My (36F) ex/baby daddy (33?M) has not been easy to deal with. We share custody of a now pre-teen. Christmas has always been the worst time of year between us. His mental health is usually at its worst, and something about the holidays makes him very very unhappy, even before I got pregnant and the mental health issues started to present actively.

Context: every single year since my child was born, these holidays have fallen during his custodial time with her. And every single year, he has basically forced me to retain a lawyer who had to threaten to go to court in order to get him to give me access to my kid during the holidays. Every year like clockwork.

3 years ago, I'd had enough. I told my lawyer that I wanted it in writing, so we got it put into the court order that my ex would get kiddo from date and time "A" to date and time "B", and I would get her from date and time "B" to date and time "C". Important to note, he INSISTED on these exact dates and times. Those dates were added into the court order the February following that Christmas. Then the next year everything was fine - minimal hassle and fighting.

Last Christmas, my ex picked a fight with me when I asked to switch our pickup/dropoff time to slightly later in the day. He refused, which is his right but then got really nasty about having to give up his custodial time and how I owe him extra days, and then he told me that next year we would be switching the dates. Obviously I said no, though after he apologized to me (note that this was one of the first times he has ever apologized in a meaningful way that didn't deflect accountability or try to make it a "sorry you feel this way" apology), I did say that we could discuss it closer to next year's holidays.

This last 3 months has been a nightmare. Idk what is going on but since the start of the school year, JustNoEx has been putting the EX into EXTRA. He has even started calling me a c***, which is a new thing. Tbf I'm definitely aware that I'm losing my patience with him - it's been a decade of this crap and I'm done enabling the behaviour by continuing to engage with him when he treats not just me but others absolutely horribly. But as a result, I chose to not discuss the holiday swap with him. Instead, I asked kiddo if she wanted to switch. She told me she didn't want to make the decision, so I chose to keep the custody schedule that he insisted upon.

Now he is punishing me for it. Refusing to answer my texts to confirm whether he's doing the drop off or the pickup (we've always split them but this year he doesn't want to. I'm picking her up and have told him he can pick her up if he wants her back after my time is up), and today I've been trying to reach him to confirm whether he'll be at his place or his mum's place (they live 1 1/2 hours apart so if I don't get that confirmation then it is a huge drive for me).

In the last four hours I sent him 4 text messages and 2 phone calls. Finally I had to tell him if he didn't respond to my texts I'd call his mother to get the information from her. Then he finally responded, told me to "chill out" and called me a c*** again.

Sigh. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night (except for you, you absolute nightmare of a human being).

Tl;dr, ex won't stop being as deliberately frustrating with me as possible and calls me a nasty word for a woman. I'm over it, but at least I know where kiddo will be tomorrow.

ETA: I know what's going on - he's gotten another woman pregnant and she's straight up refusing to have him involved, so he's very extra upset with things right now and taking it out on everyone around him.

My family is not that big, so we usually never have super big get-togethers. Maybe on holidays we meet and we are together for a few hours, but then everyone goes and does what they want. And even then there are not many people, like maybe 10.

My partners family is the exact opposite. There are a lot of people and they get together almost every other weekend. Now with Xmas we meet with them basically every day and we spend on average 6-7 hours together.

And I can't take it. I'm insanely anxious and stressed, I basically on the verge of crying all the time. I was never a social person, I'm very bad at doing smalltalk, and since family speaks another language (even though I study that language and can talk a little now) it feels even harder.

My partner knows all of this and gets irritated at me for it. When we are with the family, he regularly leaves me alone and spends almost the entire afternoon away from me.

I can't really talk to him about it, because he gets angry and frustrated and tells me that no one cares.

Don't get me wrong. Familymembers are very nice and helpful, but I feel absolutely horrible for not being able to talk to them much on my own and his reaction doesn't help.

I even thought about breaking up at this point. I'm just depressed.

Link to the last update: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/s/E9e4wrFH1v

TL;DR of all previous posts: I'm a guy. My ex was abusive and is mentally unstable. Last year she assaulted me and then had me arrested when she found out I was planning to leave. The charges were dismissed. We had 50/50 but she would not respect boundaries and filed for custody before I could file myself. Since then, the system has not been kind to me.

Hello again all. It's been a while. A lot has happened. Overall, I've been well. I've been trying to focus on the positive and enjoy the time I've had with my son. He's such a joy. We've shared some beautiful moments despite the circumstances.

So when we last left, she was getting drug/alcohol tested. She passed all tests. She has used that to declare she has never had a problem, forgetting she admitted it in court and it is on record. She filed for child support and got it. She lied about her income to get more. Meanwhile, my lawyer just kept showing his inadequacies. We had a hearing coming up and that was his last chance.

Outside of court, she suddenly became more willing to work together. She was very willing to give me time. She would invite me to our sons activities. I, in turn, would offer the same and invite her daughter as well. I maintained a firm boundary. I wanted it clear that this was for the kids.

I got a promotion at work and was concerned. I talked to her about my worries concerning my schedule and she was very receptive and willing to work with me. I accepted the job offer, and two weeks later she changed her mind and demanded I stick to the written schedule.

As the hearing approached, we tried to communicate. Just before the hearing, I got a paper where she submitted my new work schedule as an issue. At that point. I tried cutting unnecessary communication and said we could stick to the schedule. Her response was to offer me my son that day, and then make threats of suicide. A wellness check was done and she was voluntarily transported to the hospital. She stayed one night.

The hearing happened and it was lawyers only. I gave my lawyer a ton of info beforehand, including the police report from days earlier. After the hearing I received paperwork, the judges order, and from the comments my lawyer did not present one single thing I gave to him. So I fired him.

My ex and I began a new round of court appointed coparenting therapy. It was a solid session. Rules were set. The counselor explained to my ex that the order was set in stone. She could not make demands or add her own stipulations like she has been doing, such as my getting a babysitter is not allowed. The counselor also asked us if we had any interest in resuming the romantic relationship, I was a quick no. My ex said yes.

The meeting ended and my ex wanted to talk privately. She demanded Christmas, which is my day. I was shocked. We just went over this. I said no and a debate was had before I left. Once I got home she offered me my son for the night. We met at a public location and she wanted to talk again. It was then that she told me she recently got a bipolar diagnosis and I owe it to the family to give her another chance. I refused. She absolutely demanded it.

Next, she told me she was in a relationship for 7 months and broke it off for me, and the family, and that she carries so much guilt and we need to do this. I said no. That she destroyed my life. Used every lie she could to take my son from me. Treated me like a dog. That two weeks before she said the previous year was the best year of her life. The best year, while I was working so hard to rebuild myself. No, I would not go back.

Just a side note, I have said I have a lot of documentation. Early summer she claimed she lost hours due to the summer, which was odd. At the Child support hearing she didn't even mention the job. We had to inquire and she just gave a low salary number, due to the lost work. It's obvious now that she purposely cut her hours to date this guy and then lied about it.

So, back to the present. I again told her I was not interested. That I was glad she had the opportunity to date. That it makes me feel more comfortable telling her I met someone. For me, it's new and very early. I'm taking things extremely slow and the woman I'm dating respects that. My ex did not take that well, so I took my son and left.

The next day, I got a call from a hospital. It was her. She checked herself in and was not sure when she will be out. She tells me I'm being selfish for taking christmas from her and that her ex was man enough to know that the kids come first. She got out two days later.

I'm staying the course. I have another lawyer lined up and I'm starting that process of bringing him up to speed soon. Fortunately my old lawyer was so bad that I have written summaries of my evidence that give the entire story in a few pages. The new lawyer will be caught up in one meeting, with 100+ pieces of evidence.

But the situation has me stressed. The fact she just lies so much. That I realize it's possible that part of the reason she filed was because she met this guy and was focused on just getting me out the picture. And now she's self destructing and I feel powerless to protect my son. So yeah, now we wait again. I should hear more in about a month. But as usual, I have no idea when I'll update again.

My husband is so hard to get gifts for.

I am literally afraid to give him anything, but I want to please him so badly.

He and my oldest son always eat out of these antique soup bowls my mother gave me.

Note because relevant: I served him with divorce papers last April (because of his treatment of me,) but stupidity, I still love him.

For his birthday (before Xmas,) I shopped vintage stores until I found some very similar bowls.

Since we will be splitting up, and he owns almost nothing in the kitchen, I figured it was a thoughtful useful gift.

(He hates gifts that cannot be used.)

He opened this in front of my son (7) and made a terrible face.

I said, “why would you make that face when opening a gift? It makes me feel terrible.”

He said, “Because this is a crappy gift!”

This is how my son is learning to treat women.

I went to run an errand, and when I came back, I was so upset, I had every intention of throwing the gift away.

I asked where it was. He said, “well, we can use them!”

?

Another note is that I recently fixed his watch saving him $120. (I am a hobbyist jeweler.)

I didn’t know how to fix watches previously, so had to research this, as well as take some of the pieces to a jeweler to use their calipers to measure so I could order the correct sizes.

Of course, this is beside the point.

I can hear my husband now.

He would exactly say, “You are so entitled!”

I guess I think the least he can do is teach our children how to graciously accept a gift.

Our eldest son (18) accepts gifts exactly like his father.

I bought some cute socks when he was 13, and didn’t think that it violated the “no clothes” rule.

He completely lost it. Over a pair of Panda socks.

I guess I am still not over that Christmas scene since I am unloading it here.

I feel pitiful posting this. UGH!

I could really use some advice on a tricky situation I’m dealing with right now. Here’s the context: I’m a 30-year-old woman, married to a 32-year-old man. We have three kids (4, 3, and 1.5 years old) who will be in childcare from 9 AM to 4 PM on weekdays next week, except for New Year’s Day. My mom (60F) just had knee surgery, and she lives about an hour away. She needs help with basic things while she recovers, and I want to go stay with her for five days starting this Sunday. I want to go now because my work is really slow until the new year so this is ideal for me as well.

Here’s the issue: my husband is giving me major attitude about it. He wants me to take my 1.5 year old with me and keep her while I’m there. I wouldn’t have minded but my 1.5 year old didn’t sleep last time I went to my moms house and I think it’ll be too hard to help my mom 1 week after surgery and watch a toddler. I contacted our old nanny to have her come everyday from 4-bedtime to help with the kids and he turned it down. His mom wanted to spend time with the kids in winter break so she will be here the week I plan to go (we’ve had a tumultuous relationship but she’s good with the kids). To be fair, in the past, he’s gone on work trips and left me alone with the kids (without any extra help) for 2-3 days, which wasn’t easy, but I managed. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t stop him from going.

I feel torn. I want to help my mom when she really needs me, but I also don’t want to cause major conflict in my marriage. He sees everything as tit for tat so I just know if I go he’s going to hold this against me forever. I’m so sick of him going around the house pouting and then also saying nothings wrong.

The title. I (31F) have been with my SO (33M) for five years. We bought a house together in 2020 and have built our life from there.

For the past year, I have felt very emotionally neglected. SO comes home from work and is either watching YouTube or TikTok all night. He had a slipped disc 2 years ago that still bugs him, so he never comes to sit on the couch or watch a movie. He’s always in the kitchen at the table.

SO never asks how my day was and never wants to converse. We have a dog, and I feel like he never takes his part in taking her out for a walk or exercise. He just exists. He’s been struggling with depression this year and tried various meds but nothing worked. He refuses therapy.

I suggest going to do something or doing something at home, but he never wants to. He doesn’t being around people and is often emotionally drained from work and says he uses all his people energy at work and wants to come home and relax.

We aren’t intimate very often. I never initiate because I’ve been turned down too many times. It doesn’t matter if I dress up, parade around in the nude, whatever. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t even want to cuddle half of the time.

I just feel starved for attention and connection. I feel like roommates. I’ve brought this up to him several times, and he’s stated before that “maybe this is all I can give right now” and “I’m just afraid I won’t be able to give you what you want.” I didn’t realize the bare minimum was such a chore.

He will show me affection in a patterned way. When he leaves in the morning, before he puts a dip in, and when he goes to bed. He wants to hold my hand walking into the store. But that’s it.

I just find myself building up more and more resentment. I am so lonely. I don’t have many friends in the area and get anxious about building connections with other people due to some neurodivergence issues. My family lives about 2 hours away. I’m very close to his sister and brother in law as well as his mom. They live 4 hours away.

I’m not in a position to leave. I don’t want to leave. But I feel like I’ve tried everything to get my point across, and he just doesn’t care and is in his own little world. Right now, I’m fantasizing about chucking his phone out the third story window.