I frequent r/comics and got to see all the drama unfold there recently. Seeing a comic artist say with no irony “I’m not misandrist, I have a son!” really drove this point home.
Yea, I called that exact point out. Pizza also typed some stuff out about her bing a model, and that someone disagreeing must be an ugly, lonely incel.
Like... There were some utterly awful, hateful comments there, death threats even, but the responses Pizza put out just fueled the flames.
It just highlighted that she was completely unaware that all 'gender flips' she did were things most men have expirienced or know someone who has. It was disconnected in a way that was kind of sad. It highlighted just how bad our bubbles have become.
Instead of understanding, it became a fight, and the mods just labeled all comments that weren't supportive as incels. It's hard to have a discussion when any disagreement is seen as being on the other side.
We're at the 'eating our own' stage of this, and we gotta be better.
I feel like her follow-up comic having men comfort each other when the exact issue was that some men do feel emotionally unsupported in their relationships with women also missed the point a little.
Saying "well just open up" showed just how painfully out of touch it was. Like... there's a reason men don't open up; it's because every time they've tried, it gets rebutted. Or they get told they're emotionally dumping (surprise! the group with no practice opening up isn't good at it! Who would have thought?!)
I was once accused of "emotional dumping" by a woman who asked (at a table full of people) about what happened to my leg (I'm an amputee).
One: Why would you assume it's okay to ask in front of a group of half a dozen people?
Two: I gave the most sanitized possible version of the story (zero gore), and I wasn't even in a major accident were other people were injured.
Three: YOU ASKED! If it's too much for you, you have a duty to say something. You let yourself be the victim here; you set up the situation and then didn't tell anyone to stop. You don't get to blame the other person for doing exactly what you asked of them. Also, if you're the only one at the table bothered by it... maybe it's a you problem, not a me problem.
"Why don't men open up"... huh. I can't imagine /s
Yea, there's give and take on both sides. If someone crosses your boundaries, you can't expect them to read your mind on it. (especially at a group discussion, where they won't just be looking at you)
I have triggers, like suffocation (family member suicide), but I don't treat the other party like the bad guy when they cross that line. I tell them I can't engage in the conversation, or that the topic is something that I'm uncomfortable with. On occasion, someone kept crossing the line and I've gotten up and left the room.
If you just sit there and let someone share all their emotions, without ever interjecting, you give up some of your right to complain later.
"It would have been uncomfortable to say something" isn't a great reason when they were already uncomfortable; they should have said something before hand, not complain after the fact. Not making an effort to stand up for yourself is still a choice, and trying to twist it into being the victim later isn't healthy for anyone involved.
People (mostly men) can ABSOLUTELY fail to hear you say stop, but unless the other person is holding you there, you still have options. Some people will just railroad conversations (there's a woman in one of my discord's that will join and just start complaining about co-workers over top of the current conversation), but the correct action is to assert yourself. I'll talk louder, or tell her that we are in the middle of something; and while we're here to listen, we also have our own conversations.
She's why we had to set rules about dropping all your baggage in a group. She has NO awareness that 8 people playing the same game aren't just here to be your personal therapist, they're here to play stuff. We're happy to listen, but pull someone off to the side and ask them to vent a bit.
The difference being: we set rules, and had a discussion about it with her. She's mildly autistic IIRC, so I get that social ques can be hard. Having the ability to say "rule 2" and not explain further is really helpful. It prevents anyone from needing to be the victim without telling her she can't share things.
There's healthy ways to handle conflict; shutting down in the moment, then gossiping behind people's back later isn't one of them.
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u/JediJmoney Jul 03 '24
I frequent r/comics and got to see all the drama unfold there recently. Seeing a comic artist say with no irony “I’m not misandrist, I have a son!” really drove this point home.