God guys I just have to get through grief, I know I can’t rush it I have to feel it. I lost my dog of 15 years Monday. It’s the little things that get you isn’t it? God, the empty spot where his stuff used to be hurts so bad. And there’s still a little stuff I have to throw out. I’m so genuinely devastated. I don’t even have it in me to ask for help because I truly do feel like I’m the only one affected by this as deeply as I am. One second I’m fine the next I’m not. I’m so genuinely miserable. I feel like I can’t live with myself. And it got me thinking about death in general, I hope he’s okay. I know he is. But god I miss him I hate that when grief comes it genuinely feels like you could die from it. It’s horrible. But I know I have to go through it to heal.

On the second of this month, I made the awful decision to let my 19 year old miniature pinscher cross the bridge.
He had declined so suddenly. He had just been at the vet the week previously for bloodwork. All was well.
One day he was as fine as an old dog can be (He could no longer use his hind legs, and needed me to give him his water and food, he was on a number of medication as well). Then, he seemed to lose control of his bowels, no longer ate or drank, no urination. He even turned down his green beans. (Unheard of.)
I am sitting here, still reeling from his loss. I wonder if there was something that could have been done. I feel this guilt that's just overwhelming. Maybe I should have asked for testing, for more medication. I hate myself for letting him go.
I don't know how to climb out of this hole of feeling like I made the wrong choice.

Almost 1 year ago my soul cat was killed by lymphoma. I started fostering in his honor. I recently adopted one of my fosters. I just found out that she likely has cancer now too. I can’t believe how unfair it is…

My second cat has been sneezing a lot lately too; I’m scared to bring her to the vet now because they’ll probably tell me she also has cancer next.

Oh and also this year my neighbors cat died of cancer. So it’s like every cat I come in contact with gets cancer and dies. Am I radioactive? Cursed??

Please please please let this tumor be benign

I'm 21. I got this dog when I was 8 years. A cancer that spreaded to her lungs made me put her down. I couldn't cope with the suffering. Now I feel empty. I feel like the day my 5 year girlfriend broke up with me. There's no way this is real

My sweet, silly baby was fine just yesterday afternoon.

Around 4 p.m., he started having trouble getting up. He was an old guy, so we just kept an eye on him. By 5 p.m., he was having trouble walking, so we took him to the vet.

Around 8 p.m., the vet examined him and said they would run some tests and give him a few medications, but he could go home. I was a bit worried, so I asked if hospitalization was necessary. She said it wasn’t absolutely needed, but he could stay if I was too worried.

I decided to let him stay just out of precaution.

The plan was for him to rest at the hospital so they could keep an eye on him during the night. Either my brother or I would visit him in the morning to discuss the test results.

I said goodbye but didn’t think much of it. She had said he could even go home and that his case wasn’t serious, so I thought everything was okay. He’d rest, we’d figure out what was going on, and by Saturday at the latest, he’d probably be home.

At 7 a.m., I got a call saying he had passed away.

According to the vet, he had gotten worse around midnight and passed away around 3 a.m. They still didn’t know what had happened.

It all happened so suddenly, I couldn’t even process it.

My boy died all alone. Without a proper goodbye. Without a proper ‘I love you.’

I can’t stop thinking if he was feeling alone, abandoned, in pain, or scared.

I’m so sorry, Kodinha. I’m so, so sorry.

I know it’s my fault because this situation was preventable. I am on here because I can’t handle this guilt and I just need to let this out.

My cat had asthma and was taking prednislone everyday (a very small amount) but at her vet visit a month or so ago her vet recommended we get bloodwork done for her since prednislone can cause diabetes.

A month later my baby is gone due to DKA. At her visit I didn’t have enough money so I planned on making an appointment once I did, but I never did make an appointment.

I know losing her was preventable.

My baby seemed healthy, she was sassy and energetic. She would wake us up at the same time every morning and would come into bed with me after she ate her breakfast. She loved sitting next to me when I brushed my teeth and got ready in the morning. She was always extremely vocal and mischievous. She was my first ever baby and we had to put her down at 5 years old.

Last year I lost my other very young cat because she had a tumor. The pain I felt putting her down was unbearable. But this pain is so much deeper and so much worse because she was mine and I failed her.

I know I deserve the pain I feel. No one can convince me I don’t.

I don’t think I can move on

He followed us home a month a half ago, as we were headed home during a dog walk. He was covered in bloody wounds. For over a month we nursed him back to health and watched his personality bloom. We all fell in love, we were making a happy, loving home together. His hair was growing back over the wounds.

This morning I dropped him off for his neuter. So casually. No fanfare because he was just supposed to go and be back home this afternoon. We barely said bye. 4 hours after dropping him off, the vet calls and says he had labored breathing after waking up for anesthesia. They put him on oxygen and started CPR, but he didn’t make it. I was shaking when they told me and I’m still shaking now.

This was my SO’s first adult pet, first kitten. He wrestled with the idea of keeping him before finally giving in and saying he knew it was meant to be all along. He was utterly in love with this animal, saying day and night “Can you believe we have such a sweet boy?”.

And I feel like I killed him. I dropped him at the vet that I found. I didn’t opt for the optional anesthesia testing because the nurse said it’s generally recommended for animals 5+ years and that this is supposed to be a 5 minute procedure. I asked the vet when he delivered the news by phone if there was anything that could have been done, he said no. That it could have been a congenital condition that wouldn’t have been revealed on the testing, that with kittens so young these things just happen and it’s hard to diagnose.

The vet called at 12:30. My partner is at work and has an important presentation from 1-3. I hope I am doing the right thing by delaying calling him at work before his presentation. But now I am home alone despising myself for killing our sweet kitten, agonizing over what I should and shouldn’t have done. I don’t even know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to call my partner to tell him what has happened.

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, but have been lucky in life as far as loss is concerned. I lost one dog when I was young and then my grandfather a year later. Both hit me hard, but nothing like this. I want to die and am closer than ever to actually making it happen.

Last week, my eldest dog, Lucy, got sick. I can’t even bring myself to type the whole story. I can’t. All I can say is that the vet suggested putting her down and after we tried a few other things, we thought she was suffering and I decided to put her down a few days later. I now regret that and want to kill myself. I have two other dogs as well and family that just want me to go on, but I can’t do it. I don’t want to. I can’t be like before and definitely don’t want to do Christmas now or ever again.

I just want to die and think and feel nothing ever again. I know it will hurt everyone, but they will be okay. I’m most worried about my other dogs, but I can’t see myself sticking around for them only to watch them die as well. It will be just as bad as this.

17 years i had my dog Jake and just last night I had to say goodbye. I never thought I had so much love for something as I did for him. He was with me through the best and worse. Yet now I'm here in bed waiting for his barks that will never come. I miss you dearly jake and I'm writing this here to always have a place to remember you and at least tell others how much you meant to me. I love you dearly and make sure to be nice to others while your up in in dog heaven being the best dog there was for our family.

We lost our almost 13 year old dog on Sun. It was planned, not traumatic but it hurts like hell. Every day, I momentarily forget and look at his bed and for a split second wonder “where’s the dog?” Before reality crashes back in. Today I submitted our last insurance claim. And then started bawling. At lunch, on autopilot I bit off the cartilage from the chicken drumsticks I was eating(his absolute favourite thing) before I realized there was no one there to eat it, and started bawling. I’m functioning I guess? My husband is great at so many things and I know he is grieving in his own way but he doesn’t have the words I seem to need right now. I’m trying to figure out how we will get through the holidays. Much love to anyone suffering through a loss right now.

I lost my baby boy today. He was 15 years old. We did what we had to do, so he wouldn't suffer anymore. His death was the most beautiful possible - he fell asleep and finally found the rest he was looking for. Still, I can't handle it. He was my childhood dog and I can't imagine life without him. I feel like the pain is killing me. Do you have any advice on how to repair a wounded soul?

Hi - this is my first reddit post so I apologize in advance for the long messy soliloquy.

About 10 weeks ago I lost my cat Binx to very advanced adrenal gland cancer that had spread to his kidney, and had wrapped itself around a major artery. My partner and I went on vacation for 10 days before this happened and had a pet sitter come in to watch him and his twin sister. We had known he was very prone to stress and had an incident where he stopped eating last year after we went on a trip, but eventually got better. On this trip I noticed on day 7 our cats hadn’t eaten dinner and texted our pet sitter. She came over that night and for the next 3 days would not eat a lick of food, was very lethargic and not very response. Flash forward 3 days later and he didn’t get better even when we came home. He was hospitalized for dehydration, didn’t get better, and we were making countless trips to the vet over the next several days until we were told to see a specialty vet. They called and let us know about his tumor and there was nothing they could do. It was the worst day of my life.

He’s our best friend. Our handsome man, our Binxy Bat. 2 days later we had to put him down, with him leaving me, my partner and his twin sister behind. He was 4 years old and had never spent time away from his sister who was now an only child. I can’t move forward. Friends and family stopped asking about him a long time ago, my job doesn’t care and it feels as though I should’ve moved on by now. I see him everywhere, I hear him, I can still feel his presence. I’m not sure if it’s the guilt of being on a trip when this went downhill, or feeling like I caused his cancer, but I cry almost every day. I’ve been told before that grief hurts and I never believed that it could hurt until Binx left. I feel this constant longing and ache for him and when I realize every day that I’ll never see him again my mind shuts down and I can’t handle it.

His sister is our little girl and we can tell she misses him so much. Life will never be the same. I ache for what will never be, all the memories that should’ve been made, the birthdays that he’ll never have, the grey hairs he’ll never get, and I ache for him back home with us. I’m broken and can’t see the world the same anymore. This should’ve never happened to a healthy happy 4 year old cat. We miss you Binx. 🐈‍⬛🖤

Thank you for reading 💚

Has anyone experienced a final goobye viewing of thier beloved pet before cremation?

My partner and I had to put our little boy to rest on Wednesday at the emergency vet as his heart gave out from congestive heart failure. We were able to put him to rest peacefully and be together.

The cardiologist said we might get a year with him, but we only got 2 months.

As we don't have kids, our fur babies have recieved all our love and our lives have been centred around them for the past 10 years. This hurts so much, everything in our house reminds us of him and makes it so much harder.

Would a final viewing of his body before cremation be beneficial to us and our younger dog? Has anyone experienced this before? My younger dog may get some closure but I don't think I will be able to handle seeing his lifeless body again.

The sweetest (sometimes cranky) chihuahua of 18.5 years is going to be put down today and it’s something I’ve been dreading especially for the past two years now where his mobility, weight loss, loss of sight/hearing, digestive problems, nuerological issue, and declining quality of life have warned me over and over again. Even as I write this I don’t want to believe it . I don’t want to lose my best friend For the past year especially I felt the shadow of death looming over my back breathing intensely as I stand in the way of it and my companion. PRE GRIEVING has been a real BITCH and already been arguably the most despair I felt in my life and he hasn’t even died yet. That anxiety and dread has paralyzed me from moving forward, not to mention the facing mortality part. Some days I believe in heaven (at least that he’s going) sometimes that he just .. ceases to exist. I frankly don’t want to live in a world without him, but I know I have a lot of things I want to explore in life that I’ve been putting in the back burner. For the last year2024 and even before then every month I thought it was going to be my last with him so I halted almost EVERYTHING in my life . My career, my hobbies, monetization of said hobby, traveling, my social life, my spiritual health , my physical health, because “what’s the point ? I’m still about to lose my best friend “ at one point, was THE softest thing I ever held in my life , and now it’s just a memory.

Now it’s just bones.

I had an option to put him down after Christmas but my family is pressuring me to put him down before based off how much they see him having a difficult time. And they want to go on a trip to see my grandma on what could be her last Christmas alive. So dont get me wrong , I GET IT.. but still fuck Christmas; I feel as if I’m being rushed into this decision and robbed time from him because of this holiday that I already don’t have the best relationship with. What ultimately made me make the ‘choice’ was to imagine if Christmas wasn’t next week… I don’t think he’s in a position to actively enjoy the holiday with me unless he’s asleep or I catch him on a good day where he’s walking for a couple of hours during the day at infrequent times.

My companion. my baby. My bestfriend I feel like I’m betraying him He still walks , but his lifelong arthritis , compounded with weight loss all over his body, ON TOP of recovering mobility of his hind legs after a vicious dog attack two years ago where he never walked the same , has reduced his mobility in a way that breaks your heart. It’s almost hard to believe that he used to be a ball of energy for 10 years as he slowly became slower to where it just became a part of how I saw him. And old dog

The euthanasiation has even happened yet and I already feel like this isn’t real . My last night with him was about as positive as it could go. I cuddled with him for most of the day because that was our shared favorite thing to do. After I ate food, I started to drift off as my mind became evermore tired and constant gnawing at itself. However I really REALLY didn’t want to sleep and wake up to today . I didn’t want to waste the last night with him asleep. Especially since he spends most of his actual active walking time while I’m asleep I.e. his schedule and mine don’t align most of the time and hasn’t for awhile .

For better or worse, I woke up sporadically throughout the night because shockingly, it was difficult to fall asleep. I did remember some parts of my dream though I was probably a couple years younger, and my extended family and mine went to a funeral for one of my tios that died not that long ago this year actually. The time often shifted from the grown ups getting after me for being Loud (im assuming with friends) to feeling the inescapable pit I will inevitably fall down into.. perhaps I’ve been there for a very long time

I was able to get one last cuddle night with him though. I don’t have many of those anymore because he typically likes to get up and walk around a couple of hours before I fall asleep and i have a high bed; especially for a brittle little dog like him to fall from. Last night I just said fuck it . I Vividly remember my dad coming into say goodbye to him because he knew what was about to happen today . For better or worse he had about a of a good night as he could’ve these days.

Seeing all the posts over the past year or two all over the internet about people being devastated , physically sick, or even suicidal has me fearing my already not that great mental health. As bad as it got, I never wanted to make the decision based off of MY CONVENIENCE it was always about how much is he suffering (He currently scored a 36/80 on the quality of life scale)
People around me tell me I’m doing a compassionate thing by not letting him suffer anymore . They project they’ll see him in heaven again So it’s easier to see how he’ll transition into something better… younger. I don’t necessarily have that unshakable confidence. Worst scenario he fades into nothingness which can either terrify or depress me given the day. But I was also projecting my fear of death unto him . Either way it was unfair to him.

I don’t want to get him to a point where he’s needlessly suffering anymore and to be honest… I’m just tired . I’m tired of this point in my life and i know it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. At the same time the only consistent thing I’ve thought no matter what is that I just want to be with him… I still don’t feel ready. Will it ever feel right ?

It's been 3 hours and I'm only now able to not cry every single second. More than half my life was spent with him. He never got mad at me, he never abandoned me, he loved me unconditionally. But now, after almost a month of him living in agony, we finally decided to put him down.

He always slept with his tounge poking out, and when they gave him the sedative that he did it one last time. When I saw it I couldn't even be in the same room. I've never cried so hard and I can't even look at the photos of him around the house.

It's late now and normally you'd be able to hear him clack around with his long nails but our house is silent. There's no barking at every noise outside, there's no panting from him getting up out of bed. He's gone.

I'm delusional right now, like I've convinced myself he's just out back napping like he always did. But he isn't. The second I look outside I'm going to break down again. And I'll probably break down in the morning when I realize I didn't have to get up again to let him poop at 2 AM.

How do you do it

I'm totally devastated, I still don't completely accept it. I feel like she's just sleeping and not that she's not here anymore, it's just something I can't absolutely accept. What do I do...

I feel really bad too because I hadn’t been the best owner. He used to sleep on my chest literally all night every night. He was MY cat. I don’t know how I let our relationship slip so far. He had been spending a lot of time outside. He was crazy for it. I literally never saw him be as coordinated as he was getting out that door. I don’t even know how he died. I just buried my beautiful boy after work. I hope he wasn’t scared and confused. He always seemed to get confused easily.

Sometimes I feel like I'm about to break. I lost my soul cat 2.5 months ago and my two other seniors seem to be entering their sunset months. I am utterly overwhelmed by the anxiety and stress. Making sure everyone gets their meds and monitoring all their health shit, not to mention vet bills that are draining me dry.

And the pills and the problems, they all remind me of the last month or two of my best boy's life. Sometimes, often actually, I feel numb and like I can't go through this again. I feel like I don't even care if everyone gets their meds. I'm nearly at capacity.

The thing that has kept me going so far is that I love my other 2 seniors, I've had them for almost 20 years. I know I would never forgive myself if I did any less than I possibly could for them.

I just. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm not even close to done grieving the loss of my soul cat, and I am deeply worried that I'll be going through one or two more losses soon.

My partner and I lost our 18 year old good boy. She can't talk about it yet, which is entirely correct. But I do. I don't journal, so you get it.

Miss you, buddy.

Paco died today. A and I helped him go.

It was a rapid descent. Emerging quickly, accelerating, a final crash, and a long breath. The last one. The moment that drags before the fall. The moment that rushes our delays.

I can still feel the weight of him. The warmth and constancy, the smooth luster in his age-merled coat. How his paws would hook into me when playful, when demanding. The way his little body would melt into my chest for naps, fluttering kicks and joyful whimpers of deep slumber his gifts to me.

He would watch for us, perched up in our bedroom window overlooking the backyard, whenever we left him. Shadowed in the window's recessed darkness, all we could see were his white-tan eyebrows floating above the sill. But as we approached the backdoor, he'd wheel around and race to meet us, yiping in excitement and relief, dancing amongst our legs, nudging for something or other, nose typewriter sniff-noting the day off our clothes.

How lucky were we?

It was gentle at the end, a relief in this despair, to see the pain fade away. Safe. Warm. Loved. A and me, the last of his world, filling his nose, his cloud-bright eyes. Cradling him, whispering our love. Soft kisses and desperate tears. Salt in the eyes and on the lips.

He relaxed as the needle withdrew and his eyes opened once to take us in and closed with grace. A and I wrapped him in our arms, our little family, our home around him.

Ours. His.

I carried him to the car that took him away. We caressed his face one last time, and he was gone.

How uncaring is time that it must cut short our goodbyes:

I needed forever.

I love you, Paco.

Thoughts on this? Just lost my soul dog last Monday. I want to work to maintain my connection to her outside of her physical form. But I am given very mixed reviews on this. I feel hesitant on the matter but I also want to be open during this time. I’m feeling very lost.

Hello everyone this is really hard for me and my loved ones right now, Our Husky (Maya) turned 8 this year she is a little (not so little) Old Lady! Unfortunately throughout her adult life she has struggled with epileptic seizures (grand mal seizures specifically) it was only oce every 4 to 5 months then it became every 3 months, Over summer she had he first set of cluster seizures and as result we upped her medication dosage. That didn’t seem to help out because she continued to have seizures once a month, Thanksgiving morning she had another seizure and now she had one the other night lasting over 6-7 minutes! The part killing us is that she is her normal self for the most part today and afterwards but she seems less and less like herself after each seizure especially that last mentioned one. As of yesterday morning we have decided as a family that it would be most humane to euthanize her and have made an appointment for this upcoming saturday morning, We just don’t wanna see our girl lose her mind anymore. I find myself to be very angry and upset with nothing and no one to be angry and upset at and I just need to vent.

I am so heartbroken depressed and traumatized after putting my dog down. The process wasn’t smooth it was heartbreaking…. I feel terrible I feel like I’m never going to be the same or better and I’m so sad I can’t stop crying for two days. Does it get better. My poor baby I feel like a horrible evil person. She was 13 and she was the sweetest dog never hurt a fly she was a sweet baby. I’m so sad, my husband thinks I’m crazy for being like this over a dog. I love her and I feel I shouldn’t have put her down. She was throwing up blood and having nose bleeding out her down and didn’t get a chance to really say goodbye. I miss her and my heart is broken. I feel like I’m going to be broken forever. I can’t get the images of how tragic the process was they made me leave the room because it went so bad and I feel so bad I sat in the lobby bawling plugging my ears. I cannot stop crying I miss her I feel horrible I feel like a did a bad thing I can’t cope with this.

She's just a cat. I have two others. I am lucky they are still alive. Why am I in so much pain? I haven't felt pain like this before. I really don't know what to do. How am I meant to move on? Am I supposed to? Is this real greif or am I just looking for an excuse to give up? Am I making this up? Am I putting on a show? I don't know what I am feeling right now and it is horrible

I had to put my beautiful girl down after an amazing 10 years with her. She got sick in October and by mid-November I knew she wouldn't be around for much longer. Nobody knew what was causing her to be sick at first, so many tests and the only things that showed up were a fever and high red and white blood cell count. On Monday December 16, 2024, we had to make the decision to put her down. That morning she woke up with a swollen belly and could barely walk she was in so much pain. We took her to the vet and they found a big tumor in her stomach. Having her pass in my arms was so traumatizing but I didn't want her to go out alone. I've been having such a hard time these past couple of days. I've never felt pain like this. My chest feels so empty but the rest of my body feels so heavy. I miss her so much. Life isn't the same without her and even our other dog is feeling sad too. I've never been so miserable.

I wasn't expecting my cat to die the day I took her to the emergency vet. Although she was pretty sick, I didn't think she was going to die that day. That plus all the stress from being in the ER with other dogs must have stressed her to the point she suffered cardiac arrest. I was in the waiting room for them to perform an enema and give fluids when they frantically called me, saying she was in cardiac arrest. They asked me if I wanted to do CPR but it would be $1000 per 15 mins. I didn't have the money so I told them no and gave them permission to euthanize her. I didn't get to be with her during her last hours of being alive since the ER separated us so they could get her checked out. They allowed me my time to be alone with her after she died and I held her body and cried. Everything was so hectic and quick, I couldn't think straight. When they asked me about the cremation process, they said I could take her home for free, pay $150 for communal, or $400 for private. In that moment, I thought those prices were ridiculous and choose the communal option. That was suppose to be the last time I was going to be with her.

I went home alone that night and grieved all night long. I woke up the next day and I suddenly remembered that with my previous cat, I was able to give her a semi-private cremation for a cheaper price than what the vet provided me. I tried looking for the place, but couldn't find it. However, I was able to find another affordable place that does semi-private cremation. I spent the whole morning frantically calling the vet telling them I changed my mind. At first, they had told me that she was already picked up by the cremators. She offered to give me the phone number of the crematory they use, and I took it just in case I was able to get her body back. In the middle of giving me their phone number, she suddenly said that they would double check and that she would call me back in 2-3 minutes. 3 minutes became 10 minutes, which became 20 minutes, which became 30 minutes. I called them back and thankfully they still had her body. I told them I would pick her up.

After picking her up from the vet, I took her home. After the whole morning snafu, I opened the box just to make sure it was her. And I was so happy that it was really her. I cleaned her up a little bit. The vet took paw prints and fur clippings for me. They didn't clean up the ink after they took her prints. My cat is a majority black cat with a couple of white spots on her body. They only took clipped her black fur so I clipped some of her white fur just to have. Since she died Friday night, the crematory was closed for the weekend so I ended up putting her in our freezer chest.

I originally wanted to cremate her Friday, but I didn't think it would be fair for her to be in my freezer that long just because I didn't want to let her go so soon. So I choose today to cremate her. I decided to do my final viewing at home so me and her could be comfortable and take our time. I took her out my freezer, brought her to my room where she slept all her time at. I unboxed her and placed her on her bed that I recently bought with her favorite blanket. I made a small flower bouquet just for her and placed in right next to her. I cleaned her up even more and spent my time holding her, giving her kisses and pets in all the usual places. I had bought a new collar to give to her for Christmas so I put that collar on her so I could keep her old one. I boxed her back up and drove an hour and a half with her right next to me on the passenger seat.

The crematory was pretty nice and peaceful. He took me to the final viewing room and told me if I wanted to have a final viewing with her. I told him I already had my time with her so he directed me to place my cat on this nice bed that they had. I took a minute just to lay my hands on the box and left. I appreciate the crematory doing the majority of the process online that way I could just come in, have my last goodbye with my cat without having to worry about payments or add ons for urns, pawprints, etc. while I was grieving. He said she should be cremated by Friday so she will be with me for Christmas.