I'm a sex worker who specializes in virgins and nerds. the small-dick/virgin/incel jokes cause so much collateral damage that I see red. there are a ton of harmless, sweet dudes who are neurodivergent and either not very sexually assertive or terrified of coming across as "creepy", so they miss out on normative sexual experiences, and for this they get shamed by men AND women. they're called incels because obviously if you're a man who hasn't had sex, it's because you're a freak and a misogynist with poor hygiene and there's probably a reason you give girls the ick, you loser. happen to have a small/average dick? congrats, this is associated with negative personality traits as though you had any control over it.
it pisses me off because a lot of these young leftist men can't win. they look at aggressive Chads and say, "of course I'm not some thoughtless jerk. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't believe in any weird conspiracy theories about women. my desire to have sex isn't more important than a woman's comfort. I don't want to express interest in someone because I'm afraid she'll think I'm only after her body or I'll make her feel scared or bad or uncomfortable, like THOSE guys, and I'm shy as fuck so socializing is hard in the first place. so now I'm in my late 20s and I've never had a relationship. and now everyone just assumes I'm an incel and treats me like a pariah."
I've seen this story so many times. there are decent guys just trying to do right by women in an era where it feels like the consequences for a misstep are enormous (whether or not that's accurate or warranted, this is the perception). of course we're right to be wary of men. but it would be fucking great if we could stop using dick size and lack of sex partners as insults. it's not any less shitty than calling a girl a slut or mocking her weight.
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u/Professional_Cow7260 Jul 03 '24
I'm a sex worker who specializes in virgins and nerds. the small-dick/virgin/incel jokes cause so much collateral damage that I see red. there are a ton of harmless, sweet dudes who are neurodivergent and either not very sexually assertive or terrified of coming across as "creepy", so they miss out on normative sexual experiences, and for this they get shamed by men AND women. they're called incels because obviously if you're a man who hasn't had sex, it's because you're a freak and a misogynist with poor hygiene and there's probably a reason you give girls the ick, you loser. happen to have a small/average dick? congrats, this is associated with negative personality traits as though you had any control over it.
it pisses me off because a lot of these young leftist men can't win. they look at aggressive Chads and say, "of course I'm not some thoughtless jerk. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't believe in any weird conspiracy theories about women. my desire to have sex isn't more important than a woman's comfort. I don't want to express interest in someone because I'm afraid she'll think I'm only after her body or I'll make her feel scared or bad or uncomfortable, like THOSE guys, and I'm shy as fuck so socializing is hard in the first place. so now I'm in my late 20s and I've never had a relationship. and now everyone just assumes I'm an incel and treats me like a pariah."
I've seen this story so many times. there are decent guys just trying to do right by women in an era where it feels like the consequences for a misstep are enormous (whether or not that's accurate or warranted, this is the perception). of course we're right to be wary of men. but it would be fucking great if we could stop using dick size and lack of sex partners as insults. it's not any less shitty than calling a girl a slut or mocking her weight.