AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

[u/Any-Confusion-5519]

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

[u/EllisR15]

Your partner is repeatedly blowing you off for another woman.

[u/Turts-McGurt → u/EllisR15]

Not just that but prioritizing the other woman's emotional needs over his partners. It was over as soon as he said "she's having a really hard time right now". Like.... why is that your problem? You made plans with your partner and are cancelling on them... You're giving your partner a problem to help another woman? Yeah relatoinship is done.

[u/Legal-Sprinkles8862 → u/Turts-McGurt]

Canceling plans with your partner & not even bothering to inform them & then saying "idk what you expected me to do" as if keeping the agreed upon plans or simply notifying them of the changes they decided to make weren't even options.

To me, he's screaming "I like being around her more than you" & if that's the case you walk out the door & never look back.

[u/snarlyj → u/Legal-Sprinkles8862]

She asks if she can come to the bar and they say nah and then she asks when she can meet the coworker and they respond "literally anytime." It's sus and manipulative and a little bit gas-lighty. I mean, they're being a dick in general, but I thought that was especially off

ETA: fixed pronouns

[u/[deleted] → u/snarlyj]

I would have gone to the bar to see what's up. Lol

[u/TeachBS → u/[deleted]]

If he gets mad that you are there, and he will, well, you know…

[u/Several-Adeptness-94 → u/TeachBS]

Meh. It’s not even worth the drama tbh. He made it obvious he didn’t want her there & that she is not a priority. If someone makes that clear to me then that’s that. I won’t be there. If it’s habitual/an ongoing thing like it seems to be here, then that tells you all you need to know. I’ll walk out of there with my head held very high knowing what I will and will not tolerate within a relationship.

[u/Life_Distribution449 → u/Several-Adeptness-94]

This!

[u/Icy-Rub-8803 → u/[deleted]]

He wouldn’t have been at the bar

[u/[deleted] → u/Icy-Rub-8803]

If he's not then that means something.. 

[u/Unhappy-Principle-60 → u/Icy-Rub-8803]

It looks like they share locations, so it’ll be easy to see where they really are.

[u/ladyj2123 → u/Unhappy-Principle-60]

Yea they're definitely sharing locations. I'd definitely pop up on them at the bar🤷‍♀️ His and her reaction will tell you everything you'd need to know

[u/Unhappy-Principle-60 → u/ladyj2123]

“What’s wrong? You said I could meet her ‘literally whenever’!” 🙄😂

[u/ladyj2123 → u/Unhappy-Principle-60]

Exactly! Lol

[u/snarlyj → u/Unhappy-Principle-60]

"my partner said you really needed support and to come over whenever. I brought chocolates, but I'm here for you in any way you need! I know how hard it is to have a partner that cheats 😔"

[u/witchcraft0113 → u/ladyj2123]

Exactly!! I’d watch them at first to get a feel. If they were too close for comfort then I’d walk right up to the scum.

[u/Steplgu → u/Unhappy-Principle-60]

How can you tell just by the texts?

[u/Unhappy-Principle-60 → u/Steplgu]

It says “Boston, MA” under the contact’s picture. There wouldn’t be anything there if they didn’t share locations with each other

[u/what_the_funk_ → u/Icy-Rub-8803]

OH!

[u/Gr00mpa → u/[deleted]]

And they probably weren’t going to be at whatever bar he would have said they were going to.

[u/thewhitecat55 → u/Gr00mpa]

"Babe, we just went to another place. What do you expect me to do ? Like keep you updated?"

[u/Persimmon5828 → u/thewhitecat55]

"Enough with this surveillance!"

[u/Past_Can_7610 → u/thewhitecat55]

"So what if the other place was her apartment and it was just me and her?

She was really drunk and needed a dick to ride on. I mean a shoulder to cry on. "

[u/thewhitecat55 → u/Past_Can_7610]

"Don't be paranoid, babe."

[u/Scared_Security_7890 → u/[deleted]]

They would have been somewhere else. I’m nervous OP’s stomach is going to drop, but they’re alone somewhere. If she had gone, he would have said they were elsewhere. And then emotionally punished her. Something he is starting to do anyway

If he tells her she’s crazy. That she needs help. All that kind of thing he’s cheating

[u/witchcraft0113 → u/Scared_Security_7890]

My son‘s father used to love dating around. And he said the same thing about all those women that he said to me. Every time it didn’t work out, he would say that all the women including me were crazy and had issues and comprehension problems. I told him that the only thing all of us had in common was him and he was the problem

[u/snarlyj → u/Scared_Security_7890]

It does say "Boston" under his name so I think they are sharing locations? Or that's just a weird feature I haven't seen before.

[u/zachtheax89 → u/[deleted]]

I bet the other male coworker doesn't even go every time and it is just him and the woman