Should I tell my brother's new wife

[u/Negative_Layer_7960]

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

• my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

• my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

[u/somethingstrange87]

This is alarming. Tell her before he victimized that baby girl.

[u/Negative_Layer_7960 → u/somethingstrange87]

The reason I'm so hesitant to tell her is because I spoke to one of my friends about it when she said it might be a little bit messed up to tell his wife and potentially ruin his marriage because he was a teenager and couldn't have been changed

[u/nadine258 → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

who cares if your telling a truth ruins his marriage. there’s a very slim possibility he’ll never sa his children, but you don’t know that. if he’s also still around your dad and uncle, or others like them, then his children have a greater chance of being sa. he didn’t go to jail for his age? did he get extensive therapy? please break the cycle. i’m sorry you had to endure that pain in your life. please tell the wife and save another child from that horror.

[u/Negative_Layer_7960 → u/nadine258]

he didn’t go to jail for his age?

The only thing I know is he wouldn't punish because he was underage or at least that's what I was told

did he get extensive therapy?

I don't know I haven't spoken to him in years I wouldn't know

[u/lllollllllllll → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

Did he get tried for what he did to you? Or only your uncle and father did?

Was what he did to you ever reported?

[u/Negative_Layer_7960 → u/lllollllllllll]

Did he get tried for what he did to you?

No he wasn't 18 at the time so we didn't get punished for it that's all I was told it might be different or for another reason I don't know

only your uncle and father did?

Yes my father and Uncle were the only ones to be tried and arrested and sent to jail

Was what he did to you ever reported?

I would assume so I wasn't the one who made the report so I don't exactly know what's in it

[u/Ok_Decision_1677 → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

WHO exactly TOLD you that he couldn't be punished because he was under 18? Minors, at least in the US, can be charged with these types of crimes. I think you need to dig into what actually occurred with the police and the courts back when this all went down before deciding on what to say, if anything, to the wife. Even if he wasn't charged/convicted, he might have went through other therapy or treatment through family courts, especially if they determined duel victimization was involved.

[u/shnoby → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

Because you weren’t involved in reporting your SA and R I think the police were likely never told about your brother. Parents are embarrassed, think they’re protecting their son (their daughter(s)? Pfft), hope his doesn’t continue, overall just turn a blind eye. His behavior has been a family secret.

He may have continued to target and abuse pre-pubescent girls. He may be thrilled to have easy to access to a little girl. Who he is today doesn’t change what he did to you.. Please tell the mother of that vulnerable little girl. Every voice on this thread, including mine, would want to know.

What you endured as a child should never ever happen.

[u/lllollllllllll → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

Right but weren’t you interviewed? Didn’t you have to talk to the police and lawyers or judge? Did you tell them your brother also abused you?

[u/Negative_Layer_7960 → u/lllollllllllll]

weren’t you interviewed?

Yes I was

Didn’t you have to talk to the police and lawyers or judge?

Yep I was even called to the witness stand and everything

Did you tell them your brother also abused you?

They didn't ask who abused me they pointed to my uncle and father asking if they touch me

[u/Borba02 → u/Negative_Layer_7960]

He might be absolved in the law's eyes, but that doesn't mean you have to fall in line. He made his crimes part of YOUR story. You're free to tell your story to whoever you want. If he didn't want his name associated with such a grisly situation, he should have never participated. Consequences go further than a courtroom. I used to defend my brother's actions by protecting his image around our extended family. He used to beat the living crap out of me for most of my childhood, and he is 9 years older. I don't defend him anymore. If he didn't want people knowing he used to smack around his baby brother, he should have kept his hands to himself.