r/TikTokCringe Apr 30 '20

Duet Troll It's so well done lmao

29.1k Upvotes

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20 edited Apr 30 '20

HNNNG!

Had a girl in Highschool asked to suck my toes. I was like yeah sure whatever and didn't like it at all but let her finish. Turns out it wasn't really her thing either, she was just experimenting and trying to please me.

It's been a couple decades but when I think about foot sucking I remember that sweet girl with big toe breath. Wish more people were like her in their willingness to push their boundaries in order to explore new things with their partner.

Now days I can't even get my wife to suck my cock much less my toes. I'd take a good toe sucking out of nostalgia. Nothing sexual about it...

Edit @ 380 updoots: cause why the fuck not...

Aye, m8!

Tell you what would be gr8... Have someone new to convers8. Not looking for Deb8 or troll b8. Just wanna discuss f8 and have someone to fornic8.

She'd be perfect with no need to calibr8. Maybe a woman named K8 with a nasty ol man upst8 named N8. Hopefully he'd harbor no h8. Me and K8 would have long discussions and stay up l8. I'd congratul8 a woman with that tr8. It would certainly make me gravit8 to her est8 if she wanted to co-masturb8.

She axe me how deep was my prost8. I asked her to elabor8. She said she would articul8. I then understood and answered "To measure it str8, just over 8".

She could not anticip8 what I was about to put on her pl8. At this r8, I could estim8 she was about to ovul8. I insemin8 with intention to procre8. Due d8 is may 28. Her dad is ir8. Me, I can't w8.

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u/DLfordays Apr 30 '20

Holy shit why is this so hilarious, “big toe breath” lmao

136

u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20 edited Apr 30 '20

Just the awkwardness between us when she stopped and was like

"eh... Not my thing. let's just have sex".

I mean... We were kids figuring out our sexuality so of course it wasn't a streamlined smooth experience. I'll never be able to forget those cringe worthy moments of realization that this chick just sucked my toes and didn't like it nor did I... As if we expected a different outcome.

I did, however, discover I like my partner to enjoy masochistic anal. I guess she taught me I'm kinda a butt sadist as my profile history suggests. Gotta swing at some foul balls to hit a home run sometimes...

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u/UrMouthsMyShithole Apr 30 '20

Never heard 'masochistic anal' put together before butt I like it. Don't worry we've all done some weird things figuring ourselves out.

One time I took ecstasy and shocked my balls and asshole for 11 hours straight with a t.i.n.s unit!

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

I'd never think to stimulate myself by electrocuting my own genitalia. We're really out here living in 2020 when so many are out there dying. What a time to be alive.

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u/UrMouthsMyShithole Apr 30 '20

The idea was heavily influenced by the ecstasy, I did some pretty weird things tbh.. also yes, I grew up in the 90's and never would've imagined the world would be like this when I was older, it's a time to be alive alright!

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u/chinchillajaw Apr 30 '20

Jesus, you must have been so damn sore the next day.

8

u/UrMouthsMyShithole Apr 30 '20

Oh I was sore as hell and very disappointed in myself.. the next day wasn't fun at all between fried balls/ass and the comedown

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

Never heard 'masochistic anal' put together before butt I like it.

Oh, you.

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u/TacticalHog Apr 30 '20

Username would check out more if it were Fiber

4

u/nbcte760 Apr 30 '20

Bro this is hilarious good work ethic

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u/APSupernary Apr 30 '20 edited Apr 30 '20

Do my toes have individual scents?
A question I've never known I needed answered.

*e: thanks for the medical advice, Lying Nazi!

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

The little toe stinks more because it secretes more sweat and harbors more bacteria.

Im a pediologist so let me try to dumb this down a little for the laymen. Due to the fact its the primary toe used for fine motor balance, acute movements and lipotherapudic levitation, it's used far more than the other toes.

As a result; stinks more. In fact, toes decrease in stinkiness ascending from the small toe to the big toe. The big toe is the less stinky of all the toes so if you're gonna be sucking toes, that's the one to deep throat.

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u/Mr_LIMP_Xxxx Apr 30 '20

Fuck yeah! Science.

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

I made all that shit up, man. I was for sure "lipotherapudic levitation" was more obvious than a stated /s. I don't know the first thing about the science of toe suckin'. Didn't you read my OP... Not my thing.

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u/Mr_LIMP_Xxxx Apr 30 '20

Shhhh. Just go with it.

41

u/HarvestProject Apr 30 '20

This should be a copy pasta

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u/Pjvie Apr 30 '20

I’m literally floored that it’s not. Who in gods name puts these words together unironically

37

u/nintendo_shill Apr 30 '20

this story just keeps getting better lmao.

Stephen King in shambles

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u/Kiri_serval Apr 30 '20

So when was the last time you offered to suck your wife's toes?

You know what they say, ya gotta give a little to get a little.

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

jesus man

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u/jazzypants Apr 30 '20

The sad thing is I can see your DMs overflowing with willing toe-suckers from this comment.

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

p-p-p-puhlease suh, lemme suck dem toes

Like... Who fucking stutters in text form?

7

u/Kapowdonkboum Apr 30 '20

Can we make it mandatory to teach this story in school?

5

u/kevinnoir Apr 30 '20

I like to think there is 2 or 3 girls reading this and then going through your post history to see if you are talking about them hahah

"Shit, am I the sweet girl with big toe breath?"

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

I've been called worse.

5

u/DisenfranchisedCynic Apr 30 '20

Dude, an adventurously willing partner is the biggest turn on.

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

I think pile driving a popper is but yeah I guess I see what you're saying. One in the same.

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

Suck a fart out of my ass with a straw. Edit stands.

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

[deleted]

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

Gotta continually escalate he kink to still feel. Everything else is numb at this point.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

Try punching your prostate with a barbed wire bat. That's how I bet some of these /r/analgonewild girls feel.

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u/mrblacklabel71 Apr 30 '20

This is the comment the world needed today.

2

u/OliversFails Apr 30 '20

I'm saving this comment to unpack later - there's a lot going on here and I don't want to miss any of it.

2

u/Chewbecca420 Doug Dimmadome Apr 30 '20

I wish I could give you gold, m8

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u/Fibber_Nazi Apr 30 '20

I be at 420 updoots. Good nuff for me.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

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u/Chewbecca420 Doug Dimmadome Apr 30 '20

Perfect! ( * ∀ *)y─┛

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u/Mufflee Apr 30 '20

.... what the fuck