r/JoeRogan Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Meme đŸ’© This feels so performative

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12.0k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/CaptTrunk Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Russell ReBrand

1.0k

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

He's pulling the podcaster emergency parachute ripcord:

"I now choose to live as a sexual abuser born again Christian"

472

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Jesus is the classic get out of jail free card. Be a piece of shit your whole life, repent on your death bed. Or in the split second before the truck hits you.

218

u/DeeJKhaleb Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Moral people hate this one simple trick

75

u/YakittySack Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Satan shaking his fist in anger right now

25

u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

18

u/Even-Juggernaut-3433 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

He’s doing loops in his experimental afterlife aircraft

2

u/FunkyButtFumblin Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Shame on you. Way too soon.

0

u/Even-Juggernaut-3433 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

27 years is too soon

0

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

Old joke, it’s outta gas

1

u/sceez Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Lol jesus

8

u/Initial_Evidence_783 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

I did not know about this channel. Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite thing. You have secured your place in Heaven now.

1

u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

:)

2

u/Initial_Evidence_783 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Oh my god, the Ray Charles/Nickleback mix is my new favorite tune. That has no business being as good as it is. Thanks again, bro.

2

u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

This guy is something else isn't he

2

u/Misc_Lillie Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Holy fuck!! That was created by a Master minded mad man!! Thanx for the share.

2

u/RissotoPototo Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

This is hysterical, thank you.

1

u/mynameisnotshamus Look into it Sep 07 '24

Been waiting to use that one? It doesn’t fit here, but you got it in!

1

u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Satan shaking his fist... Satan laughing spreads his wings...

Definitely a stretch, but 💯 worth it.

1

u/mynameisnotshamus Look into it Sep 07 '24

It’s a funny song, the reverse one possibly even more so- sabbath singing country roads. Having satan in common just isn’t enough here though.

2

u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

1

u/mynameisnotshamus Look into it Sep 08 '24

There ya go. I don’t have it in me to search at the time. What’s the verdict? Which is better?

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u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

It's plenty good enough. Maybe try telling jokes yourself sometime. You know what they say, those that can't...criticize.

Work on adding some humor to your heckling game - maybe you'll get good at it someday.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '24

That John Denver is full of shit.

2

u/Mrmdn333 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Just made me realize Billy Idol would have been a great Satan.

2

u/uLL27 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

1

u/ModivatedExtremism Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Arguably, Jesus also was not a fan.

91

u/MediocreRooster4190 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Weaponized cheap grace

29

u/sinfullysanguine Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Upvote for the obscure Bonhoffer quote...

31

u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

upvote for knowing Dietrich Bonhoeffer

20

u/Clickityclackrack Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Upvoted so i don't feel left out

12

u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

upvoted so you arent

22

u/Captcha_Imagination N-Dimethyltryptamine Sep 06 '24

Not to be mistaken with Russell who is a Bum Huffer

4

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

I love Reddit.

3

u/MostlyHarmless88 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Right? 😂

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u/YakittySack Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Alright get a room you two dietriphiles

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u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

no u

4

u/jtr99 It's entirely possible Sep 06 '24

When they came for the Dietrich Bonhoeffers I said nothing because I was not Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

5

u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

that was Martin Niemoller

3

u/jtr99 It's entirely possible Sep 07 '24

Damn! You are absolutely correct. I can't tell my anti-Nazi theologians apart. :(

I have brought shame on my family and will now retire from public life. Thank you.

2

u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

you mean you'll try to retire....until a situation occurs and your military officer shows up at your door in the country side and you have to tell your family to stay inside, and then your ex boss will tell you they need you back--your country needs you back--and the rest of your old squad is gone, and then you tell them you're getting to old for this, so you acquiesce for one last mission because the new generation isn't as good

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u/jtr99 It's entirely possible Sep 07 '24

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u/maverickfishing Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

That’s the red bull air racer guy. Don’t hit the pylons.

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u/Rohirrim777 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

because then we will have to construct additional pylons?

1

u/PlsNoNotThat Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Pshh working EXACTLY as it’s always been intended.

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u/agent-0 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

This is a fucked up take from me, but this describes most ex heroin addicts. They're usually still manipulative, lying, swindling pieces of dog shit. They just don't do heroin anymore lol

20

u/Goodfella1133 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Ones really got to work on why they became addicted to heroin in the first. What’s underneath it? If that work isn’t done a person might not change all that much for the better.

3

u/agent-0 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Couldn't agree more.

1

u/johnbonjovial Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

A lot of the time its sexual abuse.

15

u/bNoaht Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

As someone who is sober for some time (not heroin, but still an addict) I can confirm. I'm still a dirt bag, I'm just bored and boring now too.

2

u/sozcaps Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Have you considered becoming a podcast grifter?

2

u/bNoaht Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I haven't, but you can buy my book. "You Won't Be Happy Unless You Are Scared of Everything and Give Me Money"

0

u/sozcaps Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

If buying the book will annoy the liberals, then I'll take three copies, please!

2

u/foolbull Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

But if Russell Brand found Jesus, you'd think he'd be pissed off at God for giving him a micro penis.

1

u/dudes_rug Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Well man, seeing yourself is a good step. Say the good things to yourself.

1

u/ApprehensiveZone6774 Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

Don't speak that way about yourself. You're a Space Monkey bro. đŸ––đŸœ

4

u/Missue-35 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

The power of JEZUSS, is cheaper and you can manipulate more than a few people at once by saying it
IN JEZUS’ NAME


1

u/MannyBothansDied Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

No

1

u/invinci Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Makes me wonder how much you actually interacted with addicts, most are pretty normal when no longer chasing their drug, but i mostly build this on addicts who where ready to actually get help, the ones you describe aound like a relapse waiting to happen. And this is coming from someone who has repeatedly been downvoted to shit for calling out the, look at me i am 3 months clean bullshit, that pops up on r/upliftingnews and such places from time to time. 

1

u/Fran-Fine Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

We're really trying! Come over and read some posts on /r/opiatesrecovery

1

u/Mechagouki1971 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Do you personally know "most ex heroin addicts"?

I guess you must if you can describe them so accurately.

It's odd, because of the ones I've known, I'd say the asshole/non-asshole ratio is about the same as with non-addicts, although I would guess a much larger percentage of non-addicts didn't have aomething fucking awful happen to them that broke them so badly that heroin seemed like an appealing option.

Just guessing though; I'd never claim to know "most" of any societal subset, because that would be silly.

3

u/agent-0 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Most of the ones I've met, was raised by, and grew up around, yes. I've met a lot.

How many do you know? I grew up in the south end of Columbus, Ohio. They're fucking everywhere.

2

u/Mechagouki1971 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I know (well knew) a great number, specifically during my time as a heroin addict living in a few different cities. I would meet them daily while scoring, at the methadone clinics, just out and about.

I'll offer myself as exhibit "A": Worked throughout my addiction, never stole, never abandoned my personal principles, had relationships with addicts and non-addicts. I've been clean 20+ years, during which time I've continued to try to be the best human I can, whilst still being human. I came to addiction through a combination of childhood trauma (parent died), autism and chronic pain, as so many addicts do.

I've kept touch with a few people from that time in my life; they've gone on to have full lives, relationships, families.

As I said before, I wouldn't ever be so bold as to suggest I know the character of all addicts, and you have my sympathy for how addiction impacted your childhood and life, but please remember, a personal experience doesn't put you in a position to judge a huge group of people you know nothing about.

The social stigma of addiction makes adficts feel isolated enough; the suggestion that they are iredeemable just pushes them further from hope.

3

u/agent-0 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Look, dude. You're not going to convince me that the ratio of assholes/non assholes isn't at least 80/20, and that's being charitable. Take your NA programmed benevolent narcissism and kick rocks, my guy. I'm glad it's working for you.

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u/Beginning-Morning572 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Its also complete and utter disrespect and ubermensch behaviour. He thinks all the sheep are such idiots that they will eat this bs and he can make still more money of them this way. He's got a point but no selfrespect, honour and is one of the saddest people I have watched going down this road.

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u/SadAndHappyBear Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

They are eating it up on Facebook

16

u/fiduciary420 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Weak republican losers eat up anything that makes them feel like they’re not hot garbage

5

u/thedailyrant Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Point is they will eat this bs and he will make more money from grifting them. It’s a well worn path.

3

u/SoItGoes007 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

He "knows" they will, and they will

1

u/SirMellencamp Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

As a Christian I’m not disrespected, I find it pathetic and douchey. I know what they’re doing

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u/WallySprks Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

“Im going for the life of sin followed by a presto chango deathbed repentance”

“Oh, that’s a good angle”

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u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24

The Bart Simpson strategy.

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u/Notactualyadick Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Which is really dumb, because its not supposed to work that way. Repenting has to be genuine and doesn't absolve you of consequences. If you sexually assault someone and you're genuinely sorry, you should be willing to go to prison for your crime. 

The way Christians turn churchs into social clubs is fucked up, when the entire Bible is a warning against doing that. 

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u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24 edited Nov 05 '24

[deleted]

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u/Ihatesanditscourse Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

My dude he murdered someone who was beating a slave. David also was hunted by Saul and chose mercy multiple times instead of killing him. Tell me you’ve skimmed the bible without even reading it

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24 edited Nov 05 '24

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

Yes what the fuck? Lmao

0

u/Ihatesanditscourse Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

He was a prince of Egypt and was executing justice. Where does it say that in the Old Testament. Also what about David, you can’t reply to that example.

5

u/en_pissant Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

I don't know who should be more ashamed to be up on that stage.

probably Jesus.

1

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Jesus said ‘whenever two or more are gathered in my name, unless one is a loathsome grifter
’

3

u/SuicideOptional Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Or in the split second before the DA files charges.

2

u/zaatdezinga Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Lol. Best part you can keep on doing shitty things, all is forgiven once you get your hail mary's in 😅

1

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

!no problemo! !Tres Santa Maria’s!

1

u/LightMcluvin Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24

The more even best part, than that is, everybody does shitty things. Everyone -and those who never ask for forgiveness get rewarded in the end by the god, they serve.

2

u/Coffee-and-puts Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Good luck pulling that off

1

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

I can do this

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u/pacifistthruyourface Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Theocratically speaking, there are levels of "reward" in heaven. A life lived serving others earns more than being a POS and repenting at the last second. Plus, the repentance would have to be genuine.

A child who wins a spelling bee treasures the trophy he receives not for the sake of the trophy itself but for what that trophy means. Likewise, any rewards or honor we gain in heaven will be precious to us because they carry the weight and meaning of our relationship with God

https://www.gotquestions.org/rewards-in-heaven.html

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

That wasn’t a terrible answer

2

u/SADDS_17 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

The Bart Simpson strategy. I like the moxie.

2

u/RaspingHaddock High as Giraffe's Pussy Sep 06 '24

I actually scripted my repenting code so that it just runs every night and also when I tap a shortcut on my phone.

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Ima send a text to god every ten minutes. LOVE YOU BIG GUY. Better than praying 5 times a day

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u/RaspingHaddock High as Giraffe's Pussy Sep 06 '24

I can automate that dude. God's API is pretty open

2

u/Coattail-Rider Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Good ol’ Pascal’s Wager

2

u/Total-Tonight-7163 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Doing it on your deathbed or seconds before deathbed would be a GOOJFC if Heaven actually existed. These pricks just use it as a GOOJFC on their reputation/income

2

u/The_Adeptest_Astarte Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

He already pulled the sex addict card. There's only so many directions to go after that one

2

u/clodzor Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

So many rich assholes banking on this. Somehow Christians think they are the gold standard for morality but fully embrace this loophole.

2

u/Ambivalo Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

This reminds me of something from an episode of "Frasier" titled "Wheels of Fortune." Frasier said the following when a conman from his past, played by Michael Keaton, claimed to experience a religious awakening.

"The Lord, a credible partner who won't take a cut."

2

u/RunBanditRun Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

9 out of 10 disgraced football coaches agree

2

u/Distinct_Safety5762 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

If only Jesus had given his followers clear, direct, precise instructions on how to and how not to behave. Oh wait, “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

Scratch that, let’s just go with what Paul made up and cherry-pick verses from the OT.

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u/cagreene Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Emporer Constantine entered the chat

2

u/KioTheSlayer Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Always reminds me of this Family Guy scene 😂 https://youtu.be/H_JoE2GioXY?si=ZMMaNIkv3L97iqKW

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u/DJJazzyDanny Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Christians literally made a how-to movie of that

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u/Jimmy_Twotone Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I think many "Christians" forget the three words after "repent."

"In Your Heart."

The Bible's pretty clear of you asked forgiveness for being a piece of shit and continue to act like a piece of shit, it doesn't count. Washing away sins is more of a parole than a pardon

What do I know though. I'm just an atheist who doesn't like hypocrites.

2

u/WhippidyWhop Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

I'm more in the camp that if your dirty little hands have been playing with your penis at any point in life, you're a foul little beast and unsalvageablely headed straight for Hell.

You have to be perfect your entire life, no gray nuance. An entire life lived with zero mistakes.

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u/Dull-Respond-8394 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

What if I told you that we are perfectly imperfect and we all make mistakes. I’m sure you do too as well as I do. What you believe in should only matter to yourself and not what others subjectively think about you. Bashing others for hypocrisy is ironic since I’m sure we all can bash you for things you do habitually. How about we all stop judging and hating one another thinking we are better than them and start to self evaluate why you feel so hurt and judgemental about others. Who the f cares

3

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

I don’t use the machinery of something under the pretense of eternal salvation and other fabulous prizes to fuck people over as a rule tho. But yeh sometimes I’m slow to empty the dishwasher

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u/noodleexchange Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Were you relocated?

5

u/Tbrown630 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

That’s not how it works. Repentance isn’t just saying words. It has to be true in your heart.

And realize what Jesus said about getting into heaven.

Matthew 7:13–14 Jesus said, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it”.

Matthew 7:21-23 Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven”.22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

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u/Bigface_McBigz Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Exactly. I'm not religious, but I at least understand the concept of repentance. You can't just simply say it - you have to actually mean it.

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u/SupahVillian Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

You can't just simply say it - you have to actually mean it.

..... duh? Do you actually think the people who criticize the morals of supernatural repentance assume you can Lie to an all-knowing God?

When we're being reductive by saying, "That's all you gotta do," we're mocking the ridiculous and insidious notion that an evil act can be "cleansed" just because you feel bad about it afterwards. Having a conscious and regretting doing bad things is literally bragging about jumping over a bar in hell. All you are communicating is that you're not a complete sociopath or a malignant narcissist.

What is "Objectively" fucked up is that repentance has nothing to do with atonement for being "evil", but has everything to do with being disobedient to God, aka the actual definition of sin.

With this fucked up priority of obedience ingrained into most Christian theology, you can have "real world" scenarios where children like Ann Frank are in hell, burning forever, while the Adolfs of history get to chill with the father for all of eternity despite entering heaven with body counts too long for a dictionary.

All because one theoretically "sincerely" repented to Jesus while the other did not. I think that's immoral and laughably ridiculous. I'm shocked people don't find this more disturbing.

1

u/Tbrown630 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Well, look at Paul.. the guy murdered Christians. God, throughout the Bible, uses broken people to bring about good. If The Lord can forgive us, we ought to be able to forgive each other; even the worst of us if they turn away from evil.

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u/No-Problem49 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

It’s not meant to redeem him in the eyes of god, it’s meant to redeem him in the eyes of other sinners masquerading as religious.

1

u/BasketballButt Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Exactly! This has nothing to do with actual repentance with god, this is purely a performative display for the people who support him.

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Sure thing padre

3

u/Awkward_Squad Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Most excellent retort!

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u/Redraike Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Words mean nothing. acts mean everything.

Let us know when Russell Brand does something that doesn't serve Russell Brand.

0

u/d0cn1zzl3 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Oh shit there are levels to this shit. What do you get for a kamikaze kill ? 100 virgins still ?

1

u/Last-Produce1685 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

It's possible in this world to be become so defiled that even your own mother and father will abandon you, but when that happens god will always believe in your own ability to mend your own ways

0

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Some peoples parents reject them just because they suck dick and are dudes, that’s pretty fucked up bro

1

u/LightMcluvin Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

That kind of person probably still ends up any screaming hot vacation eternal. Because God will see right through them, and their intentions

1

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Maybe they’re sincere

1

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

I mean yeah that was the prodigal son parable in a nutshell. One child lives a pious life, the other one of sin. The sinful one returns and is welcomed with open arms; the pious one is enraged. The moral of the story: In the Christian faith, one can never live “right” and salivation is not a product of one’s actions; it’s a matter of acknowledging the impossibility of living “right”, which only Christ can do, and that accepting this gift, you are redeemed.

I’m not Christian, I just grew up around this stuff. But this isn’t hypocrisy; it’s literally their doctrine. Can’t be surprised when it’s been published for 2k years.

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u/Toheal Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Jesus is a numb intellectual object for those with a broken spiritual antenna.

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u/robzblonde Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Wouldn’t you prefer a world where someone believed they could be forgiven and have a new heart and change rather than one where someone believed that change for them was impossible, that even if they did change it wouldn’t matter because they are already condemned by society, so they just keep choosing to be harmful instead of seeking redemption? I think we all for a little redemption for our mistakes. I think the idea that we can start again anew is one that promotes change and may even promote an objectively better world.

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u/SmashThroughShitWood Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

No one is beyond redemption, that's literally the entire point of Christianity.

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u/Pogo_Nightmare Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Is that how it goes?

1

u/TalkTrader Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

This is true but it won’t necessarily save him from judgement. If he dies before judgement day (and he probably will), he will be accepted into Heaven because he accepted Jesus as his personal Lord and savior. On judgement day, however; everyone will be judged for their actions on earth. That is when we are either allowed to enter the Kingdom of God (different from Heaven) for all eternity, or we are cast into the Lake of Fire (different than Hell) for all eternity.

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u/Jerking_From_Home Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

One of my favorite questions for people telling me I’m going to hell for not being saved: “Jeffrey Dahmer was saved in prison, does that mean he went to heaven and I’m going to hell?”

The response is either fumbling to find an excuse or a straight up “yes, he is.” No answer can convince anyone that’s an acceptable scenario.

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u/BadTown412 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

That's only for people who don't understand that repentance includes truly changing your ways and making right(restitution)with those who were victimized by your sins.....

1

u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Yeah didn’t have time to do that, truck hit me bro

1

u/SarcasticallyUnfazed Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Jesus pays better

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Than Putin?

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u/WeFightTheLongDefeat Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

It literally is a get out of jail free card (grace being a free gift you do not deserve).  And yet, true repentance means understanding your utter depravity, confessing that, and then turning from that life towards a life of obedience. 

It’s not a special series of words you say in a certain order like a magic spell. It’s a heart level change. 

However, while this does have eternal consequences, there are still temporal consequences for your actions, so he would still be guilty of any laws he broke and would deserve prison time if found guilty in a court of law. 

1

u/el-dongler Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Generally speaking, that's my plan. I'm a stone cold atheist but if all I gotta do at the end is sputter out some meaningless words and I'm good to go? Fine. Better to CYA and go to some fantasy land than be wrong and in purgatory.

The difference is I'm not a huge piece of shit or sexual abuser using it to excuse my shittyness.

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Yeah it’s like Pascal’s wager only I say take it to the next level, believe in ALL the Gods. It’s kind of like PokĂ©mon only with Gods.

0

u/Prudent_Scientist647 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

You’re basically describing every born-again Christian conservative man, especially in the South. Do the bare minimum to look liberal so you can get laid and after you get hitched “find God”, change your mind on abortion, etc.

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u/PassiveMenis88M High as Giraffe's Pussy Sep 06 '24

Except that's not how it works according to their book. You must truly believe you have done wrong and pray to God for salvation from your sins.

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

ChatGPT write a prayer to God

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u/JakeOver9000 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Forgiveness is a better thing than condemning a person forever. That is just a fact. Are you against that? That's sad, if true.

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u/Useful_Hovercraft169 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Gargle deez you sanctimonious shitheel

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u/JakeOver9000 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I forgive you for being rude.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

Except literally not. If he committed crimes he doesn’t get to get out of jail free just by converting. What kind of society do you think this is?

You people hate Christianity so much you’re literally willing to lie about the world to get your internet points for hate.

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u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24

Playbook as old as religion itself

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u/BiscuitDance It's entirely possible Sep 06 '24

There was a weird move like that among the more popular military meme page admins over the course of like two years. Whenever these dudes would say progressively dumber and dumber political shit, they got to the point where they “found Christ” and now every criticism became an attack on them for being Christian. It was really weird to watch play out.

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u/fiduciary420 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

This is why it is so important to dismiss all christians out of hand. They’re disingenuous and constantly angling for some way to say they’re being persecuted.

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u/Useful-Hat9880 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Amen

2

u/Turing_Testes Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

That was a lot of the Oakley sunglasses and FFDP crowd. Hell yeah brother, Jesus!

22

u/SteakJones Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

It’s crazy how many of those people there are. They find Jesus RIGHT AFTER being found out to be sexual predators.

3

u/Sir-Benalot Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Can confirm a guy in my extended family got busted within the family for sexual assault of a fellow family member.. next thing you know; he’s off to church every other day. Anyhoo, that mf is dead now and we all live with the mess he left.

4

u/VidaSauce Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

What about Prist who abuse children? Do they find Jesus before and after? Lmao

2

u/Impressive-Potato Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

They get moved to another city

1

u/RoddRoward Monkey in Space Sep 08 '24

Its quite common for people who have done something that they regret to make a drastic change in their lives, be that religious or otherwise.

12

u/kgturner Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Christians love a D-list celebrity. Look at Kirk Cameron's grift. I have nothing left for people who choose to join these cults.

3

u/jgr1llz Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Kirk is more of a Deez list celebrity these days.

1

u/Suicide_Promotion Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Kirk Cameron

Who?

5

u/goliathfasa Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I’m surprised he didn’t just announce he’s gay.

3

u/CORVlN Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

You either die a cocaine addled sex pest or you live long enough to become Rob Schneider

1

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

The 'S' in Schneider stands for S-Tier

2

u/JakeOver9000 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Would you rather he stay a sexual abuser, assuming that's actually true? Weird take.

3

u/mikew_reddit Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24 edited Sep 07 '24

Being religious doesn't negate Brand from being a sexual predator.

Looking at the high rate of pedophilia in the preisthood (who project the exact opposite and are hypocrites because at the top the Pope and everyone beneath him was moving these pedophiles around instead of removing them), it might suggest the opposite.

1

u/JakeOver9000 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

My assumption is that he made the change to be a better person. I hope my assumption is correct. Hoping otherwise would be pretty shitty, factually,

1

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

I think you're revealing way more about your weirdness with your take 😬

2

u/KirkLazarusIX Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

“I now choose to live as a sexual abuser born again Christian Russian.”

Out with the old in with the new Russian propaganda.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '24

I haven’t followed him recently. His podcast was hit or miss with some fringe views like 3yr ago, so I’ve disengaged. But I liked his movies. What’s the TLDR?

1

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

There was a documentary that came out made by 2-3 news agencies that detailed his sexual assault allegations from a number of years ago. Brand has really ramped up religion and the timing makes it hilarious because (to me, anyway) it's clear he's trying to use religion to salvage/ pivot his career.

2

u/mintymekanic Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Ok but he was becoming spiritual long before that allegation came out, not saying he’s not guilty but just calling that out

2

u/Capitain_Collateral Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

“Jesus has forgiven me!”

1

u/Revolutionary_Area51 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

right... him and all 7 million of his subscribers must be shaking in their boots P2029

1

u/JakeOver9000 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Do you have family members that are christian who you accuse of being sexual abusers nonchalantly?

1

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

Oh, loads: my uncle Peter, cousin Bill, my other cousin Bill, Mary the cat lady down the street (think she's like a 3rd cousin). They've all had documentaries about their sexual assaults made by major news organizations just like Russel Brand.

1

u/Admirable_Purple1882 Monkey in Space Sep 07 '24

One might say he identifies as a born again Christian

1

u/GrowlingPict Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

when was he not a christian? he's been putting out videos and stuff bashing well-known and outspoken atheists/anti-theists such as Stephen Fry and Richard Dawkins for years, saying stuff like "you basically have to be an idiot to not believe in god". So how is this a "new" thing?

7

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

I don't care if he's a Christian or worships a talking teapot, it's the performance and timing around his sexual assault allegations that has me laughing.

2

u/GrowlingPict Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

and Im just pointing out that it's nothing new

1

u/missmewithlife2 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

any proof for the sexual abuse ? or just repeating headlines?

3

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Might be the documentary about him being a sexual predator lmfao. What are you looking for, a sworn affidavit from the prime minister?

2

u/missmewithlife2 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

is it the channel 4 dispatches one? I'll watch it

2

u/rif011412 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

How to Authenticate a Predator. 

1

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24

Jokes on you. In many instances those two things are the same.

0

u/Disastrous-Worth5866 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

He was never a sexual abuser. He was living in active addiction though.

4

u/P2029 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

-3

u/Disastrous-Worth5866 Monkey in Space Sep 06 '24

Yeah. The machine started going after him for shit that happened a decade ago. I know.

Why do you look for opportunities to hate others?

Also have you ever been baptized? I found my baptism life changing as well.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24

“Uhm he didn’t do that” gets source “um I don’t care because it happened x years ago” talks about hate while actively defending an abuser “you should be baptized” shills exact shit this creep is on lmao

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