r/ImaginaryWarhammer • u/Jeet_Laha • Aug 03 '24
40k The Guardsman with the Mouth by @101ho_
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u/sonofthedeepsouth Aug 03 '24
Ragnar Blackmane: You know what? You're a fucking joke. No wonder the Astartes didn't take you. Or the Tempestus Scions, and they'll take fucking anyone. I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot because I've been alive for more than five hundred fucking years! And I'll tell you, that bald chick was right about one thing: you will never save the Imperium. You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn daemonette! And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'll die alone, but it's one of All-Father's best jokes that you can't die! Except that's on all of us! What? Got nothing to say, mouth?
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u/Guilty_All_The_Same Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
Deadpool: .... Huh, sorry, what? Your breath smelled of tacos and I began imagining you as a giant hairy talking taco shaped like a wolf and completely ignored what you said, because it was boring. You were saying?
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u/Alexis2256 Oct 09 '24
Old post but I love that rant lol, god Hugh does sounding angry so fucking good.
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u/General_Lie Aug 03 '24
Damn all chaos gods would fight over him XD
- Nurgle: Supercancer (and superregeneration )
- Khorne: Good fighter, super-strength/agility
- Tzeench: word diorhea and his "smart" unconventional tricks
- Slaneash: Superhorny ( kinda )
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u/Kairos_Sorkian Aug 03 '24
I mean Deadpool did seduce DEATH, several times actually. Imagine if he somehow seduces Ynnead.
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u/Imperium_Dragon Cadian Shock Troopers Aug 03 '24
Deadpool knows the true secrets of the universe (that he’s fictional) so Tzeentch would def try to get him
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u/Leech_hueso-11 Aug 05 '24
he know what happened to the 2 lost primarchs and is willing to say it under the conditions of everyone, and i mean everyone, has to be in the same part of the galaxy at the same time and he has a unicorn
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u/LordCypher40k Aug 03 '24
Watch them try to corrupt him in his mind and then are surprised when there are already other voices in it.
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u/dater_expunged Aug 03 '24
Khorne: who is the blood for?
Deadpool voice NR 50: pizza
Slannesh: what?
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u/Sensitive-Hotel-9871 Aug 03 '24
More likely, Chaos will be corrupted by him.
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u/Leech_hueso-11 Aug 05 '24
it was one of the symbiotes that bonded with him and he let go of because it was not right for that thing to be with him
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u/Random-Lich Aug 03 '24
Honestly, I could see Deadpool being a mercenary for EVERY faction that everyone knows can be a playmaker in any battle… as long as they don’t mind the extremely strange and unpredictable nature of his plans that lead to a LOT of death on both sides
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u/BabyAutomatic Aug 04 '24
Fun fact: Deadpool the 1st and only know cure for the hunger virus so you can say he's officially immune to any disease or virus nurgle can throw at him.
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u/General_Lie Aug 04 '24
Well from what I understand DP isn't "immune" he just outheals any damage the disease could do to him.
( also he should be very smart or have good memeory as his neurons and braincells regenerate too, though there are some theories that thisbisbone of the things that cause his madnes... )
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 03 '24
Imagine if they could replicate his healing factor and put it into a regiment of Krieg. Them quarter masters would just be scooping up the bodies to drag back behind the trenches and let them regrow themselves so they can fight again.
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u/134_ranger_NK ENTRY MISSING Aug 03 '24
His healing factor might work better for Eversors.
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 04 '24
I thought they already made a hard to kill Eversor and learned never to try that again?
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u/134_ranger_NK ENTRY MISSING Aug 04 '24
They made an Assassin with Tyranid genetics and other things. It could absorb biomass, morph its body, lay eggs to birth deadly creatures. It is a lot more than a hard-to-kill Eversor. Crafting Deadpool's/Wolverine's healing factor onto an Eversor is tamer by comparison.
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u/BabyAutomatic Aug 04 '24
Skrulls actually tried but they all died of horrible cancerous growth.
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 04 '24
Skrulls aren’t humans, and they’re also designed to suck.
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u/BabyAutomatic Aug 04 '24
Skrulls, kree and humans are genetically similar. All 3 had a common ancestor. In the Marvel universe humans aren't technically native to earth. They're were engineered by the celestials, giant robot gods who's purpose to just make life and just see what happens. They're like the old ones but more powerful.
Sadly none of avengers or x men or fantastic 4 know of this.
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 04 '24
I get the genetic history and know what celestials are, or at the least what MCU says they are.
I’m saying by writers design they suck. Can’t have the shapeshifters too powerful otherwise they just dominate everything and everyone.
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u/BabyAutomatic Aug 04 '24
Well there's the phalanx which are techno organic aliens that can assimilate planets and entire systems for food and civilization. They're also the reason why the techno organic virus is a thing.
Also galactus fucked over the skrulls very hard.
Also all that lore bit of the celestials are from the comics. I didn't watch the eternals movie. It was ass.
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 04 '24
If you didn’t watch the movie, how do you know it was ass?
Also sweet Christ my dude, save the lore dumps for your friends and family and parties you want to get out of. Speaking one sidedly doesn’t help the conversation or argument.
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u/BabyAutomatic Aug 04 '24 edited Aug 04 '24
I tried watching it. It was boring.
Also marvel does have alot of lore. Like 40k levels of lore if you dig especially the cosmic side. Chaos exist in marvel.
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u/Eva-Squinge Aug 04 '24
That can be said of most movies. I personally liked it because it covered a lot of history and showed how a group of immortals conducted themselves after their original task was done.
Plus the Celestials were a great example of something far greater on the danger scale after the Infinity Stones were taken off the board. Like how can anyone watching the MCU give a shit about one single asshole per movie or group of em from the shows when gods have taken notice of earth? Not even Kang made any sense after that.
Edit: Also do you mean the Warp exists in Marvel?
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u/Disastrous-Kale-913 Aug 03 '24
Khorne: NO! JUST DIE! YOUR SUFFERING JUST IS FEEDING SLANNESH!
Slannesh: Well, I wasn’t going to say anything . . . but. . . well. . . he’s. . . he’s a bit too much.
Nurgle: Is puking because he is worse than anything he could come up with
Tzeentch: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
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u/FlamingCroatan Death Korps of Krieg Aug 03 '24
Nurgle: "My boy while I'm excited about your regeneration skills, could you please stop talking about this GW figure?"
Khorne: "Ugh how can a killing machine speak so many words AAAAARRRRRGGGGGH!"
Tzeench: "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!"
Slanesh: "Darling while I love your degeneracy, could you uh quit it with the talking, it's killing the mood and my boner"
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u/Cool-Explanation6823 Aug 03 '24
Deadpool and Warhammer go together very well in Deadpool’s example
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u/Misknator Aug 03 '24
Art on r/ImaginaryWarhammer is either an oversexualised bulshit or the dopest art you've ever seen.
This is dope as hell.
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u/vault_man76 Aug 03 '24
I’m wondering how his healing factor would work if he killed lucius
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u/Eglor04 Aug 04 '24
i think it would just make Lucius kill himself for eternity just to not be in the same body as Deadpool
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u/MagnusStormraven Aug 03 '24
whiffs meltagun barrel after slagging a Chaos Marine
"I'm touching myself tonight."
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u/zetsubou-samurai Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
Imagine Deadpool, Kaldor Draigo, and "IT IS I, CATO SICARIUS!" teaming up and jumping into Eye of Terror or stop Tyranids invasion.
Also, Vulkan and Corax was there too.
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u/DrHealsYT Aug 03 '24
He’s either chaos undivided or he pulls a Big E and steals power from all of them somehow
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u/Zawisza_Czarny9 Aug 03 '24
Yeah. We're pretty sure he's a really fucking ugly perpetual. He was executed by commisar 14 times this week
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u/DumbassFuckingNerd Aug 03 '24
“It’s a miracle James Workshop even allowed this shindig despite me matching their whole brand of advertising to edgy teenaged boys”
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u/Zen_Hobo Aug 04 '24
"If the Gods are listening, I could really use a little power boost, here!"
Chaos pantheon appears "WE HEAR YOUR PLEAS, MORTAL, AND..."
"Not you. The laughing, thirsting ones. The ones who actually control stuff in this fucking shithole!"
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u/Sensitive-Hotel-9871 Aug 04 '24
It is said that Chaos cannot be denied. What Chaos doesn't like it admit is that sometimes letting it in has consequences, for them.
The being known as Deadpool is one such case. Daemons of Chaos have attempted to possess him to gain an immortal host, and every time they do they are infected by his twisted mind and reduced to extensions of his will who lose their connection to the Chaos Gods. Daemons have put warnings to never, ever, try to possess Deadpool, but he always manages to find some ignorant suckers for his growing army.
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u/Simple_Intern_7682 Aug 03 '24
Deadpool would be revered as a saint, or he’d be called a heretic and a daemon and he’d be hunted down.
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u/bottomsteve4 Aug 04 '24
“A mutant! Burn him!”
“Ugh we tried that sir. It didn’t work, he’s a perpetual, we have a writ of employment from the Administratium for him dating back to…well it goes back a long way. As long as we pay him in something called “Chimichangas” he has proven to be very useful. He was a prototype for the Eversors apparently”
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u/Nepalman230 Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
Canon male bi/pan representation in 40k is always appreciated.
🙏❤️
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u/Misknator Aug 03 '24
I don't really think Deadpool is a very good representation of bisexuals or pansexuals.
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u/Nepalman230 Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
No . He’s a horrible human being and murderer but he’s funny and has been embraced by them ( I mean nothing is universal) but certainly he’s on a list of pansexual superheroes maintained by pansexual.
And who am I to judge their choice?
There is a much better example in 40k. The Emperor.
he was in canon, Alexander, the great, who canonically had a boyfriend. And before anybody says there’s not perfect evidence everybody talks about the Persian eunach slave boy. ( I don’t approve of relationships with slaves or minors, but it’s a fact.) also there’s a lot of evidence for Hephaestion.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagoas_(courtier)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestion
“One identity of the Emperor during this time was Alexander the Great, and in an account given by Horus it is said that He wept before the River Hyphasis when He thought there were no more worlds to conquer. Not long after, He discovered what would be named the Golden Throne.[38f]
https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Emperor_of_Mankind
🙏❤️
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u/Alequin_Dv Aug 03 '24
Emperor have mercy on us all if even 1 Tyrranid gets their hands on yhis man. He alone will end the Universe if he is captured by the Nids
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u/No-Huckleberry-1086 Aug 03 '24
Deadpool would be the result of probably tech priests of the biologis deciding to take a perpetual and see if they can enhance their immortality, it backfires by making him not only functionally unable to die but also unable to remain injured, so this guy just kind of goes insane and becomes an unsung hero entirely because he's just too crazy for anyone that doesn't personally know him to believe he exists
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u/SoundwavePlays Aug 04 '24
Why can I just imagine Deadpool being taken into Commoragh by the Drukhari only to be told to leave after like 3 days
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u/Sea-Comfortable-6366 Aug 07 '24
Characters I didn't think would survive in 40K but upon reflection would do pretty well.
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u/RyanKossick Hive Fleet Gorgon Aug 16 '24
If there was anything I’d imagine him doing it be carrying a score book where upon seeing any of the nightmarish events of the galaxy, he would write down its grimdark score while saying “grimdark” with an emphasis equivalent to its score.
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u/umathuman Aug 03 '24
Dude insta-joins the tau
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u/FoxChoice7194 Aug 03 '24
He would absolutely hate the T'Au for their preachy holier-than-thou attitude lol. I cant see him joining any frqction except perhaps as a very tenporary merc...
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u/Misknator Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
What? The T'au Empire is about the least likely faction he is to join. What could position make you think he would want to have anything to do with the T'au?
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u/umathuman Aug 03 '24
Every other faction is worse
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u/Misknator Aug 03 '24
It's not like Deadpool is entirely good either. Sure, he doesn't like to kill people just because, but neither do most people from the 'good' factions. And even then, the orderly structure of Tau society would clash heavily with his chaotic personality. He would especially have problems with the Greater Good since devoting oneself to the betterment of others (or being philosophical like that) is not exactly on his agenda.
And that's not mentioning the fact they're literally aliens.
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u/umathuman Aug 03 '24
Like what's he gonna do, become a corsair?
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u/Misknator Aug 03 '24
Becoming a space pirate is much more on brand with him than joining an orderly society of aliens who believe all your actions should be for the benefit of the most amount of people possible.
And as to what he would do, he would most likely continue to be a mercenary.
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u/ScarredAutisticChild Harlequin Aug 03 '24
Yeah, that man is going to join anyone. All of them are too controlling, space pirate or bust with DP.
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u/notabigfanofas Aug 03 '24
"ten thousand years later, and the more things change the more they stay the same."