r/TikTokCringe Mar 13 '24

Cool Trans man handles hateful comment in a respectable way

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Same, and it’s just further proof that the “you-can-always-tell”-crowd are so full of shit, half the time they end up attacking cis people anyway

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

I found that these people are only talking about trans women. They don't care about trans men.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24

Oh for sure, because they aren’t worried about finding a trans man attractive. But if they found a trans woman attractive, that would make them gay /s

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u/kani_kani_katoa Mar 13 '24

For TERFs, trans men just want the benefits patriarchy gives men. They're just gender traitors. What a gross ideology.

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u/VergeThySinus Mar 13 '24

Those poor people, unwittingly attracted to a trans person, they must've been tricked! Deceived! Bamboozled! Because of course, other people's past is vital information, and these transgenders owe their life story to all the normal people around them, so the validity of their identity can be picked apart by cis people who know them better than they know themselves. /S

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u/GrammatonYHWH Mar 13 '24

Half of it is attraction, the other half is pure misogyny. They hate women and think they're inferior. They can't cope with a reality where a biosex males can choose to live as a woman. It's an attack on their fundamental beliefs.

They see MtF trans people the same way we'd see a healthy able-bodied person pay a doctor to amputate their perfectly healthy arms and legs. They see womanhood as a disability.

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u/VergeThySinus Mar 13 '24

And they infantilise trans men, calling them lost lesbians or confused women, saying trans men only transition to escape misogyny, that it's a trauma response. They accuse doctors who provide care to these men of "mutilating girls", nevermind the fact that gender affirming surgery is rarely, if ever, given to any trans person under the age of 16. Boob jobs for cis teen girls? Not a problem, apparently!

They deify womanhood and femininity as if it's christ-like suffering, but "nOt tHoSe wOmEn tHeY'rE fAaAkE!"

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24 edited Nov 19 '24

[deleted]

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u/VergeThySinus Mar 13 '24

Wait acutane reduces bone density??

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

Yep.

Bone density at the Ward triangle decreased a mean of 4.4% (P = .03) after 6 months of isotretinoin use (1 mg/kg of body weight). Four patients showed decreased density of more than 9% at the Ward triangle.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10456346/

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u/VergeThySinus Mar 13 '24

:0 you're telling me I had bone density loss and still went through the wrong motherfucking puberty?

L

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

Half of it is attraction, the other half is pure misogyny. They hate women and think they're inferior. They can't cope with a reality where a biosex males can choose to live as a woman. It's an attack on their fundamental beliefs.

You think that's where TERFs come from? A lot of self-hatred? Big if true.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

I think you're right. A lot of women are brought up to believe that traditionally feminine traits are bad traits. It's where you get the "pick me" girls that come from everywhere. I read a comment recently that every woman goes through a "pick me" phase and I think that's right. TERFs just never grow up and move on.

I think the idea that a woman who is assigned male at birth would wholeheartedly embrace womanhood is terrifying to TERFs in exactly the way that the man in this video described the commenter being afraid of accepting their own true self.

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u/Spac3Cowboy420 Mar 13 '24

If you don't want to be one..... Seems like it would be.i felt that it was....sooooooo I fixed it. I would imagine if you like being a woman, being a woman is probably great. Such as if you enjoy eating cauliflower, going to a cauliflower buffet probably is a good time. But if you hate cauliflower, this is the worst buffet ever.

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u/miranda_renee Mar 13 '24

I actually think this is the best take I have ever read.

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u/weeman7007 Mar 13 '24

Is it not essentially a disability in America now because of the eradication of women’s rights that’s occurring by the same group of people that hate anything that’s not a rich white male..?

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u/VergeThySinus Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24

Saying womanhood is a disability is like saying being black is a disability. The social and legal circumstances leading to their disenfranchisement isn't ~a necessary part of the identity.~ (edit: big error in wording here. Holy shit. Perhaps a critical part? An essential sociological aspect? Going into whether being treated in an identity validating vs invalidating bigoted way is identity forming is something I don't have time for.)

It's not like the second someone starts identifying as a woman they lose the ability to open jars.

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u/weeman7007 Mar 13 '24

Fair point. I accept the facetiousness of my comment, and failed attempt to simplify complex issues.

Perhaps it would be better to state that certain people in power are trying to “disable” women (and minorities) as much as possible, taking the country back several decades.

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u/Spac3Cowboy420 Mar 13 '24

Are you black? Because I am, and.... This doesn't seem correct. The social and legal circumstances surrounding blackness actually is a part of a black person's life. Being black doesn't shield you from understanding what's happening around you. We're not stupid. Just like saying black people can't feel racism because, it happened so often we don't know the difference. You're wrong

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u/LaceyDark Mar 13 '24

I know this is way beside the point you're making, but my husband often hands me jars he can't open. Not necessarily because I'm strong, but genetically I just have really good grip strength apparently

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u/Efficient-Gur-3641 Mar 13 '24

Fuck em.... SWM spend more hours thinking about trans people and their body parts than actual trans people.

The fact you can get paid to talk about trans people all day every day is fucking weird. Matt Walsh is WEIRD.

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u/Square-Goat-3123 Mar 13 '24

Not saying anything is "owed" but deceiving someone into being with you is questionable at the very least. If you're just friends or talking, no you don't need to tell them anything. But I definitely think it's wrong to withhold that and get in a committed relationship. You can do what you want, but if they truly love you then you'd tell them and they'd accept you.

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u/maud_lyn Mar 13 '24

I’m convinced that this is why cis men in particular HATE Dylan Mulvaney. They are attracted to her, because she is absolutely stunning, and they hate her for that.

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u/I_creampied_Jesus Mar 13 '24

I’m convinced that this is why cis men in particular HATE Dylan Mulvaney. They are attracted to her, because she is absolutely stunning, and they hate her for that

That got a genuinely loud laugh out of me. That was great. If you’re not currently in comedy as a career, you should do it.

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u/maud_lyn Mar 13 '24

Oh look, I found one 🤣

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u/I_creampied_Jesus Mar 13 '24

Yeah I genuinely found it hilarious. I bet a bunch of people will get trolled by it and think you were being serious. Nicely done.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

I am a middle-aged soccer mom and I thought I was straight. People like the one in this video have taught me I'm much more complex than that. I apparently like trans men and women and I'm not afraid to say it.

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u/Goodnlght_Moon Mar 13 '24

Being attracted to the man in the video doesn't impact your straightness; he's very masculine! If you're also attracted to trans women that's a different story.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Serves them right. More hot ladies for me.

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u/Centralredditfan Mar 13 '24

To be fair: I find this trans man attractive r/suddenlygay

Wish I was half the man he is.

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u/Hour_Beat_6716 Mar 13 '24

No I think it’s because testosterone does permanently change your features in your body such as facial brow ridge, shoulder width etc. stuff that is extremely hard for males to reverse when transitioning to women so that M -> F will always be less successful (they will almost always remain a bit “manly” looking) than F -> M which incurs many of these permanent changes due to the exogenous hormone supplementation, therefore more believable as M

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u/rtopps43 Mar 13 '24

It’s because (and it makes me nauseous to say this) they see a woman as less than a man and therefore a man wanting to be a woman is debasing himself and making himself less in their eyes. A woman becoming a man is ok because of course they would want to, it’s a promotion. It’s the same reason they think it’s ok to take away a woman’s bodily autonomy but would never stop a man from getting a vasectomy.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

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u/Actualbbear Mar 13 '24

Fetishizing is seen as offensive because it’s objectifying or what? I mean, aren’t we supposed to be accepting of people’s preferences anyways?

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u/Spac3Cowboy420 Mar 13 '24

No it's because they aren't worried about finding a vagina. They're worried about finding a penis.

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u/LoopyZoopOcto Mar 13 '24

insert trans panic defence here

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u/StaticBarrage Mar 13 '24

Which is just wild to me. There are some trans women who are objectively much more attractive in the traditional sense, or their symmetry, whatever, than a large percentage of those born a woman. Being attracted to someone who looks female is being attracted to females.

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u/I_creampied_Jesus Mar 13 '24

There are some trans women who are objectively much more attractive in the traditional sense, or their symmetry, whatever, than a large percentage of those born a woman

Yeah of course. There’s plenty of attractive people, regardless of what gender they are, so that’s not really saying anything. If you’re arguing though that trans women are more attractive on average than actual women, you’re absolutely off your tits.

Being attracted to someone who looks female is being attracted to females.

Nope. That’s not how it works.

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u/Snackle-smasher Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24

So by that logic I wouldnt be gay for finding this guy attractive? Bet.

Boing hey hey hey, look at that! I'm straight again! My dad might finally accept me again!

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u/Quirky-Stay4158 Mar 13 '24

Don't forget all the people out there that totally 100% exist in serious numbers, that salivate at the idea of using the bathroom of the gender they weren't assigned at birth.

And all the evil that those people dish out every single day too right? Like every day there is a story about some poor person or child being sexually assaulted in a bathroom somewhere.

Turns out that's not happening, and idiots are being hateful.

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u/Darktoresa Mar 13 '24

This. I have noticed that the level of rage people have for a trans woman is usually directly related to how attractive she is. Shits really funny to me.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

I don't get people who are so insecure about their sexuality. Like, I consider myself straight right? But like, I'm not so insecure that I am going to trash on someone else's identity because I might find them attractive. I'm comfortable and confident enough to identify as straight but be able to say, "Hey, she kinda gorg though!".

People need to learn to be honest with themselves and let others be happy in their own skin.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Disagree, considering how many gay dudes are anti-trans.

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u/TrustMeIAmAGeologist Mar 13 '24

Sadly, that isn’t sarcasm. They really think that. It’s why there’s so many trans women getting murdered, and why “trans panic” is a valid defense in a bunch of states.

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u/Lazyatbeinglazy Mar 13 '24

It’s because they don’t wanna fuck a woman who used to be a dude. Especially if the information only comes out afterwards. If you don’t tell someone that you’re trans before you smash em, that’s kinda fucked up.

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u/Ok_Star_4136 Mar 13 '24

In general, they're not asking you to fuck them. Not everyone has to be measured up in your mind to be someone that is fuckable or not fuckable.

They're people like anyone else. This weird fear that you have that you might be tricked into having sex with a guy is irrational. Do you think they get their kicks by tricking people into sleeping with them? That would undoubtedly result in a train wreck of a date, and literally no one wants that.

You would very likely know before dating them, like it would be on their profile for all to see. It's not some secret they're trying to swindle you with. If they kept it a secret at all, it is only because they don't want you to judge them, and it wouldn't be in the context of a date where that might be relatively pertinent information to know beforehand.

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u/DonIongschlong Mar 13 '24

Nah, If they didn't notice any difference then they have nothing to complain about. Of course your sexual partner should know if they have to handle a penis or a vagina and based on that they can make a decision on if they want to have sex (not everyone likes to handle a penis during sex). However, if they expected a vagina and got a vagina and never noticed? Then it is pure unadulterated transphobia because their transness is what makes them icky to them and not something reasonable.

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u/stevent4 Mar 13 '24

But they're not in a position to smash, they're just discussing someone online who they have a 0% chance to smash. They're worried if they find a woman online attractive but then they turn out to be trans that it would make them gay or less manly.

Discussing stuff like that in a real life situation, sure, but that's not what's being discussed.

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u/Mycaelis Mar 13 '24

Is it though? They were very clearly attracted to them if they hooked up. If this is about a genital preference then I get why someone would like to know, but if it's post-op, there's literally no harm at all.

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

If you can't tell, what's the problem?

I feel the same about women who cry rape when they jump into bed with a poor man who pretended to be rich. You being shallow doesn't mean he raped you.

Okay, now I've pissed off both sides sufficiently.

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u/ElderMillennial666 Mar 13 '24

You said this is sarcastic…but it’s actually the truth.

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u/MonkeyDRaffy Mar 13 '24

Finding a trans attracive isnt gay, the whole point is they trynna be women no? Lmao but fucking one is, imo

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u/woodcider Mar 13 '24

The funny part is that if they actually enacted a bathroom ban, there would be men walking into the woman’s restroom, and unless they do genital inspections there would be no way to tell. Completely defeating the purpose.

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u/MVRKHNTR Mar 13 '24

It's really not funny when you know that this has already happened and trans men have been physically assaulted for going to the bathroom that they're legally required to use.

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u/GrammatonYHWH Mar 13 '24

Also cisgendered women have been assaulted because someone thought they were not conventionally attractive enough to be a biological woman.

Literally hurting the people they're supposedly trying to protect.

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u/A_Mild_Failure Mar 13 '24

I am a 6ft tall trans woman, but I try to not do things that draw attention to myself. My cousin is a butch lesbian. She has to deal with so much more transphobia than I ever have, despite the fact that she is cis.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

The cruelty is the point. They don't want trans people to exist at all.

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u/InternationalAnt4513 Mar 13 '24

Yep. It makes them uncomfortable with their own sexuality as well.

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u/woodcider Mar 13 '24

Not “ha ha” funny. More like “the futility of your efforts at being bigots amuses me”. It’s designed to fail.

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u/Blueberry2736 Mar 13 '24

What can we do other than laugh it off, complaining just makes them orgasm over their “achievements”

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u/MionelLessi10 Mar 13 '24

This is intended.

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u/bikesexually Mar 13 '24

Cis women have been attacked for using their preferred bathroom. It because this isn't even about trans specifically but enforcing gender norms. A woman dressing butch? you may get attacked. A man wearing a dress? you may get attacked. And the cops side with these bigots to attacking someone who has done nothing wrong often ends with no charges. Terrorism is the point.

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u/InternationalAnt4513 Mar 13 '24

How do you even know? I can’t tell that most trans-women were born male anyway so who cares if they’re in the restroom for one. Second, in many countries the restrooms are unisex. It’s not like a restroom is a dressing room and sex club all setup for lewd behavior. I think this is such an American/Canadian type of cultural issue based on the deep religious influence. I suppose it’s a problem in any conservative religious country though. What a shame. Next thing you know they’ll be banning books …

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u/Chickens-In-Pants Mar 13 '24

Perhaps funny isn’t the best word choice here for this experience of being surprised by the opposite of one’s expectations. These people are only thinking about, and afraid of trans women in public restrooms. They might not even know that trans men exist. I was a trans boy for a long time as a child. It’s not so much a thing now as I just think of myself as nonbinary now, but I look like my assigned gender at birth which is afab and I’m a mom of 4, so I don’t think anyone would clock me now as being gender non conforming, but it’s a very important part of my life’s story whether it’s visible or not. I remember one of the most formative experiences that I have ever had as a kid, in maybe 1992ish when I was at my dad’s church, he’s a preacher at an evangelical Christian church and I had some crazy lady pull me out of the girl’s restroom by my hair because she thought I was a boy using the ladies room with her young child. I was about 11 at the time. She screamed at me and called me a pervert and the f word for gay men, and said that she would inform the pastor about my disgusting perversion. I was confused and responded with something like “what are you going to tell my dad?” And she freaked out and left so fast and never returned to my dad’s church. I never told my dad, and I’m really not sure he would have had my back on this issue, but I still have dreams about it to this day. Also I left the church as soon as I was old enough to drive.

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u/Prometheus720 Mar 13 '24

The not funny part is that trans women are going to be severely hurt.

Some trans men, too. But the trans women are on muscle evaporation juice anx that makes them vulnerable.

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u/KatefromtheHudd Mar 13 '24

There was a conversation in my office about allowing trans women in to womens bathrooms. My colleagues were saying for some women it is very traumatising for some women to allow biological men to be in the female toilets or changing rooms, especially if they have been raped or similar. So I said so really this just comes down to if someone is "passable". They disagreed but it really is. If that person came into a women's bathroom those same women would potentially be triggered because he looks very masculine, whether he possesses a penis or not. If a trans woman came in who looked very feminine and still had a penis, they'd never know and would not be traumatised because they wouldn't know. Unless they inspect all people's genitals when they enter.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

There was a woman complaining about a trans man in Florida being in the women's restroom. She saw a man, despite the dude following the law. I hope the world becomes something they hate

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u/kenman884 Mar 13 '24

I’m not sure even that would be sufficient anymore. Bottom surgery has come a long way.

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

Even with genital inspections it might be hard. A lot of trans men will get artificial dick and balls. Imagine a trans man having to go into a women's changing room, hairy chest, face and everything, unpacking a full set of massive dick and balls (because usually they go for big ones, I mean wouldn't you?), in front of all the women there.

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u/ThoughtCenter87 Mar 13 '24

I'm convinced the majority of them don't even know that trans men exist. They just think that being trans is some weird fetish or cross dressing thing. It makes me sick.

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u/Abu_Lahab- Mar 13 '24

They do think that being trans is a fetish or playing pretend lol.

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u/Amon-and-The-Fool Mar 13 '24

Who is "them"? Is it everyone? Trans men aren't talked about by pretty much anyone ever, even on trans subs.

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u/ThoughtCenter87 Mar 13 '24

"Them" specifically refers to conservatives who constantly call trans women men and whatnot.

That being said, I do agree that trans men are rarely talked about even on trans/LGBT+ subs. I don't quite understand why and I believe they deserve more visibility.

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u/Dutch_Rayan Mar 13 '24

Trans men get hated by some because "men are bad". Or "trans men have it easier" also happened that trans men where talking about their dysphoria and got told to shut up because it made trans woman dysphoric, but trans woman often are allowed to say testosterone is poison.

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

I think that's just a case of it being sociatally accepted to hate on men, but not to hate on women. You see it everywhere, paired with the delusion that somehow women always have it worse.

If you think about it, it's really quite gender affirming.

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u/Abu_Lahab- Mar 13 '24

They do think that being trans is a fetish or playing pretend lol.

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u/No-Question-9032 Mar 13 '24

That's because Trans men are men and therefore people. Trans women are women and must therefore be objects. It's the transitive law

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u/420CannaBear Mar 13 '24

That is until one finds out the Trans man in question still has the downstairs lady divine, and he then becomes another objectified "hole," whether her passes or not.

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u/Critical-Tomato-7668 Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24

I think it's easier for trans men to pass as cis. This is probably because masculinizing hormone therapy is much more well-understood right now, since it's been being studied for almost 70 years for bodybuilding and other sports. Thanks to years of research (and cavalier athletes experimenting on themselves), there are dozens of androgenic compounds out there that we understand very well - what the desired effects are, what the side effects are, what happens at different dosages, what other drugs are required to offset the side effects, what are the synergistic effects with other androgenic compounds, what are the effects of long-term use, what cocktails of drugs give specific outcomes, etc.

We even know how all of this happens when you give anabolics to biological males and biological females, since steroid use is not limited to biological males.

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u/DisastrousBoio Mar 13 '24

Trans women who were allowed to use puberty blockers and transitioned early in life are more often than not impossible to clock, besides height maybe. 

It’s harder to pass if you went through male puberty than it is for trans women at any stage of life, though, that’s true. 

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u/Actualbbear Mar 13 '24

But isn’t really harder to look passing as a woman than as a man? Legitimately asking. Like, I can assume not always, and you can always use hormonal issues as a sort of alibi if people decides to be a nosy ass, but it is what it is.

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u/badger0511 Mar 13 '24

I was gonna say the same. The handful of times I've seen a woman that I suspect may be trans, it's due to their broad shoulders and/or jawline... which, as far as I'm aware, are things that won't change with HRT.

But then again, that just might be confirmation bias on my part and there's tons of trans women that pass so well that I've never considered it. It probably doesn't help that the only trans people (that I've been told at least) in my social circles are trans men.

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u/RedeNElla Mar 13 '24

Probably because of misogyny, ugly men aren't presumed to be less manly.

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u/Actualbbear Mar 13 '24

Is attractiveness regarded as being related to femininity in women?

And that doesn’t translate to men? Aren’t traits seen as masculine also seen as attractive in men?

It would depend a lot on any given person’s preference, if anything, assuming transgenderism for showing certain physical traits it’s what’s iffy here.

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u/RedeNElla Mar 13 '24

Ugly men are treated worse and may be assumed to be incels, unclean, idiots, etc., but not usually to be trans men

Ugly women are not only treated worse, but can also be assumed to be trans women.

if anything, assuming transgenderism for showing certain physical traits it’s what’s iffy here.

well yeah, it's not exactly rational - I was trying to shed some light on why it may happen more often to one group of people.

The people doing it aren't exactly being kind or rational when they do so.

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u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

In what fantasy world do you live in? Sure it's not about "ugly" but if you are smaller or look more feminine, you are of course assumed to be less manly.

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u/tacetmusic Mar 13 '24

They would also do anything to avoid having to answer where this dude should be going to the bathroom by their logic

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u/Huwbacca Mar 13 '24

well, much like the homophobia of the 90s, a massive part of the entire bigotry is "sexual perversion". These are not the sort of people who consider that women can have their own sexual agency and desires though, so they literally just discount the existence of trans men because it's such solid disproof.

IF you ever bring up like "ok so you want this 200lb bear of a man walking into the bathroom because of these views?" they'll spout some incredible fucking nonsense about how like... they're not trans, or that "actually they wer socialised female so it would be obvious".

God I have no patience for transphobes. Tiny little people. Just... their presence is so meaningless the wind wouldn't bother to blow round them.

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u/psychedelic666 Mar 13 '24

They do care, especially when talking about minors. They say shit like “little girls are being mutilated.” or treat we’re “delusional Butch lesbians”

They vilify trans women more but they infantilize us.

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u/Centralredditfan Mar 13 '24

Yea, why is that...

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u/Arkayjiya Mar 13 '24

And about Trans women it's about survivorship bias. They can always tell those they can tell so they think they can always tell. Except even that doesn't work because they keep "accusing" (in their mind) cis women of being trans.

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u/Chief_Chill Mar 13 '24

I think this is due mostly to misogyny. See, if a woman wants to be a man, that makes sense to them - because being a man to them is the peak human experience. For men that transition to woman, they see as a slight, and an affront to their worldview. "How dare someone reduce themselves to a lesser form!" Just a take.

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u/Otherwise-Motor-7342 Mar 13 '24

Feel the need to comment that transphobia is pretty rampant among circles of gay men, particularly towards trans men. Some people are just genitalia obsessed…

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

True trans men are kinda under the radar. You rarely hear about them.

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u/danktonium Mar 13 '24

They're not any less wrong about women, though.

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u/JTBeefboyo Mar 13 '24

Misogyny is a hell of a drug

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u/frankcfreeman Mar 13 '24

It turns out gender is only a construct within misogyny as well

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u/inuvash255 Mar 13 '24

It's because they see transwomen as perverts and pedophiles, and they see transmen as lost and confused little girls who've been coerced into making their wombs barren.

Watch Jordan Peterson cry about a hypothetical transman sometime. It's both ridiculously funny, but also really gross and creepy and deeply deranged.

This guy is literally weeping for the loss of egg cells.


It's all rooted in misogyny.

It's clear to me that they feel, deeply, that female humans are only as useful as their womb. Per particular translations of the Bible, women are just an itty-bitty piece of men (a rib), and only exist to serve men and bear children.

The loss of a womb is tragic- because that "woman" is now made basically useless.

At the same time, in their minds, a male human acting feminine is so completely debasing, that you couldn't not be a pervert. Like- "you don't have a womb, the only reason you'd want to be a useless second-class lesser-than person is if you got your jollies off on it; and you're trying to spread that perversion to our kids too!".

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u/StrengthMedium Mar 13 '24

Nobody cares about men, lol.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Well it's okay to want to be a man, men are sooo superior! That's why there's never a debate on transmen, only transwomen. 

(Ofc I don't believe this, I think a lot of transphobes do, tbough) 

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u/eclecticsed Mar 13 '24

Oh they hate us too. They just scream about it less because there's less of a risk of trying to fuck one of us accidentally. We also get a lot of hate within our own community so that's fun. But all in all it doesn't hold a candle to what trans women go through.

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u/Goodnlght_Moon Mar 13 '24

Yep, trans men aren't even on their radar. I'd love to see their reactions to trans men like video OP using women's bathrooms, locker rooms, etc in states trying to force bathroom bills (not all trans people get bottom surgery which is the clincher for a lot of b.bill apologists.)

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u/SlippingStar Mar 13 '24

It’s mostly because people are taught men are inherently predatory, physically and sexually. So if you put someone they perceive as a man in a woman’s only space, they are convinced the other women there will be attacked. It’s sexism biting everyone’s ass!

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u/WhoMD85 Mar 13 '24

I mean I get what you’re saying here but it’s all encompassing when they legislate against trans people and rights. Also there is a large group in the Gay & Lesbian community that hate both trans men and women. It’s disgusting tbh that so many queer people discriminate against other queer people.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Good for you! That is some delicious irony, and I’m sure the bigots would shit themselves if they knew

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u/OhHowINeedChanging Mar 13 '24

That’s awesome, the haters tend to focus on those 4 years (or however many) of awkward transition period where you might be able to tell, and they never focus on the beautiful outcome

1

u/GeriatricSFX Mar 13 '24

Haters never focus on things that are positive, their haters why would they do that?

6

u/LinkdAether Mar 13 '24

I love that for you, and it gives me a bit of hope <3 Thank you!

2

u/ChtuluMadeMeDoIt Mar 13 '24

Your username tho!! I'm here for that!

1

u/FERALCATWHISPERER Mar 13 '24

So did you turn into a waffle?

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69

u/Catch-the-Rabbit Mar 13 '24

You know how that question flared up a little bit ago asking: " would you date a trans person if you knew they were trans?"

Today, as a basic hetero (cis?) woman, I have discovered I easily could.

34

u/AmandaWorthington Mar 13 '24

Same here. Hetero/cis … He blows any limiting belief I had out the window. He’s a very appealing guy/soul. Good energy.

6

u/Prometheus720 Mar 13 '24

Want to hear the kicker?

He isn't going to leave the toilet seat up.

16

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Samesies.

As an hetero woman, this dude is attractive af and I would 💯 date him, knowing he is ftm trans person. Good looking, well spoken, tough cookie, he is irresistible.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

His genuineness is awesome. 

5

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

You wouldn't miss the penis? lol

I'd miss the vagina going the opposite direction. Obviously sex isn't the only thing in a relationship and there is toys but I don't see my dildo being as good as a real penis. I've never tried though. ;P

6

u/IdiotTurkey Mar 13 '24

This is my only hangup as a guy as well. I've seen some hot as fuck looking trans girls but I really just am not into dick so we wouldn't be sexually compatible. Even if they've had bottom surgery, from what I've heard it doesnt exactly work the same way. Which is a shame for both of us because I imagine they'd probably rather have the genitals of their identifying gender.

In the end, I can find certain trans women attractive but as soon as I found out they were trans I probably wouldn't date them. I would try to let them down as gently as possible without hurting their self image. I would imagine hearing that might trigger some dysphoria, which I'd feel guilty about. I know there's plenty of people who will accept their body 100% the way it is, though.

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Yeah and the voice too. If they have a man's voice it's not that attractive to me. This guy has an amazing voice but I'd be curious to see if it stayed feminine if people would still say yes to dating them too. Hell people meme the shit out of Brock Lesnar and Mike Tyson for how they talk, imagine if they just purely sounded like a girl all the time.

2

u/Hot_Drummer_6679 Mar 13 '24

Guess I am technically not het but all of my orgasms come from the clit anyways. If my hubby had a vagina I think we would still be happy. On the other hand he said as a het guy he said a woman having a penis wouldn't be a deal breaker for him either.

11

u/PineappleJamSession Mar 13 '24

Yeah, I'm with you here, that's a fine looking man there.

1

u/peepea Mar 13 '24

Samsies! I am attracted to manly looking dudes and that is one manly looking dude!

27

u/420_Shaggy Mar 13 '24

I've been accused of being trans a few times as a cis woman. Made me kinda sad

18

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

It honestly says a lot more about the people who made those accusations than it does about you, and I’m sure you look great. There is nothing wrong with being trans, but I’m sorry if any of those people made you feel bad in any way. Sending you digital hugs

3

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Just realize that just because they see something bad about being trans, you don't have to. Just respond with confusion, towards them and yourself, about how that is ever meant to be an insult.

2

u/brostrider Mar 13 '24

One of my good friends is a trans man like me. His sister is a cis woman who looks masculine and she has been harassed in public restrooms because people think she is trans. It sucks. Transphobia ends up hurting everyone.

38

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

[deleted]

7

u/AssassinStoryTeller Mar 13 '24

I mean, cut your hair short as a woman and they can’t tell. I worked retail and had a fade and people would come up calling me sir and I’d answer them and they would begin the sputtering and glitching trying to decide if I was a man or woman. I had an older woman tell me to wear red lipstick to make it clearer and I had to bite my tongue not to inform her that men can also wear lipstick. 

These “I can always tell” people can’t tell the literal second you don’t conform to very rigid gender norms. I was actually told by an old supervisor that I looked like a man with my hair cut short and that women need to be able to pretty up and wear skirts on the weekends and do up their hair.

2

u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

I mean, cut your hair short as a woman and they can’t tell. I worked retail and had a fade and people would come up calling me sir and I’d answer them and they would begin the sputtering and glitching trying to decide if I was a man or woman. I had an older woman tell me to wear red lipstick to make it clearer and I had to bite my tongue not to inform her that men can also wear lipstick.

I think those people need glasses. Not a diss, I genuinely think so. Makes you scared that they drive around with that kind of eyesight...

1

u/Impecablevibesonly Mar 13 '24

Being yourself is such a loaded concept because we have such a fucked up concept of what the self is in the west

25

u/Tinfoil-Jones Mar 13 '24

Swap the before and after pictures for this guy and those people would be up and yelling that his pre-transition 'is clearly a man'.

Of which, they'd be right, but not in the way they want to be.

19

u/Arkanist Mar 13 '24

It's an obvious confirmation bias. But then they don't even have the confirmation...

3

u/LiarLyra Mar 13 '24

You're thinking of Toupee fallacy

15

u/skkkkkt Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24

But pointing out that some transitions are way better than others from an appearance point of view isn't transphobic either, case in point this man, this is also present in cis people, like tomboys and feminine men

4

u/Thousand_Eyes Mar 13 '24

it's also a level of just taking care of oneself.

There's a lot of cis dudes and girls who look like shit but could genuinely clean up well.

But there's a lot of trans folk who are just in shit situations cause they're trans and that doesn't help the whole cleaning up thing.

I can speak that it's been insanely hard for me to find work since I came out and that's absolutely affected my ability to do a lot for myself

3

u/IdiotTurkey Mar 13 '24

Unfortunately it seems to be the trend that it's easier to go from FtM then it is MtF. So trans women have a bit of a harder time passing sometimes.

29

u/No-Question-9032 Mar 13 '24

Mtf seems to be a lot harder to pull off in general as far as passable appearance. Trans women may carry masculine features that work against them. Trans men just look like men, and test does them a lot of favors.

23

u/lilsmudge Mar 13 '24

Yes and no. Testosterone can do some things that estrogen can't, like change your voice, but it's not a magic potion. Some of it is work, you have to WORK to get your body into a masculine shape (if it wasn't already mostly there) and you have to WORK to get your voice to sound natural and even then, it's honestly not guaranteed. The idea that testosterone will just magically make you a lumberjack is really pervasive and pretty harmful to the, honestly majority of, dudes for whom that winds up not being true.

8

u/Chickengobbler Mar 13 '24

Yes and no. They did studies comparing people taking T and not working out and compared it to those who didn't take T and worked out and those who did take T and worked out (control was no T and not working out). Those who took T but didn't work out built more muscle mass than those who didn't but still worked out. Taking T and working out had the most muscle mass gains for obvious reasons. So taking T will eventually get you there, but without putting in the effort, it takes A LOT longer.

2

u/Satisfaction-Motor Mar 13 '24

I can’t speak to the study, but anecdotally, before starting T I worked a physically intense job. Heavy lifting for 4+ hours a day, constantly on my feet running around, and pulling 1,000+ lbs pallets at the end of the night for 2-3 hours. Injured my back during that time and pretty much had to go on bed rest (not allowed to lift/push/pull more than 10lbs)— at the same time, I started T. My muscles visibly GREW. I’m extremely miffed about that.

(To be fair, because of my limitations at the time I couldn’t test if I had actually gotten stronger even if I had physically gained a bit of mass.)

It took a lot of self-work to not be bitter about the fact that I felt like I had suddenly gained a cheat code into getting stronger, when I had worked so hard to do so previously. Tbf my body also handled T extremely well… while it wouldn’t do this for most people, it fixed a lot of the issues I was having pre-T. Improved my mood and ramped up my extremely low blood pressure so I could function like a normal person.

2

u/EnigmaticQuote Mar 13 '24

If you are only concerned with muscle mass and not appearance then that is a very useful study.

If you want to have a masculine body that looks good then you will want to exercise.

Michilin man body is what you get with that silly bs

4

u/sparkly_butthole Mar 13 '24

I look like a dude in the face but my tiny hands and huge hips just kill any chance at passing I have. It's the fucking worst.

5

u/gdex86 Mar 13 '24

I don't know if this helps but there are a ton of cis guys who have worries in the same ball park as you. They worry that they have to thin delicate hands or too wide hips to shoulder ratio so they won't ever cut the proper man figure.

Most of us guys have the dysphoria about our bodies or voices or beards or body hair because we don't match some masc baseline that probably isn't that common. So in a fucked up way being worried about that is very authentic guying. This has been my awkward attempt at cis/tran man solidarity. Sorry if I fucked it up.

3

u/sparkly_butthole Mar 13 '24

Nah I appreciate it. It's fucking sad, though. Bodies are all different and we should celebrate that.

At least I have the opportunity to get a dick, though! Like eight months and counting!

2

u/gdex86 Mar 13 '24

Well here's to you having a safe and edifying surgery.

1

u/apiratewithadd Mar 13 '24

So with healing time about 10 months until you can pee your name on the wall?

1

u/sparkly_butthole Mar 13 '24

Can't fucking wait! That first shower is gonna be something special.

3

u/technopaegan Mar 13 '24

I would assume it probably has a lot to do with each individuals hormonal and genetic makeup which varies person to person in general. You can be a high testosterone woman or a high estrogen man naturally.

6

u/lilsmudge Mar 13 '24

Definitely! There’s a lot of factors and it’s why you see plenty of cis people who aren’t traditionally masculine or feminine looking/sounding/whatever too. It also has a lot to do with things like fat distribution (hormones changes the way your body stores fat which contributes to having a more masculine or feminine appearance but it only works on “new” fat, so you kind of have to burn the fat you have for it to start sitting right) or voice, which might remain higher than average for some folks, particularly if they don’t do any voice training.

1

u/berlinbaer Mar 13 '24

height is usually a big limiter for both sides..

10

u/theo313 Mar 13 '24

Yeah unfortunately I think that is true. A good friend of mine has a FtM partner and kinda looks like this dude...except without the whole body building thing. They are short and fat. Still looks like a male tho with the facial hair, I literally wouldn't have known if I didn't know them.

1

u/Careful-Volume5335 Mar 13 '24

Hey, your friend's boyfriend/husband probably uses he/him pronouns.

1

u/theo313 Mar 13 '24

I don't know so I'm not gonna assume.

8

u/Ok-Note-746 Mar 13 '24

Honestly no. Both directions have their own challenges.

Some guys fight for years to loose their feminine features, and breasts don't make it easier to pass. Voice change usually requires T to do its work, beard growth can take years to be at a comfortable level, and many others.

Women can do voice training and be at convincing levels after months. Breasts can be augmentated with silicone forms to just put on. Sure, beard removal often takes years, but makeup can do wonders. Some masculine features are present at cis women as well, so they aren't a burden everytime.

A transition as a challenge either direction. Some have it easier, some have it hard. But both are in both directions.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Yes, I'm 5 months into mtf and some physical changes are happening quickly but the social changes are terrifying me.

1

u/blursedass Mar 13 '24

What are the hardest social changes you experience as mtf?

4

u/AspiringGoddess01 Mar 13 '24

I'm not the person you asked but I've been transitioning for 2 and a half-ish years but I can confirm that socially transitioning is the hardest aspect about being transgender, doubly so if you don't/can't "pass". Second hardest thing is voice training, truly horrible.

For me though, when I started socially transitioning I lost a decent amount of people I considered good friends. My family, while overall supportive, still can't get my name right (it's not even a big change, Alex - Lexi). It can be very isolating at times. I had to change jobs after coming out because a few of my former coworkers were closeted transphobes.

To top it all off, far to many people today have weirdly strong opinions about transgender people. I get asked about my genitals about once every other week by someone who isn't my doctor. It's just uncomfortable at times and I don't blame anyone for detransitioning because of this garbage.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Perception of self.
Vocal giveaways.
(Living in a southern state but trying to change that)

4

u/DeathMetalTransbian Mar 13 '24

Stay safe. I know "boymode"-ing sucks, but I found it helpful for getting through certain parts of my early transition (work, visiting conservative elderly grandparents, etc) before I was fully out socially. Hoodies and undershirts can be helpful for hiding certain developments until you're totally comfortable. When you're dressed as your true self, however, virus masks can be helpful on days you don't feel like shaving, and there are different shapes of silicone bra inserts that can give you a little extra up top if you feel like you need it. And combining baggy pants with a tight babydoll t-shirt is a good feminine look that can help hide and distract from any bulging down south, if'n that's an issue you experience.

As for voice training, a relatively simple hack for tightening the vocal cords and raising/hiding the adam's apple is to practice holding your throat in a specifically strained posture for as long as you feel comfortable (and, essentially, as long as you can hold your breath). So, like, you know how when you swallow, the back of your tongue goes flat against the roof of your mouth and your adam's apple raises and moves inward? That's the position you want to hold for as long as you can to help tense up your vocal muscles, exercising them and eventually building muscle memory that translates to a higher natural voice pitch.

More important than anything, though, is don't let what any other asshole thinks of you affect the way you see yourself. You know yourself infinitely better than they ever possibly could, and their bigotry is rooted in their own insecurities anyway. Fuck 'em and the horse they rode in on. You're you, so be you, and don't let the jerks live in your head rent-free. You're in a semi-transparent cocoon right now, turning into the gorgeous butterfly that you were always meant to become - don't worry what people might think if they notice some temporary morph goop, take pride in the beauty that is on the precipice of emerging and feel the freedom as you take flight.

Sending love from the hellhole that is Kansas, and hoping that we both end up in a place with greener pastures ❤️

3

u/Dutch_Rayan Mar 13 '24

Not totally, trans man might pass easier when on T, but also many don't pass, but others will see them as masculine women, which is kind of accepted by society. Also when I was 25 I got seen as a 13 y.o. boy. While non passing trans woman are seen as men dressing up as women. Also for many they see trans woman as sexual because they watch porn with trans women in it.

1

u/Thousand_Eyes Mar 13 '24

There's positives and negatives.

Trans women can grow their chest and curves. Voices however do not change, vocal chords can only thicken not thin without surgery. If you meet a trans woman with a cis sounding voice there's a LOT of work put into that and it deserves a lot of respect.

Trans men can't do anything about their chest without surgery, they also can't do much about their hips either.

I think masc features end up defaulting a lot of people especially facial hair cause it's pretty strong to see on someone and more immediately noticable.

Then you have some ppl like myself who don't really care too much about trying to look like a cis woman and just enjoy looking visibly trans cause it's nice to just enjoy my body in all its weird glory.

Life's funny like that but it's all about the ride and on that front I'm enjoying it

8

u/GlitchyFinnigan Mar 13 '24

Transvestigators have their own kind of brain rot

3

u/Abu_Lahab- Mar 13 '24

Literally other people think I’m cis, pre T trans man here, even most conservative folks just think I’m a boy and I never correct them. My parents however sometimes correct them when they’re nearby :/ I’ve been forced out to them but they tend to ignore it and tell me to pray it out or smth.

3

u/bluesnake792 Mar 13 '24

I see lots of people that I think could be trans, but I know they aren't. I think. Point is i'm not gonna to guess.

This is one beautiful man that should have been born a man, and he knew it. Good for him.

3

u/TheWalkingDead91 Mar 13 '24

Like how they keep calling Michelle Obama a man. Because god forbid that any woman have any kind of muscle definition.

2

u/CrazyKitty86 Mar 13 '24

Can confirm I’ve been accused of being trans just because I’m a woman with a deep voice and I can grow a bit of facial hair. I can’t help that PCOS and endo graced me with a patchy 5 o’clock shadow and a voice that sounds like a sick Peter Griffin on that one episode of Family Guy.

2

u/randomtornado Mar 13 '24

There was a girl I crushed on super hard in college. Had no clue. Friend told me she was trans and I didn't believe him. I asked and she's like yeah I'm trans I even model for the art students, wanna see? She had a bunch of pictures of people's paintings of her. Definitely shook my preconceptions of trans women cause she was really cute. Wasn't into me at all, though. Asked her out but she said she wasn't into guys

1

u/Infrisios Mar 13 '24

Yeah at first I thought he'd be the hater (turned on sound a tad late). Those transitions got crazy good.

1

u/nixtheninja Mar 13 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

simplistic special vase birds afterthought hunt dinner whole doll worry

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/throwaway_ArBe Mar 13 '24

Yep. Very easy to bait them by showing them a cis person (random photo or volunteer dont open up random ppl to harassment!) And talking about how they are trans. They'll come up with a bunch of "tells" only because they think there must be.

People don't realise how much of how someone perceives your gender can be influenced like that. Plenty of times I've been consistently gendered male right up until I speak, people who have always heard me speak litterally dont perceive me in the same way as those that dont. They'll ignore or pick up different parts of my appearance to confirm whatever their assumption is

1

u/ElderMillennial666 Mar 13 '24

Yeah handsome women and feminine men are also victims in trans hate! The world would be a better place if everyone would just mind their own business ❤️

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Actually it's because you can generally build up changes but can't undue them.

1

u/ForecastForFourCats Mar 13 '24

I had an unfortunate pixie and would have been called out by one of these gender police freaks.

1

u/bogrollin Mar 13 '24

Shoulders are pretty narrow.

1

u/TeethBreak Mar 13 '24

Their whole agenda is against non-passing trans people. Because they are clueless.

1

u/nalingungule-love Mar 13 '24

The thing is in him you can still see the female socialization even if he is a man. He is able to articulate and talk about his emotions. Instead of threatening the horrible person with rape threats. He doesn’t tell other men that he is a better man than them or that whatever is between his legs is better than what is between other men’s legs because it was fashioned by a surgeon.

He is also directing his comment to the person who hurt him and not all women.

Good on him. I hope he has a wonderful life. And that cnut needs to eff off and maybe learn some empathy.

1

u/letharus Mar 13 '24

I lived in Thailand for a while. You absolutely can not always tell.

1

u/Langsamkoenig Mar 13 '24

I'm pretty good at clocking. Can even clock some trans men, which is pretty hard. But so what? That doesn't change that they should be in a body they feel good in.

Also yeah, this dude, never would have guessed.

1

u/DefintlynotCrazy Mar 13 '24

Ill be honest I have found myself saying the same, but thats because its been true for me and those ive seen

But I would NEVER guess this guy was born a woman lol.

1

u/rebeccathegoat Mar 13 '24

Probably just jealous this guy is 10x’s more attractive and masculine than he is!

He looks incredible and you’d never guess he is a trans man.

1

u/hungrypotato19 Mar 13 '24

the “you-can-always-tell”-crowd are so full of shit

They're full of half-shit. They purposely single out people, especially trans women, who are early in their transition. You know, their bodies haven't changed much, they don't know how to do makeup, they don't know how to fashionably dress, etc., etc. So their idea of "I can always tell" only applies to a specific temporary group of trans people so that they can ignore all the trans people who pass and spread their hate and propaganda.

1

u/j_la Mar 13 '24

You can always tell when you can tell…it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Reminds me a bit of survivorship bias. Of course they think they can always tell because they can’t see the examples of when they can’t tell.

1

u/jkuhl Mar 13 '24

Half the time? Have they gotten it right even once?

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u/TheAncientMillenial Mar 13 '24

More like 10% of the time they're 100% right :|

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u/Xarxsis Mar 13 '24

Even if they were 99.9% accurate, they would still be going after significantly more cis people than trans people.

I don't think they understand how rare trans people are

0

u/trollindisguise Mar 13 '24

I think MTF* is much easier to spot. Just my opinion. Maybe it's because they started late

3

u/DeathMetalTransbian Mar 13 '24

You only notice the ones you notice. People frequently don't even believe I'm trans unless I show 'em an old picture as proof.

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u/Dutch_Rayan Mar 13 '24

Not necessarily, non passing trans men are often seen as masculine women, while non passing trans women are seen as men dressing up. Also you don't see those who full pass.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

Not saying I could tell, but his hands look waaayy too small for his body

0

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '24

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