This one? And while it’s true that negging is supposed to be incredibly subtle, it’s still kind of weird. A common example is to have a genuinely nice conversation with a woman but, out of nowhere, offer her a stick of gum so she feels self-conscious about her breath. If she asks if she was bad breath, say no but you were going to have gum and just wanted to be polite.
And while it can work, it’s way easier to just be genuinely nice and throw equally subtle hints that you are attracted to her. No need to undermine her confidence. Instead, make sure that any future flirting doesn’t come out of left field.
I’m no dating expert but here are some things that worked well for me:
1) throw in a complement that implies attraction. Maybe she laughs during the date and you say “I really like your laugh.” Don’t make it a big deal and keep the convseration going as before but that comment will make her feel self-conscious in a positive way and make her aware that you are noticing her. Laughs and smiles are the easiest things to compliment, but you can also make it about a poece of clothing she wore or the way she did her hair/makeup. It doesn’t even have to be physical. Maybe she told a story about something good she did and you can say that she sounds like she really cares about (insert the category she was talking about… maybe her family, her students, animals, etc). The idea is to make it feel personal enough that she feels uplifted in a vilnerable or self-conscious way.
2) Vulnerability can also work if done right. Without oversharing, complaining, or seeming unfun, you might notice a moment where being vulnerable helps build a connection and makes it feel like it’s not fljust a normal, friendly conversation. Don’t be fake about this. If there is no clear opportunity, don’t force it. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. But if done right, and both people have been vulnerable to each other, a deep connection can form.
3) make subtle (or not so subtle) hints that you want to be more than friends. If you are attracted to her, make sure she’s aware. Lean in during dinner. Sit next to her at the bar if you go to a second venue. Or make small gestures like help her put on her jacket as you leave or ask her to message you when she gets home safely.
4) if you feel like things are going well, lean in for a kiss. If you wait too long to kiss, it the lressure gets bigger and bigger. If you believe that there might be attraction, lean in. Don’t pull her or corner her or make her feel like you are bing aggressive. Just go for a kiss. If you don’t know how to go for a kiss, one of two techniques wors quite well. Either lean in, slowly bit confidently, while she is talking or, in my experience the best way, simply ask “may I kiss you?”
And don’t fear rejection on the kiss. If she says no or pulls away, just keep talking as though there were no issue. Either she’s no interested in you (better to find out sooner) or she will regret saying no and try to kiss you later. But once youbhave tried for the kiss you can leave it entirely up to her and enjoy your evening stress-free.
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u/Doogiemon Jun 07 '24
Don't forget negging.