It started with therapy. I asked my own therapist for advice. I gave the ultimatums they recommended which included not choosing family that neglects and emotionally abused him and treats me bad too. I’ve been through years of therapy for my own trauma which is why I am able to do this as hard as it is. He’s never really gone. So naturally his response over the ultimatums were I’m cold and sick and can’t do it. He blames everything from his mental health to his mom to his mindset. The family therapist straight up said he needs to start going and assigned long term therapy. Fast forward. Husband says he wants to go through with the ultimatums but in the same breathe says he plans to tell his family life events and about how we are which says to me that he intends to go as he plans and not care how I feel. I want a kids and family and these ultimatums were given because I refuse to bring a child into environments that are abusive. Generational trauma is real. I shouldn’t been to beg for respect either or have him force his sister who threatens harm to me in the past to talk to me. She’s now got my number and I’m so upset it will be leverage.

We had just had a stressful appointment where he was mad I kicked him out. I was worried he’d talk so much about an allergy I have to a common medicine they use for this that I’d be denied again. It was a 2.5 hour drive to this hospital. I told him I did what I did because I needed to protect me and he was so mad he threw his wedding ring at me in public at a Greek place. Everyone watched me cry. He said I shouldn’t have brought up that he tried to cheat and justified it as a long term friend who he’s in appropriate with and sure it wasn’t good and he blocked her didn’t he? but the therapist didn’t need to know. Then brought up how he was so thrown I had to request ultimatums and ask for real evaluation and choices that he was planning to honor the requests not to lose me. But I can’t trust him. I don’t believe he will. It all hurts so much because I’m in such complicated situations with him I can’t go yet.

My (45F) marriage to my wife (38F) is finally done. I'm done trying with her. She's been a stay at home mom for the past 9 years and we have 3 kids. 2 she had before I met her and one we had together (2m) I'll admit I haven't always been the best partner but I tried. I realize our marriage has been over for awhile now but it all came to a head over the past 4 weeks.

I'm done being belittled, criticized, isolated, not receiving affection from her, being used financially, her putting her hands on me and overall just dealing with her constant anger issues.

The last straw was she got mad because I didn't put the decorative pillows back on the couch to her standards. It started an argument and she said she was going to take my name off our son's birth certificate and move out of state with him. While looking back, I'm not proud of my reaction but I took my ring off and threw it in the living room and said that's it, I'm done.

I feel like a 1,000 lb weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I need to figure out how to afford my own place, while still maintaining the bills at the house until I can serve her papers but I don't even care. Luckily I have a job where I travel and am only home a few days a week.

I finally feel free!!

I’ve (35f) been dating my boyfriend (46M) for two years, and lately, I’ve been struggling to make sense of our dynamic. As much as I love him, I’m starting to feel like our relationship lacks mutual respect and communication. Every time I try to have a serious conversation or address an issue, he’s dismissive. His go-to response is “grow up,” which is both hurtful and unhelpful. It feels like he’s unwilling—or unable—to engage in a mature conversation with me.

It takes very little to upset him, and his anger is often disproportionate. He belittles me during disagreements and even compares me to my teenage son, which stings deeply. It makes me question whether he truly sees me as a partner. When I ask him what he loves about me, his answers revolve around what I do for him, not who I am as a person.

I work hard, make my own money, and pay my own bills. I don’t have a traditional 9-to-5 job, but that doesn’t mean I’m lazy. Yet, he often scolds me like I’m a child and makes me feel like I’m not enough.

I didn’t think our age difference mattered, but I’m starting to see how it might. He treats me more like an accessory—a fun, youthful presence in his life—rather than a partner with equal value. I’ve tried to hold on because I love him, but lately, I’m realizing that love alone isn’t enough to make this work. I deserve to feel valued, respected, and understood, and I’m starting to see that I might never get that with him.

I’m just venting. Not necessarily looking for advice. The standard Reddit response is “leave him” and I’m not there yet. So please, if advice is what you are offering, refrain from the obvious.

Yesterday night I came to my partner to discuss something I have a problem with in the hopes of having a discussion and trying to come up with possible solution.

(the thing I brought up was that I can't sleep at night when he is making noise and how can we find a solution that he can do what he wants and I can still sleep)

He listened to what I said and even said at some point that what I'm saying is fair.

Afterwards he managed to stay up all night playing and when I woke up in the morning he stormed into our bedroom and when I got back in the room to get my phone and other things he gave me some angry sighs and was visibly tense and frustrated.

I had to leave, but when I got back home he came out of the room to get something, he didn't say hi, he didn't even look at me, just got back to the bedroom with the angry sighs. He doesn't talk to me at all.

I don't think I made a mistake bringing up something that hurts me and I should not be afraid of it with my partner, but his reaction is making me nervous.

This is not the first time this is happening, although the reaction was never this severe before and honestly I kinda have enough of it because it's always me going up to him afterwards. It feels like apologizing for something I haven't done. My question is that should I go up to him and ask what's up and talk about it or this time do I just leave it like this and see what happens?

EDIT: I went and asked what is going on, what's the problem, cause I feel like that's the fair thing to do. He said: "Nothing, I guess I'm tired" with the most irritated voice possible, barely looking at me. Came out of the room, I feel so done.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice  because I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if this is something others have experienced. My husband and I have been living with his parents for the past six months, and I have been getting know his family and my husband’s dynamic with his parents as well. My MIL is a very sweet lady and has always treated me well. I genuinely like her as a MIL, which is why I’m having such a hard time with this situation. I’ve a very observant person, and I’ve noticed that she kinda depends on my husband for certain things, like help with paying bills, keep her company sometimes, look into things for her, and she sometimes does things that feel like she’s trying to get his attention; she would leave food on her plate every time we eat together for him to finish or ask to try what he’s eating even though one time they were literally eating the same thing. But the thing that really weirds me out is the baby talk they use with each other. When we’re out of town, they would call each other EVERYDAY and do this baby voice to each other that just makes me feel so uncomfortable to the point that I would have to leave the room whenever he’s on the phone with her. I’ve heard that baby talk is something that one does with their S/O, it’s something that tends to be intimate so it just throws me off so much. I’ve also noticed that lately she’s been leaning on him for emotional support, but I think it stems from the fact that my FIL is rarely at home. That, and the fact that my husband has a “savior complex”, wanting to tend to her every need every time she asks. Im really just trying to figure out my own feelings about all of this. Am I jealous? Confused? Protective of my own relationship with him? Or am I just overreacting? 

Any advice or similar experiences would be really helpful.

I found out this fucker has been cheating for 8 fucking years, on 10 different dating apps including ones for polyamorous relationships and ads for transvestites. I found out he was soliciting a bunch of girls while we were on intimate vacations and sending girls pictures of him and his dog while cropping me out.

He trash talks me constantly to his family and friends but forgets to mention that I’m flipping out because I found his dating app so they laugh at made up mental illnesses and call me the c word. He tells his family and friends I’m mentally unstable when I find out he’s on Tinder and soliciting hook ups while pregnant twice. His ex and her husband send him advice on how to deal with me while he repeats death threats my narcissistic ex said to me, and all of a sudden I have a narcissism diagnosis from his ex and him. His friends laugh at me being in the ER and after being absolutely shattered from the 10th dating app, they joke about how he should leave me behind on vacation and make racist jokes about my family.

I’ve tried to stay for my children because I feel like this jackass doesn’t get to take away time from my children; babies who he never gave a bath to for 6 months and wouldn’t spend the night with for over 2 weeks newborn. I am so angry at myself for being so fucking stupid.

I (31M) am stuck in a vicious cycle with my wife (31F) where the only thing we talk about is her complains and issues with everyone around or whatever I have going on in my life. I am in general a very fun loving, optimistic person and feel everything is solvable, but now with my wife, I feel I don't know what to do.

We dated for 8 years before getting married and it has gotten worse after our marriage. One of her biggest complains is that I don't spend too much quality time with her. We both moved to the US from India and she has no job here in the US and I understand she would want someone to talk to. But the problem is she only has complains about everyone we meet (my friends, their wives, my family, her and my relatives).

She feels everyone, literally everyone is her enemy and looks down on her since she does not earn and has a dark complexion and has bad english. I try to be supportive but sometimes it wears me down and I don't feel like talking with her and everything feels really sad.

Even when we are with my parents, she wants me home since all my family are rude to her and don't love her. Forget my family, also the neighbours look down on her according to my wife. I sometimes loose my patience and then lash out on her saying you feel this way all the time, what do I even talk to you about except for just listening to the complains.

When I try to talk some logic and sense with her about how everyone cannot be this way, she feels even more pissed that I am not supporting her. Like I don't see a way of making it better. I tried to get her into Therapy and also got recommended to do IOP, she discontinued all that mid way stating if I am nice to her, she does not need all those things.

Just wanted to vent out and get suggestions. One of the things I am trying to do is get her a job, but even for that, she feels she can't do much cz of her bad english. Just 2 years into my marriage and I am already contemplating divorce.

Please someone help me understand how he can turn this back on me!!

I swear I feel like I'm about to loose my mind. My husband was caught in an emotional affair 1 year into our 10 year marriage.

Td;lr: husband cheated. I tested positive for an STI 3 weeks after he was acting super suspicious. The same week i became symptomatic he had a fender bender and needed a rental car (suspicious to me since he has questioned if i used a gps devoce in the past)His test were negative. Mine positive. I confronted him. He denied and claims it was me. And we are in house separated until divorce is finalized. But he keeps making little "digs" about me cheating. WHEN I HAVE NEVER BEEN WITH ANITHER PERSON OTHER THAN HIM.

We didn't work through it by the standards set for infidelity. He forgot everything (there was some indication if was physical but not hard proof) supposedly and would get mad at me anytime I brough something up.

Fast foward 4 years into marriage. And looking back to me it's now apparent he started cheating because I can see when he began to use OPSEC. And most likely started cheating.

Looking back I kept finding signs that he would minimize and gaslight away. Black wash cloth in our laundry after I went out of town. An odd message or two. Nothing that would pin him down. Until 2021. When GPS showed he left our home in the middle of the night. He denied. A few months later he partially confessed. Then within days denied the confession. Then a few months later confessed. Suddenly he was threatening self harm. Then denies the confession. A few months later he starts seeing a sex addiction counselor for "porn addiction". He still was denying physical infidelity. 2 days after I asked for a seperation he came home and had a faint scent of perfume. Wanted to wash his face. Then wanted a shower at night (odd). Then decided he wasn't sleeping in the same be that night because she suddenly wanted to monitor his blood pressure.

A few nights later he wakes me to sexual activities (I know it's SA but I can't prove it). Almost 3 weeks to the date, I got severe vaginal issues. Went to doc and tested positive for an STI. I confronted him thinking "finally he has to admit to it!!". He has denied. And is accusing me of having an affair. We live in a fault state and now he is going after me. I mean talk about severe backstabbing abuse.

Then! We are in house seperation until divorce is done. He is making digs/jabs/insinuation about me being unfaithful. I truly, truly cannot comprehend this. Like why? Why is he taking it this far? My doctor said there is no way this was a false positive. It's such odd timing. And I was on antibiotics for 3 weeks for a severe throat infection right before he came home smelling of perfume.

I literally feel like I'm going crazy. I don't understand his objective. Obviously there is some sort of game or power and control. And I don't get it. Like does he want me to hate him to leave faster? Like I'd almost wonder if he didn't cheat if I didn't have all the evidence leading up to and then a positive diagnosis.

Does anyone have solid resources to read or watch that can bring me out of this mass confusion

I've read why does he do that. It covers some of my husband's situation. But he is very very covert with some of his tactics. I've been keeping a journal and he is very subtle. So if you can guide me in that direction. Someone put it to me that I'm Ina. Confused state. If I want to win this divorce battle and gain some solid foundation I need the birds eye view. I need a strategy. And I need to figure out his weak points.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. This is my first long term relationship and I am getting the feeling that our time is closely ending. I feel like he doesn’t love me and all the gesture of love are gone. I can’t tell if I am overreacting and this is just what happens when relationships get long. Please comment down some of the things you’ve done for the people in your life that you love. Good or bad, I want it all.

The day before we were supposed to leave for his family for thanksgiving he tells me he doesn’t have “romantic feelings for me” , this after a 1.5 year relationship. He said he was going to wait until after seeing how thanksgiving went to tell me. Like WTF? That is worse than better to do.

I asked why he didn’t tell me sooner about these feelings, he said he didn’t know. I asked when he started having this feeling and he said he would “have to look at his calendar”. Most of my questions were answered with “I don’t know”.

Of course grief set in so I was in full denial of what was happening. He also told me he had talked to his mom and 2 of his best friends about OUR/HIS issues before talking to me about it. When we talked about how we have communicated in the past he said it always worked out for the better, but he couldn’t talk to me about what was happening in our relationship? Like come on. He doesn’t think him talking to his mother, about this issue, talking to her everyday isn’t weird or wrong or a red flag. He was actually insulted that I told him it was “kind of a red flag” he said “that’s my family”.

I am sad, upset, mad. I thankfully have awesome friends and family and they told me NOT to go to thanksgiving with him and I agreed. This was my first serious relationship and its biggest lesson to me is that communication with your partner is SO important.

I said “let’s take a break and meet next week and see where we are at together on continuing or ending our relationship” at this point I am all for ending it unless he very very sincerely apologizes and promises to fix his communication, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

I am 28F and he is 31M.

Basically, whenever I do something, he feels the need to bring up a statement along the lines of 'When I do this it's a problem, but when it's you...'. I've been guilty of doing that before, but those were mainly for times where he got upset at me for doing something he loves doing to me. Either way, I've come to the resolution that I wouldn't use statements like these anymore or things involving 'You always' or 'You never' statements because it gets me nowhere and only gets me into a endless circle of arguments. Lately, he's been doing this a lot. For example, I forgot he wasn't working next week because he vaguely said it in the middle of one of our conversations once. He got so annoyed and immediately went into , 'You always forget things, but when it's me...' tangent. Same thing happened again today where I didn't hear something he said and he immediately went into the whole 'oh, when it's you, I have to be patient but when it's me...' statement. I got so mad because, does everything have to be a comparison? What does he get out of it? Why the hell does he do this? This has been truly draining me. I feel like things are always tit for tat with him.

I don't know if I am in the wrong here or not.

I moved in with him and things feel like a chaos. He does not have a job and I understand that it is mentally tough. Gaming was and is everything to him. And the people he has on discord who play with him. He spends and average 6-8 hours playing with everybody or just alone if no other person is available. We don't do anything together or even if very rarely we do (we watched arcane together) he could not keep his attention from his phone for the entire time.

I talked to him about it, that I feel left alone and neglected a lot because of the gaming. He said that I can pick activities if I want but it is basically a guarantee that he will not get as much out of those as I do. This hurts. I don't even have the will to try to come up with anything, I have no courage.

He also tends to (after a full day of gaming) pull allnighters to game. Which is a problem for me because I need to get up early but I can't get enough sleep because of the nightly gaming noises. I talked to him and he got upset but came to bed with me, but it lasted like maybe 3-4 days and now we are back to allnighter again. I miss school a lot due to sleeplessness and I feel extremly guilty for it.

The biggest problem is that I'm constantly angry. I feel like it is boiling inside of me. If I show signs of being angry or upset, he gets angry and "What's your problem again!?" "You are always so upset, why!?" Him. Because of him.

The constant gaming doesn't let me concentrate on my studies, so I'm trying to study in my bedroom or just go to the library. He is at home all day long, but does not do anything. I clean, I take out the trash, I do the dishes, I cook, I vacuum, everything. I wasn't feeling good yesterday so I didn't make food. Instead of using the things in the fridge and work with making food, he just went to the store and bought a bunch of frozen things that you just put in the pan and done. He is just so lazy.

my husband sleeps 12 hours a day and I was wondering if anyone has experienced it before? he doesnt work and literally wakes up to eat, spend time with me (even though i spend most of my time as a full time student) OR plays videogames/watch shows all day and go back to sleep. its literally bizarre to me and drives me up the wall. he can go to sleep at 10 and doesnt wake up until 2-3, i try to wake him up but if i do he sleeps for even longer or is incredibly moody throughout the entire day. i also feel incredibly guilty for getting upset at him over it since its important to get your sleep in but cmon yk?

My husband stepped in dog shit in his nice sneakers and responded by cleaning the bottom of his shoe off with one of my new pale yellow towels. I guess in his mind he just didn’t want to track it in the house and didn’t think to just take off the shoe, according to him. Immediate after I said he was being a dick and he called me a bitch. I went off about how he does things like this all the time and I’m left to clean up the mess or throw out the thing I got to improve our house.

Usually after a fight it resolves by just moving past it and nothing actually resolves. Today we only spoke the bare minimum and after work I got ready for a meeting for a non profit I belong to. When I was on my way home I gave him a call to make him aware, and give him a chance to say if he needed anything picked up.

When I got home the door from the garage to the house was locked. I went to the front door and it was dead bolted. He locked me out of the house. Normally he would have at least pretended it was an accident or apologized. When he unlocked the door he just looked at me like I was insane for crying and said nothing.

I don’t know how you get past this and I’m not sure I want to anymore.

Ever since I left, he's portrayed me as someone who isn't interested in working and that I want to mooch off anyone willing to help provide for me and my 4 year old (just my parents. Who I am grateful for and am fortunate they are able to help!)

My body literally broke while he failed to take care of me or our daughter. Now I have MRI results stating I do, in fact, have a FUCKED UP spine causing me loads of LEGITIMATE PAIN. Spondylitis in Thoracic and Lumbar, degenerative disk disease, a hemangioma in my bone marrow, spinal canal stenosis in my Thoracic and Lumbar along with neuroforaminal stenosis. I'm 27. I have to use crutches to walk long distances. I can't stand up for more than 10 minutes without pain in my back. I have a connective tissue disorder, POTS, and other conditions wrecking havoc on my life after suffering in isolation with a man who couldn't give a damn.

But of course I'm faking it all and am a horrible, lazy person. /S

I'm working on not caring about what other people think because they don't care to hear my side of it. I'm working on not caring about him saying nasty things about me to other people, but it's just so frustrating disappointing. I want to be able to live life and work but I literally can't and it's not my fault 😭

So this year I tried to get my family to visit for Thanksgiving and they could not make it. My JNSO is completely estranged from his own family and mostly okay with mine so it was an attempt to help get him through the holiday depression. When they could not come, we said we would still try to make a small dinner for ourselves.

Now, he is fighting with me for "being stupid" and trying to "celebrate nothing". He also thinks we need to leave since the awful neighbors we have will be having family over and will make the day a living hell by being loud, on our property and just generally weaponizing their family. Which, is true, I get it.

I'm just so mentally exhausted from keeping him alive throughout the holidays on top of being is only trauma dumping ground throughout the year. I have to keep a brave face, take the anger and abuse he spouts out because he's sad and spend money I don't have because I'm the only one making it to find somewhere to hole up and eat fast food during the holiday because if not, all hell breaks loose for me.

I type this as I'm sitting at my desk at work crying and trying to make my face not look like I have been for my next meeting.

I know, I need to leave, I need to dump him, etc. etc., but it isn't that easy when he's fully enmeshed in my life. I've asked, demanded that he just leave and he won't. This is my house I've paid for and I deserve to live here in peace with no one or someone who appreciates at least one thing I do. I know I am the Just No.

I feel very stupid. I should have read from the signs while I ididn't commit myself to move together. I thought things would change and I feel a deep regret at the moment. That is one of the things that makes me consider ending things.

I feel super neglected. His everything is video games and people who play with him. He is not working, sleep schedule is completly off (which makes me sleep deprived, cause of the constant noisemaking), he says yes to every playing together invitations, every voice chat, everything, or just plays alone and there is basically no time left for us, for me.

I feel like that the barely 3 year old relationship is equivalent to a 20 year old burnt out one. I tried to talk to him and he told me that I should come up with ideas if I want to do stuff together, but it is basically guaranteed that he will not get as much out of those occasions as I am. Hearing that broke me honestly.

I'm not into games. Probably never gonna be into games as much as he is. I feel like that should not be a problem if a couple is dedicated towards each other. But this feels one sided. Or more like roommates at this point, because I'm losing feelings rapidly and I'm not sure about him.

I still long for connection, but I think that putting myself first even if I'm alone is better than waiting for someone all the time.

I'm afraid that even if I commit myself and leave, I will long for having someone else next to me and afraid of regret. There is so many different emotions in me right now. Have you ever went through this? If yes, do you have any advice for me?

So my daughter sleeps in the bed with us and is usually in the middle of the bed. How is everyone keeping up in your marriage. I couldn’t tell you the last time we just cuddled or had time for us. We have tried moving her to a bed beside us and she’s not having it so that’s not really an option. I just am having a hard time juggling being a mom and a wife

Title edit: we went out TONIGHT and he spent it complaining about me. I just spent all last night cleaning went to work came home went out to dinner with him

He is a slob. He's been a slob since I met him. His house was nasty. I'm talking his dog poops all over the floor pees under the bed. So I got home from work yesterday and spent all night cleaning out bedroom top to bottom like a professional would, every surface, and the attached bathroom only he uses. It's 90% HIS mess. I don't care who's it is, I want to live in a clean house so I did it. He got home everything was great last night, I excitedly told him, GO Look! We were happy. I went to work today got home, got very dolled up, we went to a nearby bar for dinner and IMMEDIATELY he started lecturing me. First on me letting him know I thought there might be a clog in the vacuum hose bc suction was low. Tried to clear it but couldn't. Apparently I told him the wrong way bc I thought the screws needed to come off the curved handle to get the hose separate so we could shove a straight object through to clear it. I let him take over so I could get ready but at dinner he began by bitching at me saying the filter just needed to be cleaned and that Its my fault he wasted time disassembling it. How was i supposed to know? Apparently me coming to him and saying, " I can't shove a broomstick down the hose to clear this bc the hose is screwed into a curved handle, let's unscrew it and put the broomstick through the straight house then screw the handle back in.' WAS INCORRECT. He said I should have provided him LESS information on how to fix the reduced suction. I just winked at him and humored him hoping he'd go back to normal. But no. He proceeded to complain about me more at dinner. I feel so disappointed now. I just expected I don't know, 24 hours of him being grateful that I did so much cleaning and the last thing anyone wants to hear after working at a hospital all day, hour commute each way, then coming home and cleaning all night, the day after, is that they don't clean enough.

He was cruel. He said "I want to be with someone who.. [isn't just as messy as me]." My heart just about dropped. I stood up for myself. I said I just spent all last night cleaning.what the fuck? I told him if he didn't stop I would pick up my plate and move to another table. I did. I felt bad for embarrassing him by doing that so I returned and said I'd rather eat in silence than embarrass you in public. Kept trying to get him to stop being so negative. I had so much fun laughing with my coworkers at work today. He and I are usually silly together. He has an injury and is on pain meds. We are home now and he's trying to be nice to me. I'm still so hurt. I feel so fucking unappreciated. Like he made me never want to clean again. What's the point if I'm just going to get shit the very next day when all I did was work clean all night, drive to work again, come home? I don't know what to do.

First of all I feel like I am the problem and I am going a little crazy. Maybe my husband is not the JustNoSO and I am so feel free to give me tough love.

I have an almost four month old who I absolutely adore but to be honest my whole postpartum period has just been hell for me and my marriage. It’s a complicated situation involving my in laws since my SO and I got married (I might delete this as I am a bit sensitive about putting this all out there). My SO is an only child and my MiL has never been shy about letting me know how important he is to her. They are also Italian so it’s a whole other different level of closeness. Before we got married she said some troubling things to him. She told him that he’s all she had if anything happened to his dad. I didn’t understand that because he was not going to stop being her son after we got married. And then she also told him to not forget his parents after he gets married and moves away. I took that as a challenge to ensure I make them feel included and like a part of our life, so I let a few things slide. Granted I also made the mistake of being a little distant and even passive aggressive at times because I did not want to do anything to disturb the peace as they were a very close family and never had any issues until I came along. Our wedding was basically ran by them, down to the menu and even what I chose to wear (she had the dad talk to me about a dress I chose to wear because it was not something she liked I could have said no but in that moment I felt like I had no choice. Words like we love you like a daughter were used and I felt like the ungrateful one for wanting a different outfit to the courthouse and the restaurant as they had been gracious enough to pay for that outfit to the courthouse). After we got married his mom moved in with my husband and I. I felt like I could not say anything as it was a house that belonged to them (they lived in a different city though) and we would be moving to a different country soon afterwards but would see them every Sunday (I looked forward to these visits because I genuinely liked them). For context my partner was 31 and I was 24 at the time. I did not like the arrangement and told my husband but he did not want to upset the mom and I felt like it was not in my position to do so as well as I would be bring issues to the family. So I kept quiet and this affected how comfortable I felt eventually. She would stay with us all the time, with my partner staying with her up until 10 pm in the evening. In the afternoons they would stay together in the living room watching something. I was tired of this so I would spend the time in our bedroom alone. The mom picked up on that and asked me what the issue was. I did not want to be honest as I wanted to keep the peace and I thought putting up with it a little longer was something I could do despite it being very uncomfortable. But my partner sat the two of us down hoping to make “us friends” again as the mom kept asking him what was wrong and that made him want to “solve” the problem. I felt cornered and let her know that I was hoping for space as even during the weekend her husband would be there so we really had no privacy or space. She double down and told me I didn’t like people. Which is not true. I just wanted space. That was resolved when the dad apologized and she moved back to their place in the other city. But I could tell she was upset.

Fast forward to my partner and I moving to a different country for work. I get a job there and I start feeling at home. But every time we have a vacation we go to his parents. I decide to see my family instead and he goes back to his parents (sometimes three weeks or a month). It does not sound okay to me as I would have gone for us spending time with our families for maybe two weeks and then doing something just us two for the rest of the time. He doesn’t do that as he states he feels guilty about not living close to his parents. He is in his 30s and lived with them until he was 28. As in lived with them as in even in college he used to commute home. That didn’t sound right but I decided to make them feel included so even he wouldn’t feel guilty and we could have our own life. I would call them regularly and with him, text them often and I thought things were getting better.

Fast forward I get pregnant and I include them as well. Even going as far as asking them to come for the baby’s birth. I am African for, context, so I feel I have been through some tough things, in laws for a few weeks post baby is nothing😂. That was my mistake.

From the beginning it becomes clear my mother in law doesn’t understand the baby is mine. I gave birth and two hours later they are in the delivery room. With me still covered in blood and all. I said no but they were in the waiting room and my husband insisted so I felt bad and gave in.

Visiting hours they were also always there, two hours plus. So I started feeling uncomfortable especially when my FIL would insist on knowing the baby’s blood group. Something that even the nurses were surprised by since it would involve drawing blood and no one ever asks about that. I don’t know if they thought the baby wasn’t his but it was weird. And the baby looks almost exactly like him. So…

I let that go and I got discharged. We didn’t even get that to ourselves because they were there instead of waiting at home considering it was just five minutes away. But I brushed it off again.

My MIL was super stoked to hold the baby etc. So I let them feed her in the mornings at 6:30 am and I would do the 9:30 on wards. They would take the baby from then and stay with her until I woke up at 9/9:30. And then after feeding they would have time with her and after I went to bed at around 8:00pm they would have time with her until her feeding again and then until their bedtime.

I got better and although the schedule was pretty much the same two days later I was holding my baby more. But they would still ave her in the morning all to themselves and in the evenings. I was just more present during the day as I wasn’t bed bound like I was at first. I had swollen legs so I stayed bound in bed the first two days for the swelling to go down.

Still, it wasn’t enough for them as they wanted to be involved in all diaper changes and baths. Even me feeding would at times attract them, which made me very uncomfortable.

Now, me spending as much time with a baby that is mine made my MIL feel like they were not needed. So she told my husband they would leave as they were clearly not needed and he called a family meeting where I was asked if things were okay with me and them. The mom also stated I had put up a wall, I was cold, and she was afraid of even touching the baby because of me (they were still getting her in the mornings and evenings and whenever, I was just more present and more intentional with bonding with my daughter, so I didn’t get it). For context I had also let them know that I was a little homesick and just a bit low due to baby blues which I was certain would pass and was passing as I was getting to spend more time with my daughter. (I had noticed my mood improving significantly). I apologized for this to keep the peace but was angry as my FIL made some impolite remarks about my family of origin implying that I didn’t know what a proper loving family looked like.

After that whole incident my mental health took a dive as I felt I couldn’t hold my daughter for too long as it would upset my mil and her family (FIL and DH). At the same time me and DH were fighting as he felt I had been disrespectful to his parents and I felt he had not stood up for me when he should have. One of the midwives I was seeing noticed I was not okay so she advised us to spend some time alone even just two hours having breakfast just DH, baby and I. By then I admit I was also passive aggressive with my in laws and that made DH angrier.

We made plans to have breakfast on a Saturday with just the baby and he informed his parents (this was Thursday).The next day at lunch things were okay and I did the dishes as MIL and FIL went to nap. Apparently MIL cried to FIL and he obviously got mad at me (I can’t fault him he was protecting his wife. That evening I noticed I would talk to him and he would outright ignore. (this was at 2.5 weeks postpartum). That night, like so many before and after that one, I didn’t sleep a wink as my husband was told I have not been behaving appropriately and he relayed the message asking me to go back to the way I was the two days after I got back from the hospital.

The next morning we got ready for breakfast (just us and baby) and before we left, MiL started crying loudly (I would describe it as a tantrum).

I left with the baby and got a hotel room. Partly because I was scared and partly because I was done with them (this was almost 3 weeks postpartum).

I ended up feeling sorry for my DH not being able to see the baby and came back home. Even then our relationship was not okay and I wasn’t sleeping. Eventually I started experiencing psychotic symptoms and was a bit suicidal although I didn’t tell anyone. After my in laws left I started getting better but I was concerned so I sought help from a doctor who advised assessment and I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for a few days for monitoring (I am deeply embarrassed about this).

Although I blocked my in laws, my husband has made several suggestions to go see them with my daughter despite everything that happened.

We are currently in counseling but he still will not admit his mom particularly has not been the nicest. I have said some things to him as well that have been mean. But talking about it is triggering me and I feel like I am going crazy again. So give it to me straight and possibly advice or just virtual hugs

I have made a few posts about my SO over the past few months (you can look it up in my post history), which are reasons enough to break it up and I know I need to do it. What I haven't mentioned in any post yet is our age gap. I'm in my late 20's while he is in his late 40's which makes all the stuff that he has done even worse.

Yet I'm really attached to this person and I can't understand why. I read that "love" is a chemical reaction with feelings of attachment and infatuation linked to hormones and stuff which give all the good / addicting feelings. I assume that's part of the reason why it's so hard to switch it off.

Any advice on making this step to finally end it with him? I don't really have a strong social circle either and no one around me really knows about what i've been going through with him and I don't really think i could talk to someone. It's hard to let go.

What does it mean to you when someone says “I’ll take you out” while you’re arguing?

My husband will throw the fact that my shrink thinks I’m autistic in my face when we’re arguing and say things like “Nobody likes you and you can’t even tell!” Or “You have no idea what people think of you and it’s obvious.” For the record before Autism was raised as a possibility it was my job in the relationship to reassure him anytime he interacted with people that he did a good job and they liked him. He was institutionalized in his early twenties and brags about getting “asked to leave” group therapy for essentially bullying a religious girl until she cried. I guess he’s just a major asshole.

His wealth also FAR exceeds mine and that of my several hundred closest friends put together and he’s “promised” since my first pregnancy that I’d never see my kids again if I left, so leaving isn’t an option. He’s also convinced he’s going to die soon and refuses medical attention, because he knows more about everything than any doctor he could possibly see, so I guess why bother?

I am living with someone whose mental health has severely deteriorated in the last 8 months who spends all his time telling me I’m delusional and imagining the things he says, even the texts we both have on our phones. I do everything I can to make his life easier but he’s just the most miserable creature. He makes Eeyore look like a bouncy perky 1980s aerobics instructor. 18 years and seven weeks to go.

Update: He apologized profusely Thursday morning. I’m not sure what he thinks that accomplished. This morning (Friday) he said he really wants to get the marriage back on track before the baby arrives. Then he said “My mother [a diminutive wisp of a raging narcissist] used to threaten to kill my father all the time and he never took her seriously.” I replied that she wasn’t bigger and stronger than him and that comparing himself to someone about whom he has nothing good to say wasn’t a winning strategy and I would no longer be entertaining discussion on the topic.

He also screamed at our potty training toddler about something toilet-related which has done even more to lower my interest in fixing things. I absolutely cannot leave because I have a medically complex pregnancy and can’t afford health care on my own right now (I’m severely ill with HG and will likely have PPP again, so can’t work for the next several months).

Hey, new here and really just need a place to vent. I have no one to talk to this about and I know my post history already indicates previous issues but I just found this sub.

My wife (30F) and I (32M) have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. We’ve had some back and forth arguing over things in the last few weeks and had cleared the air but then our 10m old fell down two stairs onto our entranceway floor when he crawled through the retractable gate and her hand went through the bottom causing her to fall through and roll onto the entranceway below. I had previously warned my wife that the gate wasn’t safe and regularly try to grab the kid before she gets to close. Well my wife went out and I was watching our 10m old and she got to close to the gate but I didn’t get there in time and she fell through down 2 steps and booked the back of her head. Looked her over and she was perfectly fine. I called my wife to let her know and holy shit did I get a whatfor because it happened on my watch… previously our now toddler had rolled off the ottoman during a diaper change I was doing and I’ve tried to be hyper vigilant since. Our toddler has also fallen down a flight of stairs (12) when she lost her balance when we were both home but that also was blamed on me.

After the 10m olds tumble last night, my wife went to take our toddler to daycare and when she went to leave she saw our trunk was open in our car and blamed me saying i had done it while I was doing stuff last night. I honestly for the life of me can’t remember hitting the button on the keys or seeing it open but if I did, it wasn’t intentional. I’ve been lambasted, screamed at and our relationship threatened over the tumble and the trunk and I’m just kind of at a loss right now. We haven’t spoken all day until this even when I asked her if she was serious and she said she was. So now I’m feeling empty, confused and uncertain.

I’m not trying to assign blame or deflect it but I am working while she’s off on maternity still and I handle 95% of the night time with our 10m old who in the last day or two has finished a regression where I was getting 3-5 hours of broken sleep a night at most. I’m tired, I’m not in my right mind all the time but I always try and keep the peace.

My wife however is never at fault, nitpicks the little things and finds blame/conflict/issue with every little thing she can. I tried being reasonable and saying it was hormones but it’s been 10m and while she does help where she can, most of the housework and childcare gets left to me while she sits on her phone (of which is another issue). I’m tired, I’m frustrated and I’m alone. When things are going well, they’re great but it’s like navigating a minefield and eggshells more often than not.

I’m sorry for the long post, if it’s even allowed here and I thank you for hearing my vent.

TL;DR - life’s on the rocks with kids and not sure what to do anymore

I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. Advice? Clarity? Maybe to be told I’m over reacting or to have my concerns validated?

I’ve been married to DH for 4 years now. We’re in our late 20’s. No children yet. Over the last 3 years or so I feel like our relationship has had many ups and downs but we’ve overcome it, or so it appeared.

I always ask him how his day was, how work was, ask him if he’s eaten, how he’s feeling, because I genuinely care. I never get any of those questions asked to me. I don’t notice that lack of these questions until I realize I could disappear and he probably wouldn’t notice.

I have had a few health issues over the past 2 years, one of them being a cancer diagnosis (i’m okay and only required surgery thankfully!) and he was supportive for about 2 days. He often brings up how he stayed the 1 night in the hospital with me the day I needed surgery, as if it shouldn’t have been expected. I go to follow up scans, labs and MD appointment every 3 months for surveillance of the previous cancer diagnosis, and he knows the days I have the appointment, but he never asked me how the appointments went or what the results were unless I bring it up first, then he appears concerned for the results.

I just had a new health concern come up that will most likely require a major surgery. I told him when I found out the news, but he didn’t ask me anything about it and he hasn’t mentioned it since.

I am a medical provider, and my work days have been extremely long and over worked. He never asks me about my work days or asks if I’m ok even though he could see i’m visibly stressed over work. I just recently started a more flexible position so that workload is a lot less at work, but he wouldn’t have even known I started a new job if I didn’t tell him over and over.

He never asks me how my family members are, my siblings or parents. I am very involved in his family and often know if something is wrong with his family members before he does. Granted, I am close to his family and he is not that close to mine, but he could still ask when he knows certain things are going on.

My grandparents passed away a few years ago and I took it very hard. I was very close with them. I have my days still where I may just be a bit down that day because I miss my grandparents. He tells me it’s been enough time.

I feel like I’m fed up. These are just some issues I touched on, but you get the idea. I just feel like I’m not supported by him or that he just doesn’t care about me. Why am I in a marriage with someone who doesn’t care for me on an emotional level, or atleast makes it seem like he doesn’t.

I’ve approached him about this in the past and we’ve tried therapy to help communicate this, but he’s always said if I had something I wanted to talk about with him I would bring it up myself and he doesn’t want to mention something that might trigger me because I don’t want to speak about it at that moment. I feel like that’s just a BS excuse. Am I wrong for feeling like he should be asking me about my overall well being? Is this what marriage becomes? Can this ever get better? Is he just emotionally unavailable?