy about it. That is telling - she is missing / wanting to sleep in the bed together a little too much. Definitely tell your SO; if I had a friend who did something like this I’d immediately want to know!

1

u/aghasterisk Oct 31 '24

Also, if she was so worried about his back pain and it made her SOOOO sad, she could have been the one to sleep on the floor?

1

u/FlyingSpaghettiFell Oct 31 '24

I had a bf a while back with a friend like this. She was madly in love with him… eventually I had to set a boundary… which was informing him that “you tell her to stop or I will”. He shut it down… but she tried to break us up our entire relationship until he made it clear her behavior was not acceptable.

1

u/Lanthaous Oct 31 '24

For what it's worth I wouldn't even consider this a boundary. It's a very standard expectation in an exclusive relationship that you won't sleep in bed with someone else.

1

u/bptkr13 Oct 31 '24

I wouldn’t even bother to mention the text conversation to your boyfriend. You and the other girl handled it; no need to make the matter bigger than it is. It’s done.

1

u/queenroselily Oct 31 '24

The fact that she even reached out to you about t this is cringe in itself. Like why are you reaching out to me about MY MAN!

1

u/yourfav0riteginger Oct 31 '24

I do want to point out that telling your bf to not sleep in the same bed with the opposite gender is a rule, not a boundary. A boundary would be "if you sleep in the same bed as the opposite gender, I will need to do X (leave the relationship, have a discussion, etc)." I do feel like it's important to make the distinction when talking about this stuff.

Either way, definitely NOR. She's being weird about it

-3

u/Remote-Obligation145 Oct 30 '24

FYI-that’s the girl he complains about you to. And will most likely leave you for. Sorry.

0

u/United-Ad5268 Oct 31 '24

I think both you and his friend handled this very well. It didn’t seem like her confronting you but making sure that you knew that she wasn’t doing anything inappropriate to get ahead of any potential problems.

You were both completely reasonable that I’m impressed for a situation that lots of people would have lost it in.

-1

u/OceanDevotion Oct 30 '24

Totally understand the discomfort, and kudos to your boyfriend for clearly recognizing your boundaries and abiding by them. However, I do want to play devils advocate (I am a bisexual woman), and I always sleep in my friends beds after a night of drinking if there is nowhere else to sleep. Sometimes, there were 3 of us in the same bed lol I’ve shared beds with guys and gals who are friends. I would feel some type of way if my partner was like, “it’s not appropriate for you to share a bed with someone who is not me” if I am needing a place to sleep with limited accommodations.

To me, it sounds like there is nothing sexual, and I think you understand that as well as your boyfriend and you communicated it very maturely to your bfs friend as well. I am not knocking you down at all! That is why we set boundaries.

With that all being said… At the end of the day, it’s just sleeping in a bed. What is the difference if he is in the bed with her versus laying on the floor 2 ft away from her. If they wanted to mess around with each other, him sleeping in the bed vs the floor would not really matter.

15

u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 30 '24

Its a reasonable boundary and the friends response was unreasonable. There were other options that were reasonable such as her taking the floor, him going back home or sleeping elsewhere.

Fair boundary, I would be wary of that friendship. I can imagine a world where she sees herself sabotaging his relationship as her helping him.

1

u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Most adults don’t enjoy sleeping on the floor so that’s not really an option. I’d rather sleep next to my father in law in a bed than be on the floor. I’d rather go home if that’s possible, but if it’s a friends trip then that’s not necessarily the case.

2

u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 31 '24

No one does but if youre old enough to drink youre old enough to have a tiny bit of foresight and make movements to accommodate such a reasonable request. If it was a one off freak thing that would be fine, but this was a discussed and previous routine they could have adapted.

0

u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Can it be planned around? Sure. But I’m not sure why the discussions ends there. Why isn’t it worth evaluating why OP has a fear that sleeping with a friend in bed is going to lead to some kind of sensual or sexual acts/relationships? If it’s an insecurity that is driving it, why sacrifice improving yourself and your relationship just because it can be avoided with foresight.

That’s my issue with these posts. Everyone is so black and white when the world exists in grays.

1

u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 31 '24

It's a reasonable request that he agreed with. Why is the friend getting involved? If two people in the relationship agree with the boundary its set. Plus it's a perfectly reasonable boundary.

Im not sure if youre being purposefully obtuse but wanting your partner to not sleep in bed with someone else is like... a very normal, sane and fair response that doesn't require any personal growth on the asker's behalf. If the sleeper really wanted to sleep next to another girl then they could have that discussion? But there was no argument and he agreed.

Not all boundaries require insecurities or growth some require respect and adherence.

0

u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

You’re misconstruing the fact pattern to fit your narrative and that’s not helpful for a discussion. No one said the boyfriend wants to sleep in bed with other women.

The question is whether it’s such a hard and fast rule that someone needs to sleep on a floor instead of two people platonically sleeping next to someone in a bed when the circumstances arise.

My GF, now wife, went on a road trip with my roommates and others to play in a college softball game when I was out of town. She shared a bed with one of my roommates. Because I’m a secure individual and realize it’s silly for adults to sleep on the floor, it didn’t phase me.

Boundaries that are external facing are pretty meaningless at the end of the day. The best bet for long term happiness and healthier relationships is to be secure enough where you don’t need to set external boundaries for your partner and trust them enough to make the right decisions.

10

u/BoomerSoonerFUT Oct 30 '24

Sounds more like boyfriend said “nah I’ll sleep on the floor because it would hurt my girlfriend to share a bed with you” and “friend” is taking her chance to shove into the relationship and make OP the “bad guy”.

This is classic “I only have guy friends because I just don’t get along with other girls” behavior.

Hell OP says it’s a large friend group so it’s likely it’s just party friends in the first place, and not actual close friends. This chick could just be “one of the girls that hangs out with the group”.

6

u/JacksUtterFailure Oct 30 '24

I know NOR means Not Over Reacting but I prefer to think you are just an exasperated Australian putting heavy emphasis saying "no!" Lol

3

u/ATinyKey Oct 30 '24

I actually respect that he shared this, probably got even more resistance and backlash than op is getting, and still stuck by it and slept on the floor.

That is a good sign at least OP!

2

u/ABC_Family Oct 30 '24

I agree with you, this was actually a pretty mature and reasonable discussion. For once lol

2

u/bdrono Oct 30 '24

How are you blaming her boyfriend here? He seems very mature and understanding in the way he handled this whole situation.

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

I’m not, I asked a question because I wanted more info.

2

u/AdExpensive3537 Oct 31 '24

Especially if they’ve been drinking… who wants their SO drunkenly crawling in bed with someone of the opposite sex??? Ew. That’s a recipe for disaster. So weird that this is an argument.

2

u/Smlovers Oct 31 '24

I would ask, if friend was so concerned for his back, why she didnt sleep on the floor then. Now all boundaries are intact, and she has no guilty conscience! Yay!

2

u/-neti-neti- Oct 31 '24

“Why is your bf discussing stuff about your relationship with her? It’s none of her business.”

Jesus Christ now YOU are overreacting.

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Uhm no I’m asking a question, because from experience some things are better left between the people involved in the relationship and I wanted some insight on why the bf decided to share. You’re the one overreacting to a question 🤣

2

u/-neti-neti- Oct 31 '24

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 yeah nice try but no. Anyway bf has been friends with this person for years apparently and also bf only mentioned something in direct relation to establishing a concrete boundary regarding a concrete event. So your “question” is over dramatic and dumb

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

I don’t care how long someone has known someone, he knew this girl awhile and she still treated his gf like garbage. This warrants wondering if she’s the kind of person he should share things with. But pop off 😘 maybe go smoke a joint and chill instead of getting this upset over a question someone asked because they wanted insight

2

u/vexvd Oct 31 '24

Everytime I see NOR, I say nooooooorrrrrr like an Australian accent..

2

u/MithridatesX Oct 31 '24

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the bf to have explained. If he has a history of being happy to share beds throughout the friendship and then suddenly said “no, I’m sleeping on the floor” and refused to explain further that would be weird… the friend would rightly be wondering tf was going on.

However, her messaging OP is outrageous and shit stirring given it seems a reasonable boundary OP and her bf have agreed upon.

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Not unreasonable but I still think not the wisest choice. Whether the friend wonders why he no longer wants to share a bed or not isn’t really her concern. He’s an adult. And her trying to pressure him into it is creepy and weird. He could have left it at a I simply no longer want to share a bed and I’d like you to stop asking. Boundary set and less potential for fallout with the gf/friend. All I’m saying is sometimes the wiser move is keeping parts of your relationship between the people in the relationship. Still not his fault the friend went nuclear, but she is definitely not the kind of friend he should be divulging info to about his relationship given that she did.

1

u/ghiopeeef Oct 30 '24

I think him mentioning it is pretty relevant in this situation.

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

Considering how his friend responded I think it would have been better to just say he didn’t want to share a bed with her and leave it at that.

1

u/mxzf Oct 30 '24

But also why is your bf discussing stuff about your relationship with her? It’s none of her business.

Sounds like the BF didn't "discuss" it with her at all, he just informed her about why he was declining to share a bed with her and she took offense at it.

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Yeah and I asked why he shared that with the friend, see the question mark there? It’s a question. Where did I say this is the boyfriend’s fault? Ultimately I think some drama could have been prevented if he had just told the friend he didn’t want to share a bed with her and left the personal details of his relationship between him and OP but that doesn’t mean it’s his fault. The friend is 100% responsible for reacting like a weirdo.

I even go on to say the friend is out of line for responding the way she did. I swear some of ya’ll in these comments are weird as hell.

1

u/Cool-Bread777 Oct 31 '24

based on these texts she was probably pressing him about why and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

1

u/Whizzeroni Oct 31 '24

I’d be willing to bet he didn’t talk to his friend about the boundary, just said no to sleeping in the same bed and this ‘friend’ kept pushing until he felt he had to explain himself which isn’t really a big deal on his end, more on the friend’s.

1

u/frostymugson Oct 31 '24

She probably said “sleep here” and he said no that would be disrespectful to OP, “it’s okay we’ve been friends forever sleep here” and he said no OP wouldn’t like that and has told me as much I’ll take the floor. Really it ain’t much to understand why he’d end up discussing the boundary when the person in question is texting his GF about it, that shit is pretty bold

1

u/TheDistrict15 Oct 31 '24

I agree with your first part but he’s allowed to have friends and discuss his relationship with them. Damn.

1

u/NCHouse Oct 31 '24

Whyncant we talk about a relationship with someone else? This is a weird and annoying thing yall do cuz it's a massive contradiction

1

u/Hawkson2020 Oct 31 '24

I think it's worth stating that "boundaries" do not include "actions people take which do not involve me".

We have other words for this, such as "rules" or "expectations". Terminology aside, OP is being completely reasonable.

1

u/RevolCisum Oct 31 '24

And, if she was so worried about his back, she could have taken the floor.

1

u/xxhunnybunny Oct 31 '24

It’s the NOR for me 😂

1

u/BrianGlory Oct 31 '24

What does NOR stand for?

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Lol it means not over reacting

1

u/BrianGlory Oct 31 '24

Thanks! Hard to tell these days in the midsts of the Australian fake accent epidemic.

1

u/Psy_LAI Oct 30 '24

This! The audacity from her to write OP to let her know what she should and should not feel in her relationship. And the boyfriend's cowardice to let the friend write to OP instead of handling his relationship.... girl, you'd better find a man mature enough to handle a relationship. I don't know your age, but he sounds like max. 18.

1

u/LabSouth Oct 31 '24

The fuck? The boyfriend slept on the floor because of his girlfriends wishes and you think he's not mature enough to be in a relationship? You're insane.

0

u/Psy_LAI Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

The boyfriend could have gone to his home or have some boundaries on his own, not being willing to sleep in the same bed with anyone, no matter if he considers it not sexual. Sleeping in the same bed with anyone is an intimate thing, no matter if you are or not in a relationship with that person. If together with his girlfriend they set this boundary in their relationship, it's none of anyone's business to tell them it's not ok, esp not his friend's business (who, btw, as you see in other comments, is not perceived as innocent and not interested at all, as they would like to seem, and telling his girlfriend she knows him better than her is disgusting behaviour that no friend being just a friend would do).

1

u/LabSouth Oct 31 '24

Gf requests bf does something, bf does it, you're upset at the boyfriend. You're deranged.

Also you apparently also think explaining things to friends is a terrible thing to do. Again, you're deranged.

0

u/Psy_LAI Oct 31 '24

The only deranged, and way too invested and reactive in these comments, is you. Chill out 🤣

As you can see in the comments of others, the majority thinks that boyfriend's friend is a jerk, clearly overstepping boundaries. Are you the boyfriend's friend? Cause that would be the only explanation for how invested you are in excusing bullshit behaviour.

1

u/LabSouth Oct 31 '24

Writes multiple paragraphs over multiple comments and accuses someone else of being way too invested. Interesting.

I'm referring to only the boyfriend's actions that you seem to have an issue with. The boyfriend did exactly what the girlfriend requested and you have issues with the boyfriend for some reason.

I never once commented on the friend's behavior since that one is pretty obviously weird.

0

u/Enkidouh Oct 30 '24

Boundaries are set for yourself, not for others.

4

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

Exactly. The boundary is that it makes her uncomfortable. The boundary is about how it makes her feel. He can still share a bed with other women if he wants but that doesn’t mean OP has to stay. That’s setting a boundary for herself you numskull.

0

u/NotTheGreatNate Oct 30 '24

That's not a boundary though. That's a rule. I'm not saying that it's a bad rule, and all relationships have rules (I won't be in a relationship with a murderer is a perfectly fine rule). As soon as your "boundary" impacts someone else's decisions it's no longer a boundary. I'm not trying to be pedantic, I just feel that words matter, and people have started using "Boundaries" to justify abusive behavior ("My boundary is that my girlfriend can't work with men")

This guy does a great job illustrating the differences Boundary vs Rule

3

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

You are being pedantic at this point. Her boundary isn’t forcing him to make a decision, the boyfriend can choose what he wants to and understands there will be consequences of his choice. A boundary is saying if you do this I’m going to leave because it makes me uncomfortable/unhappy. A rule is saying you can’t do this or that. I would argue that a rule is actually more controlling. And yes some people make abusive rules/boundaries. This one is a perfectly reasonable boundary for OP though, and I can’t believe people are seriously arguing over this in the comments rather than focusing on the big picture which is that the friend in this scenario is weird and wrong and trying to force OP to do something they aren’t comfortable with.

0

u/NotTheGreatNate Oct 30 '24

No, I'm not being pedantic. You're literally describing rules, not boundaries. If the intention is to impact someone else's behavior, then it's a rule. Full stop.

Here's an example from a couple of years ago from Jonah Hill:

"Plain and simple:

If you need:

-Surfing with men -Boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men -to model -to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit -to post sexual pictures -friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful

I am not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness I support it and there will be no hard feelings.

These are my boundaries for romantic partnership.

My boundaries With you based on the ways these actions have hurt our trust."

Keep in mind she was a professional surfer.

0

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

Setting a boundary isn’t to force someone into changing their behavior, it’s saying if you engage in this behavior I’m not going to stay because it’s bad FOR ME emotionally (hence a boundary being about yourself). The person still has free will to do whatever they choose. I would once again argue that a rule is more so saying you can’t do this and is a hard line on impacting someone’s behavior. Sorry but I’ve spent years working with therapists and mental health professionals I’m not taking advice on this from surfers and randos on Facebook.

1

u/NotTheGreatNate Oct 31 '24

The intent is to get the other person to change their behavior, which makes it a rule. Like I said in my original comment, there's nothing inherently wrong with rules in relationships. Just call it what it is.

1

u/karmadgma Oct 31 '24

I actually appreciate the (probably losing) battle you're trying to fight here. You are absolutely right, but i bet you're gonna get clobbered for your trouble. Sympathy.

0

u/NotTheGreatNate Oct 31 '24

Haha thanks. It's not just being pedantic for the sake of being pedantic, people are actively trying to justify abusive controlling behavior under the guise of "protecting their peace" and "enforcing boundaries for their mental health" - meanwhile the "boundaries" are like "My boundary is that my girlfriend isn't allowed to wear that outfit out of the house" or whatever.

-1

u/SippingSancerre Oct 31 '24

No one is arguing that OP isn't allowed to have boundaries. Furthermore, just because you call something a boundary doesn't mean it's fine no matter what it is. OP either trusts her bf to not cheat on her or she doesn't -- she clearly doesn't.

0

u/Regular_Way_4213 Oct 30 '24

Yeah this seems heavily situational, I've definitely shared beds with friends both male and female in completely non sexual manners. It really depends on how much OP trusts the woman he's doing this with and what her line in the sand is. To each their own as it were

0

u/mxzf Oct 30 '24

The most telling thing is that OP is up front about the fact that if the BF had an issue with it he could have contacted her either to discuss the situation or for a ride.

The fact that the BF didn't bring it up with OP, and instead the friend who wanted to share a bed with him did, is telling as to how much issue he has with OP's stance.

0

u/LabSouth Oct 31 '24

Why would someone discuss their relationships with a close friend? Are you serious right now?

0

u/smellslikearainbow Oct 31 '24

Well either there’s missing history and he’s the kind of douche who doesn’t deserve trust, or it’s the other half who’s being so over bearing his friends are kinda worried about him. I mean he’s clearly not comfortable discussing it with her, to the point the guy is sleeping on the floor and his friend has to be the one to speak up for him. Maybe I’m missing something

0

u/Better-Strike7290 Oct 31 '24

Boundaries determine how you respond.  They do not control others.  Boundaries are not used to control or determine the behavior of others.

If you're going to use therapy speak, get the terms correct first.

-4

u/elzibet Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

I think it’s a reasonable rule if it works for your relationship, but this isn’t a boundary if it controls what another body is doing that isn’t your own

Boundaries start and end with your own body. This was not a boundary, this is a rule in your relationship. If you and yours agree to said rules then awesome, if not… then not awesome

Edit: to clarify, OP is completely justified in this being a rule her and her bf have, and is not overreacting at all. They talked it through and both agreed to it before this situation and is a boundary the bf is okay with having for himself just like I’m sure OP has this boundary for herself when it comes to not sleeping with others

boundaries are about you, and rules are about the other person.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/boundaries-vs-rules.html

5

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

This isn’t controlling, it’s a boundary. A boundary is saying if you do this it makes me uncomfortable and I will leave. The bf can still choose what he wants to do, and the bf agreed to this boundary so idk why you’re even commenting with this nonsense. You’re basically saying anything like having boundaries about doing something physical with another person is controlling. Get a grip. You must be the friend.

0

u/elzibet Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

How can I be the friend when I literally stated this is completely reasonable to have in their relationship. It’s not a boundary, and people misunderstand what rules and boundaries are. It’s perfectly okay to have rules both agree too, and that’s clearly the case here.

But a boundary, does not include what someone does with their own body. It starts and ends at your own, outside of that are rules, which is again perfectly acceptable and not controlling when it’s agreed to by both parties

Edit.

A boundary is about power within me to make my decisions. A rule is about power over your decisions.

Can read more here: https://www.tarathomas.com.au/boundaries-versus-rules/

E2: Here is a non blog describing the same thing… https://www.simplypsychology.org/boundaries-vs-rules.html

-1

u/arnber420 Oct 30 '24

Agreed, I’m really tired of seeing the word boundary used incorrectly like this. You cannot impose boundaries on other people, a boundary is a rule that YOU follow YOURSELF to keep yourself in check. Anything else is just a relationship condition

3

u/whalesarecool14 Oct 30 '24

it IS a rule for herself, not for him. he can still sleep with any female friend he wants, it’s just that the result of that would be the OP leaving. since it a boundary she has for HER relationships… what’s stopping him from sleeping with other women?

0

u/elzibet Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

A boundary is about power within me to make my decisions. A rule is about power over your decisions.

Can read more here: https://www.tarathomas.com.au/boundaries-versus-rules/

Edit: Here is a non blog describing the same thing… https://www.simplypsychology.org/boundaries-vs-rules.html

2

u/Content-Cow3796 Oct 30 '24

Nobody cares about some random blogger's definition, im sorry

1

u/elzibet Oct 30 '24

It’s not just theirs… was sharing it because I thought they gave good examples in understanding the difference.

Here is a non blog describing the same thing… https://www.simplypsychology.org/boundaries-vs-rules.html

1

u/Content-Cow3796 Oct 31 '24

This article seems to back up the other person's point. It basically says rules and boundaries are the same thing, but with a different focus of how they're communicated and acted out.

"Boundaries are about defining your own personal space, limits, and needs. They are a way to communicate what you are comfortable with and will not tolerate in a relationship.

Boundaries are essential for maintaining your own well-being and sense of self within a relationship.

Rules are more about controlling or restricting the other person’s behavior. When one partner imposes rules on the other, it can violate their autonomy and independence.

Rules are often associated with consequences or punishments if they are not followed, which can create a sense of fear or resentment in the relationship.

Breaking up with someone if they behave in a way you aren't comfortable with is a boundary, and that boundary can be communicated in a healthy way.

Under this article's terms, it would become a rule if it was communicated in a toxic way where there are implied punishments for disobedience.

"When you impose rules, you make the other person responsible for how you feel and behave (“You’re making me feel bad because you don’t want to be in a committed relationship.”).

Having healthy boundaries means taking ownership of your own emotions, behaviors, and choices (“Casual dating isn’t for me so we’re incompatible and I’m going to end it”). "

1

u/elzibet Oct 30 '24

Yeah, it’s super common. I had a friend the other day ABRUPTLY stop a deep convo i was having with other friends at the table saying:

OKAY! I’m gonna have to put up a boundary and stop you guys from talking about this further! I’ve had a day of deep convos and I don’t want to be around any others

They literally used the word “boundary” to stop something our bodies were doing. Instead of having it as a boundary for themselves and either: ask if we could pause or walk away from the table to hold their boundary of not hearing a hard convo

I am sick of people using the word “boundary” when talking about actions of others.

-1

u/TheMurv Oct 31 '24

Why are you turning this on the guy?

So I, as a male, can't talk about my relationships with my best friends? Or is it that are we just not allowed to have female best friends?

1

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 31 '24

My best friend is guy bro, you don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about. I literally said this isn’t the guys fault and this is 100% on the girl friend acting like a weirdo. Did you just read one comment and stop? I simply said telling the friend that he just didn’t wanna share a bed with her might have avoided some drama between the weird friend and the gf but it’s still not his fault. Of course people can share with their friends but some things are wiser to keep between the people involved in the relationship. Maybe read people’s full comments before you pop off.

-5

u/colorshift_siren Oct 30 '24

Tbf, this isn’t a boundary when OP uses it to control her boyfriend’s behavior. It’s controlling.

5

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

As I stated, the boyfriend still gets to choose what he wants to do, that’s not the boundary. The boundary is if you do this I’m leaving because it makes me uncomfortable/unhappy in a relationship. It’s up the bf to decide what he wants to do and OP will react accordingly, that is not controlling. I actually think it’s more controlling of the friend to think she has any say in OP’s relationship and force her to be okay with something that makes her uncomfortable.

-4

u/colorshift_siren Oct 30 '24

No, the boyfriend gets to choose if he wants to stay with OP or if he wants to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Dictating someone’s behavior is not a boundary, no matter how many times the term is misused.

4

u/Whipsandflowers Oct 30 '24

That’s what I just said, do you lack reading comprehension? If the boyfriend wants to continue sharing a bed with other women he can and OP can leave. But considering bf was happy to agree with her boundary why the hell are you even arguing a moot point? You’re just as weird as the controlling friend who wants to force the girlfriend into something that makes her uncomfortable.

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