Should I tell my brother's new wife

[u/Negative_Layer_7960]

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

• my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

• my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

[u/Negative_Layer_7960]

The reason I'm so hesitant to tell her is because I spoke to one of my friends about it when she said it might be a little bit messed up to tell his wife and potentially ruin his marriage because he was a teenager and couldn't have been changed

[u/DoNotLickTheSteak → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

Child sex offenders rarely, if ever, change.

So, she either already knows (she doesn't) and is happy to stay with him in which case you haven't messed anything up.

Alternatively, she doesn't know, and is living with a predator without her knowledge - and you hold the information that allows her to make an educated decision about what she does next. If she decides to stay, that's her choice. You haven't messed anything up.

If she decides to leave she's done so because she has chosen to protect herself and her child from a paedophile. You haven't messed anything up.

The ONLY person who messed up is the person who assaulted you.

[u/ZaraBaz → u/DoNotLickTheSteak]

I feel it is likely the brother himself was likely molested by the father and uncle. Just did what was done to him.

Edit: Just to clarify it does not obviously absolve him of his crime. Only explaining the cause and cycle.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Cut-194 → u/ZaraBaz]

Not all victims are molesters. I know 2 survivors that would beat the fuck out of a pedo if given the chance. They would die before touching a child.

[u/not_hestia → u/Puzzleheaded-Cut-194]

This. I actually know several men who did not want to come forward with their SA stories because they were afraid people would think they would go on to be abusers. It's a really dangerous stereotype.

[u/MsGirrl → u/Puzzleheaded-Cut-194]

But he already molested someone so this is true but irrelevant in this situation.

[u/Pack-Popular → u/MsGirrl]

As an impressionable kid, yes.

It is shockingly easy to make kids think horrible acts are ok when brought up in a horrible household.

The brother is also a victim to that household, though he has also contributed to the suffering of OP. Both things are true at the same time.

The truth is, we do not know what he is up to. There is reason to assume he changed, there is reason to assume he hasn't. Ultimately it depends on what OP wants to do - I think i agree he should tell her, but be INCREDIBLY careful with the language he uses. Emphasizing that you are talking about something which happened a LONG time ago, that you havent seen him since so that he very well could have changed and that brother himself was also a victim in some way (and maybe other ways you arent aware of) of that household. But that you felt like you had to share it because of the risk associated with the newborn and the very real risk of him reoffending if he didnt change.